Meursault

How does the narration convey the idea that Meursault is a simple man to the reader?

He’s not 

He’s not 

He’s not

He’s not

He doesn’t have access his emotions

He’s taking it day by day

He’s dissociating.

He’s me

He’s me

He’s me

I can’t imagine I’d hurt anyone

I can’t imagine being too far gone

But what if he couldn’t either?

What if he would never have dreamed of such a thing?

His dissociation from his feelings is negative

Something childish

He doesn’t want deal with his feelings

He’s lesser for his dissociation

He’s not enough because of his dissociation

I’m being a child

It’s all in my head

I don’t want to get better

I’m lesser

I’m not enough

He’s just going through the motions

I’m just going though the motions

Sometimes there are moments when you can feel

Something physical

Something emotional

Something

Something

Something

Something

But those times are few and far between

He’s just going through the motions

I’m just going through the motions

I’m managing

I’m functioning

No one notices so I must be doing okay

No matter how many time they tell me

“You’re cute”

“I’d notice you”

“You’re a sweetie”

I don’t believe them

I don’t believe them

I don’t believe them

I can’t

No one notices me

I’m the person everyone walks by

The person you see but you don’t really

The person you don’t think about

I blend in

It scars me

How similar we are

How I can’t always access my emotions

They’re there 

They’re there

They’re there

I know they’re there

I can hear them

I can see them

They want to be free but they can’t be

If I let them out

Let them be loud

Let them be free they’ll hurt me

They’ll maim me

They’ll never leave me alone

They’ll never let me function

Letting them out doesn’t only mean letting out the ones everyone likes

The happy

The sad

The enthusiasm

The passion

The lust

The love

Letting them out means letting out the dark little demons that no one talks about

Letting them out means letting out the pain

Letting out the anger

Letting out the self-hate

Anger can’t get out

It can’t

It can’t 

It can’t

I vowed to myself 

Before I even understood what anger was

That I would never be angry

Never

Never

Never

Anger meant yelling

Anger meant too tight hugs

Anger meant fear

Anger meant the words “I love you” in a tone usually meant for trouble

Self-Hate can’t get out

No one can know

No one knows

I was only thirteen

It was the only way

There was too much pain and I didn’t understand

My mother called melatonin sleeping pills so why wouldn’t they do the job

I took a nap

Everyone just assumed I took a nap

I don’t take naps

No one knew

No one knows

Push it down

Push it down

Push it down

If I can’t feel it, it can’t hurt me

I’m scared

I’m scared

I’m scared

No one thinks that this character is worthy

No one thinks he deserves love

No one thinks he can get better

No one things I can get better

No one thinks I deserve love

No one thinks I’m worthy

and I know

I know

I know

I know

I know my brain is playing tricks on me

I know this isn’t what was said

But this is what I feel

This is what my brain tells me

This is what I understand

This is my reality

And it doesn’t matter what’s true and what’s not

It only matters what’s reality and what’s not

I’m managing

I’m managing

I’m managing

I’m sinking.

This poem is about: 
Me

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