The Suicidal One

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Ha, yah that’s really funny, that joke you just made

Suicide jokes always are aren’t they?

You know what’s even funnier?

Being up at 4 in the morning on a school night

Trying to talk your friend out of suicide

So funny

Or listening to them scream, and cry, and shout “I WANT TO DIE”

And all you can do is sit on the bed with her

Eyes wide open

Trying to think of what to say that might actually be useful

I’m really laughing now

The best part, is when you see

Cut after cut after cut

On friend after friend after friend

Again and again and again

Getting deeper and deeper and DEEPER

And there is NOTHING you can do to stop it

All those years of feeling how they do

After crying all night about the biggest and littlest things

HATING yourself, and your life

WISHING SOMEONE WOULD JUST HELP YOU

And yet… you still don’t know what to do or say

Because if you had figured it out yourself

You wouldn’t have thrown the razors on the floor in anger

Hatred

Disgust

And terror last night

You should tell another joke

Joke about how you’re going to cut yourself because of that failed test

Cuz that’s happened to me

Tell one about that girl who got cheated on

How she’s probably gonna kill herself

That’ll get a laugh!

Because it’s true.

Alright, I think you caught onto the sarcasm by this point

Maybe this made an impression on you

Maybe you’ll think next time

Maybe you’ll brush it off

Tell everyone I’m a bitch

Or emo

Or I should kill myself (Do you really think I haven’t already tried?)

Or maybe you’ll look at me in a new way

A familiar way

Maybe what I’m just said will pull up a memory

Maybe I didn’t have to tell you that what you said was wrong

Because I’ve made that mistake

Called someone emo

Made a suicide joke

I knew it was wrong

But I didn’t want to be

“The suicidal one”

I feel like every time someone tells a suicide joke

We all laugh

But there seems to be a nervous air that floats about

Because we don’t want to be “the suicidal one”
Maybe it’s not us

Maybe we don’t want them to know our friend is

“The suicidal one”

Because that’s what I used to do

But I got so sick of it

As sick and tired as I am of my life

So I give this speech when I hear a suicide joke

It at least shuts them up…

Because I know they are thinking

“She’s the suicidal one”

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