suicide
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'Twas the summer of 1958
I traveled the country of Italy
And the breeze was great
In my floral hat and flowing dress
I danced all over the city
In Portofino, and I never would've guessed
I waltz around the corner,
Hoping, but dreading, for something,
someone, to lift me from this ground
as I reach the depths of the sun.
Everything seems so close yet so far,
Blood is life
But what life does it serve
If all we ever do
Is drunken ourselves with it
We desire to make love
But what love do we make
When we desire to take love
I found you this Winter
touched by frost
I couldn't move you
Frozen to the ground
You'd walked out
in the Winter night
You're life was a
discarded coat
a song unfinished
I found you this winter
touched by frost
I couldn't move you
frozen to the ground
You'd walked out
in the Winter night
You life was a discarded coat
a song unfinished
I wish that his shoes
Were still in the walkway
They used to trip me
And I’d get frustrated
I wish the laundry
I let them just walk right over me.
You ignored me for several weeks. Look at the results.
Why are you surprised?
Broken again
Why bother to get up?
There’s nothing here for me
No sounds, no feeling of glee
My voice has left me, gone to someplace else
i am a book
and my skin Is The pages
i'll write until tHe end
scalpel in hand
Until the pain is tRuanT
until all iS red
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.
But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway,
I went another day over again,
I walk to the little box, and then,
open my little corner of feeling.
Looking down over the edge, trying to make a not make a tough decision,
Trying to remind myself there there is more too life than this vision.
The thoughts in my head are not true,
i thought it was all going to be ok
but then it happened
now it's diffrent
they can't smile
i care about them
but i never met the victim
i hope their happy in the afterlife
Sitting in front of the door with the tears streaming down my face,
Knowing that there is no way that I can get out of this dark place.
Just as I thought things were turning around, life decides to take a turn,
Single, stained, steel wall,
It holds me here,
Alone.
Only time seems to crawl,
As the air itself has died.
There is a knock at the door,
I will not answer.
Alone,
i may die from the rumbles in my stomach when i starve myself.
i may die from the blade i dig deep into my skin.
i may die from the alcohol i drink to drown the pain.
Stupid knife just do your job.
I know use has dulled your blade,
But your needed to silence the sounding crusade.
Stupid knife why did you change.
Mind of who's was once sharp,
i feel like im about to lose my sh*t tbh. Everything to my parents is my fault. cant get over my stupid ex. I keep thinking ima find someone that will make my life worth living. i seriously cant deal with this sh*t.
Your face
in my mind
hurts like splinters,
and my heart is infected
on the inside.
Your voice cracking
into me
like a whip,
a cat o’ nine tails,
I spent last night googling birds that sing in the morning,
to give myself something to wake up for.
Tricking myself into believing I’d even be awake by then.
Because the truth is I am not ok
I have butterflies on my wrist,
the butterflies stay to keep me company
Although, when I have a bad day
they fly away
And they leave me unmasked
I have butterflies on my wrist,
the butterflies stay to keep me company
Although, when I have a bad day
they fly away
And they leave me unmasked
i crave for blood to fill my arms,
my thighs.
like red ink on a peice of paper.
i enjoy it, though, it's a problem
i can never shake.
Blade rusted with blood.
An opening to let this out.
The pain is numbed
But only for now.
The few seconds of relief.
Proof of my pain
Reflecting the inside- out.
I look out my window on the top floor of the building,
I watch the rain as it drips down the window,
It looks like the roof would be slippery tonight,
A voice rings inside my head,
Y'ALL! I presented this poem in 2017 at a talent show and got a standing ovation.
If that isn't skills, I don't know what is. Anyways - thought I lost it, then I found it!
Please enjoy.
Life is strange when you think you’d be dead
“What do you wanna be when you grow up”
”what's your dream job”
”what career do you wanna pursue”
“Another one”
“Not deep enough”
“Worthless”
“Pathetic”
The things I tell myself as I carve into my skin like its nothing
Everyone agrees that war is cruel
Everyone agrees that war is suicidal
Everyone agrees that war brings mortar, anger
Once I was
A poem;
Lines carved
Into arms
And rewritten,
Revised,
Rehearsed
Until I was
Red ink
On the floor
And never wrote
Another line more.
When I was small, I was told to smile
Or else I could never be loved,
So I smiled.
When my uncle died,
They said I was too young to grieve,
So I smiled.
Why do I feel like I'm being held at gunpoint
Every second of my life?
My parents are threatening to pull the trigger if
I don't perform to their expectations in school.
Stumbling through the rape
Over and again
I'm stunned by your lack of humanity
Your lack of feeling
My lack of numbness
Your embracing it
I don't understand how you could do that
"You seem like you're doing better,"
They say, with hesitation
-
On halfway-bad days I still feel it,
A screaming coal burning itself
Through the tissues of my lungs
-
"I'm definitely doing better,"
The effort was just
Result assured
They were there for me, didn't know I was a nut
all would have understood
250 I took, it went on so long
I'll teach them all
Frozen Wind was a warm road selected for the journey
Oftentimes written as though the author knew the act
I will challenge them many, walking the steps, the undulated concrete
Abbe lived just down a ways,
Seven sisters, each cuter than freckles on a frog.
But Abbe made you look twice,
the urges come and go,
i miss you through
some days i let you flow,
even though i know,
i'm not allowed to do so.
I wish that I could tell you that he's still alive but sadly, I can't.He was a talented British actor and his name was Bob Grant.I hate to say that on November the 8th of 2003, this gifted man died.
The things I lost
Are vast.
Difficult to name,
Harder to think about
Without anger bubbling up the well in my chest
-
Whole years are smoke.
Memories, good and bad,
Swirling into empty space,
All it takes is one moment,
On second,
One thought
You don't have to want to. . .
Because all it takes
Is to feel like you have to
All it takes is one hand,
One voice,
Rough waters engulf me,
Swallow me whole
I can't breathe,
If I even want that goal
I'm forever trapped in this pitiful prison,
With cold, dark water filling my mouth,
My throat,
I didnt run
My screamed was lost in my throat somehow
Backing up my spine to the front door of my mind
Wailing to the window of my soul as it views first hand what it means break. someone.
Let me tell you about the most tragic love story that has ever been known.It's about a man who had a lover and her name was Pauline Jones.It happened thirty-five years in the past.But sadly, it was destined not to last.
You step onto your pedestal
The time has come
You’ve had enough
You don the rope
The pedestal disappears
The strength is lost
The love is gone
The feelings have disappeared
The happiness is forever forgotten
The will has left
The life is next to go
Blood, Sweat, Tears
What's it worth if there’s nothing to come home to
What's it worth if there’s nothing to look forward to
The bells toll
I hear her coming
Out in public again, surrounded by couples, refuge from the sight is sought
A constant reminder of love ever lost, alone in this world Ill rot
Little things. Little talks, endless conversations. Little laughs, great accomplishments. Progress, just two more steps. Balance, struggles. Shared interests, deep topics. Depression, stress, troubles..
Sometimes I can't help but fantasize
About finding myself in the dark with you again
But not the way it was
-
In my mind, I'm anything but afraid
-
Like practice, I strategize
At 16 I diagnosed myself with mental pain
since then nothing was the same
I prayed to god everynight just to keep me sane.
At the age of 17 my pillow was my bestfriend
In the event of my death,I hope they know I tried.Day inDay outWaking up and trying againTo live a lifeThat was going to end...in tragedy.
It's funny how blood makes me nauseous
when I beg it to drip down my arms,
beckoning it with razors and lighters
like the red would scream enough
They promised it'd get better.I told them I believed them.It's been 3 or 4 years.And I still don't see a thing.For who am I doing this?This hasn't been worth it.I'm waiting and waiting.I'm not allowed to say I'm not strong enough, I've come all th
In a split second you want your life to be over.
Please hold on and remember life is about do-overs.
I don't even wanna live anymore
Please God
Make somebody blast my fuckin brains out
I wanna jump
Jump and fly down 40 feet
And splat right down on the concrete
I'm a fuckin failure
We knew you had a gentle soul,
We've heard them say a hundred times,
You wouldn't even raise your voice,
When wronged, abused or lied to,
Your love was real, that's for sure,
I’m happy
I’m proud of who I am
I believe in myself
I’m a successful person
Liar
I’m excited for the world!
I’m an exceptional musician
I play with a fruitful passion
Disappointment
Shh
Listen to the sound of a quiet drown
You can feel the panic under the water
Don't save her, you can see that she wants it
Quiet
I slash, I grab, and I wrinkle
I wither, I toss and I turn
I grab, I drag and I bend it
I slice it, I torture it, kill me
I vomit, I cry and I yearn
I scream and I yell but I sense it
Have you ever thought?
The girl you called fat today in the hallway
She is starving herself
Even though her ribs show and she can see the bones in her arms
She starves herself
I am the human contradiction.
I have no self confidence.
Yet I have a massive ego.
I want to turn my life around.
Yet I want to die.
Invisible tears,
Blood stained wrists,
The world is painted gray,
Slowly fading day by day.
Withering emotions,
Broken hearts,
Murder and suicide
Neglect and abuse
Abandoned and rape
Worthless and confused
Striving to live
Dying inside
To feel alive
A girl cuts into her skin
While another girl cries when she's told
She was never loved by her boyfriend
A boy is left with broken bones
Others say:
“Worthless”
“Bitch”
“Ugly”
“Dumb”
“Slut”
“Go kill yourself”
Pain,
as bright as my neon highlighters
Statements,
bolder than the sound of my voice
Colored every which way
I trace
Over every word
So none feels left out
Because I know
Today, a day like any other, the summer winds blow gently through an open door, I am happy, content, filled with hope for the future.
“I’m coming for you!”
A little girls says,
As laughter and joy
Fills the room.
A child
And a mother
Playing hide and seek
If only you could see the pain inside
My thoughts, they'd make you think of suicide
My mind is trapped inside of a cage
Begging to be let out, but I'm scared to turn the page
I already sat down. I had inhaled. I had exhaled.
The gun I couldn’t find. Had no time to find a lake so yes I will wait.
My thoughts don’t wait though, but wonder.
Streaking flames, burning embers-
Why can’t anything be forever?
When the reaper demands his due,
And time bids adieu.
I stand upon the abyss
There is just so much
That one person can take.
I am so sorry.
Why did I know I was being used?
Why do I now feel so broken, hurt, and confused?
I gave him everything he ever asked me for.
Now I see all these pieces of my heart, and it is strewn here in front out me out on the floor.
Everybody is going through some shit right now.
Trying to figure out how they're going to dig them selves out,
and the shovel that they need nobody can afford.
And, It really makes you wonder what this life's for?
I feel so fake,
My heart has been replaced,
With a void Full of pain and hate,
Ill be okay...im not okay,
When I'm with you
i feel im out of place,
But girl you have to see
It's been a while now
I used to cut and cry and repeat
But now I finally know
How that battle can be beat
There's this place deep in the recesses of my mind.
A place where the scared little child ran away to hide.
At such a young age he had given up hope,
Went into this attic and tied up the rope.
If I told you about my darknesswouldyou understand?
Or, would your inability to understand give you cause to reprimand?
Would you treat me differently if I told you how I really feel?
It’s True Like Ra’ Said...
You NEED To... " KNOW THE LEDGE "... !!!
Because A Lot of Heads...
Push To The EDGE To Be The BEST... !!!
i met my depression for coffee
i wanted to know what I had done to earn her apathy
"why?" i asked
but she sat in silence, watching the rain drops slide down the roof
tears pricked my eyes
Lying on the floor
My hands wrapped around my throat
Face rapidly red
Tears flowing a watery blue
Heart is nonstop pacing
Sickened of you
I don't know what it is I'm trying to do
So I woke up one day to something that made a wreck
Finding out he's gone has been a great shock
Idk what to do Idk what to say
Should I go after him or just get used to stay
The perfect family lives down the street from me. The mom is so sweet. She doesn’t judge me when I yell at my kids. They live in the green house with a long driveway. They have a boy and a girl and two dogs.
Trigger Warning: Self-Harm
You see the funny thing about depression is it doesn’t choose who you are you can be rich in a perfect family or can be pour in a terrible one
Beauty resides everywhere on our Mother Earth
Beauty comes in all different shapes and forms
Beauty is pain, beauty is success, beauty is even in the struggle
DarknessSinking, deeper, drowning in the darkest colours imaginableGoing lower and lower until you reach the bottomLonely, cold, distantBut one wants to be that way after a whileOne gets used to the fact they will always be aloneThe hurt and torme
TRIGGER WARNING :: mentions of suicide ::
I think to myself ‘This feels like drowning,’
As my tears fill my bathtub.
This feels like dying,
as my tears tie themselves around my neck.
It's Funny...
If you show you don't care
people start to beleive it.
they start to hurt you
then they leave you
Then your laying there cold
tears fall down your cheecks
Invisible tears,
Blood stained wrists,
The world is painted gray,
Slowly fading day by day.
Withering emotions,
Broken hearts,
Eyes so sunken,
Lifeless from pain.
I wrote the words in white paint, proudly as I could have written them. I wrote those words for him, when he was gone before. Now he is gone again. They shout at me.
“DON’T BELIEVE IN BROKEN MIRRORS.”
It has been two years today
Since I have had a fight with my then girlfriend
And, crying bitterly, I entered the living room
Replied to my father’s concerns
And let him know his daughter was dating a girl.
Couldn’t take it anymore
Don’t want you to hurt
Even the sky is crying
I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore
I take a look at my life
And realize
The times I spent
Dreaming
I should have been
Believing in my self
Not drowning
Over whelmed asking for help
So, he said
S-
Suicide. I’m sitting in the bathtub.
The cuts on my arms have already started to clot,
but not before staining the blinding white.
She wears her long sleeves, even in the summer, To cover her secret, to cover her shame.
It’s the only thing shes ever found, that quiets down her pain.
The dark eyed mom is here again.
I hope she’s not here to stay.
There will be no meals or good-time feels
And no, This mom don’t play.
hey you,yes you, the person reading this?I've been there too you know.swept under by the waves of depressioncrippled by dark thoughts curled up on the floor as sobs raked through my body
Don't Do It Bro, Don't Do it ... !!!
... " NOooooooo' " ... !!!!!!!!!
A Sentiment Sent Because I've Lost A Friend ...
In The WORST Kind of Way Leaving MANY Dismayed ... !!!!!
I cried for you to hold me
But you took your arms away
I said I wanted to be alone
While praying that you would stay
Stepped upon the highest ledge
Hoping it would give way
I’ve decided that I want to die
There’s nothing left for me here
No tears, no laughter
I can’t even cry
I’ve felt dead inside for so long
So many reasons
To believe in life itself
Learned the word humble long after the meaning was lost.
Just another product of tax payer exhaustion.
It hurts when referred to as perfect by the person that hurt you the most.
But ima keep it humble
Learned the word humble long after the meaning was lost.
Just another product of tax payer exhaustion.
It hurts when referred to as perfect by the person that hurt you the most.
But ima keep it humble
Tired eyes wander over foggy plains, unfocused but searching.
The overcast sky casts a dreamy gloom over a face with sunken sockets and dry lips.
Shiver down your spine,
Voices on a cold breeze that blows over the hills.
You said you'd stay for them, for me
Please make me a promise, make us a promise.
They talk about the view from halfway down
She cried herself to bed,
Hoping, the tears would soften their hearts,
It didn't stop the words to be said,
Aimed towards her like a dart.
In the corner was where she sat,
You realize what you’ve done
The minute the words trailed
off your breath and gently
breathed life into the reality
of what has really been going on
for months.
You see it in her face.
Some people need to know that they are loved
They need to know so they can carry on
This reassurance that they behold
Is their insurance for a safe home
Seems like just yesterday you lit up the world with your smile.
You never really liked your smile but I did.
Maybe it wasn't perfect but it was yours and I liked everything that was yours.
Hey mom, its just me, its Mr.B, the runt of the litter of 3, yeah its your family!
It was a long time ago
That you tried to kiss me
In the creaking book store
Next to the little red diner
It was a long time ago that i thought
Sometimes i like to get high on beaches at night time
I like to inhale the chemicals
And exhale my fears
I like the feeling of the sand
Cool and soft and silky
A loss of life so young,
The words caught on my tounge.
A loss of a best friend,
Made me feel like it was the end.
She was only sixteen,
It still feels like a dream.
Memories of more than six years,
this body
a gift from god
i cut it open
through the ribbons
through the paper
through the tape
one for the boy
can you feel it
in my kiss?
sharper than the glass
embedded in my feet
if you hear it in my voice
the water
flowing upstream
you dragged a knife across my heart
the way i used to drag a blade across my skin
there was so much blood
there is so much blood
and i cannot stop the bleeding
i fell into you-
i wasn’t quite ready
but we were smoking cigarettes
Under the stars
behind my car
and your smile said,
you decided i needed open heart surgery
so you found the dullest blade you could
and began to rub it against my chest
until the skin finally began to tear
you left before i got better
you left before i could make things right
you left before things could get really good
and i cant blame you
for getting tired of waiting
depression,
this intangible idea
that we desperately wish
was something we could grasp
this ailment isn’t tangible
i drink to forget
so many things
i drink to forget
what you look like
what he looks like
what the inside of his car looked like
i press the blade to my skin
i breathe
into my lungs
out of my lungs
when does the pain
of your world falling apart
begin to end?
i am sorry i let you
stain your hands
in my dark places
i am sorry i watched you
ignore the orange signs
“danger ahead”
you buried our relationship
six feet underground
you didn’t leave a single flower,
you didn’t even bother
with a fucking tombstone
all i was to you,
And here i am once again
Wondering if i'm even worth it
If this is a battle I can't win
Maybe i should just give up
I've been here before
i see you in fucking santa clarita.
fucking that bitch
that will never fucking love you
that will never treat you like me-
that will never protect you,
full disclosure
i think about you more often
then i would like to
i think about you when i see little things
certain flowers remind me of your smile
you have a million suitors
anyone who meets you
becomes entranced by your beauty
the better men try to look a little deeper
he lies awake
all fucking night
until the stars disappear
from the black blue sky
damn he’s like
deathly high
i want to write about happy things
so i find myself thinking of your lips
i find myself hoping that tonight
i’ll finally get to kiss you-
at least in my dreams
you weren’t the one
and that pill is sharper
than the edge of the gold and black knife
you gave me over a year ago.
you weren’t the one
I’m ripping my brain out
Piece by piece
Cutting it into little squares
I’ll serve you our memories
On a silver fucking tray
I’ll feed them to you,
they tell me “you don’t want to die”
after i tell them how badly
i want to die
no, i do want to die
i want to sleep myself
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m spilling this blood
instead of the ink
breaking the vows
i made
with a faux diamond ring
carving into white marble
Amid the blue sea
There's a long road to the limp and the rope
Here my hopeless soul and my lonely knife meets
Truthsome to the soothsayer's horoscope
Teary smiles the devil
Take no fury to a funeral
Quietus thoughts
I’ve passed three score and ten;many years I’ve harbouredthoughts of death.
Why
I wonder
As the sun warms my face
A quiet cold day
Where I feel a semblance of grace
Why
I wonder
Did he send me away?
Now it wasn't his fault
I knew that, anyway.
Break the Silence, end the violence. Let me out, I want to scream and shout. Metal so fine and thin, watch it glide across my skin. Reach out? Every time I speak, I shout! But you don't hear me, though. Maybe it's time for the final blow.
Your story isn’t over;
It’s the beginning of a new chapter;
A new chapter where you are the hero
But still your own villain;
Everyone perceives suicide differently.
Someone’s grandma killed herself because she was in so much pain from cancer and only had so long to live anyways.
Everyone perceives suicide differently.
Someone’s grandma killed herself because she was in so much pain from cancer and only had so long to live anyways.
Some slash their wrists.
Ingest a bottle of pills.
Jump off a high building.
Hang themselves.
Blow their brains off.
And it is at that moment when they feel the most alive and will to be free.
Im writing these words so that if anybody is to find this, they'll finally understand
The pain I was going through and just how deep it went
How blinded i was by the darkness
I can understand your pain but for this I cannot change.
This all appears the same, day after day.
Life replays, I do not want to stay.
(A response to Sandra Cisneros' Heritage poem)
You bring out the perfectionist in me.
The anxiety in me.
The depression in me.
I like blood. It looks so royal. It comes out like an army of ants when I make a hole in the nest. I want it all to come out. I want the nest to die. I want the ants to run away. But they don't run.
Oh, the pain.
It comes back again.
It doesn't want to leave, it wants to stay.
Although I tell it to go away.
Oh, how it hurts.
In the shadows the pain lurks.
In the United States, 105 people die every minute, out of those 105, 32 committed suicide. It starts small the names you call them bitch, slut, hoe..
Rain pours, the dogs sleep, and Pandora shuffles my music. From a mason jar I drink my tea. Weather reflects one's mood. Loneliness, longing, insatiable "hunger" and depression burn within; my heart roasting.
She has a smile even the stars can’t outshine
But if you look in her eyes, she’s breaking inside
She walk around with confidence, her chin always up
How is college?
She asks, I laugh
I quit
Her eyebrows
Drawn together, concerned
Are you eating?
I sip my black coffee
Chew my lip
The skin of which
When I hear about the suicides of
artists, musicians, authors, poets
People that create
I am afraid
and sad, I mourn them.
I mourn the loss of someone who creates
may ayimafro-germanpoetessayist established theterm "black german" until then germans wouldcall a person of color a "neger" however oneof the most inspiringtalentstook her own life: august 91996 that's it. god bless youmay ayim
ALL ALONE IN MY ROOM
THOUGHTS RUNNING
THROUGH MY HEAD
CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY
DARKNESS IS ALL AROUND
ALL ALONE WITH MY OWN SELF
STARING AT A REFLECTION
OF A GIRL IN THE MIRROR
Walking up a concrete hill on the way home from school.
The sun beams against my back.
Creating a shadow darker than my caramel skin.
Have you ever climbed a montain to touch the sun
Scaled the cliff side to stand on the edge and reach out
For that blazing heat
Letting finger tips meet burning ash
And then fall
I'm sorry mom and dad, that I've hurt you so many times..
With words and actions I did
How many times I tried to overdose myself with pills or cut deeply in bed at night
Crying to sleep at 3 am
If the sun shines bright, Does it rain and storm in me
If the sky is clear blue, are there a lot of clouds and fog in my head
If the birds are singing their beautiful melodies, is it quiet in my heart
How messed up is it that we live in a world
Where blue is for boys and pink is for girls
Where it’s better for men to have a gun than a doll
In a snap, the mind can have an intense internal battle
The one you could see if only you looked hard enough
You stand by as others aim to push and rattle
I am here!
Or am I not?
I remember the first time I attempted
The girls up front went on
To me they made it seem like a joke
Press you down
And run you along.
Your pointed sharp end,
Draws a line on my skin.
Dull pain leaves,
Revealing only a faint,
Raised pink line.
Not enough,
Not what I wanted.
That beautiful girl
Under the blossom tree
Reading her books
She never acknowledged me.
And in my mind
I knew she never would
And even though I wanted to,
I knew I never could.
I tried to be hopeful
I looked to the bright side but what do you do when the light looks right back at you with disgust?
I have to keep going I shouldn't give up but wait---
Where did everybody go?
I am depressed.
I need help.
Save me.
These are the words I can never bring myself to say.
Like if I say them out loud, it might make them real.
I see her in the mirror. when im staring out a window into darkness.
In the surface of a lake.
She is my reflection.
Her name is destiny, and she holds my fate in her hands.
I feel like a slave,
Chained to the wall.
I haven't shaved in days,
Feels I've become a lost cause.
Did he ever care,
Will I ever know?
Was all this for real?
I guess it's time for me to go.
a question most have
but none ask:
why suicide?
life has so much more to offer,
they say.
it gets better,
they promise.
Down deep in my nightmare,
My shadow of despair,
A black demonic snake,
Reminded me I was awake.
In the darkness I went,
With a soft attractive scent,
Unable to think,
It all seemed like a blink.
Path to the Heart
She's the wave just ere it reaches its crest
That perfect moment as it picks you up,
right before it breaks into a beautiful surf,
Reflecting the world in her eyes.
[Major trigger warning: graphic first-person
perspective of a suicide attempt by drowning.
Please call your local crisis hotline if you need to.
Your parents came to this country
leaving a world of hell behind.
They folded up their dreams into a package, and sent it with themselves inside,
to a new world.
We overcome obstacles everyday
They make us view things differently from yesterday
Overcoming an obstacle, takes us a step closer to being wiser
But when you go through an obstacle that makes you full of guilt
It feels deep; a sea or an ocean maybe!
No ground beneath;
I'm drowning. I'm drowning.
I feel going down with every effort, going in vain.
These weights make it hard to get back up, Oh! These chains!
Birds sing and children sing. Time passes by, as I wait here to die. This mortal flesh turns to dust. Enjoy life we must. But how can I? When I wish to end this suffering. All this pain that goes unseen. Laying beneath the stary sky.
I look in the mirror and see nothing
What I mean by nothing I mean everything, but happiness
I see scars on my wrists, hips, and thighs
I see my full rib cage and the numbers dropping down on the scale
O what a charming blue day!
Twittering birds had so much to say
But much duller inside,
where boredom did hide,
all i feel are blue emotions
in my head everything's a commotion
where everything is in high speed motion
and i'm trapped in my being
every piece of me crippling
She was taken
When she was needed the most
Her pure innocence
Shattered
And only by words
The girl
Was all alone
She cried inside
And hid behind
Her tears that
Blinded her
you were joy, broken joy,
shreds of it scattered.
and between your lines
lie chasms,
dark, endless, hopeless.
but you masked your chasms
by wringing out sunshine.
and thus,
I wanted to give up.
I wanted to come up from the hell i’ve endured for these years --
have been the hardest i’ve ever seen why won’t you let me leave
Me alone
Talk to me about depression
And what it feels like to be lost and hopeless
Where loneliness exceeds all expectations
Where darkness is smelled and tasted and felt
Around you like a very wet heavy blanket
The mother walked into her home,
Not expecting her story to be told in a poem.
But her life took a turn that day,
There was no way
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
welcome friend, it's dark down here.
for most, it's much too grim
the table's set with plates half empty
the cups spill o'er their rims
I'm sorry I closed off
Each time that my mind was finally ready to end it all,
I stood on the end of a bridge, ready to jump.
It always seemed like it would be quick and cheap.
The pain would end before I had a chance to even register it.
When the mountains call your name.
And the streams, they go away.
But the clouds still come your way
and the earth begins to shake.
Then the lightning starts the storm,
but you still carry on,
Higher and higher I climb,
With death filtering through my mind.
I no longer have hope,
Only a really strong rope.
I tie it around my neck,
And give it a quick little check.
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
Punch, punch, punch.
Make it a very deep hue,
This is something you need to go through.
Cut, cut, cut.
My mind is like a haunted mansion.
It's beautiful
and big,
decorated elegantly.
But there's a hidden mystery.
There are unwanted guests,
who come and go as they please.
How many lives must I live
In order to be done?
I don't want to survive
Just give my life away to anyone.
There is no point,
No lesson to be learnt.
I am just a poisonous joint,
Do you ever just want to be dead?
... I do.
Often.
But, I don't want it to be my fault.
I see how much it would hurt them now.
Cloth can’t cover enough,
Eventually all will be exposed.
You try to sneak by,
“Don’t let them see you cry.”
The blood has a calming effect,
Like the brightest of stars
Her hands could create anything
And she chose to unfold
Her beautiful soul
Within spray paints and photographs
It doesn’t matter why she’s there, for there were great amounts of tears
It doesn’t matter that she was broken because bad decisions are the only thing she hears
He loved not once but twice,
And both times it ended badly,
Both times he paid the price
And his story ends sadly.
He was young and untested,
I live with evil creatures in my soul,
I have to fight to keep control.
They yell and scream to be let out,
And then they punish me after every bout.
Trigger Warning: Suicide
I’m surrounded.
Shadows line my concrete walls,
Reaching out,
They pull at my knotted hair,
How could you have known,
when you called his name,
that there was no one left to answer?
Words left unspoken,
discussions never to be had,
no words left to say,
what can I say?
The Bell-tower taunts me when I look out my bedroom window.Saints who sin are loved more than me.Their audience comes in droves to the sounds of bells!
I hear them ringing.I go numb with fear.
I remember the day I tried to die.
The feeling of the blood flowing out of my veins no longer calmed me,
The pain from the blade no longer distracted me,
Alleyways became my inspiration,and I found my audience in bars!
Ocean views became somber,and my meds made me think I wasdrowning.
Someone said that I wouldfall in love with typewriters,
If you divide a population
By the lowest common denomination
The result remains the very same
While the one never fits the frame
I have never been able to say the words out loud.
But I definetly know without a doubt, my uncle is gone
He left in what seemed like the blink of an eye.
A suprise visit the week before Turkey day
where to start
where to place the blame
where did i stop being a kid
maybe it was when my fifth grade teacher told me
i couldnt wear shorts skirts because the boys would look,
Saw what I want not to see
The breeze brought me there
To the dead space, motionless
Populated with colors and html code
Populated with diaphanous smiles
Images of shop windows
At 1 year old, I said my first word. “Mama”, I said in bold, thinking I was already old.
At 3 years old, my parents told me goodnight stories; stories of dreams,
how do you tell someone something so crazy
that you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel
that youre an angel thats just been begging to go home
how do you tell someone something so personal
Hey, you there, sitting alone in the dark, why don't you get some sunlight, take a stroll in the park? I know this world can be cruel and I know that even your parents, can sometimes be fools.
Unborn and already
A path has been chosen
By those that are not them -
To become another cog
In the inescapable machine that is society.
I was in the shower
Thinking for an hour
Why is my life sour
Falling off a tower
What is the meaning of life?
To love, to reproduce, to get a wife?
To go outside and observe the wildlife?
Let me tell you a tale
As I try not wail
Take a seat, grab a cocktail
And hear my story unveil
I was once a small kid
And heaven forbid
That I ever bat an eyelid
or ever hurt a squid
what they do not tell you about being in the hospital is the waiting
waiting in your room
waiting at the tables
waiting in group for people to finish describing the colors of the monsters that are devouring their soul
Life is shit; Life ain’t fair
I don’t even fucking care
Grab a drink; pop a pill
Pray to god that this will kill
Heart Is beating; trouble breathing
I am sweating and I’m freezing
I thought you were doing fine, I didn’t know what was wrong,
I thought you'd push through it, that you were invincibly strong,
As a friend I should have supported you, helped you along the way,
a silver paintbrush runs along a soft canvas
leaving red waves in its wake
trading in pain for euphoric numbness
chasing away the voices with an artistic flair
when the sun rises the canvas is hidden
nobody saw the pain behind her smile
everyone assumed evrything was fine
they have no idea how wrong they were
while they looked away he was leaving bruises
some were emotional but most were physical
crying at night laughing by day
she was too weak to speak up
suffering through his abuse silently
listening to screaming feeling the punches
but one day he went too far
I. Depression
I'm tired of this regression
All of this damn stressin'
People, they get this impression
They say its near aggression
Don't understand this obsession
With things like secression
It all started years ago
When I decided that I had to let go of my old life
And leave the world of strife
I had to let my life escape me
I had to be free.
Blue washes down her face
Red down her arms
She is just a disgrace
All she does is harm
Yellow spreads across the sky
I live with a creature
Deep inside my chest.
It is made of shadow,
I can’t even beat it at my best.
This beast urges me to die,
Even if I'm not happy, Jesus will still be here.
God will still hold my hand when I'm filled with fear.
They still think I'm beautiful when I think I'm ugly.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, her pencil scraping the paper writing like a crazy woman the last two words of her note:
I’m Sorry!
There’s no lost and found at my school.
Not one that works, not in any school that I’ve been
All the lost items go straight in the bin
Sharp cold crashing waves.
They rush over me.
They drag me under.
Until I reach the bottom.
The ground with sand
coursely rubbing against my skin,
getting into my mouth and eyes,
Take three steps forwards
Realized from years of hard work
Fall backwards off the ledge
Realized from a downward spiral
One morning; a monday morning.
Two thoughts; do I live or die?
You say I’m letting my health take the back seat
If you'd look closer you would see it’s not there
Search a little longer and you’d find a locked trunk
I whispered with the devil and he told me what to do. He said some people might not like it, even me, and it's true. Whether it's a noose around my neck, or a bullet in my head, he said he doesn't care at all; he just needs me dead.
Shuck-Lily cuts herself and, by God,
I'm back in love again,
This is not my responsibility,
So why am I tending to you like an animal?
TAAKA vodka, purple harleys, and cigarette rolling trays.
The smell of pancakes and pretty summer days, the littlest things
Are what triggers the replays
Of the horrific day
My daddy took his life away
I’ve fallen apart,
A million pieces in the floor.
Most of them are missing,
I can’t find them any more.
My pieces have been scattered,
I was in love once,
And a painful ordeal it was.
I tried so hard to be the perfect one,
To be the one that she wanted.
I didn’t realize then,
The acidic water you just coughed up.
I know.
The silent cursing you scream in your mind.
I know.
The "are you ok?" questions that you answer with a lie.
I know.
the constant fights
they have to stop
I'm tired of sitting here with my mop
here to wipe your tears
at your command
you don't put in mind my need or demand
I'm always in the middle
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
I see the pills
A pile
On my bed
I shake off the fog
That was in
My head
I am awake
Alive
While it's easier to cut butter
I'd rather slice open my arm
Because the pain is like no other
and it lessens my alarm.
And when the doctor finds the marks,
I'll just say I fell in the dark.
Someone save me from this pain,
It keeps me trapped inside my brain.
Someone save me from this hurt,
I’m not even worth a pot of dirt.
When I was born, society handed me a script
I played the part quietly and kept my lips zipped
But I missed it, the system was gonna get my wrists slit
So I ripped up the script and kissed the name misfit.
These demons always plague me,
They keep me in constant torment.
Where could the angels be?
They aren’t stopping my demons.
The demons only get riled,
I can’t breathe right,
My fingers twitch uncontrollably,
People keep on speaking,
They act like I’m okay.
My brain feels like it’s breaking,
I am a tortured human soul,
The world would be better, If I go.
If I leave this world behind,
What is the place I’ll find?
I can’t live, with this pain,
The Blade is at bay, the Thoughts by the shore. The Noose at the gate and Suicide at the door. Regrets knock loudly, what-if’s knock some more. Then Darkness creeps in soundly and Death wins the war.
You made me feel,
Like there was nothing I could achieve.
And all my dreams,
We’re too far out of reach.
You broke me down,
And watched me cry.
And didn’t even care,
if only i had a pencil,
i could write my way out of the ghetto.
if only i had a pencil,
i could explain the voices in my head that scream in falsetto.
if only i had a pencil,
Could somebody take me somewhere pleasant?
It's all I have ever asked of someone.
How is someone to be omnipresent?
They cry "all hail the one and only son."
Our monsters used to live under the bed,
sparkly and purple
“they’re not real,” we said
Life was safe,
monsters were fantasy,
I laugh…..
Looking at me right now
You’d think that I’ve lost my mind
The tears are staining my face
Restless nights
They lead to bags under my eyes
The cold December winds charge at my tear ridden face
As the life that’s left within my eyes gazes up at the grey clouds
The voices in my head are crying out and screaming
My soul sobs in distress and agony
My heart beats anxiously, fearing what may become of me
And my eyes spout tears pouring down my face like a ravenous downpour
help me,I want to dieI want that knifeI want the lasting peace
I hate meI hate how I have everything,and I still feel like dyingI hate how I cant love her enough
.....................................
.............
.......
.......
What is it to be suicidal?
Is it a belief? .... a sickness?
I love the teachers that teach,
The teachers that write in scrawling letters that
Dance around the whiteboard with colors clashing.
this letter is me saying goodbye.
this letter is everything i couldn't say
when you were in my room that night
when i asked you to stop
to leave me alone
and you persisted
in touching me
When you smiled and said you were fine
I saw behind your lie
I've known you for too long
I know when something's wrong
I regret that I left
That I didn't help
I hate that we went seperate ways
The stars in my eyes
They’re fading dim
The smile on my face
It’s wearing thin
The weight of my heart
It’s too much to hold
It’s pulling me under
I’m drowning in cold
I never knew why you thought of it
Knowing you will be missed
Not everything is as it seems
But you never thought of it.
I just want you to know I care about you,
Because I really don't know why you thought
My friend waves a phone in my face and huffs.
It's a brand new girl everyday.
My friend points and judges this girl with anger.
She finds flaws in each and every way.
You’re usually not that blunt.
It’s usually sewn in with threads of:
motherhood, divine goal, dating advice, dances,
I usually just
don’t exist.
Well if you want honesty then you better brace yourself
Because I’m going to be real here
Depression is a real thing
And it’s time we have a talk about the fact that
The stoplight stands red for awhile
She suddenly awakens to blood surrounding her body
She grabs the blade and goes deeper
and deeper
She goes so deep that eventually
she will drown
They always say
If you having nothing nice to say
then say nothing at all
For why the scars are there
My tears are the words that never left my mouth
My scars scream for me
There you were standing, stalled
Your eyes, a deer in headlights, lights
They held a killer cold hue
The best was given
Yet, it wasn’t good enough for you
I feel nothing
I'm so scared that's so bad
I feel nothing, nothing at all
not happy nor sad
Yet I feel so empty, I feel so alone
My play-doh set. My brown barrette.
My high top shoes. My young views.
My dirty shirts. My elbow hurts.
My parents yelling. My lips never telling.
Confusion.
That is the first emotion I felt when I found out
My favorite step sibling had done the unthinkable-
Suicide.
I wondered, who could've seen this coming?
Not me,
i'm telling you now
about a girl who lived some how
she lived through death, she lived through fear,
and in some way she managed to hear
the sound of music, the sound of joy,
If today I die purposefully,
just know it wasn’t me.
All these voices in my head,
they keep me up.
At night I barely sleep.
Black Birds
As she flicked the rubber against her wrist
her eyes linger into nature’s abyss
undressing the land with her eyes
Don't cut your wrist
and don't cut your thighs.
Don't get pissed
just show the world that you're alive.
Pull up your sleeves
show what you hide.
Not for us, But for yourself please
How is it fair
that you were taken
How is it fair
that you left
he decided it was his time
that the pain was too much
so he left
and we all cried
it doesnt feel real
the pain in my heart
Oh, no
I've done it again
Cut, cut, cut
With my pen
Cut out the pain
Time and time again
I've watched blood
Go down the drain
When they find my body
If you're reading this note, then I'm already dead
I probably got a bullet lodged in the side of my head
You can't save my body, I already locked up the joint
Anyway forget how I died, that's besides the point
Some nights I wake
to the realization
that I can’t remember
what your voice sounds like.
I can’t remember
the curve of your lips
You'd think lying here, my breath escaping
That I'm scared
I've tried pills
Here I sit
Both Wrists Slit
I think I need my stomach pumped
I'm not scared
I hear someone knocking
Come back to the dark my love
“It’s brighter than it looks down here”
All alone consumed by fears
I'm drowning myself in forlorn tears
I cry each time I see a butterfly
because you aren't here to tell me to be strong.
You were there, walking beside me,
as my hands shook and I felt so hollow inside, screaming
"I can't do it!"
What people fail to see is the chance to be free,
The power to be more, the chance to open doors.
Like a locked cage inside where the pain won’t subside,
Rain,
wet droplets hit my face
That time of year surely brings me faith
As the water weighs me down I pray
that maybe I'll be able to touch your base
Shocking scars,
The past,
So long ago,
Hurt entrenched so deep,
No words can describe,
The manner in which it resides,
No tears can make
The agony seap.
Ever present,
Screeching and yellingLaughing and tauntingIn my head,It's loud and noisyScatter thoughtsAnd tear stai
I have been in the bowels of hell,
Witnessed the Devil’s breath
And seen the Grace of Angels.
my grandmother says I’m lazy,
yet I am fully aware of the tasks
that are meant to be done before me.
I am fully aware of the miles of debris left behind my trail.
why do I feel the way I feel
why do I want to hurt myself
why do I feel that I’d be better dead
why do they hate me
why won’t they accept that I’m human
I lied
said it was fine
It wasn't
my mind
So many things
Bullies to wars
Food and drink
I knew one thing
something to end
my suffering
I decided to take a trip
Riding on air’s ship
My destination is shrouded in confusion
No one can agree whether its real or just an illusion
As I sit in the corridor I hear BANG
Everyone's screaming yelling and crying
But I turned to my side just to see the person right next to me
Screaming in pain as I sat and watched him bleed because I didn't know what to do
Reading and writing poetry speaks to the soul,
Sometimes you have to fall before you reach your goal.
I would often question myself and ask who am I?
Why am I doing this? Is it worth a try?
Born of a minority race
Adorned of comments and nitpicking
You grow a thick skin when subjected to
Adolescent Bullying
Spitting image of an Abuser
Mother couldn’t take it
post suicide-attempt
words stopped making sense
depression taking hold
anxiety uncontrolled
mind plagued by disease
only one offer of ease
prayer disguesed as poetry
to set my mind free
I keep my head down while dark thoughts create a storm in my head.
The black velvet sky blots out the burning sun. I don't know why I'm still here.
My want for breathing is receding and my heart is bleeding for a love
Remember meAs the rising sun in early morningThe palette of colors that both sootheAnd allow for a reminiscing moment. Remember me As the laughter and jokesThat will never, ever fail
Poetry saved me for many reasons
She even got me through the roughest seasons
She saved me from suicide
Even when I couldn't see past my foolish pride, that almost led to my demise
Turn up your music
Drown out their voice
Close your door
This is your choice
Listen to the lyrics
Can you hear the voice?
Walk towards your desk
Remember, this is your choice
You are a galaxy.
A collection of beautiful fragments that shine.
You are a galaxy.
The planets that orbit your mind are home to brilliance.
Put that down
You keep saying your not enough
I know being an anomoly is tough
Lone Wolfing through your academic life
With Little to communicate, and you dont think thats right,
My emotions belong in a cage,
Eventually, slowly, hesitantly plotting a war to wage.
If I ever let them show, let them out, they’ll raise hell,
For the vultures, they ring the dinner bell,
Lead boots stomp,
Dust landing on nothing,
And everything all at once,
Intertwined pieces of self,
No longer connected at the seams,
Unravelling persona,
Cracking through shaky wooden beams,
Five hundred miles between a temporary bed and what felt like a bad dream
Two days in oblivion just waiting for a “hey, I’m better off today”
But the message never came
Just rumors of a tree by the soccer field
I see the casket and the mask inside,
Held within the young sleeper’s bloody hands.
How can kings pick the choice of suicide
When they have control of so many lands?
Only a grin given, no pain in face,
Puppet
Trigger warning: rape, eating disorder, mental illness, self-harm
I have always been your doll
You’ve always just sat there and watched me fall
Listen to that voice
There is importance in following
These pages enclose the words my heart holds
If I enacted the things I feel I could heal
Our generation acts as if emotions are no big deal
Do you remember what was true before you let the thoughts consume you?An unrecognizable face in a crowd you’ve allowedTo become a disguise you used to hideEvery bruise, cut, scarThe times you tried.
*vssst vssst vssst* My phone vibrated in the pockets of my blue distressed jeans.
Falling from seventy stories high, my life flashed before my eyes.
There’s a dark corner
in the back of my room
it speaks to me
And says “I’ll be there soon”
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position
my eyes are closed
hopin and wishin
Death creep slow
So you wept
Life is pointless
A sharp blade of redundancy
It a choice
A promising voice
If you die or if
You live
It is in your reach
A touch you will
Meet
Break the silence
with a scream oh,
ALL men will see!
That nothing is what it isnt,
So please be free!
All men are destructive,
So read something better than these
I was a sinking ship
Headed towards the bottom
Of the ocean; lost in motion
Were dreams that seemed
too far from reality
I wasn't sure I was going to make it
But the ship continued sinking...
He hands me scraps of notebook paper.
Wih words looming on it,
in a concise manner,
his thoughts chaotic
He grins at me,
looking for an expression.
I try to smile,
It's been a year.A year since you broke me.
It's been a year since you cut into my fleshBefore I even got the chance toAfter telling me how horrible it is.
Is there somebody that could save me?
From myself.
From everyone else.
From those that seek to tear me apart.
From my heart that craves to be loved so bad.
Fingernails thumping the tempered glass, hurriedly and literally searching for something out there, someone out there who could possibly be speaking about what I am too afraid to even touch with the delicate fingers of my thoughts.
Racehorse
The Kentucky Derby was yesterday at 4 pm and the bullet shot
Like a fire in the air.
Her eyes are rolled back like the way the sea curls into sand
Little lost souls, little lost souls
My childhood friends are little lost souls
They tried all the games but
Found none they enjoyed
Now they are all but little lost souls
She won’t wake upShe won’t wake up She won’t wake up
She lays there in a carcass of pasty white skin With sunken closed eyes and a dark mind from within
You caught me slipping.
You grabbed my hand as I dangled
Precariously over that ledge,
As I toed the line
Between today and yesterday.
And right now, you're pulling me up.
You're holding me back
Mother, please don’t go away.
You know how I love you…
I’m calling you, please answer me!
Please don’t go please not now!
Do you hear me calling?
the Student
who became a statistic
the Victim
that took it’s life
she didn’t want to cut
he didn’t want to overdose
there’s a woman
who wasn’t the best mother
she had depression
it was quite sad
even tried to take her life
IT GETS BETTER.
It seems like such a cliche.
Honestly, I know how it sounds,
and how those words make you feel:
annoyed, devalued, misunderstood.
It seems like a lie,
it feels impossible,
When suicide took you, my whole world from me,
I had nothing to fall back on except poetry.
Grief had consumed my mind,
It filled inside me, and the only way to keep myself alive
A shiny, new, bustling city.Full of people.Each with ideas.Each with thoughts.Each with emotions.
But then It starts.
Child,
You are ignorant.
Ignorant to the horrors of our world.
Hatred.
Evil.
Corruption.
Destruction.
No,
Tick Tock goes the time bomb in my head, what'd ya say...I'm better off dead...
Nothing to live for here comes the sun, day after day, the hauntings just begun...
Every day, every hour, every minute, every second...
Angels wept the night he took me,
From where I lay helpless on the ground I thought I could hear them.
No one told me it would be okay, for long long after that day,
Many looked but few ever stayed to see.
I feel so sad nowadays,
I can't even cry.
So I sit in my bed,
And wish I would die.
And I think to myself,
'Would they care if I left?'
Then a voice reminds me,
'People get over death.'
You came home from school
You said your day was fine
You rush to the bathroom, slid your back down the wall as your skin began to grow paler and tears became heavier
you demand that i push myself
all the while pushing me closer and closer
to the lip of the ledge
and i can’t help but think
of how just last week
What would you do if you had pills?
Pills, a blade, a rope?
with dark thoughts surrounding you?
mummuring into your ear.
it's so easy,
pour the bottle of pills into your mouth,
There are some things, people do,
When they can only feel blue.
They take the silver, make it rust,
For they feel that they just must.
People see, but do not tell,
Scared of what hides behind the veil.
As the colors fade and slowly turn to grey,
I rise from the ashes, color blossoming from within me.
I hear a whisper behind me,
But I dare not look back.
Get
out
of
my
head.
Get out of my head because it's what's best for me.
Get out of my head because it's what's best for you.
things aren’t bad
when any malleable silver is my friend
things are bad
when pills looks like
tic tacs
something’s gotta give
Every 5 seconds 2,000 Kit Kats are eaten Every minute 250 children are born Ever 5 minutes 80,000 text messages are sent Every 10 minutes 90,000 tinder matches are made Every 15 minutes someone dies from suicide This is a example of someone reac
Would anyone care if I dropped off the earth,
Would anyone shed a tear?
Several sobs, a few gasps, some chairs at my funeral,
Then I'm just simply not here.
Would anyone care if I ended my life,
It's funny how stuff works out,
No matter how loud I shout,
You can't hear.
It's funny how shrill I cry,
Funny how much I try
To disappear.
But it's the holiday season, so what is my reason to die?
I want to die,
I'm scared of death,
So sometimes I just hold my breath.
I close my eyes and count to ten,
I pussy out and breath again.
Empty words on empty screens,
A silent generation screams
Behind the masks of pleasant faces,
Witty pictures, clever phrases,
We break, we cry,
We sob, we fight,
And segregated, rot and die,
A single seed, unknowingly holding burden
She doesn't know anything
The hate she must determine
She's locked up in a world of imposters
a world full of monsters
This seed which was planted
Machine of pain,
Which pours blood like rain.
You helped my forefathers liberate,
You made the home I venerate.
Through wilderness and adveristy,
There are lives you defend.
today i smile because
for years i have denied who i am
today i smile because
i was scared to come out
today i smile because
i was too proud to admit mom was right
today i smile because
Lost in a sea of loneliness-
Drowning in this ocean of tears.
I have no life.
I'm suffocated by fear.
Visited the Lord just once-
Guess I've died the second death.
Trapped in my mind to scream and yell;
I still eat peanut butter as if it fulfills all the categories in
the nutritional pyramid. It can be found in the cupboards of each place
I hang up my jacket and step in. What’s convenient about
i’ve been trying to find love in a billion relationships
and i’ve tried everything i can to make myself feel something
and i’ve pushed my feelings so far behind walls
and i’ve pushed people away to get free
I once had this teacherwho had put a sticky note on the inside of my notebookfor that class. The inside of each cover was fullof quotes, that I wrote on sticky notes.Except for the inside of the front cover.It had one open spot left. You see, over
I cannot stand this abuse;
I cannot be a bystander.
It doesn't take a genius to deduce
That you're worth more than this slander.
You are gorgeous.
You are powerful and stately.
It's hard to believe that we live our lives within a 100 mile radius
It's hard to believe that the world is 25000 miles in circumference
Here is a quick poem about emotions.
Why the fuck do they exist?
I feel so much at once and I want to end it.
Can I end it? Not just the emotions but my whole life?
I feel so pathetic even talking about this strife
Dear Dad, Hey, it’s been a while, I didn’t really expect you to be gone so soon. How are you doing up there? I know how picky you are, so I can’t assume. Things haven’t been the best since you left, But we are getting by. My
Dear Gabi,
Last night I had a dream that you were alive
That you had tried to jump out of your window, maybe to fly
And I sat by your side because you didn’t die.
Dear Sylvia Plath,
Let me lift the bell jar from your eyes,
flame-red strands dropping to your shoulders,
oxygen returning to your lips.
I want you to place your fingers on your heart, and listen.
Five baby birds, alone in a nest.
Friends due to birth and location.
Five baby birds, hormones and hatred manifest,
With any contact leaning towards altercation.
Another black man is killed
Another trans kid commits suicide
Another woman is sexually harassed
Aren't we just statistics
In the sadistic game of life?
i do not want to know what your hands did,
tremblingly steady,
doubtfully certain.
i do not want to hear what You left behind,
I am the boy who wakes up every morning,
Only to see the girl in the mirror mocking him.
Her round face.
Her curves.
Her breasts.
All knives thrown at me,
Trying to break my bones.
Dear Kelcee,
It’s okay that we drifted apart,
That’s just how things go sometimes,
Just know you’ll always have a home in my heart.
It’s okay that your life came crashing down,
To the people who don’t understand why I won’t let them touch me,
I’ve built a wall between friends, family, and others.
And fucking think again if you thought I had any lovers.
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye or even say hello
I wish I could’ve stopped you
And showed you that you weren’t alone
Or if I couldn’t do that
To my Dad, my best friend,
I can’t even pretend that all this happened,
I just want to bend and contort until my body says no-
My mind is full of what if's, maybe's, and so’s.
To the bystander,
What is the use of a camera when it tapes a man falling?
Or when it films a woman drifting to her doom?
As her limp body breaks as she breaks the waves beneath
You are beautiful. Death has covered you in a halo, like a saint.
To Whom It May Concern,
I haven't written you in two years,
I've talked to you,
Sometimes you talk back.
Through that broken watch you left me
Everything I own to remember you by
On my wrist
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye or even say hello
I wish I could’ve stopped you
And showed you that you weren’t alone
Or if I couldn’t do that
1/30/18
A boy at the highschool down the street from mine killed himself.
It's sad, I know.
But I'm not sad, I'm livid.
I try to to talk to you,
Yet you don’t try to talk to me
I try to say hi,
But you never try to say hi back
I try to keep from staring,
And you try not to notice
Dear Her,
I saw Her wrists.
I saw the scars.
I have not forgiven myself
for failing to save Her.
I do not know how to refrain from losing Her again.
Dear Lily,
It's easy enough for me to pretend like I'm fine.
At least enoufh so that it seems like I've dealt with it
Ir's easy enough to distract myself
I do it with schoolwork
With gossip
3 Reasons to Disappear
Some may call it an act of selfishness. Some may see it as an act of consideration,
But I am neither of those things.
I’m scared to write an essay.
The computer I’m sitting at is humming and the wood under my wrists are vibrating
I write these thoughts to clear my mind from the piles of blunt ended metaphorical clutter that may, or may not have cadence.
Their long winded flow,
I couldn't save you,
My friend.
Whose smile was big and great, your eyes
peeking out over the moutain of cheek.
Your short hair that you tried so desperatly
to grow out.
dear brain,
the thing is, we’re screwed.
the thing is, we’re at the end of the line.
Dear Lily, Oh Lily, if only I knew, you gave me no clueHow you felt every day and nightOh how you lived without the lightevery morning, cutting yourself too deepevery night, crying yourself to sleepyou seemed so happy just yesterdaywho knew you fe
I just wanted to let you know
That you are loved and cared for
That anybody who hurts you. Fails to see who you really are
Dear Life,
Your fragile.
we sometimes take you for granted.
When we wake up every morning you
give us the chance to
I’m learning to live like an eventuality
Do you understand my poems?
They’re really like long lines of made up words that I kind of put into timepieces because otherwise, they become
Dear Jonghyun,
In the smog, a star amongst us
now flying with the rest
In the clear skies
I wonder if you're happier up there
From so high, can you even see us?
Dear mother,
You wait for me in the places I can't see.
There, you patiently scowl from the actions I do.
They insult the meaning of you in my life,
When a child dies,
who is left so wise
as those surviving youth?
Within souls of stone
we all but condone
a deeper death of them all.
January 29, 2018
Dear all those who love me,
It sits there menacingly, waiting
It’s come back around, and it’s ready for a fight
I’ve prepared my armor…my guns
Dear You,
Remember when we met?
Summer before eighth grade
The sun dripped honey and the leaves whispered secrets
But You
Dear God
Why do you let me down?
I pray and pray, yet I still frown.
Is it something wrong with me?
Are my morals blinding me?
Is everything that I live by binding me to its rules?
Seventeen and the phone rings at midnight,
Oh dear, it’s just your dad they’ve had another fight.
Mom says, “Just go back to bed. You know how this goes.”
Awake I lay until the old rooster crows.
To my high school bullies,
Hi.
I think
Being dead
Is no relief
Running through this eternal emptiness,
Three semesters ago
I was assigned a poem for an English grade
I was excited because I write
I write often
I write fluidly
But I found that, when I had to
I could not write at all
My best friend tried to die twice in the same day.
First with a gun and second with a wire off a hair dryer.
I refuse to be the next crazy person on the back end of your jokes
I know you were talking about me but you didn't know
You think of crazy as straight jackets and force fed medications
the prince in this tale was too scared to ask for help
he tried to save himself
the prince is strong
the prince was the strongest
Blood rushed down his arm
Just like tears rush down her face
There's fire in his eyes
And an overdose in her veins
Lord help these children, they've dot so much more to live for
Hey.
I guess it's been a couple of months,
a rough couple of months.
I saw your sister in the store the other day, but she barely
looked up from the floor long enough to say hi.
Sitting within the four walls,
like a flower that newly budded,
I reminisce on the thoughts of
happiness.
How unachievable it was, the
thoughts
Like heaven's fallen angel,
Dear divinity.
I have many questions for you
That I'm not sure you'll ever answer
Because over the last few years of my life
My fealty to you
Has grown less and less steadfast.
white to the point where she's alwaysmistaken for sick she'sgot those orchid eyespink on top and purple on bottomwhat is sleep?"to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream"she dreams only about him
“I don’t believe in heaven”
These words fall with a tremor from my fingers to the keys
And will eventually stumble from my lips to your ears
It’s the unfortunate truth:
Dear Courtney
By: Tyler McBride
i will not cry when i die.
i couldn’t when you did,
when you decided to fly,
Dear Dad,
I'll keep this brief.
I won't pretend to know why you did what you did
Or what was going throuhg your head
That day you pulled the trigger
That changed the lives of your kids,
Why won’t you just leave me alone?
I don’t want you around - I never have.
But apparently, I can’t get a restraining order
against my own mind.
Dear Death,
We are Strong!
Yes, broken, but Strong.
We have seen you near and far
And getting closer, so it seems.
Yet this time our encounter
Won't be more than just a banter.
I already have a gag around my mouthIt keeps me from speaking out.Heavy chains weigh down my mindThey keep me tied.
The rope is ready and set
I want to die
So I can be as free as a butterfly
I want to die
My friends feel like they are passing me by
I want to die
All of my plans have gone awry
He asked for help -
they laughed.
He begged to be understood -
they ignored.
He screamed for attention -
they didn't give it.
I forgot who I was after I first shattered.
When grasping for some desperate way to connect was all that mattered.
Before I lost hope and spent years floating face down in the water,
Every day we pass by,
All the people we saw cry
But do we think of it?
No we just overlook the ones who quit
I sometimes stop what I'm doing,
To my dismay I just end up stewing
Dear My Past Self,
This is the part where I tell you that you're going to be okay
Each day might seem worse than the last
But, that everyday is truly a new day
I'm not suicidal
But lately I've wondered what it would be like
To drive off a cliff
To watch the blood pour from wounds on my body
To sink under the tub water until I stopped breathing
To be hit by that semi
Present in class,
under the antiseptic light of the lecture hall my words infect the air,
and my fat brass opinion dissipates into discussion.
The next hand raises
Dear Justin,
Only Fifteen
Still Learning How to Live
You taught me how to stay strong.
You gave me laughter and smiles.
During a time I only had sadness and grief.
You had me and I had you.
Dear Ryan,
Why am I writing to someone dead?
The farthest it'll go is the Stone;
The last remnants I have of you - except your Jacket, of course;
I sleep with it, but it no longer smells of you -
I failed my major.
I came outside crying.
It was worse than a bad audition.
It was my entire plan being crushed in front of me.
"You've improved, but you're just not ready yet."
I often wonder,
Why are we here,
Are we born just to die,
If so why,
Why is dying the only guarantee in life,
Is there life after death,
All of this begs the question...
The sun is asleep and the moon is only half awake.
My mind is blurry and my heart is half paced.
Crickets are chirping in slow motion as I ascend into open space.
I count to ten and i'm calm but I swear it's all in slow motion.
One..
Her yelling echos through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel, worthless.
Two…
To people who deny the correlation between the Internet and teen suicide,
You walk into your room. On a beaten wooden table sits your phone, cool and motionless. It is off.
Dear Evan,
It's been 3 years and 4 months since the last time I saw you.
Many things changed, I grew older, I changed as a person, I made new friends.
I met Amazing people and I wish you have done the same
I can’t believe
you would do this to me
Sitting in silence, qui vive
that night New Year’s Eve
When you hung yourself
from a cucumber tree
Tragedy, they say
She smiles
as the blood pours down her arm
as the pain interrupts her breathing
as her thoughts are pulled beneath a current of wind
They look
"Suicide is not an option"
I hear my therapist say,
She smiles wryly
And I want to scream.
"Suicide is a coward's way out"
She continues,
I do not understand
She thinks this is a fact?
Because I am not who you want me to beYou criticize, chastise, and punish meCurse me to the end of the Earth,And throw your religion in my face.
I woke up one morning,And I forgot I was dead.The clock on the wall insisted it was midday,The sun coming through the window seemed to agree.The date on the calendar insisted today was real,
And the scars from the blade that remain on the wrists of an elderly Mrs. Strange have faded...
She smiles knowingly as if reading my thoughts
The distactions of youth abated...
The eyes alone tell the tale.
Dear Dad,
You were once there to hold me and call me your princes.
You were there to pick me up and show me the colorful world.
You were there to hug me tight.
I remember that day
I had heard it many times that day,
Someone else had lost time.
Who? I wondered.
As if it was a broken record, frantically reaching for an answer in my mind.
Who could it be?
This little girl, staring you in the face.
Why, she used to be yours.
But this little girl, staring you dead in the face,
I have a migraine and I'm the only one to blame,
blowing up the noise in my mind,
racking up the chaos,
Choking on firewater,
you’ve been drowning for so long
you can’t taste it anymore.
The words aren’t enough
Do you ever have those days where your blood rots in your veins,
your stomach sinks and your skin itches, your bones burn into dust.
When we're sixteen and breathing is like shoving steel through our veins,
it's hard and it hurts but we keep doing it.
When we're nineteen and we've been cut loose,
There’s blood underneath your fingertips,
cracks in your nails, chaos in your head,
suicide in your eyes.
To the boy—the boy laid low, boy laid low,
by the blows of life and the lack of hope.
He says he wants to go but everyone screams no,
“ I don’t know man, she just didn’t seem like the type of girl to do that. I swear she was always happy ”
“maybe she was faking it ”
Don't cry for me, I've made up my mind.
I want to thank you throughout my life for being so kind.
This wasn't your fault, the decision was mine.
Dear me but not really me,
You may come to read this letter
Heartbroken and in tears just like I was
Asking yourself if it will ever get better
You have pain inside you deeper than any cut
Mother didn't care
Father didn't know.
Now dear heart,
You are all alone.
No one notices,
Or really even cares.
They won't see you.
Just a broken girl.
Did you find yourself,
staring at a wall,
that never stared back?
Or did you become overwhelmed,
with the amount of space that surrounds all of us,
and the scowls on each face passing by?
(TRIGGER WARNING)
To the society that turns broken things into beauty,
ripped jeans fresh off the line
love novels, heroine saved,
get my hopes up
like i, too, will be saved
Dear Daddy,
Did you know I loved you?
Did you know you were my favorite?
Did you know I'd miss you?
You didn't have to do it, daddy. You could've waited one more day, one more
hour.
Rose, a lively rose.
My life is like a red rose,
Each petal is a special part,
Making up a picture.
Every petal that falls is something that cannot be forgoten.
Every few years a petal is lost.
Royal blue veins
Skin near transparent like window panes,
and growing pains
Dukes with dukes and dames with dames,
an endless rain
Staring out at a passing train, imbalanced brain,
A cut across the wrist
Cuz who would miss this?
A cut along the thigh
So much easier to hide
Keeping it all hush hush
A cut across the wrist
Cuz who would miss this?
A cut along the thigh
So much easier to hide
Keeping it all hush hush
To the boys who raped my best friend,
You didn't know why she was on the bus that day so I'll tell you
She went to lay flowers at her best friend’s grave
She didn't know you would be laying her in her own
CoryHow time flies byI can't believe it has been 10 yearsSince the day you died
I used to be upset with youAnd wonder whyBut now I understandThat it was easier to die
gone...
just...
gone...
your light dark
leaving me without our spark
just your permanent mark
could've saved you from your fall
but you had already given your all
Well, there was this girl, She lives her life as a lie, She continues to explore the world of sin,But instead she feels dead inside As she took the blade And her body swayedShe’s thinking'“WorthlessPatheticUselessPsychoticI was born at the wrong t
Dear depression
I don't want you anymore
These gloomy dark days you give me were never fun
Yet you continue scarring me
so now I don't know if it's you or me in my bathroom mirror
I speak for the students or should I say the slaves, Working all the time to impress our parents with grades, And Schools with sports, Teachers with clubs, Colleges with SAT's, Extra curriculars, Majors in particular, Community service, It all mak
I know that look
in your eye.
That you want to cry,
that you’re scared to die.
But have no fear, Dear.
Do you know why?
All your troubles will pass by,
I promise you that is no lie.
I've tried so hard but I can't do anything.
I feel stuck in a place I don't want to be.
I drink to lose the pain,
and I get high to feel free.
I'm a lesbian, yet no one understands
Stay alive for the little things,
Like the sun on your cheek,
Or to see your life peak.
Stay alive for the little things,
To see your favorite band get back together,
Or to fall in love forever.
Dear MomI know we’ve lived together for foreverYou think you probably know most of my lifeRight?WrongThere’s so much I never told youAll the times I cried
I've realized that Inconsistency kills
more than what we think it does
So why give...
When you yourself feel empty
There was a darkness.
A darkness no one should ever experience.
That feeling you are NOT good enough,
Feeling you are NOT loved,
Future generations,
Hear me loud and clear when I say this:
Please don't be selfish,
Don't dismiss
The pain of others, nor their anguish.
Don't dismiss
The needs of the homeless
She stares at the blade in her right hand
the red lines covering her legs and both arms
making it impossible to see clearly
clouded by depression, tears, and self-hatred.
Watery tear-filled eyesgaze upon her lifeless bodylying in the bathtubpills she droppedon the floorshe looks happy nowat peacenoises and screams and hysterics and tearssurround the boy
Dear friends,
I believe in love, I believe in might
but I'm beginning to lose my sight
of everyone around me, everyone near,
everyone who might be close to hear
that I'm losing myself, losing me
I have devils in my pocket.
Two little devils.
They snag crumbs from my plate,
They wait patiently outside the shower,
They sit on my night stand as I sleep.
Sometimes they are more noticable,
You don't need more food...
You should probably get a small...
You should go for a walk...
You should cover your stomach...
Why aren't you speaking to me?
Why do you always sleep?
I suppose I get too high on my lows.
I suppose I too get stuck on those notes.
Like so many others, they say it goes over.
Many of those others try to appeal to one another.
I suppose I can't really see no hope.
There's the kids who hidAll they do is cryWanting to dieThe kids who'd rather drinkThan have to think Kids who couldn't sleepSo they'd take another pillWanting the thrill Of feeling something.Cause we felt nothing.Remember these are the kids Who'v
alone burning with anger
becoming stone the only defense
she gets hate from a stranger
she didn't do anything worth offense
.
I’ve been here before Way too many times. I’ve spent countless nights in terror Letting out frantic cries. I’ve plotted my death Again, again, and again. I’m willing to give up this fight, After all, it seems to have no end To you, to him, to her
Muted grey
Shades of pain
Blurry sneers
My arms stretched out
Coils freeze on my limbs
Hanging above soulless concrete
I'd rather set myself on fire
Then listen to you anymore
I'd rather burn and scream in hot agony
Then sit in silence feeling the opposite pain within
It was a warm august afternoon that you caught my eye
I never thought that your big brown eyes would make me feel so high.
It wasn't long until you were the only thing on my mind
Hundreds of red lights beaming out to the night A hunkering metal shrine calling out my name Do the drivers beneath know what they're passing under?The drivers to my side never cared much about me
You were beautiful
You could have followed your Dream
You could have kept it cool
Kept your balance on the balance beam
Those tears in your eyes
You never should have hid
I guess no one relaized
The thing that I admired,
That was my role model,
it cradled my cold body,
it tucked me in at night
It still takes care of me sometimes
and makes me forget that-
This Feeling Is Such A Pain.
When beginning this poem
I had an epiphany:
I don’t know what healthy love is supposed to look like
The prompt- “Because I love you”
Only reminds me of a harsh November sadness
The edge is behind you now
What's in front is unclear
Anger, pain, and sadness
It seems you can't hear
Reason to the smallest degree
Your friends start to leave
All you're left with is the previous 3
Blair
A beautiful wonderful, girl who needed someone.
But there was no one.
Alone. Forgotten. And seemingly worthless.
Abandoned at birth and taken by strangers.
Lonely girl lost in the world all alone no place to go not even a home. Tears well in her eyes as she try's not to cry blinking them back but one seems to slip, she wishes the floor will open and swallow her in a zip.
Because I love you
I will uplift you everyday
Because I love you
You will throw any negative connotations about yourself away
You are beYOUtiful
Yes in your own way.
Friends are your soulmates too.
Pain, gaping hole in my chest, torture,
All consuming, obtaining me
Screaming, dying, depressed unchecked
With my clenched fist, white knuckles
Gasping
I used to look
watch and judge
those who didn't think like me
I used to criticize
make fun of and put down
those who didn't act like me
But of course
life has a way of turning
You dare say 'I don't know what pain is',
Yet, dear family, you've been fooled by yours truly.
Drowsiness creeping into my eyes
Reaching up.
Pulling my eyelids down like curtains.
Blocking out the light.
Mind plummeting into darkness.
Hands growing weak.
Unable to fight anymore.
forgive me body, i have failed
i failed to love you and cut again
who knows how long it has been
i made a list of what to do
and chose to cut on you
i thought about all the bad
I fell like a water drop
from the skies tears as it cried
for its lost love,
the earth moved silently
and without the moon
the waves were pulled by
storms of jealously as
winds howled for their
This is the time of our lives that everything changes inside. Left is now right, day becomes night I feel it inside that I am not alright. Save me now, save me now take me down the right path, of endless glory that I will never give back.
I should have known earlier
That something was off.
AGE 3
I am acting out
My own death
Over and
Over and
Over.
Gunshots, falling, screaming,
Nothing.
a hole in the heart,
a gap in the soul.
the ever-widening
rift of fear,
isolation,
and paranoia,
cracking the mind.
This number is only going to do so much for me
It may have someone waiting to save me on the other end
But I don't have the courage to call
I feel like if I call
I'd just take another fall
Trying to call
Beauty doesn't always
come easily.
Insecurity will rear its
ugly head.
But you, my love,
You are so
perfect.
To be like you, one could only
wish.
So please
Everyday brings more and more trouble. Your words inspire fear and tears. But because I love you, I am here.
When you tell me these things, my heart breaks and my soul crubles under the pressure. Because I love me, I am here.
If there is one thing I want,it is to not be a wasted life.I want to say I did things for people.I want to saythat I became a playground for everyone’sdemons,a place for people to leave what won’t
set me free so I can fly
I really want to die
do you know the reason why
neither do i
but I am going to try
I want to fly high
maybe I will reach the sky
maybe I am going to cry
The clocks were pointing at twelve.
Lunch Period.
Nobody knew about the kid crying in the bathroom stall.
He pressed a revolver to his temple,
waiting for the courage to sieze him.
Because I'm not pretty I don't post pictures online
Because I'm not confident I don''t feel comfortable outside
Because I'm not straight I feel worthless inside
Because I'm not social no one hears my cries
Death is knocking at my door again tonight she says
I’m trying so hard to slam the door in his face
But each day it gets a little harder please help me
He’s been persistent comin round every night
Death, just and fair,Beautiful and twisted,Tangible as the air,Unable to be resisted.Death, a friend of mine,I will stay with you even as a ghost,Because through all this time,
These past few dayshave come and gone,almost like the words to your favorite song.I had it all,I felt ten feet tall,like maybe, just maybe, this time I wouldn't fall,fall back down into the darkness below,
Because I love You, Mom
I will lay tell you I stopped feeling good a long time ago
Because I love you
As I sit in the castle,
I feel locked up like a creature.
The world seems still and dull.
Day and Night have become one,
And life moves on without me.
You say I'm a bitch. A stuck up, self-absorbed, chin-up-so-high-it's-a-wonder-it-doesn't-interfere-with-airplane-travel bitch.
666
Or 17 years of age
I was 18
When you messed me up.
I tried
You tried
Money was
And is an issue,
And I only got 6.66 dollars
In my bank account.
It sucks.
Dear Best Friend,
The small smile that appeared on your face when someone acknowledged you or your loud laughter at the simplest joke... It was gone. You are gone.
Baby Seedling:
Helpless and New
Growing Sapling:
Poking your eyes out into the blue
Little Daisy:
So young yet so bold
Teenage Daisy:
Stand tall in the cold
I dont wanna cry.
I dont wanna lie about what happened in my past anymore.
I dont wanna wake up in the morning and see the same
face that hurts me everyday.
I dont wanna see the sun anymore.
Everything I felt came rushing back.
It was like suicide.
My thoughts hung me.
My emotions shot me.
My fears cut me.
My imperfections were an overdose.
I catch a glimpse of your dimples when you laugh,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
I watch as you water the garden we planted together,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
Huele a cadaverHuele a cadaver y apesta cada vez mas fuerteHuele a recuerdos a sueños y esperanzacolgando de la orilla de un edificio tratando de salvarse despues de haber tratado de suicidarse,
Just needed one more moment
to tell him he would be okay
Just needed one more moment
to hold him tight and tell him i would never leave him
Just needed one more moment
to say goodbye
People wonder
Why it is teens
Are so suicidal here
Is it because
They are confused
They are being forced
Into a shell
They are basically invisible
To the eye of society
there she was
laid out on a dusty bed
still as a rock
sleeping because
the thoughts in her head
never seemed to stop
oh look, prince charming
handsome as ever
A 16-year-old died last night
And he felt no Love
Only the Darkness
His life consisted of
His mantra to the world
Was, "Reveal the truth!"
However when it came
He sought to delude
“It’s a girl.”
The doctor said
Holding the squirming babe up to show her to her father. Immediately, he tries, and fails, to hide the blue balloons.
“She’s a girl.”
Her cousins state,
In a world of darkness lived a girl lonely and depressed. Suicidal? Yes.
She nevver wanted to be. Everyone she knew blamed her. For Everything.
Their problems. Them losing things. Being Late. It had nothing to do with her.
Oh no!
Today was the day
You murdered a whist
Who stole the skunk
With your own two fists
You have blood on the bed
And brains on your shoes
You must drive yourself
Sitting on the floor,Our hands interlocked, pulling,My eyes watering,
The anger in his eyes,The suffering, the madness,The gun between us.
I extracted myself from my family…...from my friends.
I calmly plucked away, little by little, my involvement, my presence…...my existence.
To no apparent end my soul grew darker than the pits of hell.
Spiteful Mind,
Masochistic Nature,
Why must you be here?
Black Outs,
Red Rivers,
Why must you come so often?
Broken Soul
Crushed Heart,
How am I still alive?
It has started, the final battle.
This struggle of emotions,
that slowly takes over
Everything comes to halt, a stand still,
a dead puls, all the struggle
But it should not hurt this much.
Cinderella mops the floors.
Cinderella has more chores
To pamper, aid, and then protect
The evil sisters that make her a wreck.
Smiling through a crowd of tears,
She hands them dresses as they cheer.
She’s locked me in this maze again
How she laughs at my pain!
I know of the sins she does commit
To escape I shall find proof of it!
Twists and turns mar the path
But reward awaits my grasp.
She didn't know why
Her anti-suicide talks
Wouldn't work on her.
Cut me open like you do those scars on your wrists.
You use to hate the sight of blood,
But now the sting and crimson oozing from your wrist has become your favorite addiction.
In an adverse reality
I'm sure we could live in harmony.
I'm sure an oasis will sprout
With naked men & women
Deer & birds roaming alike,
Conjoined by the gayness within
She feels like a ghost among the living
With no destination or purpose,
A mind so big deserves much more then
Be simply unnoticed by many.
One more step, and she falls on her feet
In a world without magic
and a world without wonder
the princess Aurora
Fell deep into slumber
She slipped away, unnoticed
Into the deepest of sleep.
But couldn't be woken
I'm writing, recording, hustling trying to get paid.
My future brighter than the sun no wonder why they throw shade.
I am my own person.
Still trying to find myself because I'm not certain,
of who I am.
Once upon a time,
There was a beautiful girl.
Her hair smelled of rotten pine,
Skin rotting off in whirls.
"Beauty," the Prince said
I don't belong
I'm broken.
I can't understand
It's unfathomable.
I scare myself
By being me.
I want to kill this life
Its not worth living.
I'm always sorry
For your struggle.
Every breath I exhale
Every time I close my eyes
I'm met with the conclusion
That I'm done with life.
It's hard to see sometimes
Through my blurry vision
Obscured by depression
Hidden by the nightime
She is perfect; slim, beautiful, and more.
She’s not perfect; large, ugly, even less.
She is perfect; rude but never a bore.
She’s not perfect; depressed; nothing I guess.
Face plant off the third floor The blood splatter paints a pretty picture of why he didn't matter And who's sadder the committer or his encouragers Such a shame he had no one around to feel his hurt
Girl hospitalized in bed
Mother wishing that her little girl wasn't death
Doctors are saying that she's gone
Mother won't believe it and starts singing her a song
Mommy is here you don't have to go
The sun shines brighter
I'm a true fighter
I'm no longer alone
I've finally found home
I know I mean something
I've found my voice and now I can sing
I know that [people love me
Don't you feel the noose of night
slowly tightening around your thoughts.
Sufficating you slowly.
You hold a blade in your hand
slashing at the silence that hides it all...
the things you never said
I swallow the pills,
I chase them with the vodka given to me on my birthday 5 months ago.
The tears stop
Everything slows down
My heart begins to slow down
I am angry
I am angry at the word Society
I am angry that people still think Anorexia is just for girls
and I am angry at the term "Pro Ana."
i cry and i get nostalgic
scrolling through old facebook photos
each click opens an old wound
every comment
a shatter of the heart
because i miss the girl i used to be.
Long hair and a smile
There are days when I feel
Alone,
That no one simply cares.
Perhaps if I were to die their lives would be on pause.
For a moment,
And maybe, just maybe they would grieve
A room made of darkness,
Pitch black so I can't see.
The haunting moan of loneliness, in the distance, it calls for me.
What once was full of light and the occasional flicker of pain,
Not one could conceive
Such incapable instant
Merely just a fair boy
Average as the corner store
Which not a shining soul laid eyes upon
I let you inside of my brain,
didn't understand why you caused me pain,
I find myself waking up in the middle of the night,
Trying desperately to feel alright,
There is lead in my bones,
Her hand reaches out
As his pulls away
Grasping air
Grasping nothing
“Don’t…”
She whispers
Desperation near
She Wanted by Z. Alarcon
She wanted arms to hold her,
Not hands to behold her
Dark days, long nights;
Through it all, she sat
TICK.
TICK.
Time is running out. tick.
nobody is around.
tick.
Someone is coming.
I must hurry
The windows to the soul are dark I see
They’re tinted with the night of hope that’s lost
And shattered, clinging piece to shattered piece
While trying to hide the convoluted mess
They say suicide is painless, but is it?
Your life has ended yet you only passed your pain to others.
You look down at your wheeping friends and family.
You want to comfort them but you're dead, remember?
I sit here
Scared and alone
Am I loved? I ponder
I hear someone call for me in the distance
No, it couldn't have been
I shake my head and look at the stars
My tears glisten in the moon-light
One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four.
Knees weak, I'm laying on the floor.
Blood drips, to life come all my fears.
"Is it all over?" scream all my tears.
It seeps through the rug, bright red.
You say that you have nothing left to live forLike all your sand has run down your hourglass figure and you don't have a choiceLike all you've ever live for and done is just dust in the wind, waiting to be blown awayForgottenWhich is to say that i
"Go kill yourself"
Okay
What would you say if I did it
Can't take back what you've written
You're like a snake
And I got bitten
You think I won't make my bed
And lie in it?
All the dark colors,
Bind me to the ground,
Trapped with the memories
I hate and fear the most.
Burn me to ashes,
And when the wind blows,
My death is everywhere.
All the dark colors,
She is light
Living, moving light
She is fire
Dancing, flickering, untouchable
One may try to grasp her
But if he holds onto her too long
He may wish he hadn't at all
She is darkness
In my dreams, I always met the same man
Who always went by the name of Dan.
He never existed before, yet never existed then.
He doesn't exist now, and he will never exist again.
i'm sorry i was the disappointment i'm sorry i could never figure my shit outi'm sorry i was such an embarrassment i'm sorry i can't fix myselfi'm sorry i'm the reason for your paini'm sorry i thought i matter i'm sorry i thought i could do someth
i may as well be a dead roseno one dares to water or revive just to throw out with this weeks disasters and garbage my thorns are fighting those who try to stop me but they aren't strong enough to keep me alive. they may protect me but they can ne
Like a little kid
When the lights go out
My soul is dark and scary
This there is no doubt
My brain wages a war it cannot face
You told me once that you were fine
I told myself you were right, you’d never lie
I know now where i went wrong
Seeing you today was the reminder you are gone
Perhaps
we are all blind sometimes.
Our vision becomes shrouded in the pitch-black
darkness of our own rotten words.
Our blood turns cold, emerald with envy.
as the woman who brought me into this world lay still in the bath tub , she moved, arms suspended in the water, ears just above the line.
He was always a sucker for a pretty face
They're always a sucker for a pretty face
He took me to a place and fed me full
of liquor and drugs
He watched as I got sick on myself
He got me a glass of water
Standing up with my clothes drenched
My palms face up were crimson red
Another gory episode of my self destruct mission replayed
I could feel the curtains of doom closing in
The shores of death were appealing to me
Mechanical gears grinding in a damp room beneath the surface
Metal on metal , ear piercing racket , the noise resonates within
Yet remains muted from above
I was born from drug addicted parents, but no one saw me.
I father killed himself when I was at the age of two, but no one saw me.
My mother was mentally ill and abusive, but no one saw me.
4 AM Is too early. But 12 AM is too late.
I do what I gotta do,
But I'm about to call it quits.
Pull the trigger and splatter my whit.
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket.
I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
Content notice: Violence against people of color,
people with disabilities, trans wimmin, and gender
nonconforming people; allusion to suicide,
sexual violence, and genocide. End of content notice.
Listen
Yes
I killed myself
I once was weak
But now I'm strong
Listen
No
It's not your joke
To laugh about
I almost died
Listen
No
You wouldn't joke
About a war
America the beautiful, the broken
The late night party, he takes advantage
When she wakes up, she feels the damage
There are no repercussions for his evil deed
Just because they smile doesn't mean they're happy
Cause when you look away, it fades away sadly
When they say they're okay, don't think that they're fine
Cause containing suffering is best done through lies
She starves herself to only look as skinny as the girl standing next to her,
She forces herself to binge and purge and binge and purge, a vicious cycle that not only eats away at her body,
it was here that I fell in love
trapped in the salty waves, burning my skin with the most gentle touch
ripples that altered images dancing in my vision
from an emerald sea to the clearest blue sky
I cant do this anymore,
Death is knocking upon my door.
I cut deeper and deeper,
I see the eyes of the real Grim Reaper.
I wield my blade like a weapon in defense,
It is four o’clock in the morning
And I do not have to look at the glowing numbers beside me to know the time.
Every night, it is the same routine:
Close my eyes, try to sleep, and wake up even more exhausted.
A broken boy, a battered girl
Soil from which the fern uncurl.
From two lives, were seeped in pain
Somehow we found our hearts again.
A world of darkness, two specks of light
My bed has always played savior
as I sought refuge from my thoughts,
seeking asylum from my sanctioned brain,
I thought secrecy was my only option.
I thought a safe haven was where I dreamed
covered in dark sheets to hide the blood that I bleed.
My thirteen reasons why
Life pushed me stronger to survive
One. Served for a few years ,
Some very holy regulars came in
They said I've been gaining weight
Your treatment of me
Testament to hypocrisy
Remains of a once treasured now shattered oath scar both body and soul.
None have shown me a thousand Hells the way you did, oh how far you did fall
Every day I see not the land of the free
Not here where children on the streets unkind beg for scraps
Our government, the wolf in sheep’s clothing, giving the illusion of help
There used to be a time she only listened to the sweet harmony,
but the lullaby won't seem to stop dancing on her tongue.
She murmurs the verses at the slow beat of her heart
In America, we are free
To do what we wish
Thus, with joy we cry
And oh how we pray
That freedom has not died
For if she dies we are lost
She wore the smile, she played the part.
She hid her feelings deep within her heart.
She put on a show, faked her smile.
Her feelings and actions are becoming idle.
No one knew, and no one cared.
At least
They can’t hear
what goes on in my head
At least
They can’t see
The tears I have shead
At least
My Favorite Place
Taylor N
Many other’s favorite places lie,
They make it seem as if things will never go wrong.
Like when it’s warm outside,
How does the narration convey the idea that Meursault is a simple man to the reader?
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He doesn’t have access his emotions
He’s taking it day by day
She's the type of girl
That everyone would desire
Long hair, beautiful
So many do admire
But what you see on the outside
Really doesn't matter
Cause she's hurting inside
Ready to die
The pain of the cuts in the bleed and the bleeding in my cuts, the sorrow's rush. Explain to what is happening, this unknown feeling of the pulse of a dying heart. Because I gave you my all. What makes it worse is that you left me to fall.
brokenand I refuse to bealive and energizedbecause who I am issuffering everydayby drowning my sorrows in alcohol,but nothing changeseverything can be overin one small instant
no one will ever love me
that’s why I hopelessly stare into the sea
I tell you I don’t care, I telly ou I’m fine
It’s all via text, in reality I’m on my third bottle of wine
And my head won’t stop spinning
The same song
Sung by people who wouldn't want you
To hate yourself
The same song
Sung by people who wouldn't want you
To hurt yourself
“Relief is here, no more tears.”
They say as I try to disappear.
I don’t understand why they care
I wish they’d leave me alone instead.
They want me home, they want me safe.
When all I want is to escape.
Starlight, stage fright
All the lights on stage are bright.
Acting, packing
A home for an actress is slacking.
Down stage, up stage
Everything feels the same
Roses, poses
She feels overexposes.
Taking a deep breath and jumping off the ledge
or cutting my wrists with a straightedge
seemed to be the only way out
Thats just the way I saw it
Suicidal tendencies cured by a make believe afterlife
i do a lot of staring
staring at the computer screen
staring at the ceiling
staring at my hands when hurt them
staring at my feet when i bruise them
I tried.
My words don't come out as easy anymore
Yet my tears can tell stories
My face like an open book
So no- I am not fine
I never was
I tried.
As I lay awake at 3 in the morning, laying there remembering the good days. Where i didn't have to worry, the days where I didn't stress the days when the nights seemed less scary.
Having a mental ilness is like walking blindfolded in a forest
You can never rest, you feel you can count on no one
Because your brain tells you there is no one
It says: "You don't have any friend but me"
Anna is the smell of oatmeal with pears and strawberries
Illegal in the eyes of the judiciaries
More hot and heavy than every star in Aries
Anna and I held hands in eighth grade
"Your hands are sweaty."
You call to me in the night,
A silent black monolith of blue light,
Looming in my waking thoughts and dreams,
Punching buttons and tapping strings,
The world I think is dull and grey,
She wants to be deadBecause of all the words she hears.She never tried to fight the lies that were said.The lies come in many forms; some were read others were heard.The sad part is its not just her who have to fight the wordsThe words that feels
Sometimes I think, I think a lot. I’ve never had a moment without melancholy thought.
I ask what it’s like to die, or how one could do it.
I think about life, and how I’ll get through it.
She's suicidal,
Finally done,
Looking up to their idols,
Chest feels like a ton,
Slowly losing vitals,
It's no longer fun,
The endless cycle.
She's not the only one,
The ink of laughter painted across my rib
Flat beyond opinion,
Line below a beat.
representing a break, the breath, a life.
The greens and blues
of circles and spaces of stars and faces
When you jokingly say “ohmygod I hate you!”
And I say laughing “I hate me too so it’s all good”
You may be joking, but I’m not
It feels like yesterday
It all happened to quick
I cry from it still
Why did you have to go
So young
So bright
So handsome
So sweet
The pain to know
My bestfriend thinks this is a myth,
-didn't really have the heart to tell her that it's real,
and that I've experienced it.
I mean,
I guess I kind of told her,
I live in fear
That one day
One day
We will die
No, not just one
All of us.
I Live in fear
Knowing that
Coming from the continent of Africa
Born into a family from Paris, Tennessee.
My name is Darice
Click goes the shutter,
Flash goes the light,
She tells you, "Don't blink!"
But you just might.
The time that i didn't come home for a day
was because I thought
I was doing the right thing.
I thought that meaby
if i disapeared my family
was going to be happy.
That my mom was going to be happy
There once was a little bird
Who just wanted to fly
“Spread your wings and leap,”
The other birds told her,
They say we’re all unique
Each perfectly imperfect
But I see nothing good in my reflection
My head fills with self-loathing
Never pretty enough
Glad It’s Over.
Because it was closer than the celebrities for me.
He died.
Then he died.
Then he died.
And it all piled up.
A mother hatred for a child is like a gunshot to the heart. A father absence is like a never ending nightmare. A grandmother dying wish, is like having your soul be taking away from you from God himself
Today, it finally hit me; that moment of realization. I remember the days in my life that were so horrible and low. I remembered the moment, but not the feeling.
Once upon a time there was a girl who dug for Dino bones in her front lawn and had short wavy curls. She feared teenagers and drowning in the deep end of the pool.
A year ago,
Songs, songs were just songs.
Songs that were tunes to jam to.
We had songs,
Certain songs.
Mostly 90s alternative songs.
Songs that when I heard them made a warm rain the perfect dance floor.
it was anonymous, her name was never said, but i knew, my pain knew, without finishing the Message:
because We
had spoken about it before, my voice burning with love
I held the whole bottleof little rose colored tablets.I slowly turned on the cdthat my youth pastorhad given to me. Maybe if I listen
I see an empty body
I see empty eyes
I feel the cold skin
I hear desperate lies
He sits too still
His car in park
His telephone buzzes
Flashes light, then dark
There was a girl that I once knew
With golden hair and eyes of blue,
Laughter that caused stomach aches
Compassion that could never break.
Friend's and family's hearts would flood
He was Alone
Noone to see, No one to feel
Never looking up only feeling down
He couldn't take it any longer.
After 13 years of feeling nothing
He decided he wanted to do something
As I’m lying stiff in my bed,
Listening to the empty streets,
Absorbing the buzzing of tiny insects,
And analyzing the peaceful swishing of leaves
As they sway back and forth in the wind,
I inhale.
I am depressed In this messThat I carved my life into,Into this dark abyssWhere I miss The stars zooming around my faceMusic hurrying up their pace
Blood
I can smell it
on your sheets.
I can see it in your eyes,
I hear it in your voice.
I know that I've lost you
I can tell
If only you were here,
You would have been able to kiss me goodbye
Wish me luck and try your best not to cry
As I drove off to learn and live alone
Instead, I had to tell your tombstone
If only you were here,
I can't handle this pain
it clouds my eyes
I'm going insane
waiting for my demise
I'm seeing double vision
picking apart my skin
with great precision
a game I cannot win
she has a universe engraved on her wrist
and stars in her eyes
with her dreams plastered across her figure
she is an infinite expanse
a world unexplored
we were happy once
back when we were but children, giggling
at the minute moments
innocent, but ignorant.
not yet accustomed to the term depression
Our principal announced it on a Tuesday,
His somber tone echoing through the hallways.
The boy I loved was never coming back again,
Something awful had happened to him.
My Depression said to say hello, and that she's sorry we've never formally
met, she said she was too disgusted by me to bring me any sooner, that I
was a horrible creature that had hope, and she had to make sure every last
Do you ever get that feeling The feeling of wanting to fly But your wings are broken Every word unspoken Do you ever get that feeling The longing desire to run But your legs are paralyzed Your nerves are tranquilized Tell me the truth As my so
"Fuck."
"I want to die," I say.
"I wasn't supposed to let it get this bad again," I say.
As if I have any choice in the matter.
As if my brain isn't the traitor here.
Who was it that hurt you
I wish I could make you ok
Who made you feel you couldn't be
I wish you would shine like early may
I wis these words wouldn't make you break
Who was it that hurt you
If I could go back and do it all again who would I be?
Would I still be me?
Would I have stood up for that kid,
or would I have just hid?
He needed me
heavy eyes placed in a heavy skull
slowly close and don't open
heavy with pain
heavy with sadness
heavy with despair
a heavy heart
more than an expression
heavy with loss
pierce my skin with your
silver blade tongue
you weapon of madness
with cold metal lines
and warm red taste
pale piercing pain into
flushed bliss
soft pink clouds float
The pain started in his head, bouncing between his ears like a bullet richocheting through a tunnel.
Soon enough the pain slithered down his throat and into his lungs, clinging and growing like a fungus.
It was all one big jump back in time.
And those bad people,
All the bad they did,
And there she was helpless.
Doing what she do best.
Taking "it"
How can you live?
You. You who want
More than anything to die
You say that each day you look in the mirror
With a knife blade held
Ready to kill
You speak of bedsheets and blood
No breath
Silently weep
A shattered heart yet with no sound
I'm torn
Look down
You don't belong
The world is too cruel for angel
It's time
Goodbye
I am a twisted thing, broken and torn in places.
Like the grass I continue to grow.
The cutting down, being stepped on and poisioned.
It has left me bitter, jagged and dull.
The leaf begins to fall
and the blade becomes red.
My heart dies for her.
I see what could have been,
I took one too many
I hope it
will make me better.
I need to have plenty;
Maybe even twenty
To make me better.
I found a faded photograph
Of my grandparents
Not the grandparents you’ve met
My grandmother who died of cancer
The one I’m named after
My biological grandfather who killed himself
I sat there waiting to be hugged by the sweet arms of death.
I sat there awaiting the clock to strike twelve and for my fairytale to end.
Children of God in the youth psych ward
walking like the dead
lights in the windows too high to reach
black pits in your stomach where you swear your Soul used to be
Dreadful Dreadful
In every cell
Dreadful Daughter
Lives in hell
Dreadful Dreadful
You cant tell
Dreadful Daughter
Fakes it well
Dreadful Dreadful
Hear her knell?
I stop. The blade freezes.
Change, there is so much
That has changed.
Adulthood is near,
I don´t find joy in stupid things,
I have grown.
Physically, mentally,
but my emotional growth lacks.
I'm the lifeless kid,
The one sitting in the corner,
One wrist stained red,
One hand controlling the knife.
But no one cares to ask,
They all sit there to laugh.
Where's the fun in that?
The sun may rise everyday, Birds may sing,Flowers may bloom, A perfect picture of life.Tick, tick, tick,Time moves slowly when you're nervous.Nervous about yourself.Nervous about the pain.Nervous about what they’ll say today.Anxiety builds up insi
I was stuck in this 3AM daydreamwhere the music was faded through water,and I couldn't hear my screams. I was caught in a cage with all borders closed. Tolerance was terrifying, but I already knew.
A year ago today
The end of October
A happy girl stood on a scale and saw the number had dropped
Joy filled her!
Soon she had to buy all new jeans because all of hers were to big
Size 8! Isn't that great!
It’s almost impossible to weed out the roots you planted in me
The seeds of hope that you’d get better
The promises that you weren’t going to leave us
You left me when I needed you the most, you died when I was so young,now you're just a ghost.
Yes I am broken and bruised,
Yes willingly, I love the abuse,
Yes the nights are long
There’s not enough distractions in the day,
Yes the reasons to leave
Outweigh the reasons to stay,
Trying to write what i feel
Putting emotions into words
Trying to explain these things
I dont even know what they are
When the words won’t come out
I’m going to keep on writing
until I cannot write
kind of like I’ll keep on seeing
until I lose my sight.
When assigning colors to things, I think that:
Logic is black against white and white against black.
*DISCLAIMER + TRIGGER WARNING*
*This was written purely by imagination and personal experience, but in no way is this poem about me.
This poem also holds a trigger warning so please be safe and careful.*
One with rainbow hair and one with golden eyes.
A high school project turned sweet
As a kid
I loved swimming
It was something
That made me happy
As I grew
My love
For immersion
Became fear
As I realized
The mental horror
Of drowning
Why is it that the more recovered I think I am,
The happier I seem,
The more I smile,
The more open I am...
Why is it that, inside, things might just be getting worse?
It's a trick,
You will wish to have called just once more
To have heard their voice once more
To have held their hand when it wasn’t cold
To have hugged them tighter the last time you saw them
On Monday, she’s weary, teary, and unsure. She is sure that she’ll be able to fake a smile, but unsure if her friends and family will know it’s fake.
Pressure gets at everyone
So much to get going
Wheels turn fast in the mind
More and more getting crammed in
Spinning faster and faster
Until you break
And you fall
Speaking out is scary
Writers suffer from a chronic parasite; it is called writers block.
They are discouraged yearly from writing due to the failure of the workshops.
Tears roll down from eyes to the ground;
They tickle my cheeks and chin, yet I am not smiling.
As my face becomes wet; my hands become soaked
You're not even a thing!
I can't even touch you!
You cause my sleepless nights and my early wakeups!
You're always there!
lingering at my bedside singing a lone note in the darkness!
Raise your hand if you’ve ever fucked up
I mean, really fucked up
Like, instead of falling off the cliff you dove
And instead of hitting rock bottom you crashed into Hell.
She came and went.
as if it were easy
for all of us
to stand back and
watch.
Faster, slower, stop.
the water continued
dripping
collecting
cascading towards
Image: Aging Hourglass by Muskan Srivastava
She is cold on the ground, I think.
Her body has not reached decomposition, yet
And that is good for the funeral director.
You were my life and, my light.
Then came that cold, dark night
Now the only time i see your face is in the pictures of this old place
Without you, i dont know what to do
Why did this happen to you?
Did you know that child and teen suicide rates
are at an all time high, right now?
That suicide is the 2nd most popular cause of death
for 13-17 year old boys and girls?
This is goodbye.
Goodbye to the changing trees,
Who always have an opinion on life.
Goodbye to the pack of wolves,
Who always try to rip me apart.
She wakes up to the cries of her hungry child.
Another night another hungry tummy experience.
She hobbles to her baby’s cot,
And feeds her from a dry breast,
Before taking a cup of dirty water,
Have you ever met someone,
And thought that it was for real,
And that the friendship would last forever?
Have you ever had that person stab you in the back?
Or lie straight to your face?
A mask of lies
Forges her ultimate disguise
A smile
Glimmering with false joy
Inside she's just a toy
A toy to her anxiety and depression
Kneeling against these creaky doors,Lazily carving incisions,To take back my skin from the pain,Then I decided to spew out,A chalice of apparent relief,And fall into the puddle,Letting the tears benumb the stench,My insides clenched onto the despa
I was eight years old when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said, I want to be a singer. I want to be pretty, I want to be popular.
A girl. Eleven years old. Same girl. Twelve years old. Same girl. Fourteen years old. Same girl. Eighteen years old. What do they have in common? They have brown hair. They love to sing.
Awake choking,
Bathe crying,
Walk limping,
Become deserted,
And you'd understand why suicide is prevalent,
It's just another way out of this claustrophobic world,
Some times fate takes too long,
The scratchy noose around your neck,
A short, endless jump.
All that you have ever been,
Ending with one step.
A future, distant, bright, untouched,
Never to be lived.
Please stay
I've watched as the things that I loved fell away
And sometimes I struggle to make it through every day
Missing before the night I left,
Invisible to those around me,
Lost in my own world,
Trying to survive on my own,
Trying to be noticed,
Trying to reach out and beg someone for help.
when you find yourself on the precipice
imagining a romanticized image
of the stars dimming and the earth stopping its spinning
you are quite wrong my love
in thinking that because you lose conciousness
Image by Ted Pim
Daddy, why’s mommy crying? Daddy, why’s mommy locked in her room? Daddy, where’d mommy go?
“Mommy’s feeling sad today, feeling tired today; mommy’s going away for a while.
You never know, never see
can never really tell for sure because
everyone has different limits
everyone has different heights
and even if it's not
bad for you
it might be bad for them.
I can speak
I can stare
I can try to comfort
Try to imagine
I still have yet to comprahend
A choice that was made
A choice I have thought of many times
Relentless in his pursuit, Death is the one suitor I cannot resist.Like most men who court me, hedoesn’t know the definitionof no, but he has only ever treated me holy-a thing I have always yearned for
YOU laugh as YOU push her down insulting her size, pointing out all her flaws while she lies on the grown This is a daily thing for YOU and YOU don't even know her name, everyday you wait for her after school to tease her as if she's the blame, Sh
you hear the wind breezing through the forest around you
and the crickets chirping almost mournfully in déja vu
finally you hear a horn screaming
Those few weeks before
I knew something was wrong
From the music he was listening to
To his dearly departed smile
That day he didn't show up again
Why
He'd been there
Before
Left alone , all aloneyet the house is full she faked her smile because with eher xeprience she believedthe world was cruel ever
The butterflies will soon turn to ashes, to just an empty feeling inside,
You stare in the mirror.
"Take the blade," he whispers.
"do it, just one cut. No one's stopping you."
One cut, two.
Its just another day,
My meals were a blur,
I powered through day struggles,
Knowing nothing different will occur,
I find myself wondering if I could change my life,
Make it a bit happier,
I hate the world.
Especially when I find myself
In an office on a hot afternoon
This is not my cup of tea.
I am busy talking to people I couldn’t care less about;
About shit nobody cares about.
The rose is mineI cherished itIt's something sacred and uniqueSome give it up so fastGive it away at any momentTo a boy or a girl
It has been one of those days,
Where I don't care if she goes or stays.
Deadlines passed me by,
And bosses expressed their dissapointment.
It was generally a day,
Of emotional excrement.
It’s all so cold
lost and lonely, veiled by frost-
be quiet, I’m told
never speak up, no cost
never any loss-
Some dreams are worse than others,
but they're all the same,
a passage to a better life,
it's difficult to explain,
whether by knife or by rope,
either way,
i couldn't cope,
His shoes’ soles are gone from the incessant walking.
Under the scorching sun he is bathed in sweat.
Armed with numerous certificates,
He embarks on a futile job hunting journey.
I can run
You can't hide
A fortnight ago
I swore you died.
I watched as you burned
Flesh cracked and turned
black as the night.
Not a star in sight.
I watched you melt away
Girl
How are you tonight?
A shield made of dark brown hair
You tremble, turning away
Are you cold?
Girl
You've stopped talking
The light from your eyes has faded
When I was a young age of
four,
I wanted to understand why the other kids could run
faster and l o n g e r
than I could.
When I was
six,
I did not know why the big, bad
i’m becoming what i hate
i’m becoming who i fear
hanging on another day
holding out another year
so three cheers for self improvement
When did you realize that there was nobody you needed but yourself? How could you tell that you would always be there and that they would not? When you find yourself unable to rise in the morning unable to turn the faucet on to clean your face una
silent breaking, day by day
against my will, I run away
afraid of those I used to trust
one breath away from giving up
Hope seems but a vague memory
Failure.Seven letters perfectly construed to describe my very existence. Misunderstood.Four syllables that boom in my ears, deafening the good thoughtsthat are now few and far between.
The flirtatious girl who’s so insecure.
With her light green eyes that always end with a blur.
im really rather fond of drivingof moving, while not moving muchof possessing the power to annihilatebut using it for meandering about andgoing to mcdonalds
Suffering for years before
taking every insult in full
Sobbing, Screaming
From The Pain
Finally found a way
to send the agony away
that awaits me with each passing day
Can someone please tell me why this world is so full of words I can't understand
Why I can't comprehend
please lend me a hand so I can understand how to be your friend
Do you make wishes at 11:11Do you plan from 11:09 When your hope bubbles over andAll of your troubles and desires File into a line where the biggest dream races practicality for a spot in the frontAnd converts to words soon to be evaporated into a
I became a poet when I was born
I became an artist when I died
Putting ink to the paper
helped me feel what was inside
As a babe I saw everything around me
I'd lose sleep so as not to miss a thing
I'm trying to live, but end up merely existing..
I don't know what to do any more.
I'm stuck inside myself reaching for a door that no longer opens
and i am becoming hoarse from screaming..
Young boy walks home from school,
It’s been a long day,
The other kids can be so mean,
He just wants to feel okay,
Young boy is so tired inside,
So he puts on a mask to hide,
She wears a shimmering skin of silicon and lace. Reflected in a silver screen is the soft curve of her face. Her eyes are lit from within with a gentle buzzing glow, but their soft shine conceal a pain no one will ever know.
If we live everyday with the blinds closed, we will never notice if the sun has set or if the moon has risen, rather life takes a standstill.
Life is so precious, beyond what we can see. So you must stay positive, and that is the key. Ending your life will not make the storm better, it only ends the chance for better weather.
There were dolphins on the ceiling,
their grey bodies in greenish waters,
dancing through shadows cast by artificial moonlight
On the day my sibling chose the rope
A woman came to the door
After dad cut him down
I listened to his chest
There was no beat
The red ink is beautiful,
It oozes from dark to light,
Brought upon this clean slate
With a sharp quill that glints in the moonlight.
Gliding along the paper,
The sharp quill glows,
The One who calls from the Light,
declares all who submit will be free.
I have seen what life in Death has done,
almost stealing my life away from me.
For fiery passions and endless sadness,
Suicide as easy as a knot in a rope
as easy as an overdosage of pills
suicidal thoughts run though my brain
crash and burn
its ruining my dreams
death isnt the way to go
no matter what you say or do
it will never be
enough
not what they're looking for
so your feelings,
they're ignored
they're a lie
just like you
just because you're a liar too
Only so many times a heart can tear
So why did it?
None of you were there
Hard to think that
You'd believe all their lies
It left me tongue tied
So I cried
He stares at his ceiling
It's half past four
It's paranoia he's feeling
He looks at his door
No one will come
Yet, he still tries to run
Away from his demons
They scare him a ton
Good morning, they say
And I'll say it back
But I still desire unconsciousness
Not because I need the rest
Although I do
But I stay on my feet anyway
Aware of my struggle to
She cannot tell them what she feels
Nor what she thinks in her tortured mind
Because if she does she knows how it will look
And deep down inside she cares what you think of her
You are a good thing.
You are the poems that you devour and that you dream of creating.
You are every piece of art that you love,
You are a piece of art.
You're not who you used to be.
You know that.
I know you do.
But you also don't know who you used to be.
You were never strong-willed and you were never really happy.
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
I thought about you then
I wanted to fight for you
I didn't want it to end
I thought about you then
I wondered how you were doing,
I meant to call,
to tell you that I missed you
What is left after we go our separate ways?
Never to see each other again,
When once we saw each other everyday.
after all the words are spoken,
The things that they said that left me broken.
She wore it to his funeral,
But it’s also the aura of her soul.
It’s murder in cold blood; she stabbed him 27 times.
It’s the colour of hearts breaking apart,
The colour of death and imperfection.
I can stop at any time,
I don’t need it.
I just want it.
The needles, the pills…
The crystal, the shrooms…
The dust, the dragon…
My tabs, my acid…
My herbs and my rock…
I like the warmth,
Across the scarlet horizon she stares,
Her motivation gone, she no longer cares.
Closer and closer to the edge she creeps,
“He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me,” is all she speaks.
You may be wondering
How your pain goes unnoticed.
Feeling like you're screaming,
And nobody is even looking in your direction.
How is it possible
That nobody hears?
How much longer can I hold on?
Hold on to this reality,
The smiles that I place
On my usually tiered face.
Hold on to this image that you see
A confident girl that is happy.
Mike,
I met you at a rave after months of feeling so alone in such a big place
You made me feel pretty
You showed me off to your friends even though we had just met
Mike,I met you at a rave after months of feeling so alone in such a big placeYou made me feel prettyYou showed me off to your friends even though we had just metYou made me feel cared aboutWe became best friends and started spending every second t
She is a brick amongst rubble. Poisoned by melon and hollyShattered by the remains of melancholy Shattered is thy word that was never releasedFractured by teardrops which needlessly ceasedDid thy holy breath breathe away thy sin? Did I invite da
can’t tell people anything
they think i’m crazy
i guess i am
but all i need
is someone to listen
and understand
without having to plead
The men march on ceaselessly into battle;Rifles strapped,Boots cleaned meticulously,Trained for the unknown war.
A candle is lit in the windowA year after the darkest of daysEvery song played upon the radioTorments the soul in the saddest of ways.
There was this time I wanted to die, nobody listened, and bitterly angry tears flowed as I cried alone. Then I found a notebook and a pen, I remember the first stroke, feeling human again. Oh how I wanted to die.
I plant my feet slowly and reach out all around
Fingertips brushing up against the thoughts in my head
They seem to scream but my lips are bound
Shushing them, I see my mind was mislead
Oh God.
How did I get here
The world has grown to big
I've only grown in fear
This morning.
I swear it was this morning.
I woke in my mothers' arms
I was so big then.
When Robbin Williams died,Suicide,My family sighed saying, that's just how things are sometimes.
Sometimes
the darkness overwhelms me,
constricting my lungs
until I forget what it's like to breathe deeply. Sometimes
the darkness consumes me,
eating away at my happiness
There is yellow caution tape
around my wrist. It is the only
thing that stands out in this pristine
white bathroom that feels more like
You stepped out of love with me, baby
as I tumbled out of love with myself, baby
as you tried to claw the pills from my shaky
I held my champagne glass high
A man made a witty toast,
We all laughed in agreement.
And then we raised the liquid to our lips
As I looked around the vast living room,
when i was about to suicide
when i was about to kill myself
you stayed around me so i'd
stopped feeling worthless-myself.
do you know what you'd said?
you said that i matter.
You let a chair fall sideways, and you let a rope do you wrong. A basket filled with gratitude is now a basket filled with garbage.
I'd felt along the streams of scars upon her arms
And whispered, asking her, is she sure they are stretch marks
Only then did I realise children are just as brave as adults
I am sinking.
I am sinking,
and I can't remember -
where I started
or why I am here?
The azure Sky,
the open Sky Open.
I scent the Earth in myself . . .
I am sinking.
Staring up at the midnight sky,
hear the quiet passing by.
We can't get those thoughts out of our head,
so we keep them in until we are dead.
Twinkling stars that are shining so bright,
Not to rain on your parade
But I’m not the fragile crybaby you think I am.
You see,
Suicidal thoughts weight a ton
I trek through concrete jungles
With 500 pounds of loneliness on my backpack,
Join me here, my love
In the place where flowers grow
Side by side, let us stand, my love
And take one last final bow
Where the grass grows green
And the sky blooms blue
The nightmares don't end when I turn on the light,
My thoughts prevent me from my rest in the night,
So harsh and so cruel not a good thing to say,
They leave me so nervous to take on the day,
Self-control
Death seer’s gift that makes me write
A wronged wing takes right flight
I could not see a life as beautiful as this to end with a left turn
No birth after life
New birth is after death
The cleanser
The self-kill
Our natural calling
Natural self-loathing
7 weeks since6 letters2 spellings1 deadI'm alive Her name meant“pure beauty”but nothing beautiful comes from the soundof my,hers,our name. The two syllables of a seemingly innocent name turns myheart into a tornado,my mind into a volcano. Her name
Late night conversations make you learn a lot about the people you thought you knew,
with liquor savored on our lips, and the night sky above, everything seemed infinite.
Death is the Greatest Truth
Do tell me why you left?
Each night I stare up at the ceiling and I’m tempted to scream your name,
After all, you did this to me, didn’t you?
When you ask me,
"Are you okay?"
I want to say no,
I want to say that I'm breaking inside,
That I'm a shattered piece of this human being I used to be,
He draws with silver
And it comes out red
Neat
Clean lines
Cover most of his body
He tries to go deeper
Fear of failure
Pain
Some people hate it
Avoid it heavily
Others enjoy it
Seek it out
I myself am the latter
Physical pain
I can control
Keep your sleeves down
Keep your hood up
Keep your voice quiet
Keep your silence overwhelming
They’re never notice you
The see what they want
When you welcome the pain
It stops hurting
It becomes nice
When you cause it yourself
You can control it
You feel it better
Why is it
That i feel most alone
Surrounded by people?
Why is it
I feel most unwanted
When people say they love me?
Why is it
You can stitch my skin
But not my heart
You can mend my wounds
But not my mind
You can heal the surface
But not deep down
I am a tight rope walkerarms out, muscles tense, fighting gravitycrowds gather to watch my fall
I am a ship in a bottle trapped behind a wall of glassyearning for a sea I was not made for
Laughter, Light, I smile so bright. I've fooled you again, One more time. This is the night, I can't take anymore. I have done this, All before, If I scream & cry, No one will hear. So I'm sat here silent, Drowning in fear. I can't do this,
Here’s to the girl
The girl that used to smile and laugh
A light in the room and flower in the dark
Who now lays on the floor of the chapel with tears in her eyes
Here’s to the girl
i guess this is what happens
when people get too close
they see i am too much
i am nothing but suffering
i consume
the love i try to give gets engulfed back into me
with the brutal force of rejection
To those ready to leave, your coats are being washed
It seems something's spilled on them and now you have to stay
At least until I'm finished saying what I need to say
I feel neglected by the hearts that surround me,
I'm trying to use my words to communicate
But nothing seems to appear
I feel so vacuous with no one to call friend,
You don't need my confession
To know that I'm struggling with depression
it follows me everywhere I go
and I wish it wouldn't show
I can bury my face in other things
How do I fill this void
I have tried distractions and diversions
But I am still a very sad person.
I try not to lose my writing passion
I must say that love is a disease
it can bring us to our highest so fast
but destroy us all with ease
And after that, not even a second do we last
PURPOSE.
WHEN IT DISAPPEARS IT DRIVES YOU INTO WINDING, DARK ROADS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
THEN SLYLY WHISPERS IN YOUR EAR TO MAKE YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.
On the verge you are. to show yourself even though I fight through my willingness
How ironic is it
That the birth and the death
Of someone is heralded in by a
Cry?
A cry to free the lungs,
A cry to pierce the heart,
A cry to signal life,
A cry to signal death.
Spirit will ……never vanish.
The darkest hour…upon the isle's stage.
No, I simply cannot let it be so for me ever.
On a desolate isle, I refuse to back down.
Standing before the Lord of Flies.
She stood rocking on the edge of the world
Forward lies sweet escape,one step, and it all flies away.She'll never be hurt again, and I can keep his pain at bay.
Picture painting on a smile
Beautiful brushstrokes create compelling art
But it hasn't been real in a while
So the artistry begins to fall apart
Welcome to the Illness
It kills this realness
I never loved you
You're better off dead
Hope itself left you
Father's words shouting in her head
Her heart scarred deep
Here's the reason why she bled
Hating who I am
I hate how the word hopeimpersonates a pleasant state of being
How it whispers wishful whimpers
Soft promises to keep my heart beating
As if I need to hold on
To My Angel,
The frustration of figuring out what to wear when I was first meeting you was surreal.
I've got blues
Them ole crazy blues
Them ole crazy blues won't leave me alone
I've sat here and I've cried
I've sat here and I've moaned
If it wasn't for my man I wouldn't have these blues
I look across the silent room
Every chair is overturned
My stuff is strewn around the floor
And everything is still
The phone sits off its hook
A knife
Is so innocent with the potential for so much harm.
So shiny, so pristine when maintained.
I’ve imagined those knives in the kitchen,
So sharp with their ebony handles,
Plunged into my chest
I HANG my head low
And shake it with shame
How will I live with what I have done
Can count on my fingers how many people Will forgive me
Here I sit with perpetual pain and misery
It hurts….My heart
A dark mass engulfs me I feel vulnerable and weakFor I am fearful that there is no lightBeyond the darkness that fills my lungsThoughts of death loom in the back of my mindSlowly clawing its way forward Like a spoiled child seeking attention What
When it comes to showing feelingsI hide the truth in what I say,Work for the truth if you dareFor I keep my feelings hidden away.
Food.
Water.
Love.
Hope.
People say these things keep them alive. And they do.
They make life worth living. They give hu-
mans the spark they need to continue on.
But when they’re gone,
There we were, standing
Back-to-back, fighting
We could make it
Our attackers stood no chance
Two of us, thousands of them
And yet
Unnatural selection
We are deemed unfit
Unsuited for the environment
That’s it
She screams
I quit
That cruel winter day, she knew, would be filled with hate,
That one, single day would determine her fate,
If they smiled, or stared,
How much she wishes they cared,
As they laugh and call her names,
I was happy.
We were happy.
I don't think you know, but I heard the gun.
Now, I live alone in numbness.
The feeling consumes me; that's all there is.
No peace.
Just noise.
(Breath in
Breath out).
My sanity has reached its brink
I take this time to sit here and think
Deep thoughts
Maybe even weak thoughts
Though happiness is very close,
happiness is hard to find,
real, true happiness.
Everyone deserves happiness.
I had to start taking risks
without worrying about the consequences,
One word from you and I
Flinch and cringe and wonder why
Why must your words hurt me so?
If you knew, the pain would show
And then you would truly know
How deep the bullet of my sorrow goes
applying for heaven
purgatory
is cold and bright
and smells like metal.
g-d’s butler will have you sit down at a crappy plastic desk
My depression is my blood
A dark substance flowing through my veins
It's killing me though
Dragging me into a dark abyss of death
Feeding on my pain and sadness
Slowly killing me
Eyes red, dried tears on her cheeks;
On the roof she sits with pen and paper
Describing the beauty of the street lights
The sound of the rustling trees
Before I take a trip, take a beat, take a breath
Take stock, what I've got
Is waking moments and sleeping thoughts
In my head, I have music, I have stories, I have friends
Give me something to die for Bless me with martyrdom Proffer to me, the glory of a selfless end Show me a death worth dying Convince me there is a life worth living I beg to you, God-- Let me not feel guilty for
If only you had said something,
If only you had told me.
If only you had let me know
That you wanted to be free.
If only I had said something,
If only I had asked you.
The empty smiles we put on every morning
Like a mask, we are forced to wear it.
Nobody understands the tears
That lie behind our smiles
Or the laugher that rings
To hide our sobs.
oh hi
how's it going
i'm fine
nevermind
i'm dieing inside
i'm not strong enough
Just too weak
but i'm supposed to be strong
When you look at him, he can feel his veins burn up, he can feel them grow weak as his blood grows stale.
He walks like he has some place to be,
hurried footsteps resounding through the empty hallways.
He keeps his head down, watches his feet, as if that will save him from stumbling.
Blood
Sweat
Tears
My blood is spilt for your sacrifice
Dirty to the touch
You are sick with delight
When I am alone
Quite often I'm thrown
Violently into a mood
By my pensive attitude
I think of my past
The time that has passed
You take the knife and you take the blade
You dig it in and draw some blood
But it’s time to stop, your night is made.
Listen and let the tears flood.
Yeah, I was sad when Robin Williams died
I sat there and watched as my whole family cried
But what got me was the outrage that came from his suicide
Yet, nobody cared this much when Lelah Alcorn died
We wake up every morning because they tell us to.
Throwing on clothes as they see fit.
We wake up every morning because they tell us to.
Going to schools they see as fit.
diagnosed at twelve
hold head under water swallow pills cut cut cut cut
still breathing
flinch when someone jokes about self harm
"kill yourself" laugh it off
vomit in the trash can
JR Farrell
the one person i absolutely
need
the one person
whom is everything
is three since months gone
to get him back i’d do
JR Farrell is
the one person i absolutely
need
the one person
whom is everything
is three since months gone
to get him back i’d do
I've been robbed.
Robbed of all sources of light-
Robbed of the light of feelings of worthiness
robbed of the lights of dance
and laughter
robbed of the drive to seek out more lights-
rape victims
they are not crazy
abuse victims
they are not crazy
bullying victims
they are not crazy
drug addicts and alcoholics
they are not crazy
people with depression and anxiety
Can somebody take me away,
To a better place,
Where your skin doesn't bleed,
And your eyes don't cry,
And happiness lasts,
More than a fleeting moment?
Or does that place only exist,
In this constant burning hell.
This horrendous disaster called a life,
I fight on and on
though nothing ever work.
I only sink deeper and
deeper
into madness.
Forever stuck in this hell
Red scars run along my arm
Blood dripping down
A Red River runs far
And a child bathes in his pain
The Red River is diluted
With a single pure tear
Filled with pain and possibility
The wind rushed quietly as I made my way down the backroads of my small town
Picking up speed, cruising as if there was all the time in the world
The sky was a lilac blanket, quiet and still
A foggy night, dizzying heights, the heady scent of the things he tries to fight
Thunder crashing, his heart's thrashing, raindrops splashing, nature's might
Safe and sound, enclosed around him, a resounding consequential roar
Insomnia seems to grace me
With his presence each night.
Loneliness often deafens me
With the words he left unspoken.
Anxiety holds me hostage,
Invoking memories I want to forget.
green apple tiles are leaving
a red check pattern on my calves,
on the sides of my thighs.
it’s two in the morning
and the smell of cleaning fluid
from when Deb cleaned the dorm
someone asks me how we survive
day by day, night by night?
i want to tell them that we don’t
but the words taste like falsehoods on my lips
because the truth is,
we do survive.
but we do not do it alone.
She wept
As the fire danced
and the smoke filled her lungs
The crackles of the embers
sang her a song
As her essence left her body
and she closed her eyes
And dreamed of all the good
When I lost brother
I crumbled into nothing.
The sharp shards of my
Heart
Ripped me to ribbons.
Internal bleeding.
The house is silent now.
That day,
I knew in my gut.
The stress, it's too much.
Too much on my shoulders.
I can help it.
Call me a coward-
I'm taking the cowards way out.
No escape to how I feel.
They don't understand how I feel.
What is there to say when the world's gone astray?
What's there to fight when the government leans right?
What reason to cry when all rivers run dry?
What's worth the pain once I've gone insane?
It's worth the love
Softest petals, red as blood,
blossoming with hate and love.
Lying in a bed of snow
that bends and weaves, that blooms and grows.
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm just there so you may laugh
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm here on your behalf
I'm the ugly sweater,
I've always been the same
I'm still the ugly sweater,
Why do I learn?
To someday be wrong
Why do I sing?
Just words and no song
Why do I cry?
I haven't lived long
Why do I struggle?
With no visible end
Why do I smile?
Don't give up, it get's better.
Don't let those eyes get any wetter.
Don't beat yourself up or tear yourself down.
Don't give the world its saddest sound.
Don't let your mind lose itself.
I never thought about mythical beings as being anything but legend
I fought past my imagination long ago
And let childish dreams die
I looked at faeries and imps, goddesses and sprites
Nothing but words on paper
Sticks and stonesmay break my bonesbut words will tear my skin apart. Sticks and stonesmay bruise my skinbut a bladeis what almost killed me.
Tears that awakened him at night already evaporated.
Filled with words that aggressively stroked his nerves.
We cant forgive how lonely he gets.
We cant forgive his thoughts of destruction he starts to mimic.
My vision went black as I walked down my hallwayBut I wasn’t afraid,As I had been the first time it happened,And I had to sit down on the floor,Because I didn’t know why I couldn’t see
She disappeared into the abyss of self dout and self ridicule
knowing she can't f**k up anymore cuz they won't be there
and the nerves were eating out her insides
She hated knowing that it was the end of it all.
Why do I live?
That was a mystery.
Does anyone know that?
My face was slipping of life
I had lost my way, road a shadow
I do not want to breathe
Some say that pain is something that feels forever
but is only there well never
and depression
we decide we will make our obsession
There are no words to describe
the pain she felt in her heart
they laughed at her in ignorance
her world falling apart
her family in pieces
no one to help her
she needed a friend
Once upon a time…
We had a fairytale princess
I say “had” because
this fairytale has a twist.
I’m not saying I need a prescription
But I’ve made multiply Attempts of self-inflections, and ignoring all of life’s safety restrictions
We don't know why we're here
So confused, we may want to leave
All these trans folks gettin' killed here almost daily
We're just trying to fit in, but instead become a pet peeve
The reaper is not made of cloth and bone nor is he male,but a wondrous young woman, tall and thin and pale.
My first encounter with maiden fair
There's something wrong with my head.
I don't know what – Just that it's hurting.
It doesn't usually feel so full
That it's fit to bursting and burning.
He arrives at his living hell,School.Tortured and taunted by bullies,Like buzzards skipping and flapping around.One bully, the Dark One’s true name.The rotten bastard and his posse,
A rigorous cohesion of the entire tristich
in the memoirs of the famous poet,
screaming like a madman seven exclamatory holophrases.
The voiced prevocalic embracing rhyme recalls
Why does it matter
Why does it matter that I can’t sleep
Why does it matter that I can’t eat
Why does it matter?
Does it mean I’m less of a human being
If I can’t see what everyone else is seeing
One mistake can suffocate
The tears I've wept
the nights I never slept
trying so hard not to be unkept
but all I do is cause a rause
I have this day of dark clouds
Tumultuous days gripping my life
Yelling and crying.
Screaming and dying.
This is the circle of my life.
Why try?
Every time you get happy,
Life becomes crappy.
This is the circle of my life.
1.
If you scrape away the dirt,
the granite,
the roses the color of blood on pavement,
it was closed casket, by the way
you find a girl—
You now know the answer
To my most frequent question
I never dared to try
Knowing I couldn’t share the information
How is it?
half of me is here,
I always feel
watch as I disappear
as I sabotage my nutrition
Don't eat.
there goes that voice again
my lover daring me to gain
a fucking pound
will They find the body?
will She care?
Finally.
I can't get the smell out of my head
The lights dance, faltering
like they did over the shattered glass
Just another kid right?
I just don’t understand what adolescence has to do with intelligence,
because I’m talking to adult minds and I can’t believe there level of negligence.
I’ve never liked pictures of myself. It creeps me out, hundreds of years from now someone looking at a picture of me. Now a rotting body beneath them. I said i didn’t want people to remember me.
1 sound
2 dead
3 people found but
4 said
5 people
entered apartment 6
and 7 bangs
caused 8 screams
and 9 police cars
turned 1 left to anger and sadness level 10
10
Dark clouds do not creep up at night,
Instead graze our minds when the sun does shine
And the thoughts impale us with softened blades,
Though our smile rivals the daylight,
If pried and smeared away with time,
Soft as moon
you walk a rope
between life
and death
And I never know
where you will fall
Broken ropes
bloody blades
you try to scrape
away the pain
All my friends are drinking their money
They think it's funny
Losing their money
All my friends are playing with marbles
don't think it's harmful
losing their marbles
All my friends think life is a party
My alarm clock rings
Little does it know i don't dream
Nor do I sleep
I'm way too busy
Attempting to escape my misery
I'm trapped
The only way out is dismay
Between school and home
Suicidal poetYou died an artists death Forging perfect words With your final breath You had it all planned outEach syllable struck deep You took our breath awayAnd yet it's you that sleeps in peace
There once was a girl with the world in her plam
But a blade in the other for it kept her calm
In the beginning she could only crawl
But then she grew strong and stood tall
Image by Moses L. Garcia
Blackness, blackness
Swallow me whole
The tears have not come yet
But they will soon be here
The raw, the hurt
In this darkness
Dimly lit
Please answer me back
I've checked my phone a million times
I want to die
Am I not important enough to text back?
Do I mean that little to you?
I'm not asking for answers!
1
2
3
4
5
6
at 6 I learned that marriage can't end well and that families can't be happy
7
at 7 I knew things that I shouldn't have. 7 I wrote stories about death and sex and murder.
I Remember when you used to be happy
When I could still hold you in my arms
Whenever you'd get scared
you would come find me
To care the monsters away.
i'm the new kid on the block
the new kid on the street
trying to get along
trying to make end's meet
sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, yeah right.
i honestly dont know what you expected
this isnt a poem
you want to know how much i want attention?
yeah
me too.
Pushes and punches, teases and screamsNo one ever wanted to listen.No one ever wanted to really see.
She gripped it- cold and silver.
Sharp, stinging to the touch.
Bite your lips; your words are robbery.
You try to destroy anyone with a basilisk’s glare.
Do you grin inside? You’re killing me.
Calling a quits with this game doesn't make you weak
We live to die right?
So why is it when someone moves out before their eviction notice they are frowned upon?
A scratch in a casket is not something you would expect.With the meaning attached, you think someone would have checkedBut with you I expected nothing else.A public flaw presented beautifully.You did just the same.Wore your flaws beautiful and pro
There’s no glamour in it.
No flashing lights
lighting up the reflection in the tears
of her eyes.
Just purple circles
from sleepless nights
I cut the cord and now I’m floating here
above the bloody mess that
used to be the thing they called me
not quite a person just me
Hell, everyone knew it was coming,
but no one knew how to stop it.
A body obeying Newton’s first law.
Some say it was selfish, but I argue that,
maybe, it was necessary.
Perhaps, ordained from the beginning,
People always tell you to talk to people
When you're feeling sad,
Angry,
Anxious,
Anything of the sort.
They'll say tell an adult
If you or someone else feels depressed,
Suicidal,
Abuser, you batter me with my own mind. I'm beaten, demeaned, and afraid. I try and I try to pretend you're not there, So maybe you'd just go away. You've grown like a tumor, corrupted my soul, An ache that i just can't ignore.
Child,
I’m sorry for the cold
And the pictures in the snow
Your bright red cheeks were only reflections
of the season
Your tears ran down in the cold
Sweet child, listen.
Please will you look at me?
I know you see the water.
the peace beneath the sea.
But maybe one day,
We’ll go look at that for ourselves…
Help me, I'm terrified.I want to lose control but I know who I am.Help me, I'm terrified.I want to run, but my feet won't move.
I am beautiful
dancing across the stage
flawless
stealing your heart
broken
I am broken
pink tights hide bandaid's
bandaid's hide scars
scars
scars from cuts
across my hips
Have you ever felt
like your skin is too tight?
like your blood is cold
or boiling?
have you ever felt
like you are suffocating?
The Words of a Faggot
Imagine a boy
Now imagine him tall and stocky
Just a little bit cocky
Think of him in a letterman jacket
41,000;
The average number of suicides in a year.
Forty-One Thousand people that killed themselves.
41,000 people that could’ve gotten help.
41,000 people that could’ve called a suicide hotline.
My mind is a mass of broken glass
My soul is red and raw
My love is a cloud of mustard gas
My body is the law
My innocence sits in memories
When it comes to struggling
we know nothing. we are dumb.
Some are silent. Some are screamed,
but it is rarely what it seems.
While a child starves at home
another starves alone, A victim of the numbers.
I will get up this time ok.
Because this time I’ve got something to say.
I know I can’t be some legend like you
I know I couldn’t have done all the things you could do
long deep cuts and small superficial scratches
i would lie if anyone noticed
but they never do
not anymore at least
only one person noticed once
"it was the new kitten my parents got" i lied
I punch the wall
I punch again
I want to feel it all
but I just can’t
The pain I get
inside my chest
In a little town close to homeI found the grave of twelveNone were old enough to bear a weight of woeBut none were young enough to shame
You always knew it'll never be you
Until you'e standing near the precipice black
A precipice built on pills, blades and cracks
The cracks that you slipped through
On your way to this blackest of noons
You whisper venom in his ear,"Do it.It will be better. Do you hear?"Which instilled in me a terrible paralyzation.And when he induced his own demise,You reveled in my tears and cries,
Pieces of glass sleep upon my bed'you made your bed, you lie in it'I walk down a hall to our shelter.With a dog's nose I smell the air.Sickly sweet, it slows me.With a cat's eyes I look there.Painfully real, it shows me.With a slow child's feet I
Cutting is art.
Sometimes,
you plan out what you want to see
Sometimes,
it come out of nowhere.
Darling daughter...
I know it's too late to save you now
But I sit back and ask myself how
Am I supposed to see
When you always hid it from me?
You should have...
Seen through my lies
Sometimes it was screaming,
and crying
and smashing plates.
Other times it was a quiet numbness
and, "Oh my God, why am I not dead?".
Some days I was happy,
the Prozac kicked in,
I am a person.
I am a person who has come so far.
I have fought in a war that involved no weapons
Only thoughts.
I have battled against evils that only existed in my mind.
And I know that I am not alone.
Mistrust and suspicion rule in my brain
They run cross country inside my heart.
Loud thumping, mind racing, loosing the control
Your breaths quicken and your sight blurs.
One
The first is always the hardest. You have to push yourself into it. Cutting into innocence, cutting into your soul. At first it stings but soon it subsides and you crave the lingering feeling of control.
Why do you push me away
When all I want to do is help?
Please let me help take care of you,
Since you cannot yourself.
You used to be so kind to me,
Now you won't let me in.
I can't win.
We walked around with you in our halls
Always thought you were beautiful
Always thought you were fine
I guess it was a lie
when you ask me what i’m thinking and i outright refuse,
my mind is full of things i could never ask from you:
stop me from stealing, stop me from lying.
keep me away from the nails i’m biting.
Cold.My hands clenched, gently,hoping that yours were still holding mine.But I knew you were gone once my own fingertipsp
Mad, sad, glad,
is always the right time for Chocolate.
I am the flavor of all love,
of all rejoice, and all morn.
I give people the fulfilling feeling in their tummies
Day zero: You are in a warm bathtub, and you are drunk.
Your girlfriend just broke up with you.
You are texting your friends that you are worthless,
That you are tired,
There are demons in the darkness of your eyes,
in the bruises underneath them
I look at you, but you cannot look at me
There are demons in the downward curl of your lips,
lounging on your tongue
Maybe one day, people will see their worth.
They won't compare themselves to that person they admire
Because they'll have their own dreams they aspire.
No more "I'm not good enough,"
I never took those pills,
popping
one after another
like candy.
I didn’t dig
deeper, deeper into the layers of skin—just trying to feel.
I never left home;
we never grew apart.
I am
a little off
never quite
fitting in
mildly autistic
a little bit artistic
my childhood acidic.
I am young
the first time
I say I
wanna
die.
I feel like I am drowning,
Though no water is present,
But the feeling of this darkness crushing me
Is not very pleasant.
At age 6 the world is full of adventure and
fun and you can make friends just because
you have a Barbie Jeep and Daddy's
always proud of you and one day you're going to be the
first person on Mars
I cut my heart again
im sorry
i cut my life again
im sorry
Its so typical of me to talk about myself
im sorry
its so typical of me to cry and worry
im sorry
The air reeks of the forgotten
Slowly sinking, wasting
Among them stand one
One not just one but two
One fades out the other fades in
It looks like it’s one but its two
I was always the one
trying his best to succeed;
planning,
studying,
doing everything possible.
But life throws stones,
and has bumps in the road,
making things a bit more difficult.
Guided and trusting
He led me into dark places
Mindful of his hands
He guided me carefully
No thoughts of worry or care
I trusted him fully
She tried to kill herself tonight.
I know why she did that.
She's depressed and was drinking and everything just built up and then. . .
Boom.
On the way to the hospital
She said she wanted to sleep forever.
The brush of a finger, The pull of a trigger
The light of the sun is too close to that of a gun
It's not supposed to be a temptation
Or maybe my thinking is out of rotation
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
The sugar is sweet.
Just like you.
Now,
The roses are wilted,
the violets are too.
The sugar is gone,
and so are you.
So,
I looked around me,
and what did I see?
Storms of constant, painful suffering.
Not only my soul,
Had taken its toile,
But others too, found life bitter and dull.
A heart beats a steadily thump of a drum
The sun sets above the horizon
But it has not yet warmed my body.
The sun glistens
And the light sparks rainbows in the mist.
I am a child
Who needs toys, to know she’s loved, coloring books
Who loves her mom and dad, school, baby dolls
Who sees stickers, scraped knees, birthday parties
Who fears spiders, heights, time out
It's time to move on
Day one, the blood is gone
The scar remains, the pain's the same
But be willing to stick it through
It's a new day,
same challenge faced by a new you
If I could talk to you one last time
I'd ask, "Was it really worth it?
Were the drugs really worth your life?
These voices are hurting me
I don't know what to do
Momma can't you see
I'm slowly dying next to you
These voices are killing me
Why won't they go away
I can't live my life
They broke my heart
They made me cry
They called me fat
I don’t know why
They pushed me down
They pulled my hair
They ripped my clothes
It’s just not fair
She spent all night talking and crying
about how it felt
to be in love with someone
who simply stopped trying.
I never knew someone so beautiful
could feel so ugly
like a flower
“you are what you eat.”
an english proverb - if you eat well, you will be well; but if you eat badly you will feel bad.
i used to eat icing behind the couch, shovel it into my mouth like the dirt i played with outside.
i’m seven and alive, and i...
Once upon a time I told a friend that I was strong
I said I'm a tree that won't bend or break
My roots have taken hold and nothing can tear me out
My branches have taken shape
And I'll stand no matter wind or rain
She sits on her bedA six year old little girl,Wondering why her momma and daddy are fighting.
Sinking in this ocean of desolation.
An eternity of sadness.
Drowing in the waves of depression.
I see blue.
What can I do?
Cry for help?
A sorrowful Yelp?
I'm sinking deeper.
Do you know what i'm about to do?
As I bend over and tie my shoe.
You’ll never reach
Your fiftieth wedding anniversary
Your fortieth birthday
I won’t be able to tease you
About being “over the hill.”
You’ll never go to
Your thirtieth high school reunion
Strangled by the showerhead
She answers but she doesn't speak
She's too busy staring at the wall
Making sure it doesn't leak.
She sways and sinks, continues to think
With a breath as soft as the final note of a song, Kiki glanced down at the river a few hundred feet below her. I'm ready, she thought, I have to do this for me. I have to hide the pain from the heavy crusade of hits.
Words are a means to get our point across to others but this time my point is that words are not enough to tell you how I feel
I am a survivor
One of many
Same story different writing
So how am I unique?
I could go on and on
I am a survivor of domestic violence
I had Daddy Issues
I have tripped over luck and stumbled upon tragedy. I find myself stuck in an elevated, praised, honoured institution, full of the most vile and wretched creatures to fill this earth.
When I was growing up, I imagined my life
A sparkling fairytale
A delicately blooming water lily upon the surface
Of my reality
Everything would be perfect, set and ready for me
This is a response poem to something I heard one of my 'friends' say - "People who want to commit suicide are stupid and selfish. If they want to die, I say let them. They can have fun in Hell."
the kids behind phones
are absolutely vicious.
the cute pictures on
social media apps
are deceptive.
these kids know where to hit
and how hard.
they don't give
a single shit
As light leaves something comes after me
Worse then thieves or my many grieves
I cannot sleep
It shall come for you to if you do not believe
This something is pure evil in the form of a crow
I am the voice that you fear
the voice of the ones who dare not appear
the ones you claim weak
the ones society doesn't seek
I know you don't care
about the girl pulling out her hair
First time, lets try to rhyme.
So i might not be good at this,
but hear me out, are you still reading?
I have a lot of doubt. K2 is a drug, that makes you bug out. Let me go ahead and tell you what its all about.
The paint on theses wall are starting to fade away.
My everlasting grip won't always be here to stay.
This faulting and destructive envy inside of this pain,
Well slowly start to leak out of my hopeless brain.
Tap, Tap, Tap
goes the keyboard of the person
who choses to witness the sadness of another
Tap, Tap, Tap
goes the tears that fall
on the desk of a suicidal patient
soon to be hanging off a wall
She sits in silence
Listening to her heart beating
One, she says to herself
As her heart beat quickens
And the razor slices her skin
Two she says
Another slice
Over the mountains
Across the seas
Through the tunnels
Under the trees
The wind blows here
All over the world
The voice is heard
The wind whispers
“Caution, Danger is near”
My friend committed suicide
We had a class meeting and they told us
Then they talked about fundraising for a class trip
I was crying
There was a lot of crying
The teachers were teaching
Gone
Like the warmth leaves you as you slide out of bed in the morning
Like the bad taste goes away as you brush your teeth
Like the circles under your eyes fade as you cake them with concealer
Gone, gone
I will tell you what I am not.
I am not someone to be pushed around, or someone who likes their emotions to be played with.
I AM a human being, I am someone with feelings inside of me, and a beating heart.
I found out- and time stopped
That Labor Day was the last day
While I was partying he was alone
I don't know the details, the hows, the why,
maybe I'll never know.
all I know is he is gone
When the man I loved tried to commit suicide, I can only describe my pain as having my heart ripped through my chest with hands of barbed wire, broken-glass dreams and smoldering promises.
Thief.
You stole my innocence.
you stole my happiness.
You stole my motivation.
You stole my love.
You stole every emotion.
Except anger, and fear, and an unnatural numbness.
She's sick of her own despair,
of happiness she won't find there,
tired of leading this life of pain,
wishing she could smile agan.
Swirlng, whirling, fading fast,
There is a boy who wishes he was a daughter,
Dresses in skirts and dresses who bothers
can't tell the world, not even his own father.
They call him a faggot,
they call him a dork,
first time i saw you was at the airporti took one look at you and i was lost in thoughtyour beautiful flowing hair, to your lovely brown eyesand a sweet sensual voice that no man can d
I count each slit on my wrist.
Each cut reminds me of a painful memory.
Water wells up in my eyes, as I cut my skin.
This is nothing new to me.
I’ve done this many times before.
betrayal
and aching in your lungs
the last half-sip of wine
no u-turns
one
missing
stitch
bleeding ink on left hands
whys and what-ifs
alone at a table
my father
reduced
to a pile of belongings
"a seperate load"
on moving day
to be locked in a storage unti
abandonded
worn clothes donated to charity
What a feeling it must be,
To fall and tumble and fly so free.
To fling yourself from a rooftop high,
To call your friend and say goodbye.
And beware the man,
dressed in black.
Holding a gun.
I sleep in nothing but a chain
A short, gold chain draped on my neck
It weighs on me, I feel it closing in
Choking me when I am weak
My sister's bones lie beside me
I wonder why this doesn't hurt more,
why I don't feel the pain of yesterday,
sitting her wondering where I went wrong.
Did I change?
Maybe it was the scent of the roses.
When I say I have scars people ask if they can see
Of course I say no
No one can see my scars because there is nothing to see
My scars are the faded stretch marks from when I lost 65 pounds
that necklace is pretty.though i was told to stay away,i can’t wait to put it on me.i have a burning desire to flee;i’ve been here since last May.... that necklace is pretty.
Come hither,
see me whither,
in the wind like dust blowing away.
I falter and fallow,
as my tears run down my face so sallow,
I'm alone and afraid,
what should I do?
That night in April was the worst night of my life.
Oh here she goes again
Blades weren't helping
There were no more tears to cry
I received a phone call from my father
Explaining that it was all too real
And all too sudden
This man he spoke of did not sound like the uncle, his brother I knew
I wanted to be there
I did
I received a phone call from my father
Explaining that it was all too real
And all too sudden
This man he spoke of did not sound like the uncle, his brother I knew
I think you all know this,
To God we do belong,
To him we depend,
Let him be your friend,
For he is always there for you.
is it too much to ask?
is this too much for you?
no, you say—
no, you say?
so you say, but
you mean yes.
i made a promise—
a shackle,
a chain,
a weight to bear—
inked it into my skin,
let it hover
behind my throat;
I tried to end what life he gave,
I treid to end what I thought was sin.
Daily I thought "How can I win"
Within this horrible life of sin?
What should I do with something so heavy?
The mouth of the metal monster
the maw of the morbid mother
the giver of gold or gall
picking out the particular person
plucking out precious people
maker of more monopolies
No
Doesn't mean
Try to change my mind
Or try again.
It doesn't mean
Repharase the question,
Or
Tell me come on.
It doesn't mean pressure me
By saying it's been a month
He was nine.
Hadnt experienced a thing
Expect for being tortured, harassed
And the horrible things that words can bring
Words hurt
They hurt more than sticks and stones
I tried to kill myself,
Took a bottle of pills.
Life is hard,
And I was uncapable.
But now I know, and now I live
All that we see was once one.
The trees and the stars,
A cumbersome, catatonic existence can burn at my handsand I'll keep the torch with me, an old friend caught between young palms,ash and emotion make me stand:
I must confess to you, my dear,
There’s something about the night
And the feeling of paper beneath ink
That draws out confessions like a canvas to the painter
I must confess to you, dear,
Official diagnosis: Anxiety and Depression
In Kindergarten terms, that means
My brain won’t shut off
And sometimes I can’t remember
How to be happy
It means that when I get home at night
Power On.
Channel One: A little girl plays outside, kickball, with her neighbors.
They laugh and run.
The sky starts to get dark,
Curfew.
She wants to finish the round; it’s her turn to kick.
What a nut
What a crazy girl
She’s lost her mind
She is lost
She has no guide
Her pain suffers
REBIRTH
by Katharine Royal
I've just returned from a wake, a funeral and a burial...my own
I felt the pains of the me I'd come to know...and hate...dying
This one goes out to all my kids, my teens, my peers
All of you who've found yourselves bruised, abused, misused, unable to choose
The life you deserve to live; all the while you give, forgive, just try to live
“From dust you came and to dust you now return.”
A mound of earth sifts through the preacher’s hand
Small rocks break free, hitting the coffin’s lid
With pops like tiny bullets
He put a razor inside my lunch pale
Along with heads or tails
I know he's hinting death
As I hide behind my veil
Need a pair of clippers
To cut my cutthroat nails
And I red pair of scissors
"My depression comes in waves" I told my mother, hoping she would understand. "It's like being carried out sea and I can't fight the freezing water that paralyzes my limbs and and burns my eyes and fills my mouth and I drown. Over, and over.
It's 2 a.m., on a cloudy night
as the man trudges down the street.
He looks at the ground, then over his shoulder
as he stumbles over his feet.
In his hand, an almost-empty bottle of Jack
My vision may be dark
But here's a spark
To light the flame on a candle of a heart
That's long gone for me now
Once torn asunder
Pain is released from the soul down under
This plane you find yourself in
is just one glimpse of one dimension, among many others
Look out,
organic nature surges from the soil
synthetic somethings jut out from this scene.
She stood there poised with the dagger pointing directly at her heart... The spot that was now void because she hurt the man she never had intention of hurting. She stood there tears in her eyes waiting to see if he would arrive to stop her...
In the darkest room rests the purest girl
Like an ancient tomb like a quiet world
She's got dark brown hair and the most innocent eyes
But that's not her, it's just her disguise
And you'll never meet this little girl
Judgement and denial.
It's over, it's over.
Hate and fear.
It's over, it's over.
Sadness and betrayel.
It's over, it's over.
The sudden pain.
I'm sinking, I'm sinking.
I shake, and I shiver.
They're starting to see past the glitz and the glimmer.
It's getting harder to smile and laugh
When I want to scream and die. How can I deal with that?
Every memory fading,
One by one.
Every bridge burning,
One by one.
I took every breath,
One by one.
I will never be free from this hate.
Where I lived pills didn't come in bottles. Pills came in boxes, popped out individually. It gives you time to count each pill.
It was on that dark, depressing night
So very silent
Giving me nothing to do
But think
Think about everything that has ever happened
That I have ever done
I was contemplating my life
red
yellow
green
your eyes stare into the blinking lights
your grip on the wheel paints your knuckles white
and though tears stain your cheeks and blur your vision
Messed up
That is the first word that comes to mind
When I think of myself
My parents are divorced
My father is never around unless it benefits him
My mother cares for me as much as any loving mother could
The gentle brush of lips
The sensation of the trigger
The cock of the gun
The sweat from his skin
Be careful oops too late you're dead
The claminess of your skin
The brush of his lips
I'm no good with poetry
as it's an art that is felt
rather than seen.
I'm not one for feeling.
I'd rather stare at my ceiling
and not feel much at all.
I sit in the white porcelain, writing.
I allow red to drip, making roses on the snowy surface
I feel:
Relief. As if every weight I have ever felt has been lifted.
Mommy, Daddy, this is not your fault.
Sometimes Everytime there is a person,
who carries the weight of the world on their shoulders,
In my universe,
My whole life is a curse,
A curse I must live.
In my universe,
My mind is very fragile,
My chin must face up.
In my universe,
All I ever feel is pain.
And I have grown numb.
You say
I'm not alone but
My tears pool
And drop to the floor
None next to me to hear
My sobs
None next to me to soothe
My pain racked body
The blood drips
To splat on the ground
Little girl,Little girl
Why are you crying?
Wipe away the round pearls
And keep trying.
This is not the end
It's just a mistake.
You fucked up
So what?
Little girl,little girl
Unfortunately, killing yourself isn't an option. It's not like you're a grenade and you'll blow up but then people will heal and forget about you
It's more like shoving a knife individually into people's hearts
I know it might seem like the world is crashing down
Trust me I know what it's to feel like that
It feels like you're standing in the rain without an umbrella
Stuck in an eternal darkness
Be told you are smart,
Be told you are strong,
Be told you will be loved,
Be told that you will live forever,
and watch the lies drip down,
into the sink,
into the drain,
and smile,
My heart is a dull thud in my chest. Drained from all life, it struggles to beat once, twice,
Song of a Fearful Father
Speak glowingly of the dead, my son,
The ones who have gone to their rest;
Speak of the blood spilt red, my son,
In facing the ultimate test.
Honey please, put the razor down
Please, don't tie that rope to the ceiling
We need you here
I need you here
And somewhere, your future love is waiting for you
Here's to the empty human bodies who are numb to the feeling of their soul To the empty-headed, who I
I found the tears of your abandoned soul while searching for the life of mine.
And no, dear, some things can’t stop time,
But if I could break all of my pocket watches,
Maybe the boxes that split you would disappear.
xoxo
fucking numb this pain.
popping pills, these supposed to
keep me sane.
my life.
my life?
mind games.
my life is a game
taken by surprise.
That beautiful smile
I shall never forget
The smile you gave to everyone
So beautiful
I can visualize it
I wish I can see it again
But you're gone
It has been so long since I last saw you
i hear it
the sound of tighting rope around my neck
put there by my peers who hope to bring me down
to take me to a dark place
where light and joy can no longer reach me
Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
I hold the gun in my lap
Staring down the empty tunnel
Slipping into a beautiful little trap
Should I, shouldn't I...
Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
Walk down the halls again
It's just another day
Boring,
Insignificant
Breathe in, breathe out...
Sigh
Head sunk low
Hands in pockets
I look pretty normal
Maybe a bit down
The hospital is where I was supposed to get better
where I was supposed to shed my failure for strength
where I was supposed to become free
the hospital
with all its well lit rooms and halls
Go on, do it
I dare you
Eliminate the innocence
Illuminate the sky
There’s no need for your presence?
I can assure you that’s a lie
How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
From my distant branch
I see the nest of broken birds.
They are huddled close together
And shielded from the sun.
They’ve suffered wounds that nothing seems to staunch—
i had taken 50 tylenol, in intervals of five on april 2ndapril 2nd, because i felt that april 1st would be a day too cruel to get a call from your child's school
What if everything changed?
What if it got better?
What if it got worse?
What if it I was happy?
The thread that ties me to you
Is soaked in ether and stretches even deeper.
This thread is of the worst kind of blue,
Even though it was your favorite hue.
It's purple in the right light,
Right here
Right now
We'll jump and fly
The birds will cry
And time will die
As you and I
Will fly all night
To make things right
And find the light
Right here
Right now
No one noticed when she started wearing long sleeves in the summer.
No one said a word when she sat quietly at her desk, wiping tears from her eyes.
No one reached out to her when she sat alone at an empty lunch table.
Even among the noise that fills the room, the silence haunts my soul. Lost in the crowd, an identity becomes blurred and hazy. The tears don't shed themselves anymore, they too are trapped inside.
The sadness and sorrows we all live through
We wish our wish would not be a lie
But for it to become alive
I met her on a Thursday.I talked with her on a Thursday.I bought her a coffee and gave her my number and fell for her on a Thursday.
Indigo is a darkness, insurmountable. Indigo is trying to love what you loved not a month ago, but the feeling isn't there. Indigo is trying to summon the will to care, but you can't.
There's a scared young girl
Filled with hurt, sadness and pain
Let her voice be heard
Orange is walking alone. Orange Is hearing the crunching of leaves beneath your feet and nothing else. Orange is wishing you could hear his footsteps beside your's but you're not that lucky.
i guess shes been my friend all my life.
though she was not always there,
she resided in shadows
waiting to pounce to
bestow her perfection
to
flood my mind with dust and bones...
I love to smile, why? It lights up the room yet hides the truth. What really lies behind you ask? Deep dark lies? Swallowed by emotions, I try and hide it but I'm gasping for air. But why? Why are people so blinded?
Please don't cut, please don't cry
Just come here beside me and lie
Your head on the down of your wings
My sweet little Angel, who can't stand the state of things
This isn't forever, please don't say goodbye
Yes somebody cares about you
You dont know but might be me
some people are destinated to not see
How different you are
just like I am
Some people are destinated to see you
from inside the soul
She was unbreakable
Nothing fazed her
She was alway smiling
And everyone knew her name
That quirky tilt of her head
Always arguing with herself
And that black sweatshirt whe always wore
When youre all alone and you think no one is around. When you think no one else see's what youre doing. Look up to the sky, forgot about him, did you? God knows all and see's all.
Eyes stare at me
They only perceive
What I'm showing
Without questioning
To their sights
I am so bright
The smile on my face
My future full of grace
Why can't they read
Every day I feel nothing but pain,
The pain I feel is hurting me inside,
It feels like it’s eating my soul alive,
Tidal waves greet me on the misty ocean shore
Years have passed since I have last been here
We didn't recognize each other
Nor did we recognize the looming darkness
Blanketing the thick air
Crying, screaming, with a runny nose until your voice is hoarse,
suffocating slowly from all the noise even though there isn't any force,
She didn't act like that
until they called her fat
then they called her ugly
Her best friend noticed what she was hiding
she saw the scars on her wrist
I guess she cut
But why?
I am a liar and I lie to myself everyday
Wake up every morning, telling myself that it’s just another day
But I already know what kind of day it is
I’ll be just like every yesterday that I hated
Tell me
why are you here all alone?
Here in the corner
with a pill bottle
and much more Advil
than you'll ever need
I'm so sorry
that no one ever told you
the
mirror
lies.
In time and chance
Maybe we can all dance
Up and Down the world so green
Why do people have to be so mean
Time can change anybody's name
And yet people remain the same
Sometimes things go wrong
At fourteen life is confusing
A rushing river of emotions we dont understand
Alyson, you'll be okay.
At fourteen life is hard
Especially when you think you're in love.
At night I stare at the ceiling in wonder
Thinking about what could have been, of what will be
Countless fears drag me under,
The thought of resting lost to me
In untamed world of nature shown
When I look at you I don’t just see some sad, lost girl,
I see someone beautiful, who makes my world melt when she smiles,
I see someone whose laugh just makes me want to laugh right along with you.
Imagine swimming in a sea of broken glass,every word spoken cuts like a
blade across your skin.
Suicide
Doesn't always look like
A girl dressed in all black
With thick black makeup
And scars all over her arms
Sometimes
Suicide
Looks like
Someone who's always laughing
Life is a river running endlessly into the Depression Ocean.i do my best to get out, but the current always pulls me back in.
You buy your baby
Blue onesies, racecars, and little footballs
When your baby’s hair gets to his shoulders
You cut it short
And say how handsome he looks
You love your baby boy
A boy named Evan, happy as could be
Or so it seemed
No one understood, no one could see,
the darkness lurking beneath
As an outsider looking in,
everything seemed perfect
Until that grave September night
A six year old girl ran to the bathroom
And stretched Scotch tape from her eyes to her ears
To make herself as pretty as girls society consumes
To hide her insecurities, and fears
When you commit suicide you kill yourself
Others then die inside and are robbed of wealth
You are valuable to others more than you know
Suicide just let’s all your weaknesses show
Richard Drew took a beautiful picture;
Everybody whines
It's a tragedy
All I see is exactly how I feel
when I want to flee
I wish I could be like a melody
My mind and body beautifuly in harmony
Instead it's a clash, a bang and a boom
My body falling heavily while my head is above the moon
You know something is not quite right
when you find yourself battling to stay awake
cause of that man you hear moving behind the wall
the one you called "Papa"
the one you thought cared for your feelings -- no
I just smile
I'll never let you get close to me
Because I'm broken
Mentally and physically
But I just smile
Knowing that no one cared
If i was here
there
Even is i disappeared
Chances are you could find love
Chances are you can be happy
Chances are you have to shove
She watches and hears the pain of death;
She stares at the flames that has taken the life of her sister;
As tears silently flows down no sound is heard;
But the screams of pain in a firey death;
Adults always tell us
that they know best
They have more experience,
and time, they'll attest
They feed those words
Into our brains
Inject that message into
our infant veins
It'd be nice to have someone always by your side,
Through the good, the bad, the love, the cries,
It'd be nice to never feel lonely,
To have someone to make you like you're their only,
My voice
Is something which my ears fail to define
When it kisses the air, it splinters
Into exactly 2 billion and 3 question marks
Hooking round my pores and
Peppering my flesh with pock-marks of stray
even within nature we are confined
in chains
from the depths we crawled
toward the sun
into the trees
wiping sweat from our brows
liberty
Her world held together with a string
Rather our world,
As we sit twenty across and forty back
Red bows in our hair,
We mourn.
Her world was masked by red lip-stick
Face covered the tears
New players start at level 1.
There's not much you can do.
The enemies are too difficult -
one hit and you're down,
the quests are too complicated,
and it seems the other characters have looping speeches.
People always leave me
Eventually everyone gets tired of the girl who is depressed for no reason
I do
And if I'm not cutting
I'm not eating
And if not that
Maybe I should just run away.
If not a single soul should care,
Why on earth would I stay?
I've tried everything to numb this pain.
But nothing seems to kill the sadness.
My smiling mask that feels real in the moment
My hands tha want to reach for the razer that feel real then
I have it all planned out
Those 8 litte pills
They'll take me to some place wonderful
I have all the notes safely put away in my drawer
I don't think anyone will really miss me.
i know your tired of the constant texts,the constant ventin
i know for a fact its an obsession/
I’m just tired, i need some sleep,
i tried coutin sheep/, i tried xanex
She had no smile on her face that day or the day before
She had an illness that had no cure
Its symptoms were silent, so no one was alarm
But the cuts got more frequent on her arm
I grew up for 13 year's not knowing who i was.
i would look at the pictures i had online of me and see that i wouldnt smile.
the dark cloud of self confidence wayed on my shoulders,
The beginning was full of warm colors.
Then came to an end.
My heart starts to break slowly, just as the leaves begin to fall.
You're always emergency room crisis, broken knucklesSometimes blood isn't always meant to be poetic, kid You keep betting your life, wishing against. what's the bid? The big pyramid scheme of existence
All he wanted was to be loved, but no one ever threw love his way. His heart already have cracks in it from what that girl did to him the other day.
How can he love when all love done was bring him pain?
Her floor is decorated
with red polka dots.
She adds more daily
without a second thought.
Her countless scars
serve as ornaments for life.
Have you ever fought yourself?
Have you ever been so revolted by your own will that
Air clenched in your throat and a weight
was driven down on your chest?
Do not try to invade my thoughts;
my cross is too heavy to bear...
Just listen when I need to express them,
& I will make you fully aware!
Ill let you into my life, and all to me that is real;
I will open up my heart and tell you how I...
There is little left for me.
My life’s battles and struggles unyielding;
I feel a drop a warmth drip down my skin and my heartbeat quickens.
I hear a rumor
Passing in the wind
I move closer to hear.
The rumor is about me.
Yet again another individual
Caught in a web of lies
That makes others happy.
My mother's crying
My father's gone
My brother's screaming
I am singing,
I think I'll take a walk
My friends aren't listening
My teachers don't care
The walls are closing in
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
Cigarette burns and bloody towels on my carpet make the world seem like a bitter lonely place
A place in which I stare into the mirror and can not recognize my own face
Let me try to explain what it's like to have a mental illness.
Life becomes a watercolor someone left out in the rain.
They look at the people like us and they laugh
Laughs feel like attacks
Attacks on walls that are already crumbling
Crumbling like our self-esteem and our hopes and dreams
Dreams that are fading away
what does one write
when ones mind is white,
when the screen is blank
and the words aren't right?
what can one say
at the end of the day
when the scars fade metallic
Beautiful brown eyes why do you hold so much pain inside.
Why is that when the sun catches your eye your always on the verge of tears.
Have you been hurt so much that you can no longer shine the way you used to.
They say it doesn't matter.
That they can fix things
With some pills, or a rope
And everything will be okay.
“Why keep going?” they say.
“Nothing that I do matters.”
“Nothing can help me.”
I didn't want to, but I picked the glass up and took a sip.It was horrible and I told my father there was no way I could get this terrible tasting st
One day when I was 13 and in the 8th grade, I had gotten the stomache flu and had to stay home from school.
I remember wondering if my father could hear my heart pounding, then realized it didn't matter.
Have you ever been in an accident or so near death that at that very moment, you thought your life was over?
She walks in her room
picks up her razor, grabs the pills
she sits down on her bed, and she cries
"Why? Why me!" she screams
Everyone sighs
Some may even roll their eyes
Woo hoo. Donald Duck film at school today.
I'm so happy I'm five, cause now I get to do
all the fun things and stuff.
Donald showed me what to do if a fire comes to my house
The Different Kid was colorful
His voice was loud
His eyes were bright
Sunny hair and a wide, white smile
They say that if you brushed against him,
You’d walk away with a rainbow on your shoulder
am I crazy?
so I've been fucking told!
I always thought I would save the world from pain.
Tiptoes, softly, gently steering
he towards me, and me I'm fearing
thief of childhood ever nearing
INNOCENCE OF 8 EYES DIE
I look into the mirror and hope for a better life. When truly the calm of the storm is right around the corner.
Rain
It drips down my back
In quick succession.
Rivulets form a path,
An irrelevant digression.
Gravel
It retaliates the rain.
Each drop
Absorbing the pain.
Walking still,
I walk quickly
head down
shoulders stiff
“I’m sorry” on my lips
Everyone’s watching me
My lips are bitten
hands shaking
leg bouncing
You are not alone
Sleepy eyes
Purple crescents burn bright under them
Boney knees
Baggy pants conceal lack of nutrition
A broken heart, longing to stop beating
It screams in agony
You say I’m okay
On the outside
So I must be alright
To keep going
But have you once thought
About how I feel inside
They are telling me not to movetoo quickly, to be very careful,like I never have been before.But every time I look at youI think, my god, oh my god,I'm glad that blade was too dull.
Who says they didn't care?
Was it in seriousness, or in jest.
Forget them for thier stupid ideas
just go live your own life.
Those pills in your hand,
the rope on your fan,
Trying to invent myself.
I'll juggle it all and make all the right choices.
I'm overwhelmed.
Like a cloud stretching to cover the entire Earth.
It reminds me that I am small.
The clouds roll over the sky,
And the rain begins to fall,
As if they have lost everything.
Some think it's beautiful.
But if crying is beautiful, then so is the darkness.
Batteries don't last forever
Juice oozes with every standing O
Your rays and beams lit up
Penetrated the humorless
The light was sold with every ticket
The silver screen molded into a stake
You see me smile, it's just an act.
You ask me if I'm fine, I lie but isn't part of acting?
You don't know that I've planned my escape.
I want to see my brother who became an angel before he was born.
A room as empty as the heart
SHots of pain like a dart
EMotions ragging in
THinking of a deadly sin
Water lays on his face
Not wanting ro leave a trace
Roarig coming from the window besides him
Painful thought
Always
Involve someone i love
Never someone i hate
Has the world gone mad?
Are people out to get me?
That could be it...
Everything hurts now
She wakes up in the moring and immediately vomits in the bathroom.
She shrugs at the sight of an empty refirgerator.
I'll slip away from this physical existence.
Into the water my soul goes swimming.
The timing may have been off but life seems to find it's balance
I breathe relief underwater.
I smile
post
Then continue cutting
What would mom say?
post
And finish my drink
We pose
post
You beat in my temples
Find inspiration
P O S T
A mother's love is so deep and true there is nothing she wouldn't do for you. A mother's love will always and forever try to protect you and keep you from feeling blue. A mother's love will be there for you on a drop of a dime.
Why do you think you are so alone
Do we not ask you what is wrong
Do we not ask you to just tell us
Why do you think you are so alone
We heard you were in the hospital last week
In a world so social, its hard not to compare,
I tell myself not too, but still I dare.
All I can do , is wonder why?
Why is there life so perfect, not mine?
The face that I put on is one of content.
I love the girl that has scarrred with blades the girl I love
I love the girl that starves the girl I love
I love the girl that tries to kill the girl I love
To tell her I love her each and everyday
Why even try? Constantly feeling the need to get their approval and for what? Praise? Recognition? Why is it that you go out of your way for them, after everything? An apology?
I was little when disposable cameras were "the thing"Polaroids were fading out.
I would pose for my mother in my new school clothes
Silly faces, ballerina, peace signs.
If you take a look at me, with my piercings, my unnatural hair that feels more natural than the mousey brown I was born with, you can guess
Water running down my face, as today i decide my fate
going or stayin wouldn't even matter
Would it?
It can go away so easily
All this pain, this fear
This loneliness, these tears
I can make it go away.
It can go away so easily
Just three pills too many
A small slit to a fragile wrist
Death was like a day dream,
with sweet promises,
and a happy ending.
Death was not having pain,
it was bliss.
Death will always great you,
like an old friend,
always offeing a smile.
It's the chemical creation that's emotionally fueled
And the tears behind clouded eyes
Unable to be loosed
It's killing yourself
With the feelings of self-hatred
It's the darkness
Recall the past and think of me as dear,Your heart will crack but life will still drag on;Remember me as I depart from here.
Stuck in life?
Don't cry
Strut with pride!
Hope to die?
Don't end your life
End the strife!
Get some time
Just free your life
And be happy.
Darkness.
Maliciously fulfilling and temporarily relieving new activities deceitfuly veiled underneath an alluring facade of exciting and thrilling adventure.
She woke up every day
Struggling to get on her feet,
She heard her mother say “Teeth! Teeth! Teeth!”
To coax out even a grin that was so rare
one cant help but think that the chances were better
A tear, a whisper
A shout, a cry
No one seems to hear
No one is by your side.
Everyone is oblivious until it's too late,
Another angel has been sent back too soon.
The most peaceful moment of my life happened
as I was laying on the ground of my doctor's office unconscious from malnutrition,
and I didn't realize that I'd passed out
I had my head beneath the water
I was about to take a breath
To let the quick intake of dark liquid
cleanse me with death
Ominous ebony smoke fills the air
A mist of forsaken souls condemned to demons
Alabaster arms reach out and grab the prey
Frozen fingertips stain th