NEVER ENDING EMPTY

I drop to my knees   
crying tears of the forlorn   
knowing this  is the legacy I've been left   
  
to put my heart on the line   
on a site full of strangers   
as a testament to the fact of my fucked up childhood   
  
childishly waiting for someone to say "you poor thing"   
for I am truly alone in this   
nothing or no one can ever take it away   
  
I was robbed, robbed of knowing what normal is   
I only know what I've seen on T.V   
watched in others lives, or read about in books   
  
No one can ever know the fear I went through   
the guilt of having to hear my sisters getting it too   
the self hatred for not being strong enough to stop him   
  
not even drugs or alcohol could take away   
the stains  he left on me   
the smell of filth he left with these stains   
  
every day of my childhood was filled   
with cum in my face or on my body   
or the slap slap slapping sounds and smells   
oh god I could puke right now   
the hated smell of vasoline   
my fucking mothers blind eyes   
I hate her as much as him   
i am an empty vessel, all alone in my grief   
  
no one can give back a childhood   
not even god   
no one can help except me   
where was god then huh?   
  
I have to be strong   
Well I'm not.   
I'm just trying to get through life   
without fucking up my own children   
  
I need my meds   
that's something to look forword to innit  

This poem is about: 
Me

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