We sat on the steps of my eroded muck stained porch.

We contemplated our lives and our identities while sipping on unclean glasses.

We laughed at my awful past of abuse,

neglect,

and

insanity

with a dazed look in our eyes.

It was OK now because I was OK.

I was past my depression and suicide attempts, so now it was OK to laugh.

That smile I still remember like it was yesterday.

That awkward crooked smile

could have changed the world.

Instead your cousin was the EMT that carried your pale body off to the morgue.

They found you hung like a Christmas ornament on your ceiling fan.

I saw the way you jumped down the rabbit hole head first without a look to the sun.

Everyone did.

But no one ever thought...

At your viewing i saw your

awkward crooked smile

shaped into blank smirk clearly showing the thread holding together those lips as if

the body was fixed up by a fast food service employee.

I bet the morturarys catch line is

"Bodys done in fifthteen minutes or less. Money back guaranteed!"

Now that your buried and gone you still live on in the hole in my heart.

It gets bigger and bigger and I feel like the maggots that are now

eating through your chest

are also eating through mine.

How did our lives switch so suddenly?

Its like you caught my depression like a cold when I was just getting over mine.

When i was cutting and attempting suicide,

you were happy and dreaming about becoming a movie producer.

When I overcame my depression and began to dream about becoming an artist,

you began to forget your dreams and replaced them with idealizations of your death.

Well its time for me to say goodbye my childhood friend.

Im so sorry you'll never laugh again.

Not like we were able to back on my eroded muck stained porch a year ago.

The last time we hung out.