Grenade

I turn up the radio

only to hear

A calm voice break through the silence

like shattered glass

as I quickly discern the man behind that beautiful sound is

the one and only

Bruno Mars

 

With gentle notes floating around our ears

serenading us with an eloquence of pitch

Syllables dancing into long words

about violent

Self inflicted death

suicide.

his angelic instrument of a voice box paints pictures in our eyes

as he slides

from note to note

About catching grenades for you

Tears of inspiration slide down our cheeks as he assures us

that he would

Throw his head on a blade for you

He'd jump in front of a train for you

Carefully asserting that he would

die for you

but you won’t do the same  

 

Bruno

You have a beautiful voice

but this song irritates my ears a bit

this song ignites my fears a bit

because yes, your devotion is admirable

passionate

and strong

but if I was her

I’d be scared of this song.

it’s not comforting to know

that I would have to leave morphine at your door

if I didn’t love you anymore.

 

Now Bruno,

I’m not saying you can’t feel this way

but I am saying you cannot threaten her

if she doesn’t feel the same

because yes, heartbreak is painful

dark and hollow

but you cannot give and simply expect her to follow

I don't find it romantic to throw your pulse

your breath

your life

into her hands

because

what if it wasn’t consensual?

 

in the seventh grade

My best friend had a boyfriend

They liked each other as much as two seventh graders can

Texting and flirting

and awkwardly laughing to fill silence

And it may have seemed serious at the time

but two twelve years olds can only be so serious you know

 

However, about a month into the relationship things did get

serious

her boyfriend was discovered to have a cancerous tumor in his lower back and was restricted to a wheelchair and hospital grounds

His name was only mentioned in a serious tone

The empty seat in class spoke for itself in the silence  

the colorful cards and balloons helped fill the vacancy of that sterile room

That sterile, quiet,  gray time in our lives

When us twelve year olds ran out of things to say

but could not laugh the awkward silence away

because the silence

was already broken enough

 

But during that time he held on to my friend like a lifeboat

That poor boy gripped his girlfriend’s arms like a child and told her

that she was the love of his life

that she was his only hope left

that she    was the reason he was living

He even said that

If she broke up with him

he would kill himself

 

who would have imagined that her first relationship would carry such a heavy weight as this

The awkward laughs turned to heavy tears

As my friend

tried to comprehend

How she fell into the role

As the lifeboat to the soul

of a kid she merely knew from school

Crying because SHE could very possibly

cause of the end of a human life

And SHE

Never asked for this

when she said yes to the relationship

 

And despite what the doctors say

that disease never really faded away

it pinned its hands down on my friend’s chest

The notion that she owed him love continued to infest

The idea that without her compliance

His life was not complete

Because he somehow believed

that his “love”

Must be shared

Must be practiced  

Tongue in her mouth

when she did not ask for it

But he did it because he loved her

And he put his life on the line

isn't that just so romantic?

 

Maybe I'm a just a ranting feminist

But I think I'm just spitting some truth

And if I leave you with one thing it's that

Love is a selfish pursuit

Don't get me wrong

love

is a beautiful thing

Gentle and soft

like when bruno mars sings

 

And love

Is something for everybody

But love

is not something we OWE to anybody

If the only thing holding your relationship together

Is a grenade in your hands

I HOPE

It explodes

Cause GOD DAMN

She owes you nothing

Not silly little texts

Or twelve year old kisses

NO

You may not parade on the landscape of her body just because you have a gun to your forehead

NO

You MAY NOT

Hold her happiness in one hand and a knife in the other

you MAY NOT

Dictate her life, her choices, her body just because you

“love” her

 

So Bruno

it WAS unfair

that you gave her all you had and

she tossed it in the trash

she tossed it in the trash

yes she did

but what you need to know

is that love is never owed

cause

the most beautiful love

is consensual.

 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741