She disappeared into the abyss of self dout and self ridicule
knowing she can't f**k up anymore cuz they won't be there
and the nerves were eating out her insides
She hated knowing that it was the end of it all.
Everyone told her it was the start of something new
but they didnt understand that she wouldn't be able to handle herself alone...
the pain she's always put herself through.
They say it's not her fault but they know she could of done something
and that's what keeps her awake at night
Time passes and she feels every second of it.
So many things has happened, so many untold things.
She never understood why people always want to tell her it's going to be okay in the end.
Do you mean the end? Her end...it could be so easy,
she's not sure if they are trying to encourage her to do it,
she thinks that's kind of displeasing.
She often sinks deeper into this..unknown darkness.
Everything that's happened to her.
She had to stay strong for so long and now she doesn't know how to let go.
You often see her with a smile on her face from ear to ear they always say.
But they never see the tears
streaming down her face when she fakes the most beautiful smile.
She wonders how it feels, happiness that is.
She was in the second grade when she first thought about it,
thought about her end. She didn't understand it yet, she may never will.
Why they chose to her hurt her so.
Not her friends or bullies at school but her own blood tried to shed her blood.
She wished they finished the job
and now she lays in her bed with a knife in her hand contemplating the many ways it could be done..
something she has done for so many years.
Could this, will this be the last? She came to a simple conclusion.
She needed to change, grow up, and let herself go.
She realized she wasn't depressed..she was never depressed.