I extracted myself from my family…...from my friends.

I calmly plucked away, little by little, my involvement, my presence…...my existence.

To no apparent end my soul grew darker than the pits of hell.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I stopped having the desire to exist.

I stopped showing up to family gatherings.

I stopped trying to make myself look presentable.

My face, little by little, drifted from their online images.

I just stopped.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

The gun that's in the drawer of my mother's chest,

Rested on the temple of my consciousness

And I prayed that the Lord would let me be at rest

Despite the sins of a young…..gay…..black girl.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

“Pull the trigger, Beyonna.”

I wept.

“Pull the trigger and be free.”

I was tempted.

“Death will be your release.”

I fucking resisted.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I remember being in a house alone

And screaming at the top of my lungs

“No!”

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I am a gay black girl,

And I have never been cool with that.

I'm labeled perfect by my family,

But I will never be able to live up to that.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

My baby cousins look up to me.

They're following in my footsteps,

And for them I am strong enough to say this:

“Your big cousin thinks that she amounts to shit.”

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I remember screaming

“Let Me Die”

“Let Me Die”

“Let Me Die”

And it transformed into

“Help Me God”

“Help Me God”

“Help Me God”

But then I remembered that I could never be a Christian.

He doesn't like gay people

Therefore I will forever be a sinner

In his lake of fire, I should be prepared to go swimming

Despite my soul being this pure.

 
(Pull the trigger)
 

The voices echoed inside my head.

 
(Pull the trigger)
 

“You automatically go to hell when you take your own life.”

 
(Pull the trigger)
 

“God doesn't give a damn about your sorrows.”

 
(Pull the trigger)
 

“No one will care when you die.”

 
(Pull the trigger)
 

“The time you spend on this earth is borrowed.”

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because they look up to me.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because I know that I am loved.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because of my family.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because I know that I am cherished by God above.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because I have yet to become who I am supposed to be.

 
(Let Me Die)
 

I won't do it because I have yet to find my love.