The thoughts of running myself into a car, or wrapping myself around a tree
is automatically followed by that of apathy
and then sorrow for even thinking of putting that kind of weight on my parents
but what if the day comes where i can think about that, and
none of those thoughts follow
that i am not angry enough at myself for even considering bringing any one else that much pain
It used to be just at nights that I felt like stepping in front of a car;
But now its mornings too.
Its afternoons when I have to be at work that I sit on my floor and wish
That I no longer had to use my aching bones to check out someone elses grocerys that
could give two shits about who I was.
I no longer wish to be known as
The Girl that had the pretty face
The Girl that had the good grades; not good enough to get anywhere, but good enough to not have
to be worried about.
The Girl whose known for dating assholes because they seem to love her only a little more
The Girl that has a head on her shoulders and maturity level of an eighty year old woman.
The thoughts of wrapping myself around a tree happen never when I'm happy, no
only when I am by myself
and only when I can't stand who I am anymore
and when I remember how ever so lonely I am,
and the fact that noone, especially not even me,
can stand who I really am
without wanting to wrap themselves around a tree too.