Meursault
How does the narration convey the idea that Meursault is a simple man to the reader?
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He doesn’t have access his emotions
He’s taking it day by day
He’s dissociating.
He’s me
He’s me
He’s me
I can’t imagine I’d hurt anyone
I can’t imagine being too far gone
But what if he couldn’t either?
What if he would never have dreamed of such a thing?
His dissociation from his feelings is negative
Something childish
He doesn’t want deal with his feelings
He’s lesser for his dissociation
He’s not enough because of his dissociation
I’m being a child
It’s all in my head
I don’t want to get better
I’m lesser
I’m not enough
He’s just going through the motions
I’m just going though the motions
Sometimes there are moments when you can feel
Something physical
Something emotional
Something
Something
Something
Something
But those times are few and far between
He’s just going through the motions
I’m just going through the motions
I’m managing
I’m functioning
No one notices so I must be doing okay
No matter how many time they tell me
“You’re cute”
“I’d notice you”
“You’re a sweetie”
I don’t believe them
I don’t believe them
I don’t believe them
I can’t
No one notices me
I’m the person everyone walks by
The person you see but you don’t really
The person you don’t think about
I blend in
It scars me
How similar we are
How I can’t always access my emotions
They’re there
They’re there
They’re there
I know they’re there
I can hear them
I can see them
They want to be free but they can’t be
If I let them out
Let them be loud
Let them be free they’ll hurt me
They’ll maim me
They’ll never leave me alone
They’ll never let me function
Letting them out doesn’t only mean letting out the ones everyone likes
The happy
The sad
The enthusiasm
The passion
The lust
The love
Letting them out means letting out the dark little demons that no one talks about
Letting them out means letting out the pain
Letting out the anger
Letting out the self-hate
Anger can’t get out
It can’t
It can’t
It can’t
I vowed to myself
Before I even understood what anger was
That I would never be angry
Never
Never
Never
Anger meant yelling
Anger meant too tight hugs
Anger meant fear
Anger meant the words “I love you” in a tone usually meant for trouble
Self-Hate can’t get out
No one can know
No one knows
I was only thirteen
It was the only way
There was too much pain and I didn’t understand
My mother called melatonin sleeping pills so why wouldn’t they do the job
I took a nap
Everyone just assumed I took a nap
I don’t take naps
No one knew
No one knows
Push it down
Push it down
Push it down
If I can’t feel it, it can’t hurt me
I’m scared
I’m scared
I’m scared
No one thinks that this character is worthy
No one thinks he deserves love
No one thinks he can get better
No one things I can get better
No one thinks I deserve love
No one thinks I’m worthy
and I know
I know
I know
I know
I know my brain is playing tricks on me
I know this isn’t what was said
But this is what I feel
This is what my brain tells me
This is what I understand
This is my reality
And it doesn’t matter what’s true and what’s not
It only matters what’s reality and what’s not
I’m managing
I’m managing
I’m managing
I’m sinking.