Thoughts to Bullets

Mon, 03/28/2016 - 20:53 -- Eva16

One word from you and I

Flinch and cringe and wonder why

Why must your words hurt me so?

If you knew, the pain would show

And then you would truly know

How deep the bullet of my sorrow goes

Bottomless pit of eternal woes

But I only let you see

Me grin and nod happily

Happy to understand that I'm never enough

Actions I take not up to stuff

How hard I try doesn't matter

I diet but just get fatter

I work and strive to genuinely

Be how you want me 

But you only comment on what is wrong

The same old words to the same old song

No, stop! I don't want to hear again about Father

He's horrid and gone, so why do you bother?

I want some peace from my strife

want to want to live my life

I haven't told you how in my head

I've thought and thought about being dead

If I'm just a failure why shouldn't I go?

I don't have anything else to show

For my years of life on Earth

Or at least nothing you deem of worth

Of course, I guess I'm exaggerating

Its mostly myself that is berating

But your off-hand comments do more than hurt

If only you saw that I feel like dirt

I really am trying my best, you see

Is there just something wrong with me?

Your words, probably innocent, make me feel as told

And I can't show you, I'm not that bold

So when my thoughts turn to bullets

I imagine shooting throught my head

Because of past regrets

Or things you just have said

Please know that I still love you

If I gather up the strength

And Mom, I forgive you too,

If I finally end my angst

This poem is about: 
My family


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