from a colored girl who has considered suicide

i didn't always know there was
such a thing as a
colored girl
didn't always wear my
bruised peach skin like a mink fur coat
something to be
proud of
no, i didn’t
know.
you see
i had to learn there was
such a thing as a
colored girl'
a girl who’s vibrant personality compliments
the deep mocha tones that danced on her skin
like sechita danced for the rest of the world
i didnt know
that a girl could find god in herself
in the pit of the pit of her soul
the ugly color of dirt
and love her fiercely
no, i
didnt know
i was lost
was looking
for somethin’
and i just couldn't find it.
my world was six blocks,
back alleys in the Bronx
latent rapists for neighbors.
coat hanger abortion experts
thriving in their little 'offices'
off scared young women
who knew not of loving husbands
first but of run-away lovers,
cold nights, and metal rods
babies falling outta them like
dead mice
the peace of mind
i sought as a
colored girl
was not to be found here,
where young men waged wars over
the colors of the rainbow
like that band of colors
was the only sign of hope God had given them
and they just couldn't bear to share each one
respectively.
no, there wasn't anything for me there
never was
and i had to search deep within myself
had to learn to love myself
like learning to
dance with no tune to wrap around
me like a blanket
because no one can show you how to do
these things
learning to love  myself
was the greatest gift i could ever give
to put down the pills
toss the razors in the trash
that was a blessing
that only the god within me
could have given
so now i am a colored girl
proudly
i am a colored girl
who has considered suicide
but learned to love herself
so that death would not be the loving embrace
she always dreamed of
 

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