What Do You Mean I'm Suspended?

What Do You MEAN I'm Suspended? 

Im not allowed to say that in class?

Im not allowed to say that thinking about taking my life isn't me being a coward but instead you being inconsiderate?

I'm not allowed to say that I think that people that stick around when they want to die are brave?

I'm not allowed to say that the burns on my skin are because I don't like who I am, and that I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all?

I'm not allowed to say that the smirk on my teachers face is a little bit sardoniclly apprehensive? 

Im not allowed to say that I don't like the kid that sits next to me, because he cheats off my paper?

I'm not allowed to ask if my teacher is alright, because we don't connect on a personal level.

I'm not allowed to say that I didn't do my homework last night because it took all I had in me to convince myself not to kill myself instead of completing the


I'm not allowed to ask why my teacher doesn't believe that God made the world, and that everything was good, because religion isnt a topic discussed in class?

I'm not allowed to tell you that my sadness is consistant, and that noone can help me through it no matter what they say?

I don't understand what makes it so difficult to believe that I have so many questions built up inside of me that I  might possibly want to confide in 

someone that I spend an hour of my day with everyday. 

You cannot say things to your teacher that make them feel uncomfortable, yet you also cannot say things that question their standing as a teacher, either.

So what makes you believe that I even want to speak to a teacher at all after that?

When there are so many confedintiality agreements to tag along with discussions,

When there is never any guarentee of secrecy or discretion

When you have so many extensive consequences that go along with telling your secrets

I think they are better off left in my head. 

Guide that inspired this poem: 




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