Scars

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The only thing people define me by;

"The emo girl with cuts on her wrists".

Instead of discovering who I really am, they only see my many scars that lie on my wrist.

I am not the average teenager, I have been broken in such ways that no one else could ever imagine.

I`ve become so numb from all the words, all verbal razor blades that slash through my soul.

Every cut i made, I did more and more. Seeing the blood run down my arm felt as if I was high on adrenaline.

My razor blade was my metallic version of heroin.

Every mark was a flashback, a flashback what THEY did to me. Four of them pinning me to the wall

and repeatedly saying " hold still bitch or we`ll kill your boyfriend and I`ll make you watch", or even         

"You`re going to be OUR bitch today!". Nobody knew..

I was so scared to tell anyone... I thought it was normal..

To some people, being molested isn't big deal. To , I feel as if  big part of me, my innocence, was taken from me. they may have only used their hands, it felt like so much more...

Nobody knows how it feels, I`ve held this memory in for three years before i finally told someone.

8 suicide attempts.

Counseling has helped heal me, but not completely.

These memories are still here, they will never go away.

Living with this pain day by day is truly difficult. I`ve learned to cope independently and have grown 

stronger.

I`m 18 now, living with this memory for 5 years now.  I will not be completely healed, but I`ve healed

enough to realize that I`m strong,I`m not 14 and scared anymore. THEY CAN`T HURT ME ANYMORE!

It`s been 3 years since I`ve used a razor blade to numb my pain, still going stronger than ever. For 

everyone who sees me, look at me for what I am now, not for what I was.

To everyone in this word who are wounded, it does get better. There are people in this world who

truly care for you and would be devastated if you are gone.

I don`t know you at all but if you are reading this right now, I LOVE YOU! I CARE FOR YOU! Don't

give up, it gets better, so much better! 

I promise!
 

 

 

 

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