Click (Sounds Of Rolling Barrels And Indecision)

Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
I hold the gun in my lap
Staring down the empty tunnel
Slipping into a beautiful little trap


Should I, shouldn't I...


Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
I twirl the bullet in my other hand
A hot tear slides down the barrel
I hear soft whispers and sharp reprimands
'Don't do it' and 'What are you waiting for?'
Kill yourself
Kill yourself
Kill yourself


Schwivel, Schwivel..Click!
Little words prick like a needle
'You're stupid, ugly, weak'
A born mistake; expendable
Dysfunctional and inoperative
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat


Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
Don't let it go
Eventually it'll stick


Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
Pull the trigger and fade away
Fall into an unconscious dream
Into a blissful field of grey
Or just another hell
Fall into a dark, depthless pit
Trapped, alone, in a cold, iron cell


Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
They say - end it now, end the pain
Forget survival, forget preservation
Just blow this bullet through my brain
It'll only hurt a second
Only a quick moment of agony
And then my stiff body will fall, deadened


Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
That still, small voice is still resounding
'You're not a quitter!' It shouts
'Don't stop fighting!'
But I want to give up and die
Nothing is left for me
There are too many reasons why


Schwivel, Schwivel...Stop
Don't admit defeat
Don't wave the flag
Do not concede
'I want to live'
'I want to live'
'I want to live'
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat

This poem is about: 
Me

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