Suicide Might Be An Answer, But It Surely Not The Solution?

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He took part in an act off delusion,

something that he was curving for his solutions.

Hypothetically speaking I gave him roses to match his questions, as his beacon.

But he tries to match his words with his reasons,

something that triggered his confusion.

The contract of his aroma left him lingering in a state of destruction.

 

Tiny swords of ice meant to harm,

yet simply will melt away from the touch of possession.

Reminiscing on that night, I only recall my screams of horror.

The tears of disappointment,

the stat of being “I could of done more,

I should of done something."

Second guessing myself of raw unexplainable art.

 

His last moment and yet his pain wasn't too great for himself,

yet he still left us his last canvas.

His humiliation left him debating, saying in a form of sentences;

"I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger."

He slammed the gun at his head, threatening to let go of the pin;

that was holding the trigger.

Slit my throat, shoot my face, tying a not, hoping to choke,

and nothing else will seem better at sealing my fate.

 

This isn't what I thought, this isn't what I wanted,

and yet I'm sitting here writing this note.

Saying to myself, please don't.

Yet he screams please, why me, I'm sorry,

why did they have to send me away, I never wanted to leave,

and yet I was wandering the fields of my dreams.

 

I never wanted to go to the Army.

Those horrible things I had seen.

The screams, the death, and that night I had to take a life.

Afghanistan was harsh, the things that changed you,

and yet the wings of darkness flew down and grabbed me. 

Bang, bang, right past my ear. It was dark and I couldn't see clear.

Patrolling an area unknown to me.

I jump back to save myself,

yet I wished I would had been just a few feet towards those bright lights.

 

One got away with something,

all I know is she ran fast with a purpose.

I rushed to make sense of my confusion.

Just behind the wall was just a child screaming.

Who would have thought that he and his sister was just looking for food and medicine?

 

Left shaking in my boots, my lieutenant told me that he was suffering

and that I had to put him out of his misery. 

Left in silence, he yelled at me saying it was an order.

This Afghan child couldn't be a day older than ten.

Yet I yanked my knife from my side, got on my hands and knees,

held his head and hands, and

told him to look at the stars and never stop reaching ahead.

Yet he look at me and he might didn't understand me,

yet he still look at me and never took his eyes off me.

I blinked and it was over,

yet his face was burned in my mind as an image never to be forgotten.

I still choke from closing my eyes;

I always hoped that it would be finished.

 

My life is hunted by a theory, what if he couldn't been something.

I a worthless thug took the easy way out of the tug of war;

which I struggled to maintain with the huddle.

Seeing that white door, me in that orange jump suit;

didn't picture the judge giving me a alternative.

Go to jail or enlist in the army, was my only options to my delusions.

Seem easy for the picking; I just

didn't see the red tape describing my fate of this sentence.

 

That life that was missing changed the different situations of my mission.

The existence of a child going missing wasn't something easy for the picking.

I absents of my zip code, left me thinking.

His life was taken away by harm,

and yet he was reconstructed to live in the purist forms.

See before releasing himself from his duty, he reinforced his apologize.

He apologized for being that awkward child in the corner,

that skinny bean flipping alone in the morning, red nose wearing glasses,

that bullied un-fathered child, and last was that butterfly that just couldn't seem to fly.

 

That child left in a coma, resting in dust,

and yet this is the life that couldn't must the strength;

to overstep that windy gust.

He was a caged animal looking in the sky, a beast,

and even a monster who couldn't reach for that hand that faded from his touch.

This is what led him to the arms of death, the arms of the army,

and yet he had to react in the same curl behavior of his beast.

He now struggles to hold his composer,

a beast let loose on his subordinate coworkers.

 

I scream to myself in the mirror, grabbing the sink, and I think to myself;

"Is this the thoughts of suicide, I believe I'm stronger than that."

I seek forgiveness, only now to see that I can fix it.

I believe every child has his own life and reasons,

no matter your shape and size;

even if you’re unidentified to life's unreasonable expectations.

I now live life without the risk of exposure to dis-constructing words.

 

I was born in pain, yet I was punished for my beauty;

I was born in unnatural ways that I still can't explain.

Was this meant to be life's biggest secret, because I won't keep it?

This goes out for that child that was built on futures.

Please except this name that was giving, Abdul Markquee.

That Afghanistan child left reaching for the stars and fell short upon my eyes.

Suicide might be a solution, but I as a lieutenant;

wasn't giving that order to purse it.

I a man will keep his secret,

yet I will always be that soldier looking for peace

that was never giving as a precision decision...

Comments

Mafi Grey

Please comment as much as you can. It motivates me to write, when i have an audience behind me. Thanks

savigirl14

OMFG....This poem is a great way to show what thoughts are going through a person's head that is contemplating suicide

Mafi Grey

Thank you so much, I really worked hard on this one to show the lowest and highest points of a trouble soul who needs a littie help here and there. It's hard and I know cause I've lost friends to suicide and have thought of it and not alone to say that I haven't been in those positions as well. I use to say how could you and how could he or she be so addicted to something, but you could never in a million years understand unless you have felt it with your own two hands or experience it yourself. So never be angry unless you know how hard it is to deal, how hard it is to stop, but never stop trying to help these people. They need that one person to remind them that they are real and loved by so many. That no matter what they are going through, their nothing compared to the pain that you left everybody behind.

powerful.imani

You have the gift of power with your words 

Because I have came across the though of suicidal  myself but i just  think that it won't be the solution even when I want to give up I know GOD gives the hardest  life to his strongest solders and i guess i am the strong one .This poem is  so powerful and emotional really explains how a person who is dealing with that how it make them feel inside and out .This poem and your writing i enjoy every time i read your work

Check out my poetry when you get a chance thank you keep up with your writing it will impact many and your writing had definitely impacts me 

Mafi Grey

Thank you and I had a few things to do but I'm about to check your poetry out, I'll take it for a test drive. Lol. Yet I do as so many other know the temptations when your struggling, how easy it is when your so deep and drowning that you can't see where and who you are. When your bones inside shatter, when you heart hurts so much that you cry, when your brain is so overwhelmed that you faint, and when you'll do anything to stop the pain all over your body; to stop it from consuming you.

I've been in those places, I've been lost but I am now found, I am stronger than ever, and sometimes I wondered how did I make it. I remember during my hardest moments when I was gone and done for, it was like a switch in mind cut on a old film movie of my whole life; literally things I could never ever remember. I saw my childhood, me a baby in my dad's hands, I even saw myself being born, and future lives I could have. So my love ones were my strength and when you down and out, when your falling and drowning; hold on tight to their faces and memories. It saved me more times than I would like to remember but I moved on and kept doing me, and this is for everyone; it does get better, so much better than you can imagine.

Ps. For all those people who someone feeling your head with lies, telling you that your not beautiful, worth something, perfect, smart, on and on that you are not those things. That you are beautiful, that you are smart, perfect, and meant to be something.

powerful.imani

Spechless because i felt all thoes things you said i had overcome and faced thank you so very much for your suport and nice comments 

 

Mafi Grey

I'm speechless to at the amazing things we can do as a whole.

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