How Long?

How much longer can I hold on?

Hold on to this reality,

The smiles that I place

On my usually tiered face.

Hold on to this image that you see

A confident girl that is happy.

Hold on to a promise I made myself,

A promise to love who I am, and not care

Care about what people say,

A promise I haven't kept since then.


How long can I keep up the charade?

The charade of who I am.

The charade of smile,

The charade of laughter.

The charade when you ask the question

"Are you okay?"

All I'll do is answer with one simple word,

And it will end at that.


How long can I keep this a secret?

The secret of my self hate.

The secret of my dark mind,

That makes me worthless every day.

The secret that promises me pain

And sorrow to those I love.

The secret that there are days I want to die,

That I want to disappear from the world,

Melt into the shadows,

And never be seen again.


How long before I snap?

Before I take the chance,

Reach out for a blade to escape.

Before I try somethings I know,

Skip my meals, or stick the fingers down my throat.

Before I seek out a way hide,

And leave everyone behind.


How long will this last?

This insecurity,

This melancholy,

This so called stupidity,

What I call my insanity.


How long before I tell you?

Tell you that it is not a phase.

Tell you that your words cause me pain.

Tell you that you're ignorant,

For pushing this away.

Tell you that you don't help the problem,

You make it harder everyday.

Tell you that I am not okay,

That you shouldn't push the problem away.


How long will it be before you help?

How much longer can I live this hell?

How long...?

Time is ticking away.

How long...?

Here comes the end of the day.

How long...?

The darkness descends.

How long...?



This poem is about: 
My community
Our world


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