Depression is Breathing

Depression is staring up at the ceiling

For hours on end
Alone
Silent
Unmoving 
Letting your phone ring unanswered
Your heartbeat slow down
Depression is breathing
But wondering why
Taking longer in between each breath
Thinking about what would happen if you just
 
Stopped
 
Depression is knowing something is wrong 
But not how to fix it
It's pretending to be happy
When you cry alone
Depression is saying you're fine
To the one friend that knows
And hoping they can't smell the lie
Or the blood
Depression is lying to your therapist
Yea I feel better today
It's excusing yourself from class
To break down in the bathroom
It's not wearing makeup
Because raising the brush is effort
Not showering because you can't get up
Or showering and not being able to turn the water off
 
Depression should be terrifying
But instead it just
Is
Depression is not knowing what to do
Wanting to help yourself
But not wanting to leave your bed

 

 

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