Pain, gaping hole in my chest, torture,

All consuming, obtaining me

Screaming, dying, depressed unchecked

With my clenched fist, white knuckles


Why God Why?

Bloodied nails, drowning, no light in sight

I am in a deep well treading water clawing the stone sides trying to climb out

But I am told there is no way out


Why God Why?

I am drowning in sorrows, turn to drink, turn to unGodly boys

The pain it hurts, scars on my heart

In a black room, my tomb


Why God why?

Life cycling downward

Sickness, unhealing body, growing weak

Kept that fake smile, no one will see

Kept those fake friends, so I feel like I a relevant


Why God Why?

I placed him on a shelf, blocked him out

Still finding relationships with all the wrong guys

Trying to fill that hole only Jesus can fix

And still I scream

Why God Why?

Big fights no end in sight, but there is an end

A stranger whispers, end of me just take take drink with a few of those white releases

I can’t fight this any more, depressed


Why God Why?

But then for first time I call out with a recklessness

Save me from this pain I can’t do it without out you

Hope and Change, new places and faces

I blamed God for all me choices and things that happened

Claiming he was never there

But he was always there,

He was there in front of me reaching out. Crying out.

Trying to place me back under His protection and I rejected Him.

I blamed God when I should have blamed the world

The world hurt me, the enemy controls the worldly things, distracting us

Lying to us

God never lied to me he gave a book full of his love and promises,

He gave me his Son so the sins no longer stain my white wedding dress

There Jesus stood eye to eye, with only love in those eyes

Never looking down on me, the world had it wrong.

His Grace, His Love. His Glory

And he asked “Will  You follow me? “

“Yes, Yes, YES!” My Soul revived,

New heart with no scars beating violently in my chest

For I found no emptiness with my King

Relationship of a strong devotion.

Happiness, Healing, accountability, never abandoned

Love, a path of new beginnings. Amen


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