The wind rushed quietly as I made my way down the backroads of my small town

Picking up speed, cruising as if there was all the time in the world

The sky was a lilac blanket, quiet and still

Man life was a thrill I didn’t agree to ender

With music blasting and my body relaxing

I drove

And drove and drove

Until the sound of my surroundings blurred into a single hum

 

But no matter how serene life looked, it was nothing compared to the chaos in my mind

As I drove past the mustard flowers and wicked trees

I couldn’t help but feel the opposite of at ease:

I was alone

Alone with my thoughts, my impulsivity

The kind no man can escape no matter how fast you drive

How many pills you take

And how many mistakes you make

 

My thoughts tried to creep back in as I continued down the windy road

Do it! They said

Do it! They filled my head

Until all I was left with was the realization that I didn’t want to be alive

I didn’t have the drive, the want to survive

 

Continuing on through thinking about all my peers, through blood shot eyes and heavy tears, I realized something yet again:

No matter how much I wanted to stop, I had to keep driving

Because life is more than just surviving day by day,

And the choices we make determine the price we pay

For we have an impact on each other directly—one it was not my choice to take away

 

That night I thought I’d be dead,

But instead,

Here I am ready to keep on living