Life of Cards

I received a phone call from my father
Explaining that it was all too real
And all too sudden
This man he spoke of did not sound like the uncle, his brother I knew
I wanted to be there
I did
I need to see it all first hand this time
So I disintegrate
Because invisible
Travel back in time to the incident
I want to know what it felt like

So I float behind his silhouette, begin to reconstruct the scene in fragments of memories.
In the master bathroom of the home he had just bought
Beaming his eyes into the mirror recognizing a lost soul is staring back

The man breaks the glass into shattered feelings

He screams, clinching a broken blade found from the floor he once layed on when attempted another way out
Only this time the doctors couldn't pump blood into his veins
Like the way they pumped out his stomach last December

"Suicide suicide stamped in my brain
Suicide take away my pain"
The interaction of sharpness and skin became real
He shivers like the skeletons in his closet have found a new home inside him
"Oh, God, suicide take away my blade
Why can't I just change?"

It seemed all too real now, all too sudden

Stumbling around the room now
trying to remember where he put his gun
To either throw it out the window
or use it as a final solution
Screams of guilt
"Please don't let me end this,
just the pain!"

In an instant, life or death can be gambled
But the devil and God cheated the game by looking at your cards,
Choosing your fate
While you couldn't choose your faith

I left the bedroom behind
Don't want to know how it ends

This poem is about: 
My family


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741