I often wonder,
Why are we here,
Are we born just to die,
If so why,
Why is dying the only guarantee in life,
Is there life after death,
All of this begs the question...
What is the point of living.
I've had ups and I've had downs,
Times in my life I felt ten feet tall,
Others I felt as if I was alone at a ball,
I belive everyone has these moments,
It's something we share,
Even so some lives you just can't compare.
Someone who has never dealt with suicide,
Could never truly understand the way it feels,
The way it feels when your at the edge,
At the edge of breaking,
Breaking as if you were as fragile as glass.
Sadly I can relate,
Death often creeps into my mind,
Sometimes I'm so low,
That even the ground is above me.
Then again I am lucky enough to have seen brilliant things,
Such as my niece and nephew grow before me,
I have also seen my mother smile,
Which to me is a true blessing,
It's a miracle she can smile,
There's so much to frown about,
She is older in years,
So she has seen many people pass,
She has seen horrible eras of war and suffering,
Yet she stands strong.
One day I asked her,
With all this pain in the world how can you still smile,
She said to me because I was fortunate enough to adopt you,
I was fortunate enough to see my children all mature into adults,
I was fortunate enough to live long enough to see my grandchildren.
At this time I still had no answer for why we are alive,
I asked her what she thought the meaning behind it all was,
She explained that to her life's meaning is something man shall never know,
But if it were up to her the point to all of this would be family,
Theirs love in family,
In times of need you can turn to them,
They will always catch you when you fall,
And they make sure you are truly never alone,
That's why no matter how mad my kids mess up,
No matter how bad they become,
I will never abandon them.
This was a lot for me to think about,
simply because until then family was not a pleasant word,
Family ment my old life,
My life before adoption,
Filled with pain, filled with strife,
A mother who couldn't get clean,
A father who couldn't keep his hands to himself,
A brother who was distant and wasn't strong enough to protect me,
And a sister who followed in the footsteps of her father.
Family ment sadness,
But after hearing my mothers words,
I realized family doesn't mean the one you were born to,
Instead it meant the one who you ran to.
This changed my whole view,
Sure I was often still depressed,
Sure I still often fell into addictions,
But I wasn't completely alone anymore,
And that gave me new strength.
I turned to the people of the planet,
I wanted to observe them,
To see if I could learn anymore,
Or find more guides,
What I saw broke me,
For or speices is distorted,
It is falling apart,
Killing one another,
For no real purpose,
Hate is spread through the races,
And unity is seen as a distant fantasy.
Pain is all around us,
Family was no longer enough to keep me afloat,
But I was an outcast,
Thus I had no friends,
I started to waver,
Until I met others,
Others who wanted the same things I did,
People who wanted humanity to prosper,
And who wanted enlightenment,
So we seeked the truths of the world together.
One thing we noticed is every last person we talked to all had their own stories,
No matter how many people we met there was never two the same,
To me this was amazing,
To know that every last person is special,
And that not everyone sees being different as criminal,
Person after person we grew our knowledge,
Until we too had our own reasons for living.
Everyone seems to have their own truths,
Their own version of the world,
And that is why it is so hard to figure out what the point of living it,
After everything I think I have my truth,
Life is simply moments,
Moments that become memories,
And we run around collecting them,
And hopefully right before we die,
We will see them flash before our eyes.