To Whom It May Concern,

 

I haven't written you in two years,

I've talked to you,

Sometimes you talk back.

Through that broken watch you left me

Everything I own to remember you by

On my wrist

Ticking as my pen taps the paper

Telling me what to do, what to be, how to be it, pushing me to one thing or another

It's like you never left

 

I don't even know how to start this

I can't start it like every other letter

You aren't my dad anymore

Dad isn't a word I can use anymore

I can say it, but it means nothing

Empty, cold

Depressed

 

This is the last letter you'll get from me

I'm not going to visit your grave again

You won't haunt my life anymore

You were pushed out and kept control

When mom left you and took me, you kept control

When you killed yourself, you put that guilt on me, that numbness on me

You kept control

 

I'm not letting you control me anymore

You killed yourself

I didn't kill you

Alcohol didn't kill you

Antidepressants didn't kill you

You killed you

That is your guilt, not mine

 

Along with that guilt, I'm leaving you the watch

The broken watch, cold and empty

Silent, with a torn strap so it can't even be worn

I fixed it for you

Hope it helps

 

Sincerely,