It's not darkness; there's no lightswitch
It's blackness; there's nothing left.
It's not sinking; it's flying in a cloud
With no roadmap or direction
People are ants from this secluded dimention
Small and insignifanct, and so very far away
Those clones who threaten in a crowd
They wrong and backstab and betray
But to hell with the living.
Mourn for the dead
A mother and son
Mourn for nonsense
The shots of a gun
I'm fading away
Behind a mask of smiles
Temptation for self mutilation
It's a very becoming feeling.
As sweet as surrender
Yet I'm a survivor
Of sleepless nights
Of crying and scratching.
Defined by these lines on my wrist
as one of the chosen ones.
All the same.
All waking up to picked up, ripped up scabs inside
And wondering why
When did it start and why won't it stop?
Stop the shame of secrets
Stop the pain of silent pleas
(To cotton filled ears)
I open my mouth
But I'm silent
Wondering for an explanation for this damnation
When did I lose it all?
My dancing glass slippers, my red heels for travel
Was it peers who razed my dreams
Or was it me and God's gravel?
Mom, Dad, I knew you meant well
And I'm torn to know your blaming thoughts
There was no warning when I fell
When I jumped
And you think you didn't catch me, and you put yourselves at fault
As if I slipped through your fingers
I'll beg that I'm sorry
For your worry that lingers
And my dear friends:
Invisible A, B, and C
The reasons that the only voice I could trust was in my head.
And it could espy my guilts and doubts when the light shuts out
And I'm all alone, that voice and I
Until the morning when I rub my sleep-depraved eyes and see myself
My blood in blue viens, pores
A real person, living and breathing an unused priviledge
Weighed down by lonliness
Wrenched by the skythe around my neck
And that whispery voice in my ear
"It's for the best. The best I deserve and the best chance I'll get."
The past is my present, and there's no reset.
No more days of strained smiles and nights of weep
I'll sever the ties to my priviledge
Pillage a life
Or fight for a clean sweep?
So I open my mouth
And words come out
I can't survive on my own,
I need help.