"he's still here."

 

here.

 

Here and gone. The words meld into one. 

 

I screamed. I cried. I lost my mind.

Is it possibly to feel so much at the same time?

 

With him gone and coming back again. It's like my life before this was nothing but a game of pretend. 

 

because I see it now. It's real. 

It's real enough to feel but i cannot. 

not yet. I cannot believe "he's still here." 

 

I cannot believe he almost left. 

 

Was it due to me? No, not me. At least not solely. I know I added to it. 

 

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 

 

 

I shout, just like you probably did. In your mind in your voice. I wasn't there. It eased your choice. 

 

No point for stupid apologizations. 

like you said. 

 

I wasnt there. You almost arent. 

 

I feel relation and elation. could that not be more diverse? 

 

I've been there before. And I'm so thankful you've failed. And oh god oh god oh god i've wailed. I wasn't there with you, I was there before you. And just like that choice, I was too selfish to help you. 

 

But then, what good could I?