A Fallen State

What do I want?

Why should I try?

Maybe I should just give up and die.

What is a need?

And a desire, persay?

But I couldn’t tell you.

I’d have to say “Nay.”


I think what I want

More than anything else

Is to be loved again

By the one I have lost


Maybe my tries

Can get me somewhere.

Maybe once more someday

My love she’ll share.


I want to give up.

I just can’t succeed

I have no control

Except how much I bleed.


My needs, they are few

And I don’t understand

How my desire for love

HER love is not a need.


I can’t live without her.

But she can’t live with me.

I can’t stand myself

And neither can she.


Why do I cry

So awfully and so much?


I don’t give a fuck


I used to, I know.

I should, I know

But still, all I feel

Is my own sorrow


My loss of joy

And laughter and song

All started because

I did something wrong


I kept on doing it

Again, and again

And now all I feel

Is this painful pain


Why did I do that?

I think I know

The boy that I was

Was a fucking ho


I just wanted sex

Or something like that

But now I am vexed

Because I don’t.


What can I hope for

From another try?

With someone different

I’m not going to lie


I would probably just

Mess up all over

I’m trying to adjust

To life without a lover


I can’t ever love someone

At least not like that.

I can’t get married

I can’t have a cat


How do I feel

These feelings right now?

I cry every time

I think of how


No person deserves

Whether woman or man

To deal with my nerves

And my life in this can


I can’t feel attachment

To any but one

But now that I’m like this

She’s forever gone.


Gone without me

Never coming back

She’s able to move on.

But I’m in the past


I try to move forward

Make some headway

But God can’t help me

At least not this way


I can’t change my thoughts

I don’t know why

I’ve tried so many times

Please just let me die


I just can’t do this

Why am I me?
God put me here

But for what? I can’t see.


I can’t even see

The words that I write

Because every night

I cry as I type


How did I get

To this terrible state?

Why can’t I start over

With fresh clean black slate?


No one forgets

And I can’t forgive

Not even myself

I don’t need to live


But what if I do?

What if I’m wrong?

Why can’t I just man up

And be more strong?


Other people

Just might need me.

But if that’s so

Why can’t I see?


I’ve been wrong before

That’s nothing new

I don’t know why

I feel so freaking blue


I try to be tough

For courage, is good.

But my confidence wavers

Whenever I would


End it all please

I want to be done

I talk and I write

But I haven’t won


Why is it so long?

Why is hell so deep?

Why in the world

Are these mountains so steep?


Taller than Everest

Oh, taller by far.

The barometric pressure here

Is more like 0 bars.


No one can hear me

Screaming and dying

So why keep on going?

Why keep on trying?


I need to stop

I complain way too much

My whining is pointless

It doesn’t do much


I need someone now

Someone right here

But nobody’s coming

Nobody, it’s clear


I could run away

I could leave it all.

But that doesn’t end it

And makes others fall


Into this hole

This terrible place

I’m so freaking cold

Just look at my face


Please just stop

My life is o’er


I know what’s in store


I’ll follow this pattern

For all of my life

These seasons in turn

Joy, sorrow, strife.


Nobody’s listening

I wish someone cared

My tears are glistening

And my life, it is tared.


Ended and over

Through and through

I have no lover

And never will, it’s true.


I want to try harder

Really I do

But sometimes I can’t

See past you.


I know there’s more

But God, what else

You’re all I’ve wanted

And nobody else.


I know you don’t hate me.

Of that I’m sure

But I know you can’t love me

As you did before


I ruined it all

I hurt you so much.

The fault is all mine

But at you, you lay the touch


The blame, the guilt

The crime and shame

These all are mine

This is my fame


A destroyer

A heartless man

A murderer

A loser, I am.










The answer is simple.

There is nothing

Nothing at all

Nothing to save me from my awful fall.


I’m lost


And lonely as hell




I’m sorry. I’m falling. I FELL.



For now

Until I am dead.

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