When I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore-
That I was done with it (and her)-
She asked why.
And I tried to explain…
But my founded reasoning fell onto deaf,
And I pacified her like I always used to.
With apologies and
Compromises I never wanted to make
Just to please an old friend.
Now, I haven't spoken to her in several months
And life is good at the moment.
While I may not be home, luckily the place where I'm living at the moment
lacks the animosity I used to have with old friends.
And I haven't hurt myself or gotten drunk
For over 9 months,
And considering how it used to be,
That's a record.
Back when everything was rough for my family
And I was in and out of the hospital,
Going back and forth between my nana's booze,
My nana's lighter,
And my blade;
Back when I was hardly ever at school
Because of all the anxiety it brought
And home was split into 3 places,
None of them stable;
Back when I relied on only one main person to decide
Whether I live or die,
I was fucked up.
Friends since grade school,
Problems since middle school,
It had always been the same.
If I hadn't cut off from my old friend
I would still be in the rut I used to call home.
Now- whether my old friend knows it or not-
I've moved on.
After stumbling around in the dark for so long
I have seen the light.
In 7th grade I became connected to some other artists
Through the internet,
And made friends with one of them.
We clicked almost instantly,
And became very close.
At age 12, my mama had already given me
The whole spiel on talking to strangers
At age 12, I was still fairly innocent and dreamed
Of the best friends you hear about in cheesy movies.
But at that age my mom could still go on another roll
With "strangers-made-friends" on the internet.
Repeatedly over the years she gave me the whole 9 yards:
What if she's a pedophile?
What if she's a serial killer?
What if she is actually a 45 year old pedophile-serial killer?
What did I tell you about talking to strangers?
And my continuous rebuttals went:
My new friend has never once creeped on me
In any way.
And Mama, we've been talking for years now and
If she was a 45 year old pedophile-serial killer
Don't you think she would have snatched me up by now?
Isn't everyone is a stranger until you get to know them?
And so on and so forth until,
Almost 5 years later,
My mama finally comes around
After seeing the negative effects my "real life" friend has had on me
And the positive effects my "online" friend has had on me as well.
(But of course, she will always insist
She knew my old friend was "no good".)
Now I'm living more fully,
Than I ever have before.
With the help of a stupendous best friend
I've conquered mountains.
I've overcome the obstacles my past presented.
I've become happier-
And more stable-
Than I have ever been.
After stumbling around in the dark that was my world for so long
I have finally had that epiphany and seen the light.
And it is rosy.