1:27 am
i’ve been trying to find love in a billion relationships
and i’ve tried everything i can to make myself feel something
and i’ve pushed my feelings so far behind walls
and i’ve pushed people away to get free
and i’ve wrecked my body and my everything just to try to get free
and i’ve tried therapists and i’ve tried hospitals
and i’ve tried sleeping all the time and i’ve tried staying up every moment i can
and nothing is working
and i can’t find love in anything
and no matter what i do to feel my body goes numb and at the same time it throbs
and my scars don’t feel good under my skin
and everything is so wrong
and nightmares live in every resting moment
and my heart is trying so hard to live while it’s also trying to stop beating
and it doesn’t make sense
none of it makes any sense