How is college?

She asks, I laugh

I quit

Her eyebrows

Drawn together, concerned

Are you eating?

I sip my black coffee

Chew my lip

The skin of which

Is the only solid thing

I’ve consumed

In two days

You’ve lost so much weight

Tell me about it

I’ve lost 26 pounds

On stress and apathy

What are you doing with your time?

She asks

Nothing

I whisper

Have you read anything good, recently?

I’m tired of evading

I stare at book pages

I tell her

Eyes on my shoes

Legs drawn up to my chest

I stare at them for three minutes

Then turn the page and repeat

I turn my head

My cheek rests on my knee

Do you want to get better?

This woman with a license

Stating she can fix me

I don’t know

I don’t care

She sucks in a breath

Annoyed? Confused?

I nibble my lip

You don’t sound like someone who intends to live for very long

After a long pause

Um,

I say

Guess I’ll just bite the bullet

Do you think about killing yourself?

I purse my lips

Daring them

To betray me

With the truth

I hear myself

From far away

All the time

It whispers

But somehow, I always find something I have to do first. 

Like I can’t let go until I finish something

I can’t look at her

Do you think about doing it soon?

It occurs to me

She thinks

I am talking about the future