Only Eighteen

Dear Justin, 

Only Fifteen 

Still Learning How to Live 

You taught me how to stay strong. 

You gave me laughter and smiles. 

During a time I only had sadness and grief. 

You had me and I had you. 

 

Only Sixteen

I'm trying to live 

Trying to find the will to. 

You showed me the will. 

With your suspicious smirk 

that would insinuate a devious plan 

that would lead to the memories we made together. 

You had me and I had you. 

 

Only Seventeen

I've found the will to live. 

I'm working on a dream. 

And with you by my side 

I know I can achieve anything. 

My best friend. 

My so called partner in crime as everyone would say. 

The person I've shared everything with. 

The person I look up to. 

The person I admire most. 

You had me and I had you. 

 

Only Eighteen

I'm back to square one. 

I should be happy. 

I've made new friends. Shared new experiences. I've done better 

Than I had ever done before. 

But I can't be happy. 

I can't smile. 

Because you were only 18. 

You had no dream. 

You didn't see yourself achieving anything. 

You lost your will. 

You let the weight of the world that surrounded you 

break you down until you felt nothing. Until you were so scared you 

wanted to become nothing. 

So you did. 

Only Eighteen. 

Now I don't have you. 

 

Your Best Friend, 

Leanne 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
Guide that inspired this poem: 
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Lillybird17

I do really like this poem. It is repetitive enough to flow well and seem like a poem, but it isn't too saturated or deep. I wish that their was more figurative language in the poem - right now it seems very dry. You are trying to tell your readers a stroy instead of showing them, which is a mistake that all writers make, not just people who write fiction stories. The only other thing I have to say (which is really nitpicky) would be to change the numbers in the poem into words, like "only sixteen" in order to match the title. Again, I really do like this poem, and I am sorry for any loss or grief that lead to you writing this poem. Keep on writing! You can only get better if you continue to write. Good luck and happy writing!

-Lilly

LilBunBun

Thank you for the feeback it really helps me to see where I can improve! <3

Lillybird17

No problem! I love your profile picture btw.

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