broken history

Messed up

That is the first word that comes to mind 

When I think of myself

My parents are divorced

My father is never around unless it benefits him

My mother cares for me as much as any loving mother could

I look back and remember the fights

The screaming

The yelling

The anger

I have fought my whole life

Hidden my emotions from the world

Until one day I snap

When I snap I am so far down in my hole

The only way I see out of it 

Is to end it all

The pain

The misery

Everything

So I write a note

Do I do anything besides that

I did once

It scared me

I am lost

In a fake happiness

Sometimes I wear my mask so well that I even fool myself

I just wish one day I could scream my true feelings

To get my point across

I sometimes cry myself to sleep

I toss and turn and never really truly sleep

Everyday I awake and struggle out of bed

The voices are constant

All hate no love

I try to fight them or atleast conceal them

I try to talk louder so as to shut them out

But it fails they just continue to raise their volume as I raise mine

I just wish one day someone would ask how I was doing 

And I say yes

And they repy back 

No you are not

And hug me so tight I can slowly feel the pieces come back together

This is my wish for a broken history

Someone who can see I am not ok and try to help out

This poem is about: 
Me

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