If we live everyday with the blinds closed, we will never notice if the sun has set or if the moon has risen, rather life takes a standstill.
Similarly, I have been living with eyes, but I have allowed the negativity blind me to the point I have not noticed that time has passed me so fast because I gave permission to my racing thoughts take control. I enabled my own downfall because those thoughts I thought I could live with by giving its own designation time slot to run out, broke the rules. Those one to two hour time slots left for day dreaming and emptying out the garbage can in my head turn into days, then weeks, then months, and it finally took over a year. My life was at a standstill, and I realized this notion the day I actually woke up from my eight hour slumber refreshed.
I went to sleep before that slumber forgiving my demons.
I do not know what made me go through this retribution of forgiveness. I do not know what took me so long to actually wake up from the slumber my brain was in. I do not know what made me lock my happy things away, but somehow I found my key. Just like the times where we will find ourselves chatting away on the phone, and then feeling worried believing we lost that phone at the same time, and when we can't find it, we claim someone stole it, in the same way I was my own solution. I just forgot to look within myself first before blaming others.
My turn around from suicidal tendencies, constant anxiety, and dwelling on problems I can't solve, felt like a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. When I woke up from that slumber I call an overdue metamorphosis, most of me felt sincerely optimistic that everything was finally going to be okay. I stared at my wall filled with old play tickets, prom corsage, pictures, and old cards, and just thanked them. It was those things I kept on my wall that were my happiest times, and even though it was on the right side of my bed I had always slept turned to the left.
My reminders of the good times were subconsciously ignored and all I had to do is look at the other side. I guess this is what they mean when they say after ever rain storm is a rainbow, because I wouldn't feel this happy if I didn't have pain first.
I guess when they say, "The grass is always greener on the other side," this is what they meant. I just needed to remove my curtains/shades so the light can let the grass grow first.