fear
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She is a Devil - I want to pretend that she is an Angel - But she is not - It begs the question - Are there any angels on this site? The ones that look like Angels? Are they really? She is a terrifying Devil - Her face is n
Am I walking too feminine, is my voice too high?
Why else would you call me ma'am as I walk by
If not that, it must be my body, too many curves for sure
You slithered cunningly into our world,
Changed our livelihood many-fold.
Laid waste everything we held dear
No soul spared heartaches tear.
Freedom and laughter gone in a blink,
You materialize in my dreams,
warming to be seen.
Only to be taken away from me
in the morning through open seams.
These states are slightly off, something proving wrong.
I’ve melted my feelings away
But they seem to re-form
What will they all say?
This development; I begin to mourn
I don’t even know if I know the real me,
Isolation, invalidation, a life going unseen
I’ve always felt this way,
invisible I guess
Automatic assumptions -
Laying in bed, lazy and careless, oh how much I had, Power control and respect, but no I JUST RAN AND CRYED, Maby just Maby if I just did somthing,
Isn’t it strange
how we feel feelings
in our bodies?
Like,
when I’m wracked with sobs
I feel it creeping into my lungs
I've been scared go to outside
Afraid to socialize
What they show to the world, I know I'd rather hide
It's hard to decide the people to confide
Am I not enough?
Even for myself . . . ?
This heavy burden stacks upon me
This thought never leaving, always nearby
This is so rough
I told you not to look at me
For fear you’d see the real me
For fear I would expose myself
And open up a black hole door
When you fail
How does it feel?
Upsetting?
Or
Like you’re falling
Down
Down
Down
Like you hurt someone you loved.
When you ignore someone
How do you feel?
Clouds roll in
As darkness falls
electricity dances over my skin
And the voice in the void calls
I scream out to reach you
A gap, an abyss, my spirit amiss
Restraints & controls so tight
So far from your light
The depths above; your fathomless love
An olive branch in the mouth of a dove
I have so much hate. But it might be because I'm confused.
I'm not mad at anyone, I'm mad at the world.
Mad because nobody listens.
Mad because people are selfish and rude.
You and I have never met
But I am the child you must not forget.
I am the child who whimpered in pain.
I am the child who was beaten and slain.
I am the child who cried at night.
I don't wanna feel this wayGod, take this pleaseIt's like a heavy black cloud has settled on meA weight on my shoulders that I just can't liftEvery decision I make feels wrongAlways second guessing
Running away from the fear of the shadow Running away from the face of death. Losing myself to the fate of the helpless Losing myself to this fate that I've met. Keeping my way on the path that I've set. Pausing only to make sure I didn't forget
Everyone says," Why he is like that?" What? Black or insane?
Then I tell them about my pain, my suffering, and they all say the same
Why would I be lying on my dead friends name? I was 8 when I first took drugs- I was in vain
She was tiny for her age, 12 and 4'7. 13 but full of rage and despise, hatred actually, I did not enter this world a full person, torn in half a birth,lack of empathy many say. Did it feel good?
Be brave enough to walk awayAnd don't look backBe brave to say goodbyeBe brave enough to go your wayBe brave not to tell a lie.
Roses aren’t always red.
Violets aren’t strictly blue.
Not every glimmer’s surely gold-
You’ll never really know the truth!
She woke up at peace soon frantic to find something to occupy herself with.
The peace was too still and the noise was too quiet.
I’m a shell of who I was
I'm just an actor in this performance
I dance to the music of my sweet sorrows
But the stage is still empty
I am the Director
I scratch at my face
I know she's in there
Maybe if I go deep enough she’ll come back
But I bite my nails
Look in my eyes
I stared longingly,
As she sat across from me.
Now she's gone and no one seems to care
I stood over there,
My face red in shame.
Why won't these strange feelings die in vein.
Silence came to me. The word was suddenly empty, and the dialogue numb.
I wasn’t sure whether I was in a dream or elsewhere.
Isn't it funny how sometimes
The fear doesn't come until the danger's already passed?
.
But then it hits you, all at once,
As if to try to make up for it
For letting it's guard down
My Secret Place. Well, secret in my eyes. It’s the only place I can go when I need to be alone. Alone with my thoughts, The leaves made the perfect hiding place from the sun. hiding behind the clouds. It was so quiet.
Been looking for affection
at a rich man’s resurrection
found plenty of gold
but little introspection
His friends cry crocodile
and the family’s lamenting
I'm just tired.
Not the kind that sleep can cure.
Tired of being let down.
Tired of faking happiness.
Tired of being sad.
Tired of waking up and feeling like I'm worthless.
Tired of trying.
I'm sitting on the tongue of a wild beast--
The red rasp stained like concrete when children scape their knees.
I can't fall. I know I can't fall again,
because I'm terrified to see the bones underneath--
Why haven’t you come out?
It doesn’t make sense
You know your parents would… probably accept you
They are allies, you know that much
Miller used his Crucible as a way of representing McCarthyism in America, he did not directly give the creatures name but alluded to it by using a recurring historical theme in America
This isnt your average love poem
i dont want to compare your eyes to the stars or the moon
i want to compare them to the eyes of a killer
ready to strike at my weakest moment
I have never really been a person to really enjoy when it was Spring,
Because I never really sat back and thought about all of the changes and the beauty that it can bring.
The best way that I can explain life is that it is like a thread,
And the length of your string all depends on what you went through and the words that were said.
Beautiful ocean waters, glising bright blue
As your white fomey waves dance up shore
Manny have no clue
To the hidden things that we ignore
Why is it that our minds try to convince us that the worst is going to come true?
And that even when you try to convince yourself other wise, it doesn't seem to work, no matter what you do.
Chances were set to be taken, but most people run from them.
Running ends up being the reason we fail.
You can't chase a shadow away with light and you can't bludgeon your heart without feeling the weight suffocate you.
Here it comes again
drowning me
swallowing me whole
Here it comes again
that wretched beast
pulling me in
with its sharp claws
and horrible breath
Here it comes again
I am a warrior.
A warrior of blood and bone.
A warrior of heart and tears.
A warrior.
A warrior who cries so many tears that she competes with rivers.
The kindness that draws A spirit closer to home
The mindlessness, flaws That makes us our own
Are all part of people Those lost and those found
None reaching the steeple But all heaven bound
I never been this confused,
what if my life will just turn to blue?
How will I survive,
if I don't know what to do.
The year I was born
Was the same year Matthew Shepard was murdered
The same year blood filled our televisions
And anger burned our throats
The year I was born was when everything changed
Do not fear the setting of the sun
Do not fear when darkness comes
Do not fear the howling wind
For with each night, a day begins
You can shiver in your skin
O’ museum of bones
These days when one googles: bigotry; One face shows up, not by hypocrisy, Not by accident. This is a darn travesty.The leader of such a wonderful countryShould not be carrying this ugly baggageOf bigotry, racism, and hate.
To live is to risk dying
To depart’s to risk losing your way
To laugh is to risk looking foolish
To wake is to risk a new day
To accept is to risk apathy
To attempt is to risk despair
I waited for you in the hallway
But I did not hear your voice
I waited for your call in the night
But my phone did not stir
I waited for your love
But it would never be mine
Friday night, first week of May, you brought me here like a child. Hungry for new experiences. A new world. Scared that that world might not accept him as he is. Nervous.That night we drank, we danced, we laughed, and we kissed….
I wish I’d told you how good you looked in your suit when you picked me up for Homecoming.
I wish I’d told you how much I think about the time we went to the corn maze.
The canoe has a hole in it
Still we took it out so far
And travelled all the coves
No one is in the houses
Only buzzards flying above us
Time is owned by the trees
I’ve come to notice
On the days we scream the loudest
Our pleas have no ear to fall on
Yet a whisper of success can be heard for miles
I’ve come to notice that there is no such thing as wasted tears
Pussy
is that how others see me
a coward
filled with anxiety and trepidation
too fearful to exist without
gentle coddling
mewling and cowering
The day is done
The sun is sinking into the bathtub
Flinging toys flinging joys across the sky.
The day is done
I’m happy
I’m proud of who I am
I believe in myself
I’m a successful person
Liar
I’m excited for the world!
I’m an exceptional musician
I play with a fruitful passion
Disappointment
What can be understood
From a thing unknown
That only takes
But never gives
A certain possibility
Given only to those
Sometimes I feel as if I am transparent, my vulnerabilities and fears tattooed across my body, worry and wonder worry and wonder until my mind runs into circles of doubt, never ending, the rhythm of my heart beats in tune with this, th
It's funny.
I find myself running,
unable to breathe.
The pain in my feet told me to keep on going,
Even though my turning stomach disagreed.
I felt like I swallowed the whole ocean
So here we are
New world, new us
It’s been a while
Since we’ve fought
Maybe it’s the thrill of it all
Or maybe our priorities just switched
But hey
We’ve got time
Right?
Begging with your strong fingertips
You grasped into my vacant soul
For dear life
Your eyes screamed for my body
A stare so heavily
It burnt the clothes off my body
Reckless, you left my heart
The hate. It rages;
burns my shackles to reality
until I am no longer bound.
So I whither and shrink and hide,
like an arachnid,
Disgust is in disguise.
In the world's crust, it hides.
But it’s all on us, we normalize.
We adapt to pain to make chains.
And no change.
2020 is about to end, this is the last day of the year.During the last 366 days, there has been much fear.Many people have suffered because of Covid-19.People have perished but now we have a vaccine.
For the losers who lost us. The people who loved us. The lucky people who get to meet us.
This is for you.
I don't have an attitude, just a personality you can't handle love.
For the losers who lost us. The people who loved us. The lucky people who get to meet us.
This is for you.
I don't have an attitude, just a personality you can't handle love.
Here you are again,
wandering around the block,
with that smile you use to pretend
not being caught up in your thoughts.
Here you are again,
but now, you're being brave.
Notions pervade your brain,
Close your pretty eyes,
Let your mind be clear,
give it many tries,
until your vicinity disappears.
Can you feel your sunshine soul?
Can you hear your heart of gold?
Can you perceive your passion for life,
Facing him everyday,
His eyes piercing mine,
His words touching my soul,
I cant talk,
Fuck the world,
cause I can only see him,
One day I'll tell him,
How I feel,
Muscles tense, eyes shifting 'round.
Throat tight, stomach full of knots.
I run faster and faster...
'Have to keep going.'
I look behind me;
It's getting closer.
it’s 3 am and i’m laying in my own bed for the first time in months. the candle beside me flickers unevenly and the hum from the ceiling fan above is deafening if i pay too much attention.
is it me, or just a comforting presenceone that wont look at you wrong, a fear of feeling i may never be more than you wanted me to bea wild feeling, one i cant escape are you a feeling, or true comfortsecurity, safety, and seamless satire who am
It’s CLEAR That Government Tactics Are Now Causing DAMAGE... !!!
To Employment And Lives That Are Now COLLAPSING... !!!
Due To Tactics UNWISE That Are Now Causing PANIC... !!!
It's a sharp crack in the air
The grain splits down the middle
A thin line that resembles ruptured cement during an earthquake emerging
A violent tremble pierces the air
I've lost my position as Queen at the throne.
My king, my life, my home, all slipping away, gone.
Your loss, due to the fuck shit you be on.
Soon I will sit in emptiness, be isolated and alone.
No one said that this was going to be easy, but it is something that you know you have to do,
And when you first embark on this journey it can be difficult because you do not have a clue.
PAPA
I felt you weeping today. As you listen to the song
that life has given you to play....
The colors of the dayHave drifted away
From bright yellow, pale blue and pink.
The pain and the fear are ghosts,
spectres,
a fabrication of reality.
In a moment they will appear and then vanish and I will be left wondering why I followed them into the dark.
The pain and the fear are ghosts,
spectres,
a fabrication of reality.
In a moment they will appear and then vanish and I will be left wondering why I followed them into the dark.
Ya Know I Have Been Told That My Voice RATTLES... !!!
But Folks You KNOW... I AIN'T NO SNAKE... !!!!
So I Think it's THOSE Who BATTLE...
With Talk They... CANNOT TAKE...
Who Make These Types of Comments...
VULNERABILITY
It’s a marvelous sight
to open the curtain
and give the stage
to vulnerability
with her sweet rage
she's the sister of love
so free
The wars my eyes have seen
The bullets emerge from your mouth as you spit and speak
Don't shoot,
I beg
Please surrender
This battle is killing me
You were my dad that I once knew,
But little do you know
the pain you put me through.
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but a thousand lies.
You say that you love me more than I know
Will I
Remember at the end?
Crying eyes
Yet I like to pretend
Questions not asked
That how I want it to be
Die young and live fast
I'm hurting, can't you see?
I wear a big ol smile
Fearofflying—facing fearhe boarded the planewhich some minutes after takeoffviolently shook and then plummeted toward earth—him being sad, not over his impending death, but having just won the lottery
Isn't it so funny how we all sit there and create these different scenarios in our heads,
But most of the time they are negative ones, and they are things that we dread.
Don't you See them? Can't you hear them?
Craven things
The voices that wont let you be
All ways there
allways watching, allways chating
the voiceless words
confined
can't sleep.
it feels like these walls are closing in on me
so i find shelter in your arms instead.
(i could stay here forever.)
your golden-brown skin is warm and inviting.
on the outside i stay cool and collected --
freezing my feelings so i'll never crack.
but on the inside,
you pace around my mind like you don't know where you're going,
and i don't have a roadmap.
i think i'm even more lost than you are.
honeysuckle lips
almost touching mine, but not quite
they drip below
the crook of my nose,
slide down,
down,
I know it's silly
...
i use to fall asleep
i would see your face
my eyelids would fill
with bright colors
and my nose would
breathe in your scent
and i would hold you close
My family not being proud of me
My friend loosing her life over a cheater
Moving to Texas to leave everything behind
To be depressed, weak, and unatural
Not seeing my father again
Bulimia.
A sickness created by one's thoughts and perceptions.
Something that destroys the body with every bite.
She tries to fight off the painful realizations
Hello, My name is....
you probly dont care.
I mean who am I?
A girl in a crowd...
I open up.
and you close.
My mind starts to wonder...
what couldve been if i said my name?
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
I have friends.
those friends care about me.
sometimes I need someone to talk to.
I can talk to my friends when I need someone to listen to me.
I am not merely seeking attention because of this.
Wolves howl on this silent night.
Singing out anguish to the moon.
Letting their fear and anger be known.
Raising their voices, letting their pain be known.
Locked myself in the bathroom
I Could feel your arms on me
Your tears on my cheek
Screaming please don't leave
But that was in my dreams
But in real
I feel dead inside
When will the crippling fear end?
Am I a lost cause?
Could I have changed the course?
I could have told them
I let them believe the lie
If only they knew
All Of Me
I go to check if my heart is still there
It’s not, you stole it
And all I can feel is blood filling up the empty space
The sky is a green stagnant swamp.
The marching thunder approaches,
More rapidly with every peal.
Dawns light tries to infiltrate,
But it is muted by the oppression ,
Of the vault of steel clad clouds.
Last night the breeze sang a lullaby.
This dawn it screamed in howls.
The distant rumbling approaches,
Unlike the peaceful quiet of last night.
The wind is lifting swirls of leaves.
Days are long and quiet,
I am neither here nor there,
And no matter where I'm hiding,
I'm pinned beneath his stare.
He watches when I'm sleeping,
Perfectly aware
That when I wake up screaming
The waves flooding back easily
yellow ball of energy
traveling& transforming
from yin to yang
A calm ocean
so delightful
animals dancing in their praise
from fin
to fang
“Take me,” She said. So I took her away. I went inside, but not like they went inside. See, I didn’t make her
suffer when I felt her flesh. They took away my innocence while I confirmed hers. You call me “girl” and call me “crazy”
I am a wimp, I know it's true.
I'm more afraid of bugs than you.
There are many things I'd rather do
Than go near a bug and kill it too.
I'd rather step in fresh dog poo.
Walking down the streets of my city
Fearing for my life
Fearing that I might not live until tomorrow
Fearing that I won’t be able to succeed in life
Like the sound of distant coughing
the masks of people’s courage fail
and we flail in amongst our daydreaming fears
the tears of beast we don’t normally acknowledge
wind rattling weightless backyard furniture
wings buzzing near the pane
scampering lizard up the wall
scorpion families opening pincers into spring
even as I type the word
scorpion
I wish a
Fearing death is like fearing a sneeze
After it’s over, people will turn their heads
Some will say bless you
Even those who never knew you
The town’s once busy streets
Are filled with silent ghosts
The loud squeals of children playing
Are replaced with lost hopes
So many cry in fear of death
The thought of losing their one last breath
I begged you for forgiveness
But you sat on your throne a laughed
I know you gave me my time with him like I asked you too
You gave me his love so you could watch me
As you took it all away from me forever
i thought i would feel peace
but all i feel is chaos
slipping deeper into the black
falling from anyone’s grasp
as the seconds continue to pass
i thought they would come and go
but dark thoughts have come to stay
the light has become dimmer
and the faint glow continues to be overpowered
were those promises ever true
i am no longer sure
this emptiness has remained in me for too long
your words do not bring me comfort anymore
What, shall I fear the veiled unknown?
To die and pass the mortal shroud
They say ascencion through the cloud
Will whisk me to the Gloried Throne,
But what awaits? No tongue has told
Fear twists itself
around me:
legs wrapped over
my waist and its arms
restraining mine
We stumble to the precipice
teetering towards
the empty expanse
of the Dreamscape
How beautiful you are
So deep in your despair
Lying, sleeping on the couch
The curls in your dark hair
How soft your face appears
When you're lost within your dreams
How long will it take me just to get rid of anxiety
My shaky hands can show you i'm not used to the formality
But as I find myself growing more out of my comfort zone
I think I finally found a way to call it a normality
I released you, my beautiful and passionate
anxiety. I release you. You were my beloved
and hated twin, but now, I don’t know you
as separate from myself. I release you with all the
Depression isn’t gentle
She doesn’t knock when she enters the room
Or text you before she comes over
Instead she kicks down the door and takes what is hers
She does not need your opinion
Depression grips my wrist like a child in a storm
Holding me a hostage, in my head and in my dorm
Filling me with sadness that cannot be explained
Like my head is full of cannon balls and my ankles all but chained.
My drive...what ignites the part of me to be the best me
My fear of disappointment…
I wouldn't wanna spread it to anyone else,
Like a disease.
The colors within your gaze slay my yearning soul
Crawl into the crevices between my agony and desire
Inspire hope. Love. Fear
Have I created you in my mind?
Surely nothing so divine is tangible
A picture with no shadows in itHas all too much to hide.Pompous, plushy, prickly colorsWherein no truth resides.
i descend in my seat, waiting for the lesson to begin
looking around, all I see is desert
a desert so dry and empty yet so full of people i may never see again
There are rythms that echo through
my rib cage, each bone curving as your
a note gets cut off.
It is hard to hear, when
other heartbeats play loudly like a siren
Its okay to love another, but
Who will I be
when the world claims me as its own,
Anxiety of future life fills the void I fail to feel,
Raging sea, inside of me. Inside my mind I'll forever be. Anger turns to madness. Joy turns to sadness. I crumble and fall. I grasp and I claw; and yet, still I lose it all. I beg and I crawl. Please take this pain away, I plead.
Sometimes the soulRises up. Dances in the sky. SometimesIt liesDefeated on the ground. •Somtimes theWind gently blowsThrough the fieldsOf corn. Sometimes it turnsTo cold and wet Leaving all the earthCompletely shorn. •Sometimes the nightIs stil
Plant a kiss
On whoever’s forehead you can
Without awakening
The more goodbyes the better,
But too many
On those who care too much
Dear Father,
You were there for my birth
At least I think you were
But that’s about it
You saw me growing up
But I would rarely see you
You're like smoke.
-
Shapeless, or just too many shapes to settle on anything real, anything solid.
-
If I make myself look, I can see you- a looming, dark, mass always present in the corner of my thoughts
-
Death came to them and said
"Look at me children"
And they refused to look
So they were reaped with the harvest
Death came to them and said
"Look at me children"
And they looked upon him
They expect me to stand here in silence to find worth in how they deprived me of who I truly was .
Always chasing you till you're beat.
Doesn't discriminate, just defeats.
It is always there hoping you hide,
But now is not the time to be shy.
Take the fear and pass it on.
MY JANUARY RESPONSE
Thu, 01/02/20 - 4:23 PM
by Debi Lyn
It feels like forever; I sure hope things are better.
There was a time when I was trapped by fears
No day went by I didn't shed tears
Haunted by these worries, counting every scar and ache
It seemed every moment I could feel my heart break
Are You AFRAID of What You See When You look At Me ... ?
Well Can't You See That This Is How Most Racists Be ... ?
If You're AFRAID ... Because I'm Tall And Black ...
Why Be Like That I'm Just A Man ... ?!?
Anna was walking late one night,
Hunting for some food to bite
But she fell down a simple flight
Of stairs that truly were a sight
They found Anna the following day,
Fire starts with “F” because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
It makes fathers faint and mothers flee from their homes.
It causes fear to purge from one place to the next.
I was a kid with fear residing inside me,
My biggest fear was my grandma.
Mostly children love their grandma,
But I hated her & was afraid of her,
And my biggest worry was to face her.
...I wasn’t always like this you know,
there was a time when I saw beauty in life,
electricity in the magnificent mechanics of life,
Traumatized
Shaking, Crying
not leaving home
because the nightmares keep following you
Keys in your fist
Pepper Spray in the other
Attachment is too risky
Attachment is a universal sign of something that can be broken
Whether it be from love, hardship, differences
i’m supposed to be doing homework,
but how can i focus on vectors when i’m picturing you on the edge,
fire out of your control and closing in?
will i be enough for you
Sweet treachery on a night of drought,
And no, I did not see the billow coming.
I held no thirst or thoughts about
The sounds of soft waves drumming.
Memories created are stored in the colors of sky and sea,
grass and kitchen counter.
Feelings of music and pain are stored in the apple-scented air and sweet breeze of the place I used to be.
It Seems That FEAR Is groWING Here ... !!!
Because Some People Have Shed TEARS ... !!!
TEARS Because A Loved One's GONE .........................................
I have a fear of the unknown.
The idea of space frightens me,
an endless void where what happens to me does not matter.
I am afraid of meaning nothing.
My room is full of stars,
Walking up a concrete hill on the way home from school.
The sun beams against my back.
Creating a shadow darker than my caramel skin.
My fears fall upon me like
Shadows on the ground,
And the shadows slither
Towards me.
Staring at me
With their many
Many eyes.
I cower,
But I don't back down.
They whisper to me
Behind closed doors she hides herself
and what she has become,
the cuts, the bruises,
the angry words said -
that should never be undone.
But luckily she lives and so forgives "Him"
I reached for you.
and in the darkness,
I was unaware that you,
were the monster I feared.
Now, I do not fear monsters.
I fear ignorance.
I give everything I can
(in fear that you'll leave)
my time my home my patience
and don't expect to receive
I can't lose another best friend
(because I lost more)
my love my trust my faith
the taste on my tongue
of bitter words
that could leave you stung
the fire in my heart
of frustrated feelings
that would lead me to fall apart
the thoughts in my head
“Who goes there?“
Said I into the black.
No reply, except the echo back,
Except the echo that,
Bounced through the walls
Of the cluttered hall,
Giving way to pause, as my heart stalls.
The advice from Mímir was surrounding, supportive,
consuming and debilitating.
The feeling of a sentence derived from admiration.
With the seeds of ideas planted,
I’ve considered putting my hair
Into a ponytail when I’m sleeping
Because my hair not soft against my
Cheek and gets in my eyes and is
Hot. I’ve also considered getting
Another better-paying job. Both
I have a hostageBack away, do what I sayOr come clean up a bloody stageThis ain’t no animeThis here is a 12 gaugeIt ain’t blasphemeIt’s reality without a backstageI am here, with myself
I can feel it ever slipping away,
Diluting into the abyssal dark.
I only feel all that is not okay
As everything dons a new shrouding mark.
barely a woman at all, at 14
i began a search for love. to prove to myself that
i could be loved.
i began a search for a feeling. to feel anything.
Everyone always tells me I have a way with words.Yes, my pen scribbles almost uncontrollably, when I picture you, and how I like to describe who you are, and how much an acquaintence could possibly mean to me.
When the heart is unaware
Of the hurting whimpers of despair
The nasty wails don't come out loud
But manage to get suppressed in a shroud
The boogeyman is real
just not quite in the way we think
he is not a behemoth of green flesh
no,
the boogeyman wears blue.
He does not linger underneath her your bed
he roams in the open world
I hope tomorrow never comes.
Tonight to last forever.
If we wake to the sun,
rays on our face,
it's too late.
I'll know theres no time to leave this place.
Morose feeling inside.
middle school is really hard you know
it's an obsatcle of things
don't you know
you think you know stuff
but to be honest you don't
it's not what you thought it be
it's the exact opposite of things
1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 3. pause
BEat drones like a belle
where does the noise aller?
interruption With pleurs
Mystery my dear
That's all you may see
Some see a challenging view
Some see a hurting soul
Who were you?
Who will you be?
Dedicated to all victims of bullying, which include girls & boys of all ages, sizes, and backgrounds. (That includes me too.) "You can beat a bully without using your fists!"
Why is the world so judgmental?
Like people,
Hungry animals choose their prey
By looking for the weak or wounded
They pursue them—
Sweet sage. Tears. Hands clinched around another's as we sink, slipping below the original position.
The land shifts like dreams. Massive. Mother loves and cries of her blessings eternally.
Cycle Synechis.
A spirit light, a heart unbound
A place to stand, safe from thunderclouds
A mind at rest, a heart at peace
Where home is warm, and meant to be
A harbor strong amidst the rain
You told me that your name was Maria,
And that you came
From the Netherlands,
But you looked more like a Latina,
With flowing dark hair, maybe a natural tan,
I was in love,
So much in love,
-spend every moment doing meaningless things just to make time pass by faster.
-take a hot bath as to finally feel something warm.
I came downstairs crying one night
When I was a little girl
Because I was scared
That someone I love would die,
Would get sick and die,
Is that my heart in your pocket or are you just happy to hurt me?
What’s a masterpiece like you doing with a disaster like me?
Hey, you see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m stable?
The world is dry and I wish to find an oasis,
I am delirious with thirst and the scorpion's poison looks like lemonade
I am trying not to turn to toxin
but the things I feel are tragic
I wish to have no part in them
Why do you shun the gentleness in me?
Is such affection scarred within you; is it a reminder of pain?
I am not your pain. Will you not let me love you?
I am crawling and falling and calling
I need you to hear me, come near me, don’t fear me
while you flee, watch me bleed, please don’t leave
cause I’m flying and I’m crying, but I’m dying
My mind is a battlefield
It has trouble distinguishing danger from safety
It makes rain on a tin roof sound like gun fire
Makes fireworks on the Fourth of July into an air raid
Your fingers slowly push on my shoulder,
And lower back,
Quietly pulling me closer to you.
Until our hearts are pressed together,
Beating as one.
Living with anxiety is like living in an invisible box. It has 7 walls, one for every day of the week and a glass ceiling to remind you that you’ll never escape. The box’s name is fear.
What if I could live in a world in which I never fell for you? What if I never fell for you? What if I never fall again? Never feel the scrape of my knees hitting earth again.
Christ within, Christ without. To the heavens I scream and shout. Inside my head I should find no doubt. But inside a bed, there it lay. Forever it wish to stay. My heart, it hopes to sway. To bring about my own dismay.
Just one more
I promise that’s it
Just one more
Then I promise I’ll quit.
Those lies you spoke
for so many years
An ocean of needles
and too many beers.
By the time you read this I’ll be alive, but I suppose that won’t always be the case. Death is as inescapable as tuna casserole at least once a season or as unavoidable as smiling when you see that person, at least just a little.
They told me, all my young life:
Time heals all wounds --
and I assumed that they were right.
But what, I wonder,
heals the wounds
that Time inflicts?
Looking up
I will see
the Archer
high above me
his bow
pointing at me
his star eyes
staring coldly
fear
it surrounds me
as I flee
knees collapsing
Sparkling eyes and tender flesh are shielded from the world in a tight hug.
A photograph captures my father’s love.
you were joy, broken joy,
shreds of it scattered.
and between your lines
lie chasms,
dark, endless, hopeless.
but you masked your chasms
by wringing out sunshine.
and thus,
Stillit sits there, bones and all, grounded in the monotonous planecolor unyieldingPoised to begin, possessing the knowledge of the end.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Raising the sword of vengeance the bringer of death waves truth in your face,
Beads of sweat, torments of yesterday with possibilities of a crime without a trace,
In a narrow crevice
where echoes the hunting hawk's screech,
a cougar asks a bear to explain
***Trigger Warning***
“Boys will be boys”
“Let bygones be bygones”
“Forget about it”
“Get over it.”
I'm afraid to feel nothing
I am happy to feel tired
If that is the one thing I am
Then I am tired
Say it as my first name
As my title
I embrace the fatigue
I do not want to be empty
A broken window,
Stands out in a parade out gold,
Glass shining, shimmering.
The ghost of the past,
Still haunts me,
Night terrors grab me.
My lungs breathe in desire,
And they release regret,
the mutterings
the mutterings
the
hush
no
oh but I can not hold
they swell and they mingle
with words not my own
is this the fate?
seeking and penning and pining?
Crack, boom, pop
The news ricochets around the room like a bullet
It explodes in our ears
Crack, boom, pop
Right near the playground
The report says
When I was younger I could not wait to grow up
I would see all these people and admire their glow up
Little did I know that it was all trap
Because just when I hit 18 there was no going back
“Hello old friend”
I say with a grin on my face
As I stare away blankly towards space.
It’s been a while since we first met.
There’s something in the water
Just below the surface
Every time I look away it glimmers.
A gentle splash
Lapping of water on the hull of my leaky boat.
a few days agoi wanted to sit down and write about how unappreciated you werenot that i changed my mind, noi still believe thatbut todaytodayi'm hurti'm hurt that
It was a foolish mistake to think that I could escape from you.Even if I wanted to,You seemed to lurk in the shadows.In the dark I could hear your laughter;Knowingly mocking my vulnerability.
Who put the baby in the drivers seat
Beause I promise you I´m like 12
Why are you putting these keys in my hand
Ok I guess this is happnening
I used to have a car seat
It was blue AND pink with little flowers
welcome friend, it's dark down here.
for most, it's much too grim
the table's set with plates half empty
the cups spill o'er their rims
I'm sorry I closed off
a generic ringtone, a sound foreign to this 2am hour
a beat as we freeze, glancing down, and then up
"hello?"
a motion towards the bottle
clink, pour, swallow
"things aren't looking too good"
a pause
Grey skies overhead.
Blue seas below, waving.
Green trees, hoping for a chance to start anew.
Red fire giving trees a chance.
Grey skies put the fire out, the sea ceases its spread, the trees start anew.
Im sorry I grew up mom
I’m sorry I’m not your little girl anymore..But no matter how many times you try to deny that it’s me and I need to change Frankly you have no say in this matter....
Sometimes we run.
Just run. And run.
Sometimes not fast enough
to escape our problems.
But sometimes we run
so fast
we forget to
slow down
and enjoy our gift.
I am like a hand grenade. Come one step too close and I pull the tab. I don't trust anyone to keep me safe. I'd much rather be the one to destroy myself.
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
I live with evil creatures in my soul,
I have to fight to keep control.
They yell and scream to be let out,
And then they punish me after every bout.
The sound comes from down the hall
It draws nearer as you fill with dread
They reach the classroom
Shots fire through the room
It's been years now but, the words still hurt like it was yesterday. I am grown now but, why do I still feel this childish hurt everday. I say im happy but, I still find myself in the back of the room or comfortable only in the shadows.
Through the sky Death shall rise,
On rotten wings will he fly.
With the stench of torture on his clothes,
He sends Fear into all his foes.
No one else can see them, the different hues and vibrant shades.My minds own ROY G BIV.When I close my eyes I see them all the time;Deep, candied red of the French roses;Soft, afterglow orange of the fairie lights;
We all claim to need closure.
And yes, it is quite a wonderful thing to have.
To know the exact science of, why, how, who, and when.
But sometimes that doesn't happen.
When I was twelve I asked my mother if
I could go bungee jumping. She said
NO. But she let me go paragliding.
I took the chance.
She told me with a red face.
Our silent rage crackled around us like lightning in the rumble before the rain.
I heard her whisper- through her teeth,
My therapist said that I might have PTSD;that the sight of any bug in my bed may send
me into hysterics. She says that I’m scythingtoo much skin off around my ankles, and my
The reason why we fear is we believe everything is real.
Fear thrives off of secrecy and hiding, thats real.And emotions such as shame and guilt are used to confide in, thats real.
in my head
something was not right
it took time to realize
but i finally changed my life around
in my head
pain and fear swirled about
The shocking electric pulse,
Flowing through my veins.
I’m charged and strong,
Ready to fly,
Through the driving rains.
I drop a single bolt,
One day you're home,
and then another you are left all alone.
Abandoned, gone, and lost.
Looking around like theres been a holocaust.
People say life is black and white-
Growing up,
We wanted to make our family proud.
Our teachers thrilled.
Our peers happy.
But growing up,
We always made our family shake their head in disappointment,
Our teachers in disapprovement,
how do you tell someone something so crazy
that you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel
that youre an angel thats just been begging to go home
how do you tell someone something so personal
thanks to society she learned to hate her body
"youre skinny"
you must be anorexic
oh youre not okay heres an extra burger you need it honey
your hairs not perfect
you must not care what you look like
She wonders why she feels this way;
Living in the shadows of her pain.
Why do they ignore her daily?
Is this a sign her efforts are failing?
Surely someone has answers for her;
Stormy weather comes with the lighting that flashes, but never strikes
The thunder that cracks, but inevitably fades
The wind that pushes, and almost wins
The rain that drenches, and weighs her down slightly
Cant you hear it?there is musicfrom behind the walls.whimsical windits callingbegginglisten listen listen
At the age of 4, I began new adventures;
A hedgehog, a vampire, no, a gamer starting to venture.
I was new and inexperienced, I just didn’t understand,
Like Kindergarten and field trips, I was entering a new land.
Let me tell you of the week I grew up.
No, not physically but mentally and emotionally.
The physical age does not matter;
what matters is that the week before I loved candy.
Fear is a looming gray
Looks like a rainy day where the sun won’t come out
Smells like the stink of sulfur
Tastes like bitter acid
Will you still be here, when my fingers fall to pieces?
Broken glass beneath my toes, a reminder of my own fate.
Will you still listen, when the words mean nothing?
Focus Misdirected
They won’t like me
they don’t care
they look upon my person
and see nothing
as if I am not there.
The fear of rejection
I would push myself everyday
To walk the streets abandoned by my mother
Wrap my words with her lies
And sell them as truth
She would lend me her voice to call out my demons
Every thread, stitched by my hand, can unravel, I think
Every step carries potential falls
I’ve draped myself in the guise of a fan-favorite
Covered my face with unnatural colors
Dear Fear,
I know this won't reach you but
I'm writing this letter as a means to an end
Once upon a time I loved you dearly
With words that burn and bite and sting,
they creep up on your mind and ring
until you no longer sleep at night.
There are sounds and smells
that remind you of days passed,
I stare into a face that frightens me more than ever,How can I stand and say i’m not afraid ? I see the eyes and i’m sure I know better, Than to cross paths with this 8-legger.Why oh why, do spiders frighten me ? Is it because I imagine them crawl
Some times I think down of myself
Such as not earning something I worked hard for
Or being denied a spot during the first picks
Maybe its a fear of rejection
I was terrified of failure
inadequacy
imperfection
The worst when I worked incredibly hard
What a waste of time
to fall just short of success
Rows upon rows of tennis shoes jumped and played around,
sweet voices and laughter filled the air.
Eyeballs were everywhere, observing, absorbing, deducing, condemning.
Out of the corner of my brainI see it marching in.The dictator over all million little things:Fear. When fear arrives, the million little things wandering in my mindgo into hiding.They try to surrender.They take their own lives.They are shot do
At any given moment, I just might break
Fall to my knees, head in my hands kind of just might break
Fear in my eyes, regret on my mind kind of just might break
Why am I alive, how did I survive kind of just might break
To be a kid again, life was simpler then,
With carefree afternoons and evenings
That left you in bed content with
Pleasant dreams and memories.
Soaring through the air,
heart pounding
and beads of sweat flying from my forehead,
the screaming line above my head,
the air throwing my hair
and rushing through my clothes,
You were there at my arrival.
You were there as I sprout.
Now it’s all a blur, in my rejected state of mind.
You shun me away, when I wanted to play.
You shun me away, when I just wanted you to stay.
Robbed of a sweet childhood,
you stole my innocence.
I wanted to save you
and you punished me for loving you.
I wanted to take your pain away,
you wanted to intensify my heartache.
A nigh of mischief,
an adventure,
a nightmare.
Speed up! No.
I'll crash,
I'll fall,
the world will spin
But the night is young.
Under the full moon
It struck me with the fury
of one thousand lightning bolts.
Although the cool ocean invited me,
instead I chose to hit the concrete.
I felt the light of my being go out.
Step after step, we approach the hospital
A summer of hot, humid Air
Astonishment fills, and we realize how little
of the human condition we know of or care.
India, the country of which we treck
It seems like you are trapped,
do not know what path to take.
You see the high mountain ahead,
which will lead to your destiny.
Sometimes I wonder
If others think the way I do.
It’s different in my mind.
Harder to imagine people and lives.
Everyone seems so far away.
he's a liar.
fear whispers in your ear,
looks over your shoulder,
places his cold hands
around your neck.
"you can't possibly
do it," he says.
"thinkthinkthink
Change is what scares me the most.
But being afraid of something that is constant,
Worrying over the what-ifs, and the “what’s next?”
Will only create a scarier effect.
So I travelled exactly 7,403 miles from home.
You threatened me with good times,
I am a flower,
I opened my petals and let you in.
You picked me from a garden and discarded me when the smell wore off,
When I began to wilt I was no longer your muse,
4 years agoI found something I didn’t know.It would change my life,Wasn’t sure it was right,Probably explains why I cried,Felt like I didn’t have a soul. It took seventeen yearsAnd seventeen years of fearBut in the mirror of my integrity,There wer
Thump. Thump.
I stand in complete darkness
Thump. Thump.
Waiting for the curtains to creep open.
Thump. Thump.
Knees Shaking
Thump. Thump.
Heart pounding
Thump Thump
No it’s not “Ha-mong” it’s “Hmong”
The “H” is silent so get it right
We don’t come from China or say ching chong
So don’t make assumptions on where we’re from, get out of my sight
I. Depression
I'm tired of this regression
All of this damn stressin'
People, they get this impression
They say its near aggression
Don't understand this obsession
With things like secression
It’s scales up the spine
Looking for a place, a new
To inhabit
Some get lucky and through it
Before it eats them
Others do not
It consumes them whole
Eating away
Anxiety.
It’s always been there,
Lurking in the depths.
Have I learned how to rid it?
Not yet.
But as a person who has beliefs of what there is above,
I have put my fears to faith
Fear.
She envelopes us like a cold day without a jacket.
Shivering like bare shoulders, chills climbing in the crooks of collapsing collarbones.
"I am afraid," the voice taunts, always behind us always there.
How hard is it to breathe?
When your mind is not at ease?
In a sense you think you're fine, try to hold it in inside.
You affirm yourself, "I got this".
But you're not the kind who's reckless.
Fear tells you to stand where you are.
Don't move.
What if I want to get somewhere?
Well you have to take a step out there.
One day, you’ll be gone and I won’t know what to do with my life after you are.
The sad thing is you won’t leave earth you’ll just go really far.
Fear is a tool unlike any other,
Dangerous and lively like fire,
A double-edged sword, a friend and a foe;
Mysterious and fearsome to think about, to feel,
The thoughts entrancing the mind, able to eradicate
My greatest fear
is to be brave, and yet
I am just that
every day.
I fear to be
brave,
to do what others tell me not.
to seek a simple solution
to flee this spot, this in-between
We have our thoughts and the noises of the world
No one speaks no one says
We think and we sit thinking of our fears
We think and we think, make one go insane
I was hanging on by a thread,
Fear grasped on to me
I hyperventilated, thinking of it made me sweat.
I was never strong enough,
Bold enough,
Courageous enough,
To leave the cage I was bound to.
If I could spell fear then I wouldn't,
Given the chance, I'd scream it in its face,
You would begin to stutter but you shouldn't,
Fear was designed to put you in your place,
Fear, There’s plenty of it, it fills us all Paralyzes us, keeps cautious, wanting to avoid the fall Something we can’t outgrow or out run When it’s there we wish it were done Thought of the past plants it, thought of the future grows it Can’t bru
Looking in, at the only thing
This is the deepest region.
Eyes fixed, on not a nothing.
This is the end of reason.
I have been, forced to marry - still a child, seen as property, sold for wealth
The wind blows solemnly through my bones
The crows no longer sing their songs
It feels like a blizzard in my mind
My psyche being eaten away by frost bite.
I’m losing my mind
if i'm not pretending to be
somebody else,
then who am i?
i fear that question.
singing a song i don't really
know the words to;
writing down the words i
somehow can't understand.
if i'm not pretending to be
somebody else,
then who am i?
i fear that question.
singing a song i don't really
know the words to;
writing down the words i
somehow can't understand.
Can I tell you something?
It's quite important
But I mean no alarm so, actually I'll say it's not
We haven't talked in a while
It's time I tell you this thing
Oh you're kind of busy?
As I sit in the chair waiting for my match
A butterfly flies around my stomach
Fear comes
I keep thinking what if I lose, what if I don't play well, what if I trained poorly?
i'm afraid.
it's a feeling i can't escape from — nothing i can turn a blind eye to, skip over, forget.
As I think and reflect on what my life was,
I'm glad I overcame all that this life does.
This life we live is but a dance,
Dodging grief and unsteadiness with our bare hands.
Like a mystic, he lifted me by my flexing throat
And read my blood for signs of death.
Morse code against my neck told how I was to die.
I saw the slides with slivers of my spirit.
For the longest time,
I let it encapsulate me.
Fear gripped me with its
frozen, harsh, ugly hands.
They were unrelenting.
I would tell you a story
of suffering
of pain
On my bedside table lies a small wooden box.
To a visitor, it seems insignificant
perhaps an elementary school art project.
However, to me, it serves as a powerful reminder.
Through many years I’ve tried to succeed
Fear has always been hot on my tail
I could smell the rot on its breath from miles away
and at times that smell was the only thing that kept me going
The heart plays the drums as the metal bird runs,
Up, up up they soar.
Down below metal ants roam freely upon the ground.
Heart beat in my ears as if it wanted free.
Only one hour, only one and no more.
The cursor tsks at me with every flash
Impatient for the first mistake
Sneering “I told you so”
Before I have typed a single T
How can I encapsulate every fear, doubt, anxiety
There is race of little monsters,
Their numbers are countless,
And they live everywhere.
They cannot be seen.
They have no smell.
They have no discernable form.
A Year Alone
I chose to go,
to somewhere that was quite unknown.
A Year Alone;
A long plane flight.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
A Year Alone,
Strange Family.
I stood firm on the sands of time.
Mind fresh, troubles having no rhyme.
What did I have back then to lose?
A new stage of life to bemuse.
I speak of my first days of school.
proceeding I knew not one rule.
I’m afraid to fail
Fight to feel success
Being measured on a scale
To determine who's the best
Choking under the pressure
How many nights will I spend here
Alone
With tears running down my cheeks
Facing a darkness that surrounds the light in my heart
Waiting to be free.
For how long will I continue to hide my emotions
Standing,
Front of the room,
All eyes on you,
As your sweat pours through your shirt,
Shivering under the searing lights,
Being afraid does not make you weak,
But being afraid will alway keep you on your toes,
Being afraid isn’t a bad thing,
Being afraid can make you weary,
As a child
I never found poetry worthwhile
the teacher would spin a web
that I could never understand in my head
It was never easy
to write things that weren't cheesy
Taking the plunge without knowing
What was waiting
When this love was done growing.
It was my first time dating,
And I had no idea how good it would be.
I am supposed to be Anne Frank
But I just feel like myself, pretending
I did not think that I would have been able to feel all of these eyes on me when I signed up for this.
Why, as children are we
afraid of some darkness?
Just the still black air,
and yet, we all hate
the crushing stillness
and the possibility
that there could be something
All my life, fear has controlled me. The fear of not being successful, not being good enough, and disappointing the ones we love most.
There are so many things I want to say
So many thoughts that never get the light of day
After all these years it starts to eat away
WHY DIDN'T I SAY IT
WHY DID I DO THAT
As I think, it rushes in—
A river, a torrent, a waterfall
Threatening life or limb
Or peace.
Thoughts come swirling, pounding,
In my head
Never resting—unrelenting.
Voices rush, a flood,
i didn't quite understand
until judas knocked at my door,
and held my hands in his.
"I forgive you," he told me
"now forgive yourself."
Fear is my closest friend
She knows me better than I know myself
She is loving and she is kind and she keeps what's best for me in mind as she guides me through this tumultous life
They watch me
Like predators hunting prey
They approach me
In an intimidating way
They scare me
With the meaningless words that they say.
Who am I without being afraid?
Am I
Me
If I am not constantly shaking and worrying
For hours?
I built this persona
Potential.
There is an anxiety that is associated with this word. This ear piercing, nauseating, word that is so gently tossed around.
As soon as this word leaves lips I forget faces and panic sets in.
I fear that the choices I’ve made are wrong
Thus I should relax and just sing a song.
I fear the rawness of the real world
But I mustn’t be so torn.
What’s wrong with me?
It’s not that big of a deal
People interact with strangers daily
Just make a joke and smile
It works almost all the time
As I wake up everyday, I know
I'm just going with the flow
No one is there
I listen and I take it
I try to fight back
But my fist goes through a dark mist of air
People call it crazy
The only thing we have to fear
Is fear itself and it’s now here
My fear was great
But as of late
I have conquered it.
I was afraid of public speaking
But now I can stand in front of a crowd
It always hurts me.
caring about others is considered kind.
But pursuing love is like trudging my heart through a lee.
The thorns laying on your way,
The monsters that are hiding in the bushes,
But it’s all up to you
To conquer them
Whether they are easy,
Or difficult,
And it’s all up to your thoughts.
I'm still afraid to make a move
That others may not approve.
I'm still afraid to be myself
As I'm not like everybody else.
I'm still afraid to reveal my heart
Because I can't let things fall apart.
Fearing a transparent man-made tool of vanity
A tool who hides nothing
This tool shows you who you truly are
Some may say that you are more than your reflection
It's the same thing everytime.
A presentation is assigned.
Names starting with "A" are the worst.
I know I will be called on first.
And sure enough, without a doubt,
From the time you are born to the moment you die,
You’re stuck inside of your body,
And the mere thought of that used to make me cry.
Why do I look like this?
Oh God, I hate myself,
Lying, leaning, laying on.
Under grass, on you, and to you too,
You lay still, as if the lungs in your chest would burst
if you drew a single breath.
Maybe they might.
Black Feeble Lungs,
Progress report has arrived
I may not make it out alive
Mailman came too late
My dad's anger bout to escalate
Sitting here in fear
Man I need a beer
Still underaged
Even if I'm not happy, Jesus will still be here.
God will still hold my hand when I'm filled with fear.
They still think I'm beautiful when I think I'm ugly.
Colors of Fear
I eye the ground before me
Knowing that the stepping stones that will bring me to my fate
lie beneath the floor boards of the stage
A cloud of smoke appears only when I close my eyes
The bottom of the ocean.
Not viewable to anyone. 95 percent unknown.
Yet, many people do not fear it. I am not one of those people.
Yet, my senior project was to swim one mile.
They say to not care what they say
They say to not care about what they think
They say it's okay to stand out
But what they don't understand
Is it is exactly they
Fear can cause rapid beating,
But to give up trying
And end up screaming.
It will all be consuming.
I cover my ears and run.
I couldn’t ever skydive
Don’t tell me I will say
I can do it and I am not afraid
Then my mind tells me
I am too scared to face my fears
My feet pitter pattered as I walked towards the stage.
My hands are starting to become clammy.
I wonder, should I walk back or engage?
By daypowered and unafraid,By nighttired and afraid.
Tired of all the lonesomenessAfraid of accepting love...Who am I to rejectwhat has been set in motion from those above?
I feel like I'm drowning
Retreating into my mind
My brain hurts
My legs numb
My arms heavy and palms sweaty
Body throbbing and tears streaming
I lay, crying
And sobbing
And scratching
Fear is like the ocean.
It encloses us,
Yet it frees us.
It can carry us to new places,
When I look at that face there is nothing in. This world more clear then what I see, this is someone who’s achieved nothing. A being so afraid to change it does nothing but stare.The embodiment of sadness and anxiety.
Fear can be a paralyzing thing.It keeps us from taking risks,from putting ourselves out there,from making ourselves completely vulnerable.
It was always clean.
The smell of sanitizer suffocating the air.
When I see her, she is constantly smiling in that taunting "I am better than you" way
I wait and wait and wait.
Waxy lips,
Purple ‘n thick
Rear view,
A devious kick
Sing-song giggles,
A soft purse
Stomach churning,
A biological curse
“How do I look baby?”
“Pretty mom,” I say
I told another lie today
I pretended I was well
Covered the bruises, hoped they'd fade
Because you told me not to tell.
Though I whispered, "please stay"
I want it to be over,
Who are you?
What will you be?
I don't know.
I'm only 17.
So many questions
about life ideals.
What makes you think
I know what I am going to be?
I've been confined to an area span
All beings
All surviving
All with a desire to live
Take a hold of life by the reins
And watch it all change
Realize that the ability to just be is not the ability to be living
Who taught us to only try
when we are sure we will succeed?
He is a blackened soul, who would
rather watch war than bleed.
From a world with constant success
but afraid to break the glass;
I felt my eyes, like lead, like coals.
Not to be dead, or cold.
Not yet.
Not yet.
But soon.
They say it's a boon,
But it's really a typhoon.
I don't know if I can take this monsoon!
Numbers, express, fractions, percents the fear with my hands being sweaty.
Teacher asks, " Deloria what is the answer"? Of course, I freeze all I can think is zero.
I do not live as high as Prince charming. Coming over hardship as i once was is not easy. Having love is harming. Overcome this terror i focused on studies and became busy. Having peace in a house is scary.
For years I have always feared my past
The one man who shaped who am
Today for I am someone who will last
And stay strong
I have never thought about ever moving on
I was disappointed with who I came from
When I see xy+5 = y
I see college algebra
I know it's easy
But my head spins round and round
I feel like I'll pass out and probably die
From graphs to quadratics
Fear is love.
It follows you everywhere,
Growing massive.
Having to let go of fear.
That ambitious task.
Your addiction to love is fear,
Our connection together is fear,
When I was younger, the possibilities were endless.
My dreams were all in reach, but now I forget this.
A feeling of freedom I no longer remember,
get out...
get OUT...
get out of your head...
Don't be so awkward...
Socialize...
I stand in the corner of the room holding a cold cup.
One foot forward, then back.
Fear
I know it,oh how I know it.
He keeps me up at night,I never rest not one bit.
I feel it in my brain
All rationality goes down the drain
I’m tired
OCD is a monster,he will not leave me alone
It is not that deep
It will cool you off
It makes my hard shell become soft
The dangers of the big blue
The one that cleanse you
The stage. The lights. The silence.
They waited as I stepped up and parted my lips.
My heart racing, my hands trembling.
The stage, though familiar felt unnatural
There it is again
That tingling feeling again
Its a quarter to three am
I go numb again
Can't move again
Lost feeling in my hands
I'm alone again
They said she would stay,
that she wouldn't feel a thing,
it would be quiet and still,
our goodbye's wouldn't matter
because she'd never know,
that they were said,
You asked me to write for you,
So I wrote of a boy with stars in his eyes,
A bright soul, and his heart on his sleeve.
I wrote about how he died and how the light left his eyes
as i laid a single red rose upon her coffin
the freezing snow seemed to pierce through my suit
Dreaming is easy.
Attainable in the mind.
It's terrifying to wonder if those dreams will remain thoughts.
Swimming in my head are the insecurities I fought everyday.
I try to face a fear
At least once every year.
If for some reason I don't get a chance
I might just have to dance.
There it is
The Door.
You know the one
You pass it every single day
This time, though
You stop and look
Just briefly
"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself,"
The great Teddy Roosevelt bellowed.
But why can't we fear anything else?
What is so wrong about fear?
Fear shows to the party,
no invitation in hand,
but an overwhelming sense of
entitlement.
Her champagne class shines,
her dark charcoal dress
form-fitting.
I beg her to leave,
She laid snugly in her bed
as if she had nothing to do.
She peered out her glass window
The sky is bleak and the claws of regret are biting my ankles,
I walked toward the bland, black building, anxiety raking it’s claws down my back.
Always afraid to make the first move
Always afraid to fight and lose.
Always afraid to make the wrong choice
Always afraid to express my own voice.
I stand on the line
My legs feel weak
I can’t take part in the laughter around me
It feels so distant and bleak
Someone slaps my shoulder
I took the climb to the summit.
And i looked down over the railing
it felt as if i was gonna plummet
but then came a ringing
my alarm clock was singing
it was morning once again.
Fear.
The fastest emotion to reach the brain
to create a fight or flight reaction
Fight.
Fear causes a person to attack
to rid of whatever caused the fear.
Flight.
You’re my enemy but my friend
I always wonder when you’ll end
You motivate me to do work
If I don’t then I will feel worse
My mind runs like a bomb
Even when I’m feeling calm
Fearless or frozen, how do I chose?
If I’m stuck in my tracks, then I will lose.
Fight or flight, what’s the best option?
Walking,
Climbing,
Attaching myself to the rope.
Friends hold my hand,
they see my fear.
They push me forward.
One step,
Two.
Don't look down.
Easy.
The lights, they beam down with powerful visibility.
The stage, outstretched and lonely as far as I can see.
The audience, physically unseen, but I’m conscience of their stares.
The news blares bright and gaudy. Full of fear and sound.
yet in the warmth of my grandmothers living room
golden light filtering
through her paisley curtains
it feels
far
away
Fear
Everyone has it
This tricky little thing
That holds us back
Fear itself is just an automatic response
We don’t choose to be fearful
It just happens
My biggest fear
Underwater it seems
I live my life today.
There is no escape from the thoughts I call my own,
The fear, the shaking, the future unknown
My body reacts without control
There is no end in sight.
I hate
Uncertainty
Solitude
Responsibility
Failure
The feeling of wanting to hide under your covers from the world
Everything changes after 18
You leave your house
The darkness swallowed me whole
I was drowning, struggling to breathe
I reached out trying to grasp onto something, anything
But my hand simply went through the empty void
I opened my mouth to call out
You, with all your insecurities
How often have you forgotten your victories?
How easy was it to let them whisper into your ears
Until you disappeared?
Their words distracted you from your thoughts
He played with me,
Not knowing I commanded fire.
He toyed with my hair,
Hands so gentle yet eyes full of ire,
Ogling who I have become,
Full of desire,
Seeking solace in havoc,
In the dead of night I close my eyes
But cannot keep these thoughts outside
I hear it scratching at my door
And moaning from beneath the floor
Each kid proudly sang and the whole courtyard was filled with high pitched voices and laughter. Little bodies of deep tan skin, about twenty of them. Michael, the leader of the classroom.
My brothers marched as one today
They never saw it coming
And I have never seen such pain
Or so many people running
With dead set eyes and shaking hands,
The Grass browns and the flowers fade
The trees leaves wither and the winds blow colder
Those who can and can't
Those who CAN speak
Those who CAN'T speak
Those who do and don't
Those who DO speak
Those who DON'T speak
Those who will and won't
Those who WILL speak
Silence.
For years, only silence.
And fear… no song.
Never testing the limits,
Never pushing the envelope,
Never hearing the song.
I was always a shy child.
I would rehearse saying my name out loud
In case my voice cracked
I would fixate on every thought every
Concealing the unknown
Stealing sight
Hiding who-knows-what
In the night, is
The Dark.
The Dark that lies across the land
That pools beneath the bed
That stretches at the edge of light
You and I. A million things that could've been and that might still come to be,One hundred things in those three words that can be read between the lines,
My heart beating in my chest
breath in and out
my mind racing about
thoughts screamming get out.
Im running now out of time
another day year goes past
moving to fast cant help but
What is failure?
For me, failure is unhappiness.
I want to be successful with my education to form my future.
Will my future be filled with happiness?
Or will it be filled of missed opportunities and regret?
I really want to fly high in the bright blue sky.But I’m terrified. I’m terrified of the endless possibilities that could happen. I could fall and die. Or I could fly too close to the sun and burn.
Shuddering breaths, an exhale in each step
Even for a text message, my breath trembles
Planning out my goodbyes
To a friend, once cherished
Outside your window
lies the hand that feeds you poison
now would be the reason
to bite the hand that feeds you
but you can’t know what you don’t know
angel exterior
but a monster inside
Yes, I clos'd my eyes
and dream'd to ignore the crowd
(and this isn't healthy)
but because of this
I gather'd my courage and rose
and danc'd with no doubt
Yes, I clos'd my eyes
and dream'd to ignore the crowd
(and this isn't healthy)
but because of this
I gather'd my courage and rose
and danc'd with no doubt
Fear,
Such a silly word.
Courage,
Something I never had.
Living and breathing,
Never doing as I pleased.
Terrified to speak,
Always weak in the knees.
Never knew how to say,
Think of life, never to be forgotten
Heart is open and never closing
Mouth is moving, words are spoken
sitting alone on
a red linen couch.
the crackling crunch of a
dim T.V.
beaming up at me.
pitter patter
pitter patter,
the scurrying noise of
familiartiy.
I stand high above the water
Jump
Jump they say
It is fifty feet
I'm scared
They want me to jump
One, two, three
I fall into the water
Crash into the waves
I Fear Living
My mind won’t power down from all the thoughts that scare me
cause every day I’m living in a world I don’t want to be
Words dance on the tip of my tongue
I swallow them before they come.
Don’t be braggadocious.
Dissecting people’s stares
To figure out if I’m enough
A disorder that's rare, diagnosed at age six.
Causes fear to my family, oh God's little tricks.
Brain tumors and pain, with surgeries to come.
Eleven was my first, I have scars that are from.
I have always been afraid of aging
This fear often has left me raging
Funerals have always left me scared
They left me with the burden to bare
When I was a kid, I hated speaking in front of people
I used to hide from any opportunity there was to speak
From speaking to a relative or my teacher, I hated doing it
I feel it in my heart when you're getting near
After what you put me through, I just couldn't bear
But remember...
The thumping sound you hear, that's just all my loving
There it was,
That shadowy silhouette
With its glowing yellow eyes,
And tall stature,
Always watching,
Always waiting,
Waiting for the perfect time to strike.
When I was five I had a Daddy
He was tall and kind
And he called me his princess
But he was scary when he was mad
I told a fib and he grabbed my arm
Failure.
It always going to be this bad.
Grown so desolate, so indulged, so scared.
Do what you want to do.
Do what you can do.
Do the best that you can to succeed.
The creeping dark is there
Waiting for me to slip
The creeping dark is there
Helping my feet to trip
The creeping dark is there
Freezing my heart and soul
The creeping dark is there
Step Over
It isn't over yet
Something new
Someone you haven't met
Fear, ignore
Power, strength, courage, tell me more
Onto the next
somewhere to explore
Run away from fear.
Face fear head on.
Fear is like the ocean. It is huge and charging and all-consuming.
It will swallow you whole and spit you out completely different.
That's what it means
To concede to the fear,
To feed the bearer,
To bleed from the wounds,
bestowed on you
from the pain you've taken
even the words you've spoken
to make it all better
That's what it means
To concede to the fear,
To feed the bearer,
To bleed from the wounds,
bestowed on you
from the pain you've taken
even the words you've spoken
to make it all better
You emobody the vessel of pure isolation
what more of an effect could you embrace me with
for your friend has seduced the one who's given me life into a life of nevermore
and now we stand face to face
Be still
Close your eyes
One deep breath
What's the worst that could happen
Take the dive
Toes on the edge
One more sharp breath
Get ready
And pull
The world rushes by me and the streets are empty
There is only me and the silence between my ears
The others have pushed forward, climbing the ladder
Yet I have remained behind, chained to the concrete
Waiting.
Waiting for a sign,
Broken, damaged, lost,
Crying for help,
Screaming into the void,
‘Help me, please, someone help me.’
loneliness is a weird thing.
the thought of going to college
leaving all my friends and family behind, terrifies me.
meanwhile the thought of having to leave my room,
my throat- dry
my eyes- watery
my armpits- sweaty (but not smelly)
my heart- beating- rapidy
their eyes- looking right at me.
flashbacks of all the times i spoke-
and paused too long in fear
It's coming for You
whether You like it or not
it Will find You
whether You like it or not
You can fight it
but it'll just reappear again,
sooner or later
whether You like it or not
Melt Your Fears By: Jayla Bode Winter turns to snowflakesSnowflakes turn to ice Ice turns to skatingAnd that seems quite alright Should I even dare? A new sport at 17? Turn your face to the sunshine Melt the ice of your fears Can we do it?Can we
To belong,
To be loved,
To be heard,
Each desire fights.
Human,
Self,
Me,
I.
Unpure,
Unworthy,
Rejected,
Cast aside.
Tears drop,
I think my body knew you would not stay.
But my bones ached, my skin longed
For that warm place inside your arms.
There was no home like you.
When you’re suffocated
The world just caves in
collapsing into your every heaving breath
and suddenly-
you’re drowning in another world
in embraces that check your tongue;
Self Portrait as the Weeping Willow
Reservoir in my eyes,
current of my heart,
snapped the twigs of
my veins.
The fear, I feel. From
My head to my toes.
She's not real
I tried to convince myself as she stepped out of her painting
Her silky voice sent shivers down my spine
And when she outstretched her hand to touch me
Her skin seemed to be made of ice
When I was young
Maybe three years old
I had a dream
Went on a coaster
Went upside-down
I fell out
Coaster ran over me
Determined to face my fear
I decide to try
it is not my fault and it is not their fault,
but still it bites and it burns like a cut full of salt
now i live in the vault,
Opening my grades sucks the air out of my lungs.
My jaw tenses as I see the one grade that is lower than the rest.
What about med school? Grad school?
My mind is telling me that I failed, but...
Opening my grades sucks the air out of my lungs.
My jaw tenses as I see the one grade that is lower than the rest.
What about med school? Grad school?
My mind is telling me that I failed, but...
I wasn't quite sure how to outwit life's clever twist,Which, like most things, can't be solved with my fists,There's no technique to speak or tweak it out of me,
I heard once, that the “only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
But my god, the way I feel in the dark says otherwise.
these walls have been staring
what are you waiting for?
i need a moment
its not as easy as it looks
embodying solus
Ripples from the rain falling
I see the dark clouds hang over me
Uncertainties are calling
I just wished they would let me be
Suddenly a crack in the sky
Brightness shines from the sun
Fear
It’s a powerful thing
Fear
I have a lot of it, I think
From the tangible to the imaginary
Coward, scaredy-cat, pussy
From the gold-wired peacock in mass man,
Entrapping us like the black singer in his bear trap
And to the expendable, brutish, savages that we are
Reason is God, and fear is the Eve who horns him.
I' ma lover, not a fighter,
I said it all the time,
Keep smiling, push through, ignore it,
I didn't even realize,
That wading through life like this was the fight,
Checked in the mirror, but I looked fine
i
am tired
exhausted
drained
completely
of being afraid
fear
anxiety
worry
a perpetual chain
locked around my ankles
always holding me back
Everything shakes.
My eyes flash.
I wake up.
You walk past.
Shadow figure,
With elegant grace.
My heart bangs,
As my mind says Stop
My legs carry me far away
from the people I love
I am afraid to lose them
Yet I grow smaller everyday
why?
Everyday is like a nightmare.
I would rather be elsewhere.
But my fears are here,
It feels so severe.
I’m afraid of giving up.
fear is powerful
fear is a driving force in our lives
it can bring us together
it can divide us
it is our one great motivator
fear tells us what we can do
fear tells us what we can't do
My fear feels like this:
cold fingers wrenching my wrists behind my back,
thick, black ink coating my lungs,
poison gas seeping into my ears, whispering:
"Everything would be better if you weren't here."
I used to see you in the shadows,
Smirking devilishly at me with the thought that you could control me.
If I dared to show any signs of weakness to you,
Fear is not a concept, but a limitation
Which disables risk across the nation.
Overcoming these fears is the key
To allow you to become, to be.
Fear only disables perception
And causes us to make an exception
I should not fear it, but it's inevitable,
The image of I standing with my brand that has reached beyond my expectations
The less I believe the more it becomes debatable.
Expectations and warnings
Consider carefully the beginnings
Every action has consequence
Every inaction is opportunity
Slipped
Away.
Oh, I’m brave
So courageous
I love to live outrageous
Take a breath,
No one can hurt you here.
Close your eyes,
And worry about nothing.
My heart beats in my chest,
My breath in my ears,
The start of an anxiety attack.
I want to cry,
Like a dark cloud hovering over me,
Fear found its greedy way into my life.
It held me back with strong chains and great lies,
And convinced me to burrow into my shell.
Parted Lips
a-POP-olypse
The seats of the minivan burst into flame
as rabid fragments of monster carrots
feed Death while he
I thought you were a part of me
Thinking you belonged in here
Then I realized I was just letting you be
Not letting me be, tear after tear
I thought you were a part of me
I can't watch the sunsetbecause it hurts my chest
but I like the way the waves crash against the shoredragging it back down with the tide
Success was a big word
That hung over my head like a cloud
And failure was its shadow
Dragging me deep underground
It was a spiked flower always growing
It's a fear of being seen, the fear that someone may point me out and I won't have the words to explain. People don't usually see me, but when the reaction takes place, there's no hiding.
Through the darkness
There shall always be light
While through the joy
There shall always be fright
But through the pain
There is nothing but might
Fear grips me, my heart races and sweat trickles down my back and anxiety takes over.
Gradually, my panic is reduced to nervousness.
I keep playing after I miss the ball, the coach yells at me.
The Great Mason the mason,
Son of the greatest great of all the greats Darryl, wisest wise of all the wise Christy,
Heir to the hearth of Strand, to whom he owes his spoils,
I look in the mirror
Seeing the sad imperfection
Seeing me
Seeing the acne on my skin
Seeing my nose that seems too big
When you hurt
There is a malevolent force
One feeling you can feel
Which is all great remorse.
It was only once
Wait it became twice
The feeling was so good
It became thrice.
I dreamt of a glowing blue square
That seemed to look at me with an ice cold stare.
It chased me in circles around my own house,
But my screams were no louder than a mouse.
I was in love once,
And a painful ordeal it was.
I tried so hard to be the perfect one,
To be the one that she wanted.
I didn’t realize then,
Tread lightly,
For this is a realm of darkness,
A realm of pain and fear.
It traps and breaks the unwary,
Then leaves them lying dead.
Silence is my enemy
A true and worthy foe.
It reminds me of my pain,
And throws away my hope.
It enlists its deadly ally,
Darkness is around me,
I am hidden from the light,
The life that I strive to live in.
There was once a Bright Star,
It penetrated the dark.
Fear…
A shadow in the closet
A growl beneath the bed.
Fear…
Anything unexplained
A brain beginning to snap.
Fear…
“How are you gonna pay for college?” they say.
“There’s just no way.”
“But look at your cousin who’s a traveling nurse.”
“She carries millions of dollars in her purse.”
i felt very anxious on this day
for some reason it felt like everyone was having a bad day
you made me shake uncontrollably by your response
your words hurt and made me incapacitate
patience is a virtue
in braver hands than I,
like a storm made whole of eyes
‘tis a joke played by minds none too wise.
where does confidence linger?
patience is a virtue
in braver hands than I,
like a storm made whole of eyes
‘tis a joke played by minds none too wise.
where does confidence linger?
Fear can be a scary word
It is something many of us are scared to face,
But what kind of risk taker would we be,
If we didn’t face what scared us most?
I stand on the edge of a cliff,
and this cliff is called my future.
Yet, as I stare down, it begins to turn into a rift.
The doors of opportunity I see open become fewer and fewer.
In a pitch black room
Yet there is no fear.
The thunderstorm and gloom
Yet there is no fear.
In a pitch black room
Yet there is no fear.
The thunderstorm and gloom
Yet there is no fear.
I can still hear it ringing in my ear
It’s been months now, but I still can’t shake the fear
Tears roll down my face
Thinking back on the time when I was all but safe
I still remember the stormy weather
tip-tap,
in this silly rain
for the lonely me
inside this tomb
who cries out
without words
for the blazing flame
Fear.
The mess of tangled thoughts, mangled anxieties, strangled shouts
That invades your brain
On quiet nights.
Fear.
I crave a man I’ve never met
with soulful eyes, I may never forget the ache
in my heart’s full of regret that my words come out
unremarkable.
And yet when I think of souls
fit together as one,
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
Her eyes reminded me of the old embers in the fireplace,
unkempt by my absent father.
~awatr
I spent every waking minute thinking of you.
And when I shut my eyes at 3am?
There you were again.
~awatr
Stomach full of swallows
and monarchs
Orange and green and gold
My shifting eyes
Never focused
Thinking a mile a minute
Thoughts but no way to comprehend
Immediate sweat filled with regret
I stole a friend, I took them hostage, I held them here to listen.
You didn't know me when I pulled my gun, you didn't know what I wanted.
You begged for your life, I begged for you to listen.
Tired bone and sorrowed hand,
Make of thee all that you can.
Build thy life of hope and tear,
Of all thy love and all thy fear.
The Instability of heights far from the ground
Are Man-Built structures bound to collapse
Children who know these are not a playground
Are scared by them, Earthbound among them was I
I’ve been fighting for years. To overcome certain fears. That aren’t only mines but also have my mother in tears. To believe that I am black. And one day when I leave the house I may never come back. To think one day everything can go off track.
i realize that,
very often,
i am vulnerable.
i am fragile.
i try to be a light for others,
hoping that maybe
my glow will lead others through their dark tunnel
Through these perilous roads
Under the cover
Of the night sky
Glaring forces
Spring from the darkness
And with pain at the temples
It had dark blue eyes like the night sky
Who would of thought it would cry
It wonder down the street as it beg for help
Darkness followed it through the air
One day hoping it sees the light
A tight emptiness in my throat
A quick consideration of options but endlessly told to say nothing
Youth does not hide the terror in trying or the knife swallowed as i do nothing
The dark corner and the deep sea
The high sky and who I should be
The uncertainty creeps in
As the lights begin to dim
What is hiding in those shadows?
I made the mistake of allowing myself to dip my toes into the water
And letting myself get carried away into the deep end.
I couldn’t find it in me to save myself
Because I never learned how to swim.
I made the mistake of allowing myself to dip my toes into the water
And letting myself get carried away into the deep end.
I couldn’t find it in me to save myself
Because I never learned how to swim.
Oh weary traveler,
Who are you to hate the summer?
You, who burns in the winter
Who knows no cozy cabin to call home
You jump from place to place
They say that
Distance
Makes the heart grow fonder
But I was fond enough
When we walked
Alongside one another
One for airplanes, heights, ladders, and jumping headfirst into lakes.
Two for condescending,menacing, phony, fakes.
Three for waiters, teenagers, blondes and the elderly.
Mirrors would always tell the ugliest truths
Reflection found in front face camera or frankly placed in front of bathroom sink faucets fed the unacceptable attributes
Unallowing any filter or photoshop on face or body
you took away two years of my life.
i was locked inside the confines of your walls
and weighed down by a sense of hopelessness.
i fought with every breath to be free of your chains.
Fear,
My friend,
You have warmly
Kept me safe
Kept me here
You’ve kept me
Fear,
My confuser,
You have uncaringly
Kept me here?
Kept me from?
You’ve kept me
. . . right
away, you’ll see it’s difficult to find:
(That -- while it’s true, it’s only You able to see inside your, Mind, -- )
Lost thoughts often become begotten
Fear,
Find the ones that you hold dear.
Fear,
Keep them safe for I am near.
Fear,
You are the useless broken seer.
Hate,
This demon in my head,
It fills me with hatred
And fuels my pain.
It denies me sanity,
And reminds me of my loss.
It plays back my memories,
I can’t breathe right,
My fingers twitch uncontrollably,
People keep on speaking,
They act like I’m okay.
My brain feels like it’s breaking,
I am a tortured human soul,
The world would be better, If I go.
If I leave this world behind,
What is the place I’ll find?
I can’t live, with this pain,
They say 17 is a number associated with spiritual growth
Next month, I advance to a new chapter, a new 18
So I reflect on what’s changed and what’s remained
You know you can do it.
You’ve spent so much time,
So much time.
But you don’t know for sure,
The Future is scary.
It could all go well,
You know friends have done it so many times before,
I am not afraid of fear, But yet he calls my name. Calling me, and taunting me, And putting me to shame. And though his voice cries out, I will not lend my ear— I will not bend my will— To the one that they call fear.
Darkness surrounds me
Literature embraces me
Food enslaves me
I am nothing
I have nothing
A crack
Light seeps in
Fear chockes my heart
I want to
Memories flood my mind
I was afraid to show the real me.
Afraid to be judged by the people I'd see.
What if they didn't like what I said or wore?
What if to them I was just a bore.
Someone who had the confidence of an ant.
I'm scared to write a poem
but I need to write a poem because when I finally
let the twisted words out
I breathe again
I remember when I was a child
And everything was clear
Where the world did not suffer of fear
And everyone was mild
Ticktock ticktock
However, I’m older now
Fear.
A giant wall built faster than it can be dissolved.
For every positive thought there seems to be ten fearful ones to drown it out.
At times it seems easier to fight fear with others by your side.
On paper we're perfectBut underneath the surfaceThe perfect melts away To reveal we're broken, bruised, and brandedBy microscopic mistakes
Intermission has failed me.
A trip wire was not part of my blocking-
It left me on my knees.
Broadway lights, turning off with a loud
Shunk
how did I overcome one of my fears?/well, there were many days of failure./days of grief that destroyed me./days of sadness that buried me./days of darkness that blinded me./but, between the hurt,/the pain,/the suffering,/there were days of joy./d
My heart beats faster than my mind
Which is running somewhere else other than here
It escapes to my home in West Virginia which is a thousand mile away from here
Our monsters used to live under the bed,
sparkly and purple
“they’re not real,” we said
Life was safe,
monsters were fantasy,
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to not constantly Worry about what people think of me, to not wonder if that woman on the other side of the room - that hasn’t even looked in my direction - is laughing at me or laughing at the completely rand
you thought bitch
you thought wrong
i rise up
you fall from your throne
ive never felt fear
only blood in my ears
All this time I’ve livedin another reality.All I did was giveand I was happy.
My reality is notwhat you would expect.But I wasn’t taught to not let it affect.
I stay
because I know that
if I stand and turn to leave
you'll watch
and let me go.
And so I stay
Humans have an innate fear of being alone
At birth, we can’t fend for our self
We are not born with teeth or claws,
“It’s only a test. It’s only an hour.”
That’s what they say. That’s what they tell me
But no, it’s a clear restraint of my power.
I can’t move; I can’t breathe; I can’t strive to be free.
flowers
deflowered
when anxious hands tug on life not theirs
vibrant pigments say, i'm right for the plucking
plush filled pistils,
ripe with life.
snatched by roots
reminded of my frailty.
I dont like patience,
waiting around isn't my thing.
I dont like space either,
too much room for my mind to wander.
They say the best things come for those who wait,
I believe it.
my body wears
a pattern of scars
as intricate as expensive lace.
my body is branded
by beautiful tattoos
of none other
than that of pain.
my body refuses
to be physically marked
Confidence doesn’t like to be around me. He disguises himself, as Ego, then bursts out of my head. The minute I catch him, he disappears.
Sometimes, I call for him.
I used to be afraid of the dark,
I still am in a way,
To not know what's out there?
To wonder every day?
I am afraid of the unknown,
But what used to help me is,
His tendrils wrap around your body and pull you closer,
His gummy hands caressing your neck,
His hot black breath whispers in your ear.
Someone moves;
I flinch and instantly my mind is pulled back to how you were.
~awatr
Why is it so difficult to trust You with my life?
To hand over the keys, to physically pry my tight fingers
Away from the controls midflight.
You, knowing end from the beginning, knowing which way the wind will blow,
I ignored it.
I snapped it shut in the spines of swollen notebooks,
I tried to smother it under gas pedals,
I flung it down the stairs hoping it’d break it’s neck.
Looming.
Ahead I plod.
I can’t see what the future holds.
Fear creeps in. Envelops and smothers me like smog.
Lead me! Hold my hand! I am afraid!
Deep Breath. One foot ahead of the other.
It's there.
Sitting in the corner of my mind.
Waiting for me to weaken.
I'm sick and tired.
It strikes when my insecurities are left bare.
Leaving me to search and find.
Break.
Last time I failed
this time will i make
the jump?
Break.
Snap!
there went my leg
i'm broke.
Recovery.
Back with a familiar obstacle
in front of me.
Breathe.
someone scream
when the night falls
for me
in the West
and for you In The East
at the moment we both blink
for when we rush
through our safe doors
and plunge into stardust
for so long
i was torn between
faces & places
and not being able to choose
what to do or where to go that
would please others [please me]
i wanted this and i wanted that
When I was little,
I used to be afraid of
the dark.
I was afraid of all kinds of things:
spiders,
vampires,
snakes, and
The weight of the waves relentlessly presses down
Crash after crash, no air left in my lungs
Petrified, no energy to lunge
No other hope but to drown
But even the air of the deep
It's a chain
of fear
My mom was born
of fear
My grandma born
of fear
Who knows where it began,
but I know where it ends.
The beginning of the end,
when you acknowledge the fear.
In a rose garden
With blinding billowing sunlight
Some roses bloom early
Some bloom late
And some not at all.
I sit in the court yard
Of the holding place where people shrivel and die
2005.
A black Hyundai charges down Gyeongbu Expressway.
Blind with fever, a hiccuping child struggles for breath
trying not to disintegrate in her mother’s arms in the backseat.
I slept hard as a bear
That eats so much food in a dark cave,
What no one notices all the time,
My ears can hear, but I have weary tears;
Beyond the walls, there is so much fear,
I sat down to write with just one task, it was quite clear:
That all I had to do tonight was write about my fear
Though this may seem quite easy, it is not, I can attest
Before,
Self-hate had abruptly manifested upon my ego
constantly feeding upon the fear that human beings other than myself, would frame me as ugly
Before,
Self-hate had abruptly manifested upon my ego
constantly feeding upon the fear that human beings other than myself, would frame me as ugly
its the witching Hour
my body is aching
im twisting and turning ...
all the pain a fEeL came through the mourning
the Passing of myself into another form
led my soul to conjure the eMotional storm
Do you know what it is like to be afraid of everything?
Terrified of what has been,
terrified of what's to come.
I'm afraid of my own passing shadow,
when I turn and when I walk.
I'm afraid of myself.
Picture It
If a picture is worth more than a thousand words,
What is the worth of a single word alone?
Desolate and despairing, though this world may be,
At least we are fortunate to brave it with another.
And whilst my voice they won't hear and my face they may not see,
I was born
Of a European Yew.
Its mighty bough had grown
Twisted and encrusted
With moss
In the garden of my great-great grandfather.
As he left his house for the final time
within us all lives a thing
not a creature not a being
just an inescapable indescribable thing
we keep it hidden deep
in a dark corner of our minds we all want to forget about
shivers down my spine
at the thought of you leavin' me behind
after all that we have been through
you made me think it was always gonna be me and you
now, as you head for the door
Rose petals wrap against each other in
their whispered secrets; too scared to reveal
the charms they own. Masks are not ever real.
You tell us nothing scares you more than death.
You lie awake at night, after ending your prayers
And stare
At the meaningless body,
Humans have fear beause it stops you from making the wrong decision,
Sometimes it stops you from making the right decision,
When you are brave you are scared but you do it anyways,
You have the power to stop fear,
Humans have fear beause it stops you from making the wrong decision,
Sometimes it stops you from making the right decision,
When you are brave you are scared but you do it anyways,
You have the power to stop fear,
Will I cower by the fire
that shines into the night?
Or venture into the darkness
and look my fear in the eyes?
If I just give up,
If I just give in,
If I just lay down and cry,
Deep in the forest, where the black moths play
Lies a species of creature that may not have existed today
They call themselves, "Dreadlox" from a tale
Far too old, a sort of pixie-like creature
In times past the ground grew nothing
barren dark soil uneven beneath shoe soles
not a cloud seen through hopeless eyes
the fear of being burned
without a shield from scorching rays,
We are told from a young age that we must face our fears,
That there isn’t anything to be afraid of,
And that everyone goes through rough times - you aren’t something special.
And while this may be true,
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
*Thump*
Heart caught, lodged within my throat
it has burrowed a nest and has made no plans to leave
A hummingbird's heartbeat cannot compare to the violent cacophony within
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
You might think it's silly,
How someone could be afraid of something so simple.
That one single fear is spread throughout all.
We all deny that we fear it, though it lingers.
I hear wolves howling in the distance,
I see nothing,
I hear the hooting of the night owl,
I see nothing,
I hear the trickling of the creek,
Nights in despair
I cried.....I weeped
Hiding in the shell I've created for myself
Unable to listen to what they say
I've locked my heart away
Pushing and shoving
No one understands what they did
Waking up in the morning
Gazing at the room’s blank design
Look out at neighbors
Their happy behaviors
when you say my name, you say it like a poem you will never write.babylon boy, when i whisper your name in the pale moonlight,
It's simply futile treading cold water
Rising past my green ankles
O how its barbarous teeth bite and sting!
My toes are engulfed by sea's spiteful jaws
Veins pierced by blind eyes;
I am so afraid to fail
I’d rather put myself in a box
Locked away with no spare key
I mean,
If I never make a mistake
No one can look down on me
If I never put myself on front street
The water is coming closer and I watch
Everystep is muted with the humping in my heart
I grab onto my sweater
The only thing that is holding my fragile body together
Her hands lead me closer
There's been ample bloodshed,
There's been plenty of death.
They've had enough pillage,
They've had enough breath.
They've taken my childhood,
One I didn't get the chance to know.
A tremble
Flick of the wrist and it is hidden
Deep seeded fear
Cropping up as a crippled beast
Broken child
Shaking slightly, hurt
Though it's been so long since the pain
Through the hollows, into the grey
Across the rolling hills of pain
Run all night till the darkest day.
When shadows behind the mists play
Charge forward to the silent rain
You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and you choose to not wear your glasses?
Heart pounding too fast,can't breathe,soul locked in the dizzy cageas I spin to the frequency of the world too fast, too loud.It's all crashing down now.I am TNT lit at both ends,
At night I'll lie awake, I'll sit and ponder my mistakes.
God, I'm so tired but this desire to be the best won't let me sleep.
I'll ponder everything I've done wrong, every stumble every fall
I am vast and I am blue and more than you can see
I am loud and I will be heard by everyone
So with this crash I say -No- I decree
That I am my own being and I cannot be undone
your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity
that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary
that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
I hate the way she looks;
But I want to look just like her.
Her olive skin and dark hair,
Her hips that curve wider and wider.
But that’s her not me.
She’s fake but I’m not good enough either.
I'd like to light a match in your skullTo watch a spark turn your brain into a raging fireTo make you think in burning
I needed you like I needed a cigarette. Like tar to my lungs, you poisoned my life. I was only 17 and thought, "This is what love is"...
It was more like drowning.
Dear Anxiety,
You are my closet friend, the one I've come to know.
You have demanded control over me and my life, the makings of the walls inside my mind.
Finding your voice is not easy to do.
It all starts with a problem you need to get through.
After trying to deal with it all by yourself,
You think, "maybe I should look outside myself."
When the leaves turned golden and shone like no other time of the year, and the wind swirled with passion was when I was born. It was a cold morning my mother says.
It’s a tragedy for those of us who stay the same
When time tries to heal, but we stand against the winds of change
Because you resist, you’ll make the same mistakes
Those are the choices of us living not in love but hate
From the moment we are born there are things that shape us into the people we are today. For me and you we are given the choice to be shown the way.
Fear always seems to get a bad rep
But fear is one who helps teach me whenever I misstep
The fear of becoming a failure
Seems to be my unlikely "savior"
No matter where I lay, or where I go
i’m looking for something that’s gone once again
i don’t know who you are, can i call you my friend?
there’s a hurt in everything i say and i do
because everything seems to remind me of you
Isn't it odd that I consider myself lucky
That no unwanted man has ever put his grubby hands on me?
This is not about luck though, or the clothes I've been wearing
My hair stands
My body shakes from its cold breath
It meets me around every corner
And it makes me long to learn more from it
It is fear.
Fear has made me want to learn more about my past
I want you.
I don't tell you but I think it every day.
I want you. Putting emphasis on every word I say it three times over.
I want to kiss you unil are lips are raw and there is no emotion left to be shared.
Depression & Co.
Sadness
Anger
Depression
Anxiety
You have molded me
Like a slab of marble
Wandering through life
Losing touch with reality
Facing your problems
What is this
You can't stand to see
It started out with one
Became two
Then three
They come and they come
I alway see something and I am afraid why do I see it this way nothing but running
well this is the end im a turn around and face what I dread
Something amazing has happend fear was nothing but a friend
Beside Me
I need to slow down; I think that she’s that she’s behind me,
If he’d looked around he would
Have said,
‘I didn’t see you beside me!’
My sister used a quarter in a machine the other day,
one that drops random surprises, mostly worthless
but still they are kept, for reasons unbeknownst by most
As the claw picked up a ball, stale candy joining the fall
To get away from reality
I fall into a fantasy
Created by my own anxiety
Fear flowing from my feet to my head
I mess up relationships instead
By overthinking way ahead
She looks at the mirror
with glistening tears
staring at what nobody else could ever see.
Scars invisible to the world
mar all of her thoughts in regard
to what she could be
and what she sould see
The fear of not knowing,
The fear of know growing,
The fear of not showing
How great of a person I can be.
Fear.
It’s what multiplies me
And makes others see
It has been seventeen years
Since that dreadful morning
Thousands lost their lives unexpectedly
Hearts are still grieving
The events that took place on that day
Sadly presented turmoil and corruption
I'm tired of the lies AND misconception
Long to be held, seeking attention
Covering up my discontentment
I've ran out of makeup and forgotten how
i dont know if im really who i say i am if im happy if im great who knows what i am no one but me. but im making sure that even knows my image and my heart im sad and happy who i am limbo i just want to obtain that one thing every human desires ha
It pounds against the confines of my head
Throbbing, pulsing from within
Flooding my skull with blinding pressure,
It seeks release
When I was young,
You were already there in my world,
Invisible but broad in other ways,
And I've always wondered why you stayed,
When all you've done is give,
And I'll I've done is take.
Surrounded by voices; I was a <murmur>.
Fear had stolen my lips away,
Locked them in a vault under the sea-
Why?
My mind was confused.
When someone you love is ripped from your armsOr how you realize what you are doing wrong in lifeIt's a single momentA second in timeThat the entire world seems to pauseJust for you
Monster
Alexis Beyers
There was a monster starving within,
never satisfied with what I gave to him.
Stop hanging around the wrong crowd
All they would do is bring you down
The streets are nothing but trouble
Nothing but a disheartening sound
Dark clouds will surround you
A potential calamity is near
“Don’t fear the dark” is what I was told
I sit in bed covers to chin covered fully
I look left and right playing Look-See
I am sweating and shaky, I don’t know why
My room is dark as I lay with the shadows
Sailing on the sand
I know the dangers up ahead
My mind is on and ready
My heart is leading fully
Sailing on the sand
Pray for the One
Good deeds are acts of prayer
To the light, our vanguard.
This is the time when
Acts of love are needed
To fortify the One of which
We all are,
Last November,
We all got the call,
From our school,
To warn us all.
Last November someone wrote:
"I'm going to shoot the school up on Friday".
No one believed it to be a joke.
Him. Me. Tranquility.
I feel safe but strange, it’s not my game.
My chest feels small
My heart beats fast,
My breath sounds loudly,
This is fear,
In all it's forms,
Fear,
Will be your enemy,
Gives you wings,
Fear,
It is such a simple concept,
Fear is,
My fear of you has caused me to plan
I'm a super planner
I plan for parts of you I don't understand
My fear of you has caused me to work harder
My peers think I'm smarter
But I'm not
Stare into the outside
Neon lights and street signs
She holds me
It’s gonna be alright
She said, but she fades
Moonlight turns away
The silent whispers by the stone grave
The mobled creatures the darkness crave
The fallen beauties layed down in brave
The tear drops the midnight wave
The silent whispers by the stone grave
The mobled creatures the darkness crave
The fallen beauties layed down in brave
The tear drops the midnight wave
The ghost that whispers doubt in your ear.
The fear that makes you afraid of everything.
The immediate action of either fight or flight.
Something that sticks with you and rarely leaves.
Where do you go when you have no one to turn to?
When the lines of love you had, you've simply burned through...
What do you do when hearts lie broken, shattered particals like sand...
Iram, Lost Iram
Lost, alone, and wandered scars
Scrutinizing time
Thunders rise and soon take flight
Tinted skies with essence sighs
Dr. Love,
you have pushed me to stupidity.
I have gone great lengths for you,
lied...betrayed...
risked my life as I know it.
But you taught me patience and forgiveness,
Dr. Love,
you have pushed me to stupidity.
I have gone great lengths for you,
lied...betrayed...
risked my life as I know it.
But you taught me patience and forgiveness,
I have been well acquainted with you, Death
I have walked fearlessly --- and trembling back
I have survived and heard their dying breath
Thank you for this life
A life where shadows sing
Where losses are seen as gains
Where I can have a vision for everything
Thank you for this life
A life where notes can speak
Who did this?
Who turned the world on its axis?
in the wrong direction
Who made me scared?
of those blue uniforms
Who made me peek around the corner?
Worried is an understatement;
I long for stability, mentally and physically.
Each step brings forth many discomforts,
Some big and some small,
But all valid.
My mind is wandering,
Do you ever think
of how often
you escape
death’s clutches,
and you don’t even notice?
my friend’s funeral was a cloudy day.
a joyous celebration of life.
the clouds spoiled the ambiance,
but the rain never came.
I was taught to free my mind
I was taught to leave my pain behind
I was taught to travel to a different time
Without ever leaving my room behind
I was taught to be free
In which it helped with my anxiety
When you keep everything bottled inside, fog starts to form
The fog is made of fear and the fear starts to wrap around you
There once was a boy who crushed on a girl,
He wanted to give her the whole wide world.
Each time she spoke his head was in a whirl,
I'm lost
I'm lost in a sea of colors I can't seem to understand
Red, Blue, Green,
What diffrence does it reall make when I just feel them slowly absorbing the wavelengths that are meant to keep me sane?
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
The picking at my fingers has begun, according to the open scabs on my thumb and index finger, the sun is under its covers.
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
My beloved is like Jonah;
He's been in the belly of the Beast.
Once the whale had thought him dinner,
Jonah was quickly freed.
My beloved is like Matthew;
Imprisoned, though not to blame.
A walk through the woods
On a cold Winter's Night,
Brought up such terrors
And gave quite a fright.
I stepped through a clearing
Bathed in Moonlight.
A large lump Beyond
Didn't look quite right.
My heart is heavy.
It is a bomb planted inside me,
Ready to explode within the walls of my chest.
My chest is tight.
My lungs fail me.
Enid Ibarra
Human: A Lesson
When I was fourteen, I pressed my hand against
A stranger’s chest and learned that a heart
Has four chambers and cannot feel
Decisions to make
my future is here
but how can you know
what's true and dear
Spinning in circles
my minds in a jam
how would I know
what's the correct game plan
Sit timid with fingers crossed,that I’ll be able to cope with the simple fact that...everyone is perfectly imperfect. The one I love who I fear will make like fall and leave,Stares death in the eye so comfortably. With me, I must learn to be comfo
I am quiet most of the time.
I just stare and think.
My words get frozen within my lungs.
And I believe my thoughts are deadly.
People tend to ask me,
"why are you so quiet?"
Power to the fist
Power to defeat
Power to challenge
Vested in a pen, a pencil, a feather was the power to plaster my emotions
Doesn’t sound too strong but let me fill you in on a secret
It is
When I think of the world I'm afraid to look at what it has become.
People struggle through the darkness that has risen all through out the pastures of their very land.
You sit and stare out at the fieldYou shut your eyes and form a shield.Where did you go wrong?The words and insults form a song.You’re such a fake friend!
Handfuls of hair tugged tight,Kids crying out in fright,Do they know this is why people cry at night?People thinking they are always in the right,
The childhood days fly past,
the dark future casts a shadow of fear upon me.
Each day I live without having a clear purpose,
hoping it will better.
I fight the voices in my head,
My emotions belong in a cage,
Eventually, slowly, hesitantly plotting a war to wage.
If I ever let them show, let them out, they’ll raise hell,
For the vultures, they ring the dinner bell,
You scare me.
I´m afraid to talk to you
Afraid of what I might give
And what I might get back
You scare me.
I´m afraid to stand with you
Rejection. It hurts like a bitch. But sometimes rejection provides a greater picture to one's head. Rejection just makes me feel like I'm not worth love. Or happiness. Or even affection. And it's not the person who rejected me that hurts...
Words climb against my larynx
and punch at my mouth,
but I screw my lips shut
and force myself to swallow this alphabet
lump in my throat.
Thousands of letters and punctuation marks
I’m so scared
I’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscared
I don’t know
What to do
How to act
What to say
I’m so scared
I don’t enjoy speaking out
In social situations
The unfamiliar – thinly veiled-
And uncomfortable
Trembling in my voice
As I say something that does not sound – does not
Emit – what I want to say and
When the morg fills with these bones of mine,
please know that I was not alone.
For inside me, was mind, made 1 and 3,
the soul to which I cling from with in
is composed of the holy trinity.
She was pure poison
Striking at what she wanted most
and pushing away those
who got in the way.
She wanted something odd,
maybe to make herself seem more full:
Pacing around a room.
Its become my prison.
Trying to convince my myself not to back down tonight.
All around me whispers about my reality.
Too quiet to respond to what they accuse me of being.
They taunt me at night
I sleep with a light
My fingers curl underneath
And I tuck in my feet
I shiver and quiver
I can see the moon glow silver
I hide my head
And curl up in bed
There’s a dark corner
in the back of my room
it speaks to me
And says “I’ll be there soon”
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position
my eyes are closed
hopin and wishin
I am slowly stepping instead of falling for her.
I never learned how to love so instantly.
This feeling is far from what I prefer.
She is like the seasons of winter and summer,
the mirror isnt my true friend
she wont reflect my fantasy land
instead exposing the world in a aggressive manner
where i cant unsee the ugly truth
i cover my eyes to reside inside myself
I'm afraid of heights, but that's not all.
There are no ropes in case I fall.
Now that I'm an adult it seems,
the only escape from anxiety is in my dreams.
I would love to wake up one day,
Before I leave,
Or you do,
I like to say the words,
I love you.
There may be tomorrow,
Or the day after that,
But I'm scared,
That one of us may go splat.
I remember her hands gripping to the wheel,
An ice covered windshield,
The snow outside as thick as steel,
She was afraid, but could not yield.
Maybe it was the cold,
The waves of the icy shore reached for me,
Clenching their fists before my feet,
The tips of my toes cried in agony,
Begging for some warmth or heat.
I was relentless,
Baring what I could,
Jealousy appears to be the only feeling in my heart.
As I watch you touch him like I would like for myself.
Don't you dare love him...
but who am I to say.
He must feel similar to my own pain.
I feel the walls close in on me As I feel the hinges of panic crawl onto my skin And the inklings of my mind. The beast has been let out of their cage again Because I forgot to obey their orders swimmingly. Now they've turned violent against me I
I say that America
is screwed
That I don't want to
be here anymore
That I'm leaving first chance
I get
But as frustrated as I am
will I ever truly leave?
Poetry-
It wasn't till I fell in love that I finally understood poetry.
I can honestly say I didn't expect it,
and God knows I did my best to hide from it-
But here's the thing- I am a chasm of supressed emotion.
Poetry-
It wasn't till I fell in love that I finally understood poetry.
I can honestly say I didn't expect it,
and God knows I did my best to hide from it-
But here's the thing- I am a chasm of supressed emotion.
He’s caged and left with no way out,His house, not home, a place of fear;Leaving would be the best, no doubt,But he can’t do it, that is clear.
I can't live without you here
My knees grow weak
The demons coming near
We now don't speak
I loved you so
Why do we hold these things inside?
The little things we’ll never say.
Is it because we don’t want them to know?
Don't let them in,
Don't let them in,
They will only break everything you are;
Don't let them in,
Dont let them in,
Cuz you would only pick up your pieces; (2x)
you
are hurting my mind
hurt me to think about
hurt me to be without
i thought about you today
and i felt the pain in my chest
where you were not leaning
I look normal, I believe,
Hungry eyes of a frightened girl stealing moments of weakness in the dark by herself in the night.
I believe they don't see it,
Most of the time I try to pretend it does not exist.
When I told my friend that I liked a boy she was ecstatic. She gushed. She squealed. She urged me forward.
When I told my friend he asked me out she screamed. She laughed. She yelled. She asked me when we were going out.
There are three cranberries left on the counter
A reminder of us I can’t seem to wipe away
It was different then
When we first fell
"Are you leaving?" she said.
I informed that im to return soon.
Her stare blanketed in dis-array,
I inquired if something was needed.
"Can you leave my heart on the table until you get back?"
Slowly and sweetly arises my soul with a comforting, soothing fear.
A place, not a place, a man, not a man: Heaven! I'm finally here.
The guilt's gone away, tears flit to my eyes. Why do I cry in such bliss?
Wind, to me sing
Your lullaby,
Your comforting tone of peace.
I am not,
Could not be, alone
Amongst the presence of the breeze.
Tell me secrets,
Fear not, song,
I want to die,
I'm scared of death,
So sometimes I just hold my breath.
I close my eyes and count to ten,
I pussy out and breath again.
I wonder if you know that I love you
With all of my broken, twisted love,
With all of the love you threw back at me,
And all the indifference you used to drown me.
I fight the love you give me;
I'm better with writting,
normally stumbling with words.
So what is it I have to say?
What is it that I've kept inside?
What are the words flooding my mind?
In your arms I am safe and warm
today i smile because
for years i have denied who i am
today i smile because
i was scared to come out
today i smile because
i was too proud to admit mom was right
today i smile because
I could see that pain and hatred in your eyes
The moment she spurned you as childish and unwise.
I know how it feels to be scorned and chastised.
I know how it feels to go against those baptized.
How are you so stupid, so naive?
You brought this on yourself.
Walked in a locked room with no keys.
Don't bother blaming anyone else,
Don't cry, beg, or plead.
How do you expect to get out?
There is a vast array
that one mustn't stay
On this perfectly perplex planet
One used deceit
To get you to believe
It is raining
The lightning lashes
The thunder roars
I am running towards a lone figure
collapsed upon the ground
It is raining
Everything takes me back
Back to that moment
That moment when I mumbled
“I love you”
Every song I hear
Sparks a memory,
To the one who doesn’t feel like their enough,
or worth it,
or accepted.
Not beautiful,
Or enough,
Or loved.
I have a secret to tell you.
It isn’t whispered but shouted.
Dear K,
Intoxicated were we, but intoxicating was your kiss,
the night we first expressed ourselves to each other.
Wrapped in your sweet embrace,
unaware of future regret.
I thought I loved you,
but I think I fell in love with the thought of you.
You kissed me with such passion,
and you told me things I know you had a hard time saying,
And the Gods came down
They fell to earth like raindrops
Quick and hard
Dear Mr. Salvador Dalí,
You were onto something.
People think you were on something.
I think you get it better than any of us can.
Dear Death,To you I've never cowered underYet casualties of those I loveWill tear my life asunder
Dear Fear,
Crippled you have made me past,
and dawned with dread
in every other thought.
Like that which called me, plead
to be a draught
that I could drink and find no rest.
Dear Mom,
Who do you think you are?
Abusin’ me, bruisin’ me
My mind
Hurts.All those words you’ve ever told me,
Dear Change,
I used to embrace you.
My young self loved you.
You came often and always had a good outcome.
Middle school, high school, softball teams.
You were there for all of it.
Dear Insecurity,
An incessant whisper in my ear,
Constantly reminding me of everything I fear.
In your unyielding cage I am kept,
Your faceThe sharpness of itTypical strange beautyClear as the water stillOver the river on the hill
Dear ------ -----:
"You just have to say it. Tell him. Trust me, you'll feel better."
I wonder if it's really that easy.
leave no trace
hear the chest rise and fall
the laugh echoing underneath the soles of feet
camouflaging as pulses and hiding as dust
I walk in the world, a pretender, a lonely visitor
I don't know the path and there is no map
There is no place to stop to ask for directions
I watch the world around me and despair
Dear God,
You have the ability to do anything, know anything...correction everything
As I smile on my first day of school you hear my every thought,
When I step on the court for a game you feel every butterfly.
Dear Fear,
You remember me, I’m sure.
You pick me apart at the seams.
You make me feel insecure,
And attack my self-esteem.
You know my pressure points,
Know just where to strike.
To the people who don’t understand why I won’t let them touch me,
I’ve built a wall between friends, family, and others.
And fucking think again if you thought I had any lovers.
Dear Poet:
I watch you tip your head back to face the breeze,
I watch you devour pieces of peaches with no concern for pretense.
im trying my hardest to keep my head up
but ive been pushing through as best i can
no matter how hard i try i cant seem to make friends
it seems as though i'll never be able to communicate
Dear Fear,
You strike out of nowhere like a snake killing its prey.
Wrapping your tight body around me until I can’t catch my breath.
I found your love in my early age. It was a pass time, a hobby, just something for fun. Now as I grow you have become my life, my passion, my joy. I am scared to persue you as it might now work. I am frightened to lose my love for you.
Fear breaks
The crack of dawn
Tossing, turning, yearning
Hardly ever learning
People and places
Pasts and problems
Things I’ll never have the answer—
Four
Years.
To Thee Who Takes Him Away,
My highest admiration revolves around thee,
I know thy cause is one of inevitability.
For despite pleas of the pure in mankind,
I wish they knew how it feels to be me.
I wish I could cry for help, fall to the ground and…
I wish they knew that award ceremonies are lose-lose situations
Dear Inner Me,
Why do you hold back?
Your thoughts,
Your words,
Your opinions,
Away from view?
Sitting on a fence,
Uncomfortable,
Unable to express.
To feel anything,
Dear lover,
Why are you afraid of me?
This would mean you’d be afraid of
The girl who cries at night, the girl
Who cries because she doesn’t know the future.
Dear Fear,
Sitting here now I wonder when you shall strike
Will it be today or perhaps tonight
I find myself wondering what will you feel like
Why must you torture me in such ways
Dear me, You’ll regret this you know.Letting time slip by;it’ll pass in a flash.You’re leaving soon. You’ll hate this you know.All these hours you workfor a chance at more school.You’ll be there soon. You’ll doubt this you know.The path you have c
Dear Death,
I know a place where ashes fall like snow
And fear is a shadow,
It follows me around as a lover,
Holding me closer until I can no longer breathe
We look to find just who we are inside
Forever looking to find where we fit
Having constant fear of being denied
In the process some people just lose it
Everywhere we attempt to interact
My anxiety attacking me like my racing heart when I cup my ears too hard as I count to 287.
Crying because I want to be happy,
But tired of that fucking dysphoria making me wish for misery.
Dear Fear,
You are my closest friend
You live inside my head and decide what's best
You keep my grades high so I can follow my dreams
You keep home and safe from all danger
Dear Lily, Oh Lily, if only I knew, you gave me no clueHow you felt every day and nightOh how you lived without the lightevery morning, cutting yourself too deepevery night, crying yourself to sleepyou seemed so happy just yesterdaywho knew you fe
The rush of your love is like a wave,
And your touch is one that I always crave.
I know inside I have to be brave,
And think of the future we’re going to pave.
Every second I want to savor,
Honestly,
I don't think you exist.
You're like a unicorn
with your beauty abundance,
majestic prescence,
magical countenance -
I'm not really good at this.
I,
Why
Why am I still afraid of you
Why do I still cower
Or feel the urge to run away
You have this power over me
Maybe you just took it and
Never gave it back
I certainly didn't hand it to you
Dear Refa,
You will not win. There's not much more to say.
The distance from home, the ice and storms - HA! I survived anyway.
You decided to step it up and violate me personally.
Dear Mom...
I don’t even know where to start with you these days. How are you? It feels weird to say that.
Do you wonder how I’m doing, too?
I’m 25 now,
A woman. Last time you saw me I was a girl.
She heard his ragged breathing, but there was no one on the other end of the line.
It was another voicemail, just one of the many he sent late last night.
Monday was dreadful. Slumped over on his desk as regret stirs up in the pits of his stomach and yet it was only 7:05 am. Going over his what-ifs, should-haves, and buts.
You tell me it didn’t happen like that--
I should just get over it… but I can’t.
I can’t forget the words that you’ve said to me,
Dear Fear,
You are forever my companion
Following me as a shadow on my mind
Many times you grow, enveloping me in darkness
You cannot be beaten, but I can control you
We hold our Hope so close inside,
Laugh with those who us deride,
Our true person untouchable,
While evils only scratch outside.
A blended mix of Pride and Fear
Dear Fear,
I was told by a character in a cute little movie that you used caution to keep me safe—
—So please explain to me why I’m scared of sharks in my swimming pool.
Dear Fear,
I think I'm in love with you.
Crazy, I know- but I think this confession is a little overdue, don't you? After all, we've been together for years. As long as I can remember.
The one thing I covet is your everlasting love,
I desire that you feel the same way too.
Things happened suddenly, but without a shove.
Life is always watching
Creeping in the distance, waiting for your next move
She gives you roads to choose from
Then tricks you when you least expect it
I tried to be strong
But strong is not strong,
And crying is not wrong
If it happened again I would be weak
I would not lie down and take it.
I would cry and weep
and make it impossible
for you
After a while you grow tired of hearing it.At first, it's the worst.How could you say that?How dare you say that?Who are you to tell me what I choose?
Throbbing is the era of peace and hunger boiled into one being
You are the completeness of fatigue and hard work built over my back
So I'll play my violin
A scale, G scale, D and E
Begins caving.
Up and down the staff
I'll go
As the oceans flood and flow
As the world is burning, burning
I will play what I'd been learning.
There’s a ghost in the front seat of my car
She’s twelve, maybe thirteen
And cries as much as I do
She remains quiet against the music, or as I talk
With green-gray doe eyes
Dear LittleVoice,
I hope you know that you lost
It's been almost three years now and even if you do come back, I'll be ready
I know you now
For the life of me
I can hear the sea
Calling, calling, calling.
And for the life of me
I'm trying, trying, trying
But for fear of the death of me...
I don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Dear Morning, Its rough hand brought my day to night,I surrendered to it but tried to fight,For it was late and it was right,That it was time to say goodnight,Forever a good night whatever is,Forges memories me a livid kid,And now me as a thin old
Dear everyone, someone, anyone who will listen,
Does the darkness scare you too?
As its cold stare freezes your body;
motionless.
Its been around so long, I consider it a friend.
I need closure.
Set some things straight.
I was insecure and vulnerable, and no, I don't want to go on a date.
Why do you taunt me?
Stupid, silly, fate.
There may be times when you are feeling down,
when someone blows your rekindling ember,
and you can't help but put the biggest frown,
or raise the flag in white to surrender
in front of many people who've shamed you
Dear Fear,
This letter’s to the ghosts long dead,
The monster in my closet
And the one beneath my bed,
The terror in the hallway,
And the one within my head.
Dear Failure,
Many say it is better to try and fail than to not try at all.
For so long, the fear has told me, "No."
"It is safer here."
"Where no one tells you no."
ah, look at you.
you’re a plum pit to me,
a cratered seed of stability
amidst rotting flesh,
the nectar of bee stings
rolling off you
You were my first love,
At least that is what I thought.
You messed up my life,
Because now everything I do is related back to you.
Present in class,
under the antiseptic light of the lecture hall my words infect the air,
and my fat brass opinion dissipates into discussion.
The next hand raises
Dear friend,
I love seeing you every morning.
Your presence makes me shutter.
I enjoy our small talk. It's nice.
Sometimes there's silence. It's nice.
Have you ever dreaded to take a breath
Not the kind that fills soft moist lungs
But the kind that follows a silent death
Let me go no further
For I can see you
I don’t have to be there
Dear Dubiety,
I wish to promulgate that poetry is not dead.
But the style... each breath is taken to be lost in an enchantment of idealist fallacies.
Ok I can do this
Hi... There...
No that’s not right
Hello, how’s it going?
That’s not it either
Hey... Oh you’re gone.
I'm incapable of feeling fear.
I know everyone gets chills down their spines when the violins screech in a horror movie.
she's barely making it through each day
there's some days she just wants to throw her life away
but nobody knows that because they dont look behind the mask
maybe if they did they would see just how much pain she is in
Hi it's me again
remeber the girl you forgot again
remeber you said you'd be right back
remember you left me to freeze in a shack
Hi it's me again
remeber when you told me we were best friends
Kicked in the stomach
But standing straight
Smile on
But inside tears escape
Bruno mars and backseat singing
windows rolled down
highway swerving
Dear Future,
My kidnapper, you sicken me!
Hiding me in a room called my conscious.
All I see is darkness.
All I’ve ever seen is darkness.
Darling,
Have you found the right route, or are you wasting time?
Why do you keep all things in mind, in your mind?
It's sad to see you go this way, but I must release you.
The black bird with a golden patch
Flew away unable to hatch
Her feet sore from the search
She needed only a touch
My eyes blur,
nails dig into my palm.
thoughts weigh on me.
drowning me
into the depths
of trepidation.
i get scared on the longer days,
dear
and you, inquisitive, know the blush…
...the blushing reason why
i get scared
I can feel their love, feel
how much they care. Yet,
is it enough to keep me from the thoughts
that lurk in the back of my mind, swiming in the
pool of insecurites, splashing its poisonous water
They say love is easy but I know better
I say love is hard and hurts because your heartsrings are tethered
To someone else and as they move you follow
but the pain when they rip out your heart is hard to swallow
dear future me,
what the future holds, i do not know, for there is still so much to learn
i know of so many feelings that i have yet to yearn
Dear KMZ
Who else would write to you but me?
I know who you are even when you don’t.
We know you’re struggling, and you blame the wall around you.
Why does he do such things?
Or should I say
Why doesn’t he do such things?
It’s the little things that count
Where are the little things?
Am I
You push me around,
You say it's just harmless fun,
Well that is, you say that to the teachers and adults.
To me it's more than that.
You force me to smile and say 'I am fine,'
Even though,
I'm not.
To the boy I loved in high school,
I remember the day you told me
Everyone has an addiction
for some it’s smoking
and others it’s binge drinking
My addiction wasn’t nicotine or alcohol
Everyone wants love
Till they feel the pain
Then when without
They crave it all the same
Nothing can hold back
The feeling of shame
I shall not be afraid,Fear is for the weak,Weakness is death.
I shall not be afraid.Call me a freak,And I’ll take a deep breath.
I shall not be afraid.Fear is binding,I am free.
So close.Close enough to admire the part in your hair, Close enough to study the creases of your face, From years of laug
Dear Fear,
I have allowed you in my life for far too long. You have made my minor hardships become major, and forced me to lay silent when I want to speak.
Spring, summer, fall, winter
Joy, passion, love, reality
Seasons and emotions are one in the same
Everybody has a favorite season
Everybody has their own reason
But the one thing that stays true
I burn the pages
of my oldest notebooks,
erasing the ages
that have passed me by.
I remember the old days,
and cheerful jokes told
paired with a longing gaze,
and my calloused fingertips.
You taught me to fear
You taught me to worry
You taught me fake love
You taught me to drink away the pain
You taught me I was ugly and worthless
365 days ago the roof over my head was secure, paid for with my own money.
365 days ago I had 1 tiny window in a basement and I felt great pride because
365 days before that I was on the verge of homelessness.
In the warmth of the brilliant, early morning sun,
comes a shadow only I can see
marinating in its holy scent
the delicate gradations in between.
It is a virus, a pathogen particular to you, but, as well,
Dear most loved lover,
I sat here ... and thought of you.
I felt something everytime you spoke, everytime you breathed.
I want to say it was fear because then I would have a reason to leave you,
-to protect me-
I am not who I seemI am not a good thingI am million broken piecesI am an empty evil thingI am a wall built around myselfI am protecting the things hiddenI have a million different masks
I tried for a slam poetry kind of rhythm:
Hey Earth,
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.
I'm sorry that we're turing you from blue to grey.
I'm sorry that I don't know what to do or say,
To my ex:
I let you put me in that dark little corner
and just above me hung
a mobile of bones --
it drew the breath straight from my lungs.
Silent whispers slithered in and out my ears,
To You
To be someone without fear
is to be someone without life
So much to believe in,
yet nothing to follow through the darkness,
not even a light
Be someone who needs, not wants
Do you remember when we could finally date?
I do
You gave me this pink paper ring
I could tell you spent hours making it for me
I cherished that ring as if it was worth thousands
Because to me, it did
Hearts
They beat; they break
That heart break should not be created by those who claim to care
Claiming to care is like saying I love you to a child
Breaking a heart is like telling the same child you were joking
What is your fear?
We all have fears.
Some of us many,
Some of us few.
I'll tell you mine.
You don't have to tell me yours.
I'll just let loose my heart,
And pray you won't crush it
The world is at its true point…BeautifulNo more, for the world now seems ever so TwistedWe now know what’s to comeBecauseThe media even says the same thingSo it must be true
I am the only person in existence, sitting in
the only room in existence, surrounded
by a sea of darkness
beneath a blackened sky, violent waves
Carved out of marbleI see a sea of white and blueThese marble masks you wear to alter your facesOut of fears forced on you
The scarce embrace of
someone so distant,
Yet so warm you feel, just by
hearing their voice
And the dark cloud hangs over you,
only because you want them there,
I'm splitting apart
Every version that I've been
Wants to weigh in
Romance takes her chance
There's a gem of a truth
I can believe in
everything comes to an end
and yet
all time spent with you
i wish would last for an eternity.
everything comes to an end
I walked below
The neon lights.
Dark sky flashed
against the green of slavery.
I puffed a cigar
My jeans have holes
My shoes are split like pistachios
With my black socks
To yearn for happiness will bring aboutAn emotion that tears at my weak heartNo wisdom here found in deadly black artThe seeds of dissent this feeling will sproutPure happiness this seedling will wipe outOnly sadness and fear will it impartWithin
Fear overrides all other senses
A fear of the unknown and undiscovered
This emotion knocks down all defenses
But to persevere now is to conquer
You
Are the hope around my neck.
The pendant on my chest rests on the
Padlock to my blood that Stained
all over the dress you stressed to see me-
Because I love you
I believe your lies
when you tell me
I’m your everything
Because I love you
I listen to your evil slurs
when you drunkenly
push me against the wall
Do you want to know what my biggest fear regarding you is?
Do you want to know what I worry about the most when I look at you?
Silent shadows of the night
Drawing near in the light
Hiding in corners of the wall
Stalking you down a narrow hall
Voiced through whispers on the breeze
Beware of that which you can see
Breathe in.
It's two steps forward and three million steps back it feels like.
Just when I think I'm alright, something like a smell or an uncomfortable feeling bashes me over the head with its malice.
maybe when you left
my tears weren't because i lost you
maybe because i was alone
with my own thoughts
maybe i was in love with the attention you gave me
maybe i was in love with you
What is this cloud that hangs over my head?
It follows me like some form of dread,
Waiting, watching, readying the strike.
I fear the moment it drops its impaling spike.
you stole something from me.
pieces of me I can never get back,
and all the others after you
will try to rebuild me,
like the toys they
It was slow,
The crunch of the metal,
The small throbbing glow,
It made my eyes start to settle.
Most were just screaming,
How is it that I am still alive?
How is it that today I am awake
and maintaining hope that things will get better
when I can feel myself spiraling out of control?
There have been days...
Nothing is free In the grand scheme of things.
But I want your lies tonight.
Broken men have broken courage it's broken
and miss construed.
And I myself am broken.
So let me have your lies
like glue
I am afraid to close my eyes
Hearing the emptiness when I awake
Feeling any heart pounding against my ribs
lungs constricting to leave me breathless.
My head is spinning
as I choke down a shriek
Lead hands,
Too heavy to move,
I would have built you a mountain.
But
I no longer care.
I just have one thing to say.
“Fuck you.”
I was bleeding
stripes
The lily
is the flower for a home.
But Californian poppies
make me feel so home sick
Roses make me angry,
and any flower from Britain
Is a flower for a whore.
But lilies
I won't be happy when there's a frown on her face
I won't fully rest when she's not by my side
I won't relax if I'm not sure that she's safe
I love those quirks she calls flaws
I love you I love you tooForever?Forever PromiseHe walked me to my class Kissed my innocent lips He was late to classI got out and there he was Smiling happy He had practice after school I waited He texted mePractice was terrible, againHe was madK
Time takes and time destroys.
but in many ways it gives me joy.
Father time won't receive my message.
so staying young about a question.
I will continue to grow and change.
I feel the wind blowing
Against my fare skin
The cold giving me
Chills up my spine
As I walk the single brick pavement
Gravel grinding against my aching feet
Faintly shimmers the moon against the red sky.
Red like fire, or blood.
And read like a book.
It sprawls out like the text of some demented God.
Painting with words and elucidating with language
Rapunzel, Rapunzel had a lot of hair
So thick, so dense
No stylist would dare
She stayed in a tower
In the middle of town
Combing and spraying
Detangling and braiding
You see, the hood was red for a reason.
The wolves had every reason to fear her. She was merciless,
no charm and no amount of begging would suffice.
She carried other things in that basket of hers.
Less than a year before I leave
So short time I can hardly believe
As that day approaches I start to reminisce
About all the things I'm going to miss.
My friends, my peers it has been six years
Last night, my eyes were heavy;I was having trouble sleeping again,The room so dark I could not see,My skin raw, itching, and paper thin,
Humanity is lost and afraidAs I sit here todayI see our world enragedOur soldiers are far awayPolicemen are dying and going to their gravesI look up at the stars and I hear a voice within my heart say
A fire flickers in the hearth, warm and cheering,
Glowing and growing, its essence my heart searing.
I.
Heavens flicker and take fire.
The Earth takes its final breath
Trembling, Stained, Defiled.
Dreams gained with certain loss
I waited,
for a response from you,
a mere whisper perhaps.
To a torn heart thrown at you,
carved with my surrender.
A plea for my liberation,
saying " I won't longer wait for you".
[(I was 15 at the time I wrote this.)]
Because I'm not like you,
you fear me,
you hate me,
you torture me.
I refuse to be like you.
I fear you,
I hate you,
I run from you.
Little Miss Magic of sweet song and sound. Little Miss Magic of perfect balance and crown. Little Miss Magic of passion and care. Little Miss Magic consumed by love and redacted of fear.
It was pure luck
I saw her from far away
From the darkness of the brush
And I prepare my jaws to crush
Her name was Little Red
The wind howls across the bank
Be not afraid, weakness will break
The darkness knows where to lay
Do you ever wanna cry but the tears won't come?For the fear, and the shame, and whats been done.Do you ever wanna cry but the tears are drowned?All you left with is an angry frown.
Why do we fear thunder?
Thunder can’t hurt you
It’s just a sound.
Why do we fear gunshots?
Gunshots can’t hurt you
They’re just a sound.
Why do we fear screaming?
I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.
I have a boyfriend and he loves me.
He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.
He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.
Once upon a time
A girl loved a boy.
A bewitching boy.
A boy she had never met
A boy she only knew from afar
But a boy she loved nonetheless.
One day the girl got a message
Don't let me fall, I'm already on the edgetrying to lean backwards,but the wind blew and blewI don't want to tumbleI don't want to loseBut I just can't help it,the wind is blowing me to you
Your voice haunts me.
Your image dances in my head.
I cannot escape this feeling
that's been filling me with dread.
I am in a constant cycle
of anxiety and despair,
'cause every time I go to sleep,
Red eyes
Black hair
Tan scarred skin
It holds
The appearances
Of me,
But is it me?
I cannot be sure
Whether it is
Just a fear of mine
Or an actual part
Of me
Late at night I lie awake
Pray the lord my soul to take
And if I fall asleep tonight
Don't let me see the morning light.
The Children of Never Light
the more I see through open eyes,
fools come my way with alibis
playing the game of chance with mankind;
I touch a shattered sky with a broken heart,
I stock shelves at a grocery market for money.
It's what I do.
Not who I am.
But I saw some flowers sketched onto a can.
It was a vine of flowers.
Coiled around the "S" on the words "Green beans"
Boom!
The sound of another gun shot.
Breaking news!
Another murder.
Seek shelter!
Another flood.
What is this?
It is a mad world,
but also a bad one.
A small bottle
A brush
Heavy paper
Covered in crevices
And teeth
Pressure
It takes pressure
I used to fear
What I didn't know
I used to worry
About my future
I used to cringe
At the thought of love
I used to think
All guys
Were the same
Then you
Came around
They say you see
someone’s soul
Through their eyes
I see their souls
In the money they
Slide into my jacket
One upon a time there was a girl with hair of gold
She was locked away in a dark tower, or so I'm told.
But the truth is, Rapunzel did not want to go outside
The last time that Gothel asked her to go out, she cried.
Holocaust
Holocaust...Trapped..Like the fires of Hell,
Destroyed the old and the young
Millions suffered the agony and despair
Holocaust...Covered in bruises,
The pounding of your fist at the door of my chest
Can no longer withstand what you tell it to
No matter the number of times you use your sultry words to beckon it to life
Inside I am broken
All but the sound of my heart
Hands grip around my neck, choking
Tearing me apart
I lay emotionless
Listening to the my heart beat
Feeling it pounding in my chest
I did the right thing.
It became clear that no one else shared my concern.
There was a gun
In my dorm
Somewhere behind a closed door
America, land of the free.
America, home of the brave.
America, home of the immigrant.
Change is seen as scary, terrifying,
hello;
i know your out there.
are you also made of fear?
are you father of the shadows?
are you things, both hidden and queer?
more felt than seen;
a rainbow with no gleam.
And I see him in someone's sideways smirk,
someone's endless brown eyes,
someone's smile when they laugh.
Who would've thought a world like ours could be so mean, demeaning lives for financial stability, who would've thought time could go so fast, eight years seemed to just fly past, it's a shame that making the world great again means depriving all t
America is number one!
You’re right, we are number one;
Number one in military spending.
Number one in people imprisoned.
Number one in discrimination.
In prejudice.
In arrogance.
I sit here in the morning
Sipping my coffee.
Every single day
Something stops me.
I read the news,
A disaster here and there,
A sprinkle of protest,
A dash of terrorism,
I told you I was water.
You said you loved the rain.
Yet, my touch made you shiver.
And it turns out
That depth terrifies you.
And I,
Well I was the ocean.
-Harleigh Stillwell
4-12-17
I cried on election night.
Frozen in fear as I stared at my phone,
I tried to not imagine my friends being dragged away
beaten, bruised, barebacked
like the kids in the history books
when another man said
Can I try to escape from
All my nightmares and demons
Soon this era will be done
The truth of time is too blunt
To not cut like a sharp knife
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Like the dying dwindling fire
The embers rekindle Life
As the dog left All alone
Still protects his bone
Like the burnt out Mother
College. Death.
Sheer dropoff, cliff
A black abyss
Never return, no one's ever come back
Disappeared, never heard from again
Move on, other people
What a gift you'll be to some
I am proud of America.
I am proud to live in a land of rights for all.
I am proud to follow in the footsteps of those who came before.
Hate is in the air
People feel manipulated and pushed back and forth.
Many take advantage instead of giving back.
Morality is non-existent during this time of necessity.
We laugh and play in the rain
as it soaks through our clothe
each drop clinging to our skin
like the morning dew upon the grass.
We look up and smile at the ashened clouds
The Pain of Death
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When their hearts are filled with pain and strife
Where they wish time would go back
I am what you call a latina
Just another mexican niña
I am what you call a pansexual
Once again another ignored label
America the Great
There is this girl
Who can´t help but
Feel like an outcast
Even in a room of people
Where she is supposed
To be able to be herself
She calls herself the outcast
the outcast, the outcast
When I was a kid,
I used to watch horror movies with my dad
I would shake with fear, with my teary eyes hid.
He would tell me:
“You have to distinguish
The reels from reality.”
Heavy breathing
pounding heart
sweaty palms
shaky arms
A worried mind and no place to hide
I remember
The stones
They way they pelted.
I remember
The girls
The way they laughed.
I remember
The fear
The I fought not to tremble.
I remember
Her eyes,
So deeply unsettling,
As I watched
The tragedy unfold.
Her hair,
Tangled in his fist,
Was used
What’s your worst nightmare?
Is it
The way water
Engulfs you,
Imprisons you,
And slowly steals your breath?
Or,
Away from you.
Away from pain.
Away from judgement.
What’s to gain?
Everytime you said the note was flat.
I use to share poems with my name attached
but then I was told I should stop
so my name was detached
because the statement made my confidence drop.
What if she was right?
Was I just wasting my time
Welcome to the carnival of life
Where brilliance shines, flashing lights
Where memories are our currencies
Where affection is shared like cotton candy
Where strength is measured in courage
Welcome to the carnival of life
Where brilliance shines, flashing lights
Where memories are our currencies
Where affection is shared like cotton candy
Where strength is measured in courage
I wish I could shut off all the voices in my head, just for a moment.
I wish i could make people understand.
No matter how hard I try it seems impossible.
I thought I knew how I feltThought i had dealt with these old feelingsNow they got me reeling
I thought I knew who to loveWhere my heart would lead meNow they make me doubt who to be
Some daySome wayI'll find a way to say these things I keep insideFind a way to tell you what is on my mindOne of these days I'll find the words insideFind a way to express these things I feel for you
Under the surfaceResides an unknown girlDifferent from the one exposed to the worldI hide her insidewhere no one can seeBut this girl, the one trapped beneath the surface, is the real me.
I hope
I hope
I hope
That someday
I will not be afraid
No
I hope
That I will be afraid but able
I have reached a point in my life where
I wake up most days feeling somewhere between “okay” and so goddamn happy
That I feel like a kid climbing a tree who has just reached a branch
I am running away to California to taste the salt water and journey as long as possible along the road traveled by men
with pens
and lines to trace over
Like pirates come to pillage all meaning from the street signs like,
Death is something most people hate.
I can absolutely relate.
You left a mark on my skin that is unseeable.
Although I feel for it. It’s unreachable
Tears are slowly accumulating
At the corner of my eye
I hold my stomach aching in pain
Each successive breath is slowly becoming too difficult to make
"You're gifted; if only you'd apply yourself,"
he's told for eleven years.
"They don't know me like I know myself."
The boy loves but envies his peers.
"No awards to be shown on my shelf,"
I am alone.
Or, am I really?
What hides in the shadows?
Is my fear truly gone?
I have flown through many ways,
Speeding the only test I know.
I move wrong, but I can't back-track,
Classes, assignments
presentations in particular,
they get us so stressed out.
Let's stick with the presentations, for the moment
and think about this:
how prevalent the fear of public speaking is.
It has been said
That lions are the fiercest of beings
Strong jaws, sharpened teeth -
Ready to pounce.
Every day the lion waited
I saw him around corners
Prowling in the distance
Oh, fear. Oh, pain.
How we had each other's numbers.
Oh, fear. Oh, pain.
How we knew each other so well.
How you sought me in the dark,
In the night, in my sheets.
I never opened up to someone
afraid of being hurt.
I kept them away with fake smiles
and a simple I'm okay.
I am afraid of people.
I am afraid of myself.
I am afraid of having my heart shattered
2016: The Year Fear Took Over
You Think it will be the best year
You Think you will grow
You Think you will change
No matter how much I try,I've failed to succeed.Every word I have spoken,is constantly breaking me.Ripping at my heart,tearing at my soul. I've told myself this is better,you won't get hurt this way.
I smile to keep from crying
Everyday I spend my hours trying
To keep my self denying
That I'm not afraid of dying
Failure is a creature of the darkness,
But I can see it clear as day.
A monstrous entity of terror,
Feeding off the smallest of insecurities.
Its grasp is ever tightening,
Your heart thrums loudly in your ears,
All of your dispairs seem so near,
The dark evelops you in fear.
Your sweaty palms clutch your sides,
Hoping to hold together what's inside,
I remember.
I remember the fears.
I remember the confusion.
I remember the pain.
I especially remember the lonliness.
I remember the tears.
I remember the depression.
I remember the disdain.
683 miles from home I flew no longer at home but in a whole new world
A place so different so clean a fresh a second chance of home to beat the rest
New friends new foes a few up and a lot of downs but still I am here
I am a Man of God.
I ask myself, "Are you living like a Man of God?"
Humph...
Something is just not right...
Why are these things happening to me?
Why am I hearing these voices?
Get away fear!
The shakes, the nerves, the trembles of absolute fear I feel in the tiny hands attached to me.
They control me. They make one motion that consumes my focus entirely.
I am drowning in a sea of my anxiety.
Mother you promised me
With pinkies and wallahi’s and everything in between
You promised we would be free
Every day I wake up wanting to flee
With soundtracks of bombs and screams foreseen
Senior Year: Second semester
College freshman: Second semester
Prom, graduation, ditch day, freedom
Fear, home sick, scared, broken
A year of love and excitement
Never know the pain,
of not know if tomorrow,
will come.
Seeing death every day.
Drug overdoses to Cardiac Arrest
Encrusted red splattered walls
Red spotted floors
Serve to remind me
How everything I do
Is wrong in his eyes
Those bloodshot eyes
Coming home every evening
With flammable breath
A light that beckons from a lamp.
The yearning of our innocence, the drawing to our roots.
It beckons you forth from the dark, it promises light and warmth.
It is only there.
I'm done hidding
in the shadows.
Let the poeple come
with their words as daggers,
and their glares as swords.
Let the people come with their arrogance
that buries hopes and dreams
2016 -
The year my hopes and dreams
Were supposed to come true.
Somehow blue
As a blue bird I flew
Up and away from high school
She gave up that retirement plan
So she could become all that she can
Pushing away the money vice
She knows what it means to make a sacrifice
Gripping on the helm of fate
Praying it's never too late
I was soft, vulnerable
Turned hard and worn
The toughened exterior
Protected me
Until others peeled back the layers
And saw me there
Afraid to move forward
Stuck in place.
I never thought something invisible
could run my every day.
Anxiety is like a water balloon,
it fills and fills until finally
it explodes
blurring your vision
drenching every part of you.
There was a time not so long ago
When my mind was like a ball of yarn
Tightly wound
Thread upon strict thread
And I was certain of one thing:
My shape would not change
And I would remain as I was
About this time last year, I thought I knew what stress was,
as I walked through the iron gates of a gold and purple castle,
waiting for Nostradamus to tell me my fate,
taking classes that I thought I would hate.
Fort Ticonderoga 1775
Blue Saxophone
Tied like a yellow bus
I peel and quake
And surround myself
my consciousness sputters like a dying engine
the pulsations of my brain slowing, shaking
(muscles too slug-like to function)
beat, rest, beat, rest
A blade seems friendly
It is anything but
A manipulating tool
And in my head it now haunts.
It once kicked away the Numbness
That stalked my daily life
And locked away Anxiety
why have I become so dependent on something so temporary?
why does my happiness bank on your warm touch
why can’t I smile unless you hold me
Ive published at least 96 poems
have written a hundred more
and yet not a single word
has truly captrued this that i feel
this great anxious feeling
like something is coming
something is coming.
My mind can't keep calm, all the screaming and beating me, making my mind numb...dumb...less alive. Feeling a mixture of self loathe and happiness in my mind. Taking control of my common sense and free will.
As junior year drew very near,
I wondered what would come of this next year.
Would I get into the college of my dreams?
Would it be as difficult as it seemed?
I feared for my future, so delicate and frail
Seventeen years of life experience and I'm still not qualified for the job, because everyone thinks I'm either too young or too dumb. Pressured by society to look thin and tan, but we can hardly face each other man to man.
I tried to tell you
When I was twelve years old
That I was experiencing something I couldn't nor wanted to explain
We might not know where we belong
But we must figure it out
We just have to stay strong
And not just sit and pout
Showering in my own tears.
Thinking about all my fears.
My eyes, will they clear?
I can't control them
They keep coming out.
Alone but surrounded.
My pain going down the drain.
he was so bright
God, he was bright
he made my skin burn when he touched it
he made my heart race,
air so thick I couldn't get a breath
like the hottest day of mid-July.
yes, he was bright
While my heart does bleed
For new life never born
My mind does heed
The pain of a mother torn
The decision to forestall
Life's seed to full bloom
Is a powerful anguish
of hellish gloom
What mind enlightened of God
Could reconcile a forsaken entrustment...
To guardian the yet unborn?
What eye that sees by Light
Could blind itself this darkest deed?
So here’s how it goes.I breathe my life into the wind
and the mists carry it to the sea
Adolescent so close to Metamorphosis,Yet so far from reality.Driven by waning time,For time cannot be conquered.‘Tis passing, but my mental state,It was not;
The way you look into my eyes shows your hunger.
You don’t want me.
You want my body.
When I see you my brain activates fight or flight.
You took me out on adventures all the time, knowing i had anxiety, saying it was fine.
You didn't let my fears take over- every event was another step closer to feeling free from the anxiousness that was attached to me.
All alone I walk through land I stepped on
Looking for the cradle of the gusty wind
The wind that accords glee throughout every minds
Until contentment passed through and sing lullabies
I still hear the children playing,
They have their own homes now.
I still hear the horses running,
They have passed away now.
I still hear the rain falling,
A lone girl holds her mother’s hand
“What are they doing? We have done nothing wrong.”
The next things her mother said
were sung in a lullaby song--
If the only thing to fear is fear itself
I find it funny that I'm so scared to be
Courageous.
I am most scared when no one expects me
to stand up.
A glass of the reddest wine one can find,
a familiar face sitting across from you,
yet it is one that you cannot define.
Who could it be or what could it be?
Does it have the capability to see?
The sad begging blue eyes
Almost bring tears to my eyes.
Almost.
The tiny warm smile
Almost makes a matching grin.
Almost.
The pitter patter of tiny feet
Almost makes me laugh.
A ravenous hunger
A wolf I am
Creeping up on it's prey
Silent but so deadly
Stalking the night
It's good to be afraid
A girl I used to be
A wolf I am
Fear of being myself.
Fear of being someone else.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of my brother and his harsh words that harden my heart.
Somehow,I manage to get out of bed each and every day.I get up, get ready, and get to work.
Surprisingly,People look at me with admiration for this feat."How are you so motivated?" they ask.
They're here,
And I have so much fear.
They tell me to die,
And I can't help but cry.
They hold me down,
And make me want to drown.
They love the night,
And it gives me such a fright.
I want to run
I want to be free
Wouldn't that be fun?
I could be someone besides me
I long to flee
And be done with this place
There's so much to see
I'd leave without a trace
One two, down up
And there she goes
She flies high
Smiles bright
Two, three, four
One two and down
Feet back on the ground
We cheer
A pause for the boys
Excess is success
But it's also destruction
I'm trying to suction the
Thoughts out of my mind
That scream I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm not fine, and the reason why
The racing of our imaginations --you argue, perhaps, that is our incentive?Lives without incentives are insane,and insanity with incentive is life.And how can we know what is beyond our mountains,
Locker 1453.
I left a part of myself behind your door on the last day of seventh grade;
you wheezed
and sputtered when I opened you,
but I didn't mind; for you had become a strange sort of companion
[ Me writing a letter to death]
October 10th.. Sending this letter from DeVonte, to.... to..,
Im going to start off this letter saying i dont like you, I fear of you but I will fight you,
I’m still standing here
with scars on my cheeks
and red dots on my hands
that scream when I touch
the scabs
they have become -
all too suddenly and all to quietly
I can hear myself
You despise me,
yet I
desire you.
It's comical,
they say,
the way we
banter.
We smiled then.
I don't smile
now.
You left me behind
for bigger things;
Raised by ads on MTV
faces on CNN
words on screens
and people without depth
I am the product of pixels and vectors-
If I am lost in a storm of doubts or a cloud of fear, call Lindsey.
If I cannot find the will to go on, get Maggie.
If I am in need of light or laughter, text Isabelle or Michelle.
It is a cruel world out there
But, we must find the strength to live
It cannot stay cloudy forever
Something has got to give
Everyone goes through the struggle
That is where we learn the lesson
I get in bed, not wanting to go to sleep.
I wake up, not wanting to be alive.
When will my pain disappear?
Outside, the flowers are blooming.
Inside, the spirits are dying.
Time is too short
As the seconds tick on, we hear the moments of our life ebb away
Slowly, slowly, with each passing day we feel the future
In...
Out...
From ragged and quick
To slow and steady
Breathing
The first breath I hear in the morning
is his
and hearing that deep, content sound
make facing my fears
What do we fear the creepy crawlies under our bedor is it the wondrus voice inside our headkilling my thoughts until braindead
My heart is best decribed
as being a bird in a bottle,
with fleeting wings beating
against glass lungs.
It sits on the border
of yesterday's panic
and tomorrow's desperation,
They say beauty is painAnd she's beautifully brokenShe's left hallow and emptyBut her thoughts go unspoken
I'm shaken, I'm shaking
but not from the thunder
pretty soon then, my heart booms
but not from the lightning
The weather outside is nothing compared
to the way I feel when anxious, hyper, and scared
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
True. Those are the lyrics to a song, but let’s be real here for a moment.
You know you need me, just flat out admit it.
He holds onto me
Even when I loosen my hold on Him
He holds onto me
Even when I feel I'm letting go
My hand's sweaty with fear
Worn with temptations
Disjointed with pride
Outpourings of my soul
Pathways to my mind
Overflows of my heart
Portraits of the “real me” inside
Desire and dream dancing oh so freely
Fear and pain relenting as they lose secrecy
It's been a whilesince demons have last made a home in mine,since I've last drowned in a sea of wordsseeing so many race across my eyes,but being unable to grab the right ones.Every time it happens, I'm afraidI always sink. It's been a while sinc
you are stronger than you think;
strong enough to come back from the brink
strong enough to write what i can't say;
strong enough to save someone else's day
you'll always be strong enough
I'm shedding tears for all the people we've lost just this year. From senseless violence to overgrown conspiracies, can't you see the enemy?
They hide in plain sight so no can ever see.
All the feelings I have choked down have finally ignited in my stomach. All the words I cannot say (as they are not “acceptable”) have given over to acidity, and begun to boil in my belly.
Because the things she loved most Had been taken away From her,She learned To have compassion For those who were afraid Of losing theirs.
The rostrum is enveloped in dust.
Walking on laminate, my legs are weak, echoing the footprints before me.
A foot catches on wires, serpentine on the glossy platform.
Trembling, I do not crack, I do not turn to stone.
The Lonely Star
Fear is Strong
Although I know it to be Wrong
I keep singing it's song
But what is fear
That we might clear
The painful sphere here
Fear is nothing more than a bad dream
I should be sleeping,
Smiling at sweet and happy dreams,
But instead I lay here in bed,
Anxiously awaiting day break.
I fear closing my eyes,
And wandering into my head
What is fear?
Is it the monster hiding in the closet?
Or is it the disembodied screams of the night?
Is it the like tremors of an earthquake?
Poetry found me by my bedside table,
heart contained within a dimly lit mind,
I could not find the light switch.
Poetry found a foolish girl,
one with storybook hands,
Lord, I am a sinner.
This I know for certain,
Yet I am not actively working towards self betterment.
Lord on the rare occasion that I get down on my knees to reach you,
Most times I do not know what to say.
I ask about love,
And if I can ever find it.
But how can I expect someone to love me,
When I don't love myself?
How can I expect respect,
When I tear myself down?
How can I expect anyone to trust me,
"Does death frighten you?" she asked as she sipped her warm coffee.
I replied with a simple "No." Sitting across from the interviewer.
An easy answer to such a complicated question.
You looked and behold,
Over the horizon approaching fast,
Engulfed by the orange beauty of the sunset, you saw a man.
A man approaching slowly like a viscous liquid,
And fast as light.
I fear change. Change is different and I like the way things are. But I know change will come no matter what, so I welcome it. I have to embrace change or things will never get better.
I'm writing, I keep on writing
My mind is speeding through with so much rhyming.
I'm looking at the news seeing what it's protraying about August 9, 2014.
Listening closely, and catrefully about what they're saying.
Fear of failing.
Fear of failing as a friend.
Fear of failing as a daughter.
Fear of failing as a girlfriend.
Fear of failing as a sister.
Fear of failing as a person.
I am not alone,
I can feel their hands clutching at my heart,
Listening to it like the ticking of a time bomb,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ,
Keeps me on my toes like a dancer
Watch my words curtsey at the end of each line
Enunciating as if my words didn't fall short with country
Not ready to confess, but I'll write
I am an emotive voice expressed through pen and paper,
but once was uncapable of being heard
because six plus years of bully beat downs
made fear seal every word.
Pursuit of happiness, liberty, and life, tell yourself that it is how it is
But where’s happiness and liberty when there’s no life to begin with?
Don’t make no sense
Ever since 2008, Obama has been on the debate
All my life I wished to be special. I've never been quite sure why and perhaps I never will but I always dreamed of being unique.
In my dreams, the nightmares of my mind,My subconscious torments me, Bringing me horror as I sleep.Making me debate whether sleep is friend or foe,
I love being alone,I hate being lonely.I wanna run awaybut I want you to hold me.You're a beautiful rosebut I'm afraid of your thornsI wanna open up to youbut I don't want your scorn.
Inability to communicate
To Elaborate
To Speak
It is quite a terrible fate
One which should not be cursed
Even upon those that you hate
Yet here I was
Crying
PAY ATTENTION
Get ready for this intervention
People are dying
Children are crying
Men are lying
Dear Fear-
I apologize for the silly rhyme,
But it’s time we had a talk.
You see, I've been meaning to write this for a while
It's hard to see how close we are to the edge.
We'd be dead with just one step.
Just one move--we'd lose our way.
Every day, on the brink of insane
A fragile line to separate the sides
I stopped looking for monsters under the bedWhen I came to see they lived in my headWhoever tells of a monster that hidesNever had one to abide besideOh, full of scorpions is my mind
This is me
This is all you get
I would give more if i could
but my soul is spent
Stand beneath my broken heart and drink from the fountain of youth
All I have is my family
So, there is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...and I want to experience it. Feel death just beneath my grip, as a lazy smile and a witty quip. Unfamiliar like home, somewhere nonexistent, where I don’t belong. Steel buses and late night rushes, clo
Her skin: soft as the edge of her sword
And her hair: carved from the volcanic ashes.
Her heart: away from advancing toward
His hardline lips; and her faint eyelashes:
Disguising keys to his grave, shallow as--
You don't know how much it hurt
When you came home collapsing.
Words slurred together into a sentence,
At least that's what I think it was.
You stumbled like a baby taking its first steps,
You want a perfect poem. With a beginning, middle, and end.A perfect little thing that makes you feel fantastic with a good ending.Of nature, that makes you see the light of things that can't be seen.That is not this poem. Beginning.
Barrier of who go banana
As they have a face thunder,
As they lead to the intolerable on my infatuations.
I'm frightened of my destructive vision
People will scream and shout ruinning my
self-esteem
The expression from this pen is my
addiction
The only way to create without it going
down stream
Rise in the morning, to know something is wrong.
Enter class to see blurs of movement and shades.
A panicked breath and a step back.
It is too late.
lights break down
silence swifts through open windows
empty fears scrawling through the brain
dark imaginations flairing
into shadow images
blur emotions quavering
inside the soul
warm breath spewing
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Humans are Ignorant;
Illiterate and Inexperienced.
We live in a world Poisoned by Greed.
It pounds through
My bloodstream
Paralyzing
And choking
I can't see
Anymore
What's important
It sits in the back
Waiting for me
To notice
But I'm stuck
At the front
It started with me falling in love
No not like that
I didn’t fall in love with a boy, or girl, a moment in time
But I fell in love with words
At the tender age of three
You rant to the sky and lay blame to the earth, for it's gravity is keeping you from flying.
As passionate as you are, your fire starts to die as the sunlight begins to fade.
I'm not a fan of falling,
Tripping over compliments is not my calling,
Your hands reached out: pushed me,
Your touch too soft to hold onto,
The descent shushes me,
Heart Beating A Mile A Second
What Did I Do?
I Was Going In The Limit Range
Did I Cross Someone Over?
Or Uncorrectly Switched A Lane?
Get Yourself Together
Cant Let Them See You Bothered
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of love
Of happiness
Of how much they cost.
What do I have to lose
To gain.
I'm afraid of you the most.
I'm afraid of how I notice you.
Fear.
A devil straight from hell
Causes anger to swell
Fear.
A demon
With long wings
Laced with blood
Dripping down
Like a butterfly after rain
The eyes
Can anyone love me?
Would anybody be willing to withstand
My horrible insecurity,
The side of me I hide?
Would you be willing to tell me
It will be alright,
When you know I don't believe you?
fearful of my eyes, my mind, my lips spitting out someone else's secrets at any given second i could explode and everything within me the restrictions of tongue.
today i saw the trees bloom. i saw their buds unfurl, miniature fingerlings reaching into the world, and i-i forgot about how you made me feel. i won’t let you off that easy, no,
my body remembers yours.
I see film stills of the small imprint
of a heart against the flushed skin
of your neck, where the necklace
had pushed against your breath.
i went to church once, and you are
(i’m going to tell you a story today, a story that reads like a nursery rhyme that’s how common it is, and i’m going to tell you all the parts, all the facets of it that show a different picture like the faces on a diamond slowly turning
The monster knocks,knocks knocks,
collectively at our minds and lingers there
daring to be moved away from its throne.
Fear they call it, reigns over our thoughts
The Fallen Angel is Dying-- The pain comes in strides
Chained down to Earth, left alone; tortured by her other side
Her wings--they droop to shame, as sound stops and begins
You and I were like fire and gasoline,
each time we saw each other, you inflamed me
my mind, my soul, my heart was alive
but then the depression hit me and I was just trying to survive.
Here I sit,
My first job...
Application on the table next to me.
I fill it out,
Not sure what hours I want to work,
Or what date I'll be available,
Or even if I'll get an interview.
I’m scared
Not of the when and where
But whether you actually cared
I'm not prepared for a harsh truthThese days all we have is a misled youth
its the fear that eats away at me
this feeling between my legs
it isnt arousal
its fear
its the sound that eats away at me
this feeling in my chest
it isnt love
its fear
Broken wings
Shattered piece of mind
Trapped on Earth
Unending time
No way back
No way home
Surrounded by evil
No place to roam
Good is evil
And evil is here
Darkness envelopes within the soul.
Consuming first from the edges like a t-shirt stained with blood
We look into ourselves for hope
As I gaze into his eyes
I can tell the difference between your warmth and his.
I compare his love and yours
And that’s when I realized
Over the clouds, radience I see;
Under the radience, a nest;
Over the nest, a fire set on the tree;
Under the tree, a hunterat his best;
Over the hunter, a need to flee;
Under the fear, the end of his quest.
Every time I look to my watch, on my wrist,
I see the scars that remind me of my past,
The cuts that haunt my dreams,
The memories that will forever be there,
Reminding me that all I was in life is an failure,
A white cloak wraps around me
I’m not cold, not on the outside
I pull it closer still
Maybe I can stop the cold
I see you walk away
Fear, something everything is born with
It can’t be washed away or forgotten
Whether it be a child’s fear of monsters in the dark
Was it me?
Could it be?
A violent storm inside of me?
It wouldn't be.
Yet it feels like so,
no matter how many times I say "no."
I wish it wasn't so,
even my heart says "no."
so many emotions my body can't contain
continuously being suffocated like an un-oxygenated flame
if someone would put me out how grateful i would be
for my emotions--never ending--are shifting like the trees
I fear of tonight
I fear for the drive home
Not of what I will come home to-
But of what may happen later on
I fear of closing my eyes and seeing something
Beautiful
something miraculous
I don't know how to write a poem when I don't know what to say
When I don't want to stick around but I'm too numb to run away
And I don't know what to say because that fear was all I knew
But I don't feel anything now and
the monster in my dreams
who is it who tortures me?
with no answer to my plea
a silent scream I will release
because of what I see,
in these grusome scenes
I am wishing they would cease
I've got the scars on my heart to prove my pain
After this I will never be the same
You say I only have me to blame
But you, the liar, should feel ashamed
I've got scars on my heart to to show why I cry
I am a bird
I am free to fly wherever I want
But I choose to stay in my nest
There are people out there who's job is to hunt
But my nest is the best and I choose not to stray
I love my nest
Sad little boy
how could you stay
sad little boy
you ran away
from the life you left behind
the lies you spoke
the harm you'e caused
the pain you've caused in knowing...
Haikus
Inside, there is war.
The heart and mind, They quarrel.
Like kindred beings.
Fell between the cracks.
Shortcomings, All too common.
Painful yet joyous,
Love can cause smiles and tears.
It's what we live for.
Can't live without love?
Love gifts you to feel alive;
while risking heartbreaks.
I have you fooled.
You can do this,
It’ll be okay,
It’ll work out,
Just more lies through my teeth.
I’m a foe disguised as a friend,
Mr. Fear said,
“Look for your feelings inside yourself,
But don’t plagiarize from a bookshelf.”
I wonder if I can.
I suck at writing.
It’s almost like I’m fighting
You.. You were so beautiful.. You were so beautiful, but not like your attractiveness,I was attracted to you for you gave off the feeling of home.. Safety.. Love.. The feeling I needed. You were so beautiful and so large..
Hunting tools,
Fire,
Coexisting,
Art,
Boats,
Wheel,
Guns,
Electricity,
Phonograph,
Gold,
Evil,
Conflict,
Hate,
War,
Heartache,
Fear...
There are some things I just knowThoughts come fast and thoughts come slowEvery thought of you twists into meLove's everlasting agony
It has always struck me as odd,
the idea that “loving you” and “losing you”
are only one letter apart.
This small difference is proved
take it step by step
I say when I feel like I need to run
take it breath by breath
I say when I feel I took my last one
take it hit by hit
Stranded am I, by this enslaving isle of fear.
Captured am I, by its fell whispers in my ear.
Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Surrounded am I, by the ocean of worry.
Its been 1 year and 1 month being with you, being a boyfriend...
Do I love it?
Yes
Do I love you?
Fuck yes
Do you love me?
Yeah...you do
Are you beautiful?
Oh yeah
To live without contact is to never feel a thing,
To live without humanity is to throw away compassion,
I shall never live without human contact.
I do not crave discrimination, corruption, or demoralization.
Fear is hazel.
It looks like the scared soul screaming behind the eyes.
It looks like muddled puddles of tears.
Fear is hazel.
It sounds like the muffled purr of a cat in pain.
I need fear.
Fear drives me.
Comfort hinders success.
I have never worked hard than when fear was just behind my heels.
I don’t believe in being comfortable while working hard.
Author's Note: I am extremely proud of this poem. I entered it into San Mateo's City Arts contest and recieved an honorable mention, and didnot have any intention, and did not follow the theme. So I hope you all enjoy this poem.
writing about Death without beingunoriginaland depressing ishard. for
i wake up to pale sunlightfiltering through my pink curtainsstaining my eyelids a sleepy rosemy fingers wander to my bed framesmooth and white, embellished with seashells
poison tears
Rain, rain, go away,Because of you the pain will stay.Slit my throat, cut out my heart,Leave me here, tear it apart.
Tangled in words unspoken,
Cut by dreams that are broken,
With open eyes I stare in wonder
At this world so sundered.
I'm afraid to speak,
Terrified to dream,
For my fragile heart is easy to shatter.
For a very long time, I was alone;
not because I wanted to be, but rather because of the way that
I would stare at the sky and be amazed by the clouds that would float
like tiny castles in the sky.
It is something that is invisible and difficult to see
yet at the same time you know something is wrong with me
the feeling of an invisible knife that pierces through the heart
Alone I sit in the dark,
Cold, broken, torn apart.
Shackled to a wall of fears,
Tied down by my own tears.
My voice stuck deep in my throat,
I reach to grasps the words that choke,
Love is such a common thing in poetry,
Or rather should I say lust?
Because truly what does love have to do
With those things that are discussed?
But my poetry is filled with pain,
Love, What is this thing we call love? Does it even exist? Some say it does, Others will say it doesn't! Do we really have to go through such horrible heartbreaks to find true love? Do we have to make ourselves feel so horrible to find that one pe
Love you I can never not
Or never ought
Nor never thought
I'd ever not be able to stop
Able to fight
Wary my flight
Sometimes when I think about you, I feel slightly disappointed in myself. To know that I let my guard down; to know that I let you in without thinking twice about slamming the door shut behind me.
Can you imagine what it would mean
Were I to follow you in the hunt?
Were I to put my hollow dreams
Out into the sun with a strong-willed punt.
Blink
The worst things happen when
All I can see is the back of my eyelids
Blink
But blink fast or you'll miss everything
But how would you know? You're eyes are closed
I'm out in the streets, blowing off steam.
My body tall, my body lean.
I wear a hood to better shield me from the night.
I never knew to someone, it would bring such fright.
The mirror's peers peering
Into the glass mask erected to hide
That he takes advantage of their selective hearing
To conceal the burning hell inside
Terrified that the mirror's fears blazing
Heavy breathing
Emotions seething
Mirror stumbling in the darkness
Chest and lungs heaving
Reflections causing pain so heartless
Now crying, curled up and screaming
Panic
If I showed you the happiness that you do to me, would you stay?
Even just for one more day.
Cause I know I'm a wreck lately, and I've been nothing but a pain.
Do we have anything left to gain?
fear is the mayor
and the villain in every heart,
clasping closed on faith
he snips out everything you believe in
and replaces with worry
doubt, and despair-
hope is all gone
He held the gun to my head
And asked me for my innocence.
I stood there, silently memorizing
his distinct features.
His deep, dark black eyes
had a certain murkiness
like the reflection of the moon
I wish I could eat my pen.
And the ink inside it, and all the paper in my notebooks,
And all the books I've written tens of thousands of times
Over and over again in hopes of becoming perfection.
All I need is a life without fear.
I fear my life being taken for a small reason.
I fear my life doesn’t matter to everyone.
I fear spiders and snakes.
I remember the first time I cut like it was yesterday,
Even though it was my freshman year of high school
I had tried earlier in my younger years to do it,
But I could never quite build up the courage
With stained eyes and blurry vision
I tried and tried with much precision
But no matter what I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t take away the emptiness I felt
However, I did gain a deeper understanding I can barely articulate,
I'm tired of all these morons acting like a philosophic class
These people, more like sheeple standing lonely in the aftermath
Thinking if only they can get the holy that is up for grabs
I see so many people with their closets stuffed full Full of so many skeletons And the shelves of their heart are stacked full of skulls Just staring Into the cold stone darkness The void of their eyes look to the void that's deprived Of happi
The unknown is what we all fear
Oblivion, nothing, an endless dark path
we all fear that there will be nothing after this
that once we die we are gone forever
It is not the ocean I see in her eyes,
But the radiant Moon,
The contellations that define our galaxy,
And the Sun we endlessly revolve around.
She is infinite,
Lost in herself as I long to be.
Tap, tap, tap
Or rather, thud, thud, thud
Lub-dub, lub-dub
The throbbing beat in my chest
Uncontrollably echoing the chime of the unknown
Reminding me of what I have to lose
Are we really afraid of death or is it fear of being forgotten?
Are we really afraid to fall in love or is it fear of getting hurt?
Are we really afraid of knowing strangers or is it fear of being left?
I am purplexuated
Simply by the untrue realities
Perplexed at how casually we say
the phrase "how are you?"
And how often we say "I'm fine."
I looked into my eyes one day
Stared right into my soul
But scared to go that way
I turned around and fell into
the black hole
Something that I can't live without is the idea that my child knows I love her, and that I'm sorry.
I was 23, too young to be
Your mother
Living a life
Wild and free
Reckless, like any other
5 fantasies fuel my fascination
4 familiar fears fixated on my faults
3 thoughts that thirst for thrills
2 talents taking time to transform into
1 soul that is mine to claim
My greatest weakness is fear.
But it's not just any fear, it's a disease.
It creeps and crawls onto every decision.
It beats me down into indecisiveness.
I'm alone and can't sleepThere's no one here but meI'm stuck with all these memoriesIf they could only see
"What is life?
When someone has the power to take it away?
What is love?
When there will be so,so many heart breaks?
What is it? what keeps us going?
Up the endless current that we're rowing,
Jumping from my car
I grab at stuff spilling away from my grasp
And I do my best to avoid the unmake-upped gaze
That undoubtedly would appear in the rearview
In a half jog
I pass a middle-aged man
"A feeling of fire
Deep in our bones
I'm not the liar
With a heart of stone
But go ahead,
Call me out,
On somthing you did
Go ahead and shout
It's not like they believe you
I hang here on a chain dangling fowards and backwards
I am the punching bag
Harder than a pillow, safer than a board
Punch me when you're mad, punch me when you're bored
"Find yourself
Your not from here
Your fatal flaw
Your fatal fear
Find you friend
Keep them near
Into the depths
Over the edge you peer
"The soldier
Wounded in the fight
The lawyer
Finding out whats right
The paster
Showing others light
The family
Holding on so tight
The author
Giving courage when he writes
Can I bring good into the world?
Or can I only bring pain?
Can I do good?
I swear I only cause others pain no matter what I do
I damage the ones I love
And cause a catastrophic disaster at every home I end up in
Eyes turn black
No color to be seen
Once hazel now just plain black
They are like an aliens
Or those who are possessed
Walking like being possessed
Acting as though being torn apart
The sands fall wastefully,
Across the charcoal floor,
How? I ask, with a harrowed sigh,
Might I fill the glass with more?
Life
Easygoing. Nurturing. Energetic
the Tinkling of a Laugh
Music to my Ears
like the Leaves of a tall Pine
we are green
Full of
It is painful, you seeTo watch as the peopleI grew up with and underChangeBlur from who they wereAnd not often for the betterIt feels as if my family is a landmassThat is breaking apart
The time has come my friends,
for stories to be told
for bridges to be sold
and hearts grow cold.
Dark caresses
between sweet fingers.
These smoke rings I blow
shatter the crisp clean air.
Have you ever lied to a lover?
Just to convince yourself
That you would never look at another
Especially one who may look a little like yourself
Have you ever cried about a lover?
There's something I need to tell you,
My story is short enough to expose.
I am no saint,
I sit here in the corner not wanting to breath
I feel like I have no one here to protect me
Hearing my mother scream and shout
stuck between cracked heart and broken ribs lies fear
no whisper is let slip without a quiver
a lionheart won’t last without the spear
of courage loud as red in hot summer
i think of you and the butterflies, swarming my stomach, swim up and up to my throat in a tornado.my gums are growing flowers, making meadows of messages i can only wish to speak to you.
I never would have noticed the
Abscess on my elbow
If they had not pointed it out
I strained to see it
Red flushing my skin
Darker than leather
O, you’re right
Soft as moon
you walk a rope
between life
and death
And I never know
where you will fall
Broken ropes
bloody blades
you try to scrape
away the pain
Looking past the landscapes
there stands one dream.
One final goal that you know
deeper than the cliff you're standing on
you want one dream you know.
The trees are greener
the grass is taller
Self esteem fizzles,
Popping bubbles like tiny glass,
Shattering myself worth,
The clock on the wall strikes one,
Darkness makes the room gloomy
everything turns grey,
As I close my eyes stars,
On a painfully thin edge,
and trying desperately not to fall.
Constantly swaying, constantly breaking, and rebuilding, and reconvincing that just jumping isn’t the right thing.
I'm scared
Scared of what's to come
Scared of what has happened
Scared of what is happening
Scared of what could happen
Suddenly these streets are looming with dark entities.A few of them are made of choices left undecided.Some of them are made out of sad unrealistic hopes.A great many of them though, are made out of memories.
Sweet songs,
sifting.
Hold on,
hope’s in you.
Dear child,
keep your lips widely speaking.
Honey,
please smile.
i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset
i'mnotupseti'mnotupseti'mnotupset
i'mnotcrying
i'mokay
i'll be alive tomorrow
and life will move on
and what i'm left out of
and what i don't get
I have been looking and searching for someone
Life just seems like it doesnt want to show me that special someone
I ask but i get no reply
I help but get no thank you
I ask myself is it you?
The words you have to say
The feelings you can't shake
Fear will tell you, "Wait,"
Because Fear is not afraid
She does not hold back or quake
She does not waver or make mistake
Fear knows what she does
I'm scared to let people in
to let them know that I have a problem
to see if they can help
depression is a taboo subject
especially in a christian home
because its not a sickness
Grandpa bought me a package of makeup;
"Keep quiet about this," he said.
I didn't see any wrongs so i did.
I handed it back when my chest grew heavy.
I caught my brother obsessed with a boy;
A thousand times they escape my lips
Throughout the passing of dusk and dawn
They slip by too fast sometimes
Leaving only cruel regret
I cannot measure the harm they caused
Nor the joy they brought as well
To be scared is to be alive.
It is the thing that stops us,
Prevents us from harming ourselves.
It’s why we don’t jump out of windows,
Why we don’t stab our eyes,
Why we leave spiders alone.
"Make me a sandwich."
Well, I would rather not.
"Cover up, slut."
Umm... no.
"You throw like a girl."
If you say so.
Ignore them.
Don't retaliate
He doesn't love me anymore.After all the pain he inflicted, the lies.All the other women he swept off their feet with his infinite tales of bullshitAnd meaningless "I love yous" falsely comforting them in his arms.
Everyone has a different label for it
When you finally hit the breaking point
When you become so angered
You can't control it
My family refers to ours
As red
We call it red
Because that is all
Is what I want what I need?
Will you fill the void?
They say more than him is greed
But I want a voice
Does that make me faithless?
Am I too immature?
It’s what I address
But nothing is sure
I lived in a world where i only watched
Where clouds rise like kings'where sunsets bow like jesters before them
And the moon watches hed been offered kingship once but he declined
For power is not worth a monsoon
Poetry cannot be taught, nor beauty be described
Neither can you see in me something that defined
The colors of my skin.
Scars are tattoos in many ways - permanent and painful.
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All these marks.
All these thoughts.
All these memories.
Brings me even closer to the edge.
Nothing is clear anymore.
The second-guessing.
The cloudy state of mind.
The shaking consuming my body.
I fear that I am a mistake
a mistake of God..
and one day He'll realize it, then I'll disappear.
No one will notice,
no one will care, some may even be relieved..
My heart skips a beatFeelings start to flowI stop myself from fallingI'm scared to let them grow
Time heals all woundsBut what about trust?I bet he's not after loveAll they ever want is lust
They say it gets easier as you get older
That you stop being scared and your only fear is being late to work
If that's true, then why am I sitting here rocking back and forth
With summer laze and winter days
we wend our ways
in the silence of the night.
And creeping still, thoughts mill
amongst the dying of the bright.
But what comes will be and what be will comes
I do not eat my friends
You eat my friends
I can see their ends
Sometimes... people stab my friends
they feed my friends to their friends
I can see their ends
When the song plays I see my treasure, the person who I care about.
A bitter sweet song that gives me a sign that you are still waiting for me.
I am intrepid
Forward is the way I go
I fear nothing
Though I may take it slow
Life runs by in the blink of an eye
And I would be ignorant to not show
Who I am
On the inside
A cloak concealing untold woes and pain,It casts a shadow on each sunny day and brings rain,A drape that adds the wrinkles to the brow,And snuffs each chance for happiness one is allowed,
Air so strong
Though none breathe in
The awe of dreams
Which come from within
The choice is here
What will it be?
To dream a dream
Or die in fear
As quickly as I fell into your abyss the waters parted and we stood starring at each others soul.
Our universe being born.
Like a falling star with no hope of making it through we watched our worlds fail us.
Mortal blood of a broken life
Fiery passion ignites its end
Turning away from light
Thy will darkness shall bend
From the darkness, I feel your hand
Reaching from the mists beyond
My heart fails, my mind paralyzed
The room is dark, sheers cross my face
A veil into the unknown
I don't want to die
I do not want to die
I have tears in my eyes as snot runs a river.
There is pain in my chest and in my gut.
I don't like pain so I don't want to bleed.
There are things that I am terrified to tell you, in fear you may think less about me. But, I think it is important that I do tell you, if our relationship is to truly be honest. Please, read all of this before you say anything.
I don't have a number for how many times;But I remember running...I remember harsh lighting in tired eyes,And middle of the night, fight or flight car rides...Phone calls and ringing;Then screaming.
'H' or 'H'
I just can't tell
The click and clack
Won't serve me well
I hear it come
It comes so near
Across the track
I sit in fear
I'm not into the drug scene. I'm allergic to a few drugs.
Im not into being a slut. I was once treated as a sex object.
Im not into the latest thing. I was once so deeply involved so I could breathe.
And it's not the cute kind of fear,
not the kind with butterflies and giggles.
It's the tyoe that puts a lump in your throat,
I am everything yet nothing.
I wonder about my future.
I hear what haunts me.
I see only what I want to see.
I want more memories than regrets.
I am everything yet nothing.
I used to think I was brave.
That I could be anything I aimed for.
But then life hit me,
kicked me,
shit on me
rolled me in dirt
and spit on me.
I wish I could be brave again,
Feelings of yester year haunt me.
Emotions tucked so far in
the folds of my heart they are
almost invisible.
Yet I cannot keep them from encompassing
me.
I feel a longing.
Strong and familiar
Friends with benefits
What's the benefit
When I'm falling in love
And you're looking down from the cliff
I guess we can call it fear
Fear of ourselves
Fear of others
Fear of our appearance
I guess we can call it fear
I'm afraid of the heart that shakes in my chest
It beats out of tune and it makes me a mess
I wonder what on earth is happening to me
what pea in the mattress is worrying me
I’m not as okay as I said I was
I’m taking the pills, I promise
But I still feel like there’s not
Much you can do for me now.
Hypothetically, if I told you I loved you would we still be friends?
If I promised to keep a promise but didn't would our friendship depend?
I'm speaking hypothetical and never intend to hurt you.
You know that feeling?
It's funny and dishonest,
And you should be able to laugh at it.
But it creeps up on you with taunts of isolation,
I'm not afraid of the darkI'm not afraid of heightsI"m not afraid of intimacyI'm not afraid of death
I'm afraid of losing my sense of directionNot being able to see ahead
(note: relating to someone that I know. also I don't know much about poem structure, so sorry it that isn't good)
Fear. Anxiety. I fear anxiety.
Scale the wall. Fear is hanging.
Fear is a father's silent grieving
Scale the wall. Fear is the absence of truth and compassion.
Fear is the multiple layers of doubt.
Scale the wall. Fear is universal.
ouch, wait was that pain real or in my head?Why am I in my bed?...... This isn't my bed....Please let there be red bull or Gatorade in the fridge...... noI love dick- thank God it's removable
Fear what is it?
Who just fears fear?
What do you fear?
fear is a dead baby to a mother
Fear is a beating father
Fear is a F
Fear is the boogymonster under the bed
what do you fear?
Mirror, spotted with age and time. Rust begins to spread, but you see yourself just fine.
Are you the you I wanted to be back when I was me, or do you do what you do because you have to?
When we were first together it was all so unclear.
I wanted you so badly, but all I knew was fear.
Then you held me in your arms and whispered in my ear.
From darkest days to blackest of nights, did we crawl. Blind and stupid, with smiles on our faces and our hearts light as feathers. Safe are we by the dogs we do feed and fear. Though we know they bite and tear.
It comes so quickly
It leaves me weak and helpless
I try to talk
Nothing, as if somebody hit the mute button
My breathing quickens
As if I just finished running a marathon
Each hope I have rests here;
My dreams, they’re still inside.
For though the hope’s to fly
'Twill be a long, long ride.
Though music sings about me
I fear to dance alone.
into an eternal abyss that no one even knows
how far will it take me? how far will i go?
He put a razor inside my lunch pale
Along with heads or tails
I know he's hinting death
As I hide behind my veil
Need a pair of clippers
To cut my cutthroat nails
And I red pair of scissors
If you are too silent no one will pay attention to you
he said
don’t be afraid of your power
she repeated
But fear permeates every fabric of you on days like this
She left in distress
Her hair up in a mess
To her lover, she will never confess
The thoughts she is thinking about
Only lead discussion to shout
Deep down hoping he will find out
I once I had
a team building exersize
In which we told the team
our biggest fear
when it came my time I froze
not because I was afraid to tell them my fear
but because I couldn't choose one
Life is happening. In the city, in the wilderness, on an island, or in the desert. I spread my arms out to their farthest reach. Exhaling all of my fears and inhaling all of the joy's I am about to experience.
Silence is the enemy,
Never too far away.
Other fears have begun to flee,
Yet it seems to linger and stay.
Why must quiet fill the room
Every time I go to speak?
"Pursue your dreams!" chippered voices encourage as mine pleads for guidance,
"Just do what you love."
Easier said than done in a restless world where every tune is heard except the one within.
This airplane is on fire and it's going down.Soon everybody on board will no longer be around.I'm really scared because of the trouble that I'm in.I'm praying and I'm begging God to forgive my sins.
Fear hung tightly in the air, clouding my airways and thickening my lungs
I gasped for air but it felt like water crashing into my dry mouth in oxygen's place
The day I first met you,
I will never forget
It was a chance encountering
Not one I did expect
To me you were nothing,
A rumor, a myth,
To me in my world
You never did exist.
One day, a while ago, the sun was shining a bit too bright for my eyes, and for fear of not being able to see and to protect my face, I put sunglasses on. And well, you see, I am still wearing them.
She sits there, thoughts swirling around her
A hurricane of hurt and pain
There's no escape. They follow everywhere.
Haunting and creeping through her daily life
It's dark again.
I used to pray
I used to say it was all pretend
Then no one was watching.
The lights went out
My body was sucked away
I couldn't go back
I shouldn't go back
There comes a time when there's no way out,
The fire's barely burning, no one hears you shout.
There comes a time when the sun doesn't shine,
The shadows move in, clouding your eyes.
You know, there are moments in life when you just look at something that has happened and are disgusted by it. These moments happen far too often. It changes our view on life, and we become bitter for it.
Walk me through your mind,
I'll read what you are inside,
You'll be surprised at what I find,
You'll set your preconceptions aside.
I'll you what it means to be solitary,
I think there are some
who insulate their walls
with a bulletproof misery
and call it home
Who turn on heel and run
from this or that, here or
there, that they may not reap
what they have sown.
Right here
Right here I stand
Right here
Right here I am
Right here, right here
I am right here
Look to your left
Look to your right
Try as you might, you wont see me flee
I don’t feel like normal people
(Or at least, I don’t think so)
Simple emotions, certainly
Happiness, sorrow, anger
I run the normal gamut
With the others of our race
Feeling a thing
Go on, do it
I dare you
Eliminate the innocence
Illuminate the sky
There’s no need for your presence?
I can assure you that’s a lie
How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
I remember you taking aside one day and telling me that one day I could be normal
And ever since that day I aspired to be perfectly normal, for you
How could you forget last time?
Remember the pain?
The manipulation?
You were pulled in every way.
(But look at that smile!)
Yes, very nice,
but the last time you saw a smile like that
Fear is just a lack of knowledge, so gain some knowledge on that spider on the wall and overcome it.
Sometimes,
things hit a little too close to home
too close for comfort
other times,
things hit home
with a resounding boom,
you'll hear everything come crashing around you
Tidal waves greet me on the misty ocean shore
Years have passed since I have last been here
We didn't recognize each other
Nor did we recognize the looming darkness
Blanketing the thick air
When a house is dirty, we clean it.
We sweep away the dust and scrub away the stains until there is
nothing left
to remind us of the
wreckage
Above all, I am a coward.
My friends, my family, they would say differently
They would say something nice, something sweet, something vapid
I think I started my new life
As an anorexic angel.
I woke up to my chapped pink lips
Breathing snow that looked like ash
Every day, millions of us take a deep breath before stepping out that front door. We take a deep breath before walking up to our friends, talkign to new people, putting on that smile.
His eyes look so deep into mine
that I don't dare look too long
I'm intrigued
yet scared
that if I look in and try to understand
he will surely reach in
and grasp my innermost.
You know something is not quite right
when you find yourself battling to stay awake
cause of that man you hear moving behind the wall
the one you called "Papa"
the one you thought cared for your feelings -- no
The Monsters.
The monsters are coming
The monsters are always here.
The monster inside
is the only one
you should ever fear.
You can hide from the monsters around you
Walking down the street, life moves slowly
As I run into people and fall onto the rough concrete.
Bitter voices and yelling catch my attention,
But the powerful wind propels me into dangerous roads.
Who am I really without a filter?
Because with it, I feel as if I have shelter
I don`t want them to see the real me
Yet, I feel like I should let it be
1977, Hudson, Walden
They say you always know which kids have no dad
You know the ones always starting something, doing bad,
roaming streets, making trouble, proving the stats right.
Now Uncle Sam trying to keep them in his sight
Guess what?
I'm doing well for once.
It seems surreal
That my heart and mind agree
Things are alright
But something itches
I thought, a laugh, a word.
I demand change.
In these twisted, damaging days.
Where women are afraid to leave for work
for fear of merciless rape
Where people of color
cannot receive a fair wage
Love is the feeling of sensations.
To hold a pain in your heart for someone,
To capture that pain-
Only making it whole when the lover is present.
It is the emptiness in the chest,
In the beginning I was always scared. Never able to say what I thought or felt. It was nothing less than torture. Forever crippled by the fear of being unnaccepted. Always tiptoeing trough life like perpetually crossing a lake of thin ice.
The inspiration escapes me today.
Between me fathoming my thoughts,
And what I could dream of,
And what I could think of,
The effort escapes me.
And I do not feel the purpose.
I feel weighed down by all my deepest fears
And all my highest hopes
Fear will always whisper in your ear and taunt you.
Hope though, is a crueler joke.
I keep my eyes on the tiled floor in dread
A public toilet
Two stalls are left
The one to the far left is out of order
Dead
The stall door swings open and I stall at the door
Do I dare?
My favorite thing is when I am held close-
To your face.
When you hold me and keep me close-
To you.
I am scared of falling.
Shattering and breaking because you could not care enough-
To catch me.
So you found out
Well, how do you feel?
Me?
I feel vulnerable
Anxious
Confused
Judged
Hurt
Angry
Destroyed
This was a side of me that you weren't ready for
Can't you see what's right in front of you?The broken tragedy you so eagerly ignore,Are you so blind to see what is so clear to me?Or do you just wish not to notice?Is it too heart wrenching, or difficult?
I’m the kind of girl, who will go outside without a coat on
And lay in the middle of an ice rink,
Until the coldness turns everything numb.
And I welcome the cold
I welcome the numbness.
Deadbeat number one. You walked out of my life before I even got to learn what your skin smelt like.I'm sure if I dug way back in my locked away, too young to remember,
Days, weeks and months collide
I'm starting to forget who I am inside
Not sure what to think or feel
Wondering if I'm even real
Finding new ways to hide
Fears still reside
In timeIn spaceFeeling out of placeIn fearIn mindAnswers you can't findIn heartIn soulIt's out of controlIn darknessIn light
Dear my Love, the walls have fallen,
The stones and mortar have given way.
Authorities have not yet told
If it were attack, or mere decay.
The resting village still lies in peace,
Morning, its your wake up call,
Don't fall back asleep, you might not get another chance,
This might make you want to get up and just dance,
Rewards don't just come, don't just glance,
Growing up your my main inspiration,
I gave you hardship and lots of frustrations,
But you’ve always been there when I needed some love,
Arms spread open hugging me like a glove,
I am a shadow. I am a spore. I am a seed.
I have not grown yet, but among my millions of siblings, I don't think I'll stand out much.
The opposition comes across the field
In many shapes and sizes
But the difficult part about opposition
To realize is
That a lot of the opposition I cannot see
Is coming to attack from behind me.
After 7 shots of vodka I believe that you become
the person that you are too afraid to be--
That's why I take off my clothes
and you open up your heart.
I'm too afraid to give you my body
Paralyzed by my own mind games
Chaos surrounds me
Yet it doesn't
I can't move
But I can
I don't react
Yet I should
I just am
But am I?
Words overwhelm me
With the music of the sirens,
We each turn our ear;
We think of tomorrow,
Though we cower in fear.
Yes, the broken and bleeding,
You have us standing right here.
Will you fire on your own people?
If people only realized this is as loud as I can be
I won't bray like a donkey just so you can hear me.
Just because I'm not boisterous and annoying
Dosen't mean I'm also always boring.
Love can make us do stupid crazy things,
Things that never in a million years you thought would do.
Things you regret doing.
However, at the time it does not occur to us how our actions ruins us on the inside
For as long as I can remember,
my best friend was me.
Until I started to turn on myself,
feeling trapped rather than free.
I felt ugly and worthless
inside and out.
Being stuck in my head
Im feeling all the fears
I feel dead inside
I need a pen and paper
and a thing of cyanide
Think, we are living on this speck of something in space.
Only this speck of something radiates love.
We are able to find love in this place.
We are able to discriminate and hate.
I remember.
It started when I was five years old.
Young, but never got to be.
Not five years old, not six, not seven, eight or nine.
TEN years to hold such a secret,
until I could no longer keep it.
To signify the pulse between my veins
Escaping outside
Of my paper-thin skin
To identify who you are
As you are choking me
In my sleep
Here I am
I am here
Mentally, physically
With love and with fear
Myabe Im not the best
At that or at this
But I show up, and I arrive
Which some cannot give
I am like the sea, beautiful and wild on the surface,
deep and mysterious underneath.
Unknown by many, misunderstood by all.
My life displayed upon a screen-
I live behind a filter;
I never say what I think.
I’ve been trained to keep my mouth shut,
but my lips glossed and pink.
Without the social media, I am like all the rest.
Do you know what it's like every day
Dreading your life in every way?
Fearing you'll never be good enough
The minutes get longer and your life gets tough.
The Mystery of the Dark -
Not knowing what comes next
Or what has already come to pass.
So sickly.
Someone with such a heart
Ready to do...anything.
And Everything. To get ahead.
Destroy their friend for the drug called.
Ambition.
Fear of losing to others
In turn. Losing
Corrosive stares deteriorate
the fragile filter my fears create.
This pseudo sense of normality,
is a dam for my creative profligacy.
Beneath this exoskeleton of perfection
Midnight orb, swirly silvery white,
Hung against the inky black sky
As the town clock chimed loudly.
The city slept, living in their dreams.
But a silent figure approached,
I close my eyes and count to seven
but when i wake im far from heaven
i find that i am still in hell,
no anglic bells and my heavy heart swells
and though i feel im 'bout to burst
When my brother cuts his skin
He scars my heart
When he tries to die
He is killing part of me
Three parts of me have died
And I have countless scars on my heart
I am tired and lost in my empty world
Looking for answers to my questions
Where do I belong?
Where do I go next?
What am I missing?
Am I in the wrong life?
Is it my hair, too short and too straight?
the mirror was an illusion,
the silence was the truth.
so many illusions fill the air,
hang down on our shoulders,
shine in our eyes.
too much you do not see.
i want to tell you the truth:
“You’re not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence…”
Blared loud into eardrums
Eardrums of an emotionally unhinged fourteen year old boy
Oh, falling’s just a one-way flight,
My boarding pass: the smile you gave.
And you would try to catch me, right?
My feet hang from this windy height.
To fall in love, one must be brave.
Never have I seen anything about myself as flawless;
The cuts that once covered my body, like paint strokes on a damaged canvas,
You stay up late with your coffee filled veins,As I scribble down your name.And baby, I dream with my eyes open,I can't ever be the same.
To my descendants:
When I arrived in this role I had been given, love was blossoming in many ways.
People were just learning to love people for who they are, what they are.
My heart is a fragile thing
I try not to let people in
fear keeps me behind the curtain
I'm down on my knees
doubts make me feel like I have to follow society
fear keeps me behind the curtain
It was a challenege
A challenege i had to face
To overcome my fear
Off being disgraced by the human race
This challenege right here
Is one they'll never forget
It will be lodged in there head
Pride is the number one thing that can make us, break us, or even kill us.
It’s like a bullet proof curtain that allows us to hide who really are.
It hides who I really am internally.
Redheaded girl, who sits and waits,
For the days of cold to be over.
Whispers of other student's rates,
On the always unnoticeable cover.
The pain she feels is always real,
They say that opposites attract,
Like the times I would sit on her lap,
Rest my head against her chest
And listen to the beat of her heart,
this generation really has me loosing patience. I dont know how there gonna make it. Always counting on phones , what if one day phones turn into drones and take over the world .
This fear I feel is formed from my imagination. Constantly contemplating where my life will be stationed.
Halloween is here
We love this holiday my dear
Pumpkins are carved, treats are bought, and the decorations are hung
All that must be done
Is to put a costume on
Witches in their pointy hats
Now,
The time to rise,
To be free and alive,
To embrace fear and thrive,
For the very construct of your reality is simply contrived.
My mom likes to think I'm just like her
That I love crowds of people and constant noise
That I love calling all attention to myself
And that I like conflict
My mom thinks I hide my real self from the world
Just like that,
I curl inside the empty cavern between rib bones and hip joints,
just like that,
Stress, sadness, fear,wory. I have a mask to cover
that up. Boredom, anger, doubt, loneliness, confusion,
regret. I can hide it. There truly is no know emotion
Laying alone once again, picturing a better time. Listening to a familiar note. Reading a repedative word. The same over and over and over. When will it change?
2000 chances were handed out
in hopes that they would never be used
the number on the cards and people waiting
for just one call to come in confused
2000 pieces of hope were believed in
You know that feeling you get when you walk alone?
The feeling that somebody else is there?
You get the sensation of footsteps behind you
But you are too afraid to turn and look?
There a a series of Masks
They come in many forms:
from smiles and laughter
from contempt and scorn.
I hide behind many
but not enough.
I use them to keep away from others
to save my heart.
And I'm still thinking why. . . Why did god chose me for this struggle on my journey
Who am I, why does my appearance gives the right to judge me.
Let me straddle your mind
Let me lay on top of your thoughts
Rubbing & caressing each care away
Interrupting them with each touch & feel
I can open you up, to love, lifting you up
Giving you a high
Round 1:
You ask your parents how they feel about gay people
"trash" "freaks" "sinners"
Incredulously more malicious is the fear that sits and wishes
To give you its affliction
Of viscious scenes and memories
Death is not something to fear
It is to be learned about
To be pondered over
To be wondered on its purpose
Fear can control your life
So why let it?
You can fear something a little
Started a small bug within
But now its cutting
too thin
I want to kill this thing
its eating up my life
Killing my heart
Stilling my brain
But I'm not ready
Study, Study, Study
Is there no end
The Back-To-School season is a ruthless monster
And no one is allowed to leave its bitter den
You can try to fight it
You can try to run away
She looked out to the flourescent sky
Daydreaming like a small child
Wishing she had the wings of a bird so she could fly
She wanted to be free, she wanted to be wild
Cracks shine through the sides only to be left
A dark cloud comes through, a dissapointment
They expected something different not theft
Not suddenly drained of their excitement
Bump in the night,
a forgiven fright,
but so easily mistaken,
for ones so often taken.
Things unseen,
Things unheard,
Things that most certainly unnerve,
Scream my name
when is it approprate
to give up and give in
when can the breathing stop
and the struggles cease to be
must this tradegy continue
must there be a crash and burn
cannot this end here and now
Afraid to ask for counselAfraid of what they'll sayAfraid of being torn againAfraid of being away
Steady is not my emotionsSteady is not my heartSteady like the wind which isSteady not from the start
I haven't had lessons since the age of three
but me?
I'm a dancer
Those rhythms in my soul are always pounding
Pulsating, shaking, crying, hoping, longing
For a dance floor
I hide behind it and look outhow are you?
It nods, acqueses and smiles withoutwho am I?
I see the inside and feel the paindon't show it!
On the surface there's no complaintwhat is it?
I envy those that shine in the light,
Those who aren't afraid to fight
for who they are.
For every time I think it's time,
For every time I say that this moment, this one is surely mine,
Wanting,
Aching,
Craving
The World.
To expand my mind to places farther than my backyard or the church,
To learn a language of love by being surrounded by foreign lovers,
pink
Pink is happy,
pink is love,
pink makes me feel up and above,
pink is innocent ,
pink is the butterflies you get in your stomach when something great occurs,
The road that lies ahead in our minds
is often bright and shining
To others, it's dark and gloomy
and every sunrise is a dread
Caught in the middle, I'm paralyzed
between fear and hope
I'm not as bad as you think
I'm not a problem child
I sit in my room
And I use the internet
I'm not out partying
I'm not out drinking
I'm not shooting up
Or popping pills
Survive the storm, thunder, and rain,
dig deep inside to locate the pain.
Follow its stem down to the roots,
unveil the confusion and discover the fruits.
I am twisted
I am new and different
yet, blind to the new body that is my mind and soul
I am fear
I feel fear
I can't think anymore
I don't trust myself to think
Hide hide hide
I would say
Hide what you love about yourself
and put it away
They try and hurt you
everyday
so hide hide
put your true self away
And that way
They'll never
I'm not afraid of death.
Not the dark or the demons in hiding.
I'm not afraid of heights,
or even falling.
I don't fear pain,
Nor do I fear loving.
I'm not afraid to speak my mind.
What They Don't Understand
She can dream...but she doesn't know if she can live...
I fear them knowing who I am.
I fear the day when I am no longer able to keep up the facade.
I fear that the real me will never be good enough.
I fear the judgements.
I fear the abuse.
I fear the critism.
I have these thoughts I don't understand.
They come from a place I don't quite know.
Often at times I sit alone.
An unreliable narrator
She was always at a loss for words
Expression never came easy, nor was
Compassion, understanding, empathy
Love
Was not a word in her dictionary
It is during waking hours that you simmer on the back burner.
Softly existing
Gently rolling
Around
On my tongue
In my mind
I was in a jar
No hands could untwist my lid
Trapped.
I was in a car
No hands could break glass
Save me
I was in a house
No hands could crack through
It's hard to gather rosebuds with a dreadful fear of thorns;It's hard to share one's fondness with a fear of lover's scorn.So as one gathers rosebuds with a thick and rugged glove,
Anxiety
It looks like the gray sky prior to a storm, caked with layer upon layer of ominous clouds.
It sounds like the silence after howls of the wolves rip through the air.
I am running, hiding from the relentless grip of REALITY
But no matter what I do or where I go, it always seems to catch up with me
It drugs me and runs through my veins
The day I met him, he had my heart.Then everytime I saw him it was like it was going to beat out of my chest.Shortly after knowing him I was ready to give him the restAnd no. I don't mean sex.
Some words will never be heard, but it doesn’t mean that they will go unsaid.
It is in the speaking of the word, not the hearing, that the word comes alive.
The moment I tried to just do something positive
There it goes again that knock at the door can't you hear it
The lost of trust ,heartbreak ,no one understands me ,I'm scared,no one will listen to me ,what will they think of me
I wanna take someone's soul out there heart and put it in mines
but no matter how hard I try to become someone different the reality is always permitted ...
I keep getting sad at night
instead of putting myself to sleep
but I always put up a fight
even though I know perfectly well
what it does to me
Why is it a chore to stay alive,
Why do we laugh when we want to cry,
Why do we hide behind a mask,
I feel as though life is racing past me and i am powerless to stop it. I'm trapped in a sea of emotions with no purpose. Who am i you ask? I am the average girl who almost had a future.
We've got the world in our open hands.
With just a tap of finger, we've accessed the Web.
This dimensional universe of knowledge
that contains the world.
Imagine you were a boy
born with a big head
Your parents thought you were smart
with a cranium that feels like lead
As I grew up in many places
Learned in many schools
My goal for grades were secondary
The first day of middle school, dread and fear.
This is what started my eighth grade year.
I knew no one, not one single friend
You make me weak at my knees
As I watch you pass by
And get a tingly feeling deep inside
I try to avoid you
Though I want to see you
But I don’t want you to know how I feel
The beautiful shine of your golden skin---It nearly blinds my eyes.Surrounded by a crown of golden leaves,
mmmmmm.
Your hands are warm...and also clammy
Maybe it's cause you're nervous or maybe you're not.
In the end it doesnt matter because after it's done,it's done.
The crack of a cackling bullet
Shattered the life and the sanctum of thought
Which held me up, assisted and created me
But left me when I needed it the most
The scream of a dying soul
When I walk down the street,
Talking to the people I see,
I can't help but wonder,
If who they see is really me.
To them I am funny and kind,
I always have a smile on my face.
The deep red, velvety curtain shades her from reality
A mask to hide all sorrows
This thick wall of shame to cover all past sins and tragedies.
My moms sent me an email and said read it and do what I do best which is telling the truth.
See I’m only 20 and I love to spit the truth because I make people think about something that they thought they already knew.
I am the beast
The one you look at and instantly know is freak
I am the beast
The one you say is so weak
I am the beast
The one who aches in the corner trickling tears like the rain falls
I am me, that's who I am.
I don't go by your rules anymore.
I am not just your pretty girl,
I am so much more.
I am a boy, a girl, neither, both,
I am one, I am anything and everything.
Stopped in front of the old dirt road.
I usually do what I'm told.
And that night the warmth felt so damn cold.
I was feeling young but too old,
anticipating the trouble I'd watch unfold.
I keep it deep inside
so my tears won't find
the many missing pieces of my
broken heart
This is as quiet as it gets
So please don’t break this silence
Just hush down and fall asleep
I promise not to make a sound so you don’t wake
This moment is the calming before the storm
For all the love I have to give
No one can learn to live with it
I'm restless, weary and fading
Straining to remain the same
Another date, another day
No love shines in this shade
Roses are redish,
Violets are blueish,
If it wasnt for Christmas,
We would all be Jewish
Pay no attention to the girl behind the curtainCuz boy I am certainYou'll have a little more interest in the one who's out flirtin'That twitch of her hips, you want her so bad it's hurtin'
I am not the only one in the White Room.
Sheer fabric whispers from the windows
Goblet in hand, I drink to the Grecian lady
White dress, raven ringlets frame the face
Of porcelain
A laugh escapes
It’s vital to know, the stakes I conceive
Are heaven or hell, nothing or rebirth
But how can I know when I must believe?
When Anxiety stops by
She brings all her friends,
And my living room,
Bedroom,
And kitchen alike
Get crowded with sweaty bodies
Tripping me with their murmurs and laughter.
I know
Too many people whose no's were ignored
Too many kids forced to grow up too fast
Make me happy
Make me smile
for hours
Give me the fondest
memories that I smile
when you’re not around
Make me think
Make me ponder
things I never thought
I speak on fear, depression, and realization.
Success to me only comes when all three of these things plays together as one.
The battle is all within yourself and will always be.
See I've given up on love but somehow I still had faith in you, I believed In every word you said and foolishly thought they were true,
See I've given up on love but somehow I still had faith in you, I believed In every word you said and foolishly thought they were true,
I shun this part right here
Waking in the middle of night battered heart
All we do is live in this perpetual fear
Again and again I try to avoid this part right here
I’m afraid I don’t have a firm enough grasp on time and how I’m supposed to inte
The wall is there
Looming tall and divine.
Built from the bricks of adversity,
Which bake in oven of pressure and worry.
The wall is part of life.
You wrote the thesaurus in which I am a synonym for worthless, and an antonym for perfect.You wrote the dictionary with my name defining the word ugly, and used me in a sentence to exemplify the adjective disgusting.
Skyscrapers looming at a godly height
Concrete approaching at the speed of light
A blind sense of panic, the wind rushing by
This I fear deep down inside.
Lost in another compilation of complications.
A group of her friends worsened the situation.
I can't take this nonsense anymore I'm walking out the door.
I'm not leaving you but I'm leaving this relationship.
Bang...Bang is the sound we used to make as kids playing? Cops and robbers to the sound we make now as adults with real guns.
Here I lay on my bed
A pillow is under my head
My room is dark and silent
A paper moves, so pops open my eyelids
Its early morning
Late night
Sleep is nowhere in sight
“The youth of America is putting itself into a coma state.” We are all looking for numbness; finding our relief in painkillers. We are constantly looking for things to help us become paralyzed. We wish to become machines.
As I sit in this room I feel my problems rushing towards me; hoping to consume me. I know I won’t be able to out run them, so I let them come.
It’s so easy to hide our abuses
Blame it all on life, we did not choose this.
So we make up excuses and choose not to see other's bruises
Life turns us all red, yellow, brown, white, and blue
The C word is loud
It is always in my face
So I venture off and find my happy place.
It attacked at my back
Fear crippling, questions surging
My perspective shifts and memories begin merging.
SLAP!
I didn't mean to upset you I'm sorry
I don't know why I always have to ask so many questions.
SHOVE!
Down the stairs I'm falling
Bridge leading nowhere,
or someother land,
is the path that is always
has our toes curl'd
We stand on our cliff
Looking over the world
We dismiss exploring
our life is too grand.
I turn my head and I all I see is black,
He hovers over me waiting to attack.
I close my eyes hoping that this feeling goes away,
I cannot bear the thought of getting hurt
And when I open my eyes I am alone.
Life is not easy for me
Not sure when it will be.
I am out of work and broke
Feeling this way is no joke
I have applied to many jobs out there
I spend my days living in fear
Not having money
I fear the man who hits my mother when he is drunk. I am frightened by the man who touches me in my sleep, the man who knocks over objects in the house when my mom tries to leave. And she stays.
Befriended street lamps' static humTimed steps slashed through electric buzzFled from the dawn's grey stainchased night with anxious breath erupting
The Kansas sun slowly burns out, melting into the plains like a cigarette butt fades int
I was given a bagWith 5 arrows insideA bow in my handAnd a whisper, "Now hide"My heels leave the Earth
Racing into the night,
heart pounding with vengent fright.
Nostrils flaring,
eyes round with quivering fear.
How does anyone get out of here?
Wooden bars staked in the ground,
I have an associates degree at eighteen
but I haven't made it , to everybody else my goals are just... dreams
just because i have a limp, i have no potencial it... seems
on top of that im Mexican with a love for hip hop,
You can find me
where the
dust sparkles
in the window
from the sun's rays
You can find me-
there
I'll be hiding
beside the curtain
blending into the wall
These words I throw out
To never get back,
To never believe in again.
Stripped down to my core,
I'm all that and more:
A sunrise, a sunset within.
You're calling my name,
Fear
My fears are obvious and I'm just like everyone else
I’m scared to trust cause I’m scared of betrayal
I’m scared to love cause im scared of hurt
Don’t breathe,
talk
or blink,
just stare.
Though my mind tries to grasp the words
to make sense of this,
all that comes to me is a sound,
and I feel as if I may pass out.
Why am I nor happy?
I have such a big porch for me alone.
I have the life that no one else owns.
I have gold that no other holds.
Why am I not happy?
I have all I want,
But something stands.
Dear Person Who Deserves to Die a Fiery Death While Simultaneously Being Eating By a Shark,
My ghost
follows me everywhere
My ghost
hides in the shadows
My ghost
huants my past
My ghost
endangers my future
My ghost
seeks a chance to scare me
Broken down and abundant
hope contaminates the air
choking the fulfillment of the undeserved
knocked out unconscious on the side of a curve
racing through the rain lies an unsteady heartbeat
Here's another older one to round out the 5 for tonight :3 I'll post more tomorrow, maybe I'll even write a fresh one for you~*
Dreams boil in my chest
Hot and fierce they burn my flesh
I was young and naive
I'd say I should have thought
But I did
I thought what he made me think
And I'd blame myself
But I really didn't know
He did, though
He knew what he said
panic arches in my gut,
deep and visceral pain
and i can't breathe,
can't see,
can't hear
anything
but the relentless beat of a butterfly's wing
against my rib cage
I want to let you in
Even though I don't
I want to open up
Even though I'm closed
I want to pour it out
Even though I'm dry
I want to show you it all
Even though I'll cry
I don't believe this is it
The do all end all
Of all things I coud do
Is finding love so wrong?
Because I don't think so
Is giving love so wrong?
Because I don't want to be judged
You might want to get out a pen and paper and take some notes
Listen up, no texting please, awkward eyes contact is necessary
We’ll start with some basic rules, you'll want to write them down
The kids inside the walls become adults
While The kids outside the walls become adults
And The kids inside the walls wash their guilt away with vodka and rum
So they don't have to feel
An Infinite Sky Dive
I want it.I miss it.Even though all its caused me is pain and heartache.I can’t talk about the past without building walls and iron gates locked down without key in sight.
When I meet people,
People I end up falling for,
I assume they'll be perfect for me on every level.
I assume we'll dream the same dreams,
And they'll understand all the silly things I'm scared of,
-Dreamers are dreamers, we all dream of something
-Some dreamers are "fake-believers", and those become "unachievers"
-To find what drives you, and imbrace it, is actually living the "dream"
Just when I start to get used to things the way they are, they become unraveled.
Life around me is unraveling, my mind is unraveling.
I cannot seem to find a foot hold in this fragile ground.
I wont stop trying to walk on water,
Even if i cannot swim.
Not because of fear i won't
Lose all my dreams and hopes
Loneliness is like an abyss
A world filled with endless darkness
A place where light is consumed
The heart trembles because darkness laughs
It shivers because the shadows devours the soul
I stand in the midst of this madness
The deafening sound rings out like a siren
The silence it crushes my lungs I can’t breathe
But words still escape from my mouth.
I stand on my own two feet
I dream constantly and consistently
During long silences and pauses
And right before I fall asleep
The beginning is sweet and pulls me in
My eyelids get heavier
And I am dragged deeper
Fear is great heights and great depths
Darkness and Brightness
Fear is something new and something old
It is a sin and yet so natural
A lust for safety
A lust for comfort
Rip off the mask to face it
Walking down the street,
You hear the sounds of a six shooter go off down the road.
You duck just as scared as anyone else,
All you wanted was some gummy worms,
But they’re not worth your life.
How can you not see me?
You walk by me every day,
Call my name;
You even hold conversations.
But you don’t see me.
You don’t see the pain that is caused.
The burden on my shoulders,
A broken heart will remember its wounds.
A mind scarred will remain scarred.
A body touched cannot be untouched.
But another bottle won't fix it all.
And the high only lasts for a moment.
One question
Floating freely
Through thoughts scrambled, tousled, archived
Like the thud against the wall
Nearly silent.
But always there. Whispering.
The hollow persists in the space you've wrapped aroundBut the inner circle containsEmptiness, loneliness, painLike the drip, drip, dripThe flow from my brainIt never turns off, never goes, never slows
So many thoughts running through her mind...
So many questions, assumptions of why all of this happened
Her heart can only take so much pain, yet she doesn’t understand why she can kill it already.
Oh, Christ, bring to mind,What about me, they might find,Honest, Kind, Sincere,Or even that I live in fear. - Z.H. (11th grade)
#what?
Why does this pressure just make me freeze.
Why do I constantky watch myself in the mirrior instead of stick my head out of it's cage.
All I want is to live my life outside these bars.
I see them talking to each other, smiling with pure joy
I know I can join in and be the same,
I know I could contribute to the conversation with my perspective,
I know that I cannot push myself to do it,
FEAR IS BITTER, IT IS RAW.
Fear causes your taste buds to be afraid of ever tasting another word ever again.
Fear sounds like white noise and your mother screaming at you for breaking her favorite flower vase.
Fear and fear the grades are comingthe destiny awaits and depends on it,your grades will decide if you are worth loving,Work hard and study so you can earn profit.
I am living but I'm not alive
Everynight I let myslef cry
I go to sleep hoping to never wake up
I am living but I'm not alive
I've gone through things and I wish I died
I wake up but I'm still dead
Let me get it out there, we are all fear something.
Some of us fear rejection by our companions, others fear being proven wrong.
People don't listen, they push you down and say you have no voice.
You hide in the shadows, wanting to speak but never knowing how.
You have an opinion, but they say it's not allowed,
The smoke creeps perfect ‘neath and ‘round each hearse,
as liquid darkness consumes the light over all the Earth.
Bodies lay everywhere dead lifeless to noise and sound, to
"Why must love feel like a heart attack"?Some may sayCausing our hearts to sputter one final beatThump, thump, shhDifferent types of love lause different types
Sparks ignite
The arid fields
And childhood memories
A glow
Hangs like hell above
Bathed in warm light
Flames climb
The walls of the house
In which we once slept
Hopes
We are not bound by blood yet nothing can separate us
I do not know you since birth yet our energies tell a different story
Patches of light in a vast darkness
I call them thoughts.
Flicker in, flicker out.
Jump from one to the next
Afraid of the emptiness between
Where am I going?
Assuming our full understanding
is complete with moronic fallacies
With Wars fought and won on their hands,
a continued sense of superiority,
With pen and parchment,
Iwalk in No Mans Land,
I am holding a bladeUp to my wrist In the knife all I see is lies upon liesBut then I see youAnd your little blue eyesYou say put the kinfe down AuntieOr I will crySo I put down the kinfe
With Aspergers, it's a bit tough.
There's problems that make you think you've had enough.
From the loud noise to lighting so bright,
When you can't handle it all, you are forced to fight.
Death is not a beautiful thing.
It's terrifying.
Just the though of it makes my heart quicken.
What lies beyond, deep into the abyss.
There are monsters inside
Who see through my eyes
They live off my hair
My guts, their lair
My legs, their tools
Kidneys as stools
Crawling in wait
In puss-abscess hate
And when I got through with my shift, I laid on the floor wondering why i felt like this..
The hogt of keeping this secret might be fun,
might be fun,
The worst thing you want to be is a failure in life
To put down the people in your life and here them whisper "lowlife"
To constantly show no improvement over and over
To be confronted and insulted
There is no uniqueness like that of fear.
Irrational,
Yet this only makes it all the more terrifying.
Peering into shadows,
Ignorant to evils that lie lurking, ready
I’m wrapped up tight within my sheets
Behind my curtains blows a gust
Up and down the lonely streets
Calm my heart, this I must
As the shadows find me still
In gentle dreams can I trust?
It’s been two years and some odd months
When he passes and asks what I’m doing
“Nothing”
Really, I’m talking to him.
I smile when he talks to me
His eyes are deceived again
I stand alone.
Darkness is in every corner of the room,
and the only light to reach me comes from a single window.
What would it be like if I was out there?
I wake every day and dress for town,
Slept in again?
My night habits are getting the best of me
And you're not the man
I imagined you'd be when I was young.
I can't just blink the fatigue away; I sit there for a minute.
Out the window, carried on clouds
On a day so listless I can't hear a sound
Silence so loud no thoughts are clear
In the beginning,
there is frustration.
Faith is weak,
as you find no peace to keep diligent.
In the beginning,
there is exhaustion.
Life is tearing at your priorities,
From dawn 'till dusk I am enclosed,
In my own world yet so exposed.
Passing by, a mere obsever,
Using distance as my life's preserver.
Close enough to touch, too far away to see,
Run away from your problems
but where can you go?
Run away from your nightmares
but you keep drifting off into a distant sleep
you want to wake up
be told your whole life is a dream
We hear about problems,
All over our world,
How there are
bombings,
shootings,
And deaths allured.
What people forget,
Is how this all began,
With hatred that came,
Some say that bitterness is what broke you,
and ripped your seams apart.
But whatever it was that consumed you,
longing is what lies inside your heart.
A longing to be better, is the single thread that binds you.
What was it like to be 17?
It was never feeling good enough.
It was laughing for hours until my sides hurt
It was being terrified about my future
continuing to search
for solutions
for the involuntary kill
all similar triangles
dead-eyed
squinting in traffic
public television
blasting from the T.V.
Changing../ It's all changing.../ It seems as if everything, has to change./ Nothing can ever stay the, same./ But if I could change, anything.../ I couldn't choose./ I'd h
I used to think I could not write for a living
Because my mind was blank as
The pages of a journal just picked up from the store
So the verdict says not guilty.
The world stops.
How could someone get away with murder?
A boy has been shot!
He has been killed!
This is the world we live in.
Riots begin.
Peaceful protest.
I know it's hard to hear the constant advances of suitors,
to hear their cat calls day in and out.
I know it is
At least I'm sure it is.
But that doesn't stop me from wondering what it is like to be noticed
Jitters and shakes.
Sitting unmovin.g
To run for it and jump.
To feel the sweet airs go rushing passed
And the release of no control.
Submergence,
And quick kicks to reach the water's surface.
When your heart threatens to fall out your ass.
When your brain won't cease spitting out rapid-fire bullets labeled
What if
If Only
What about
Maybe
Maybe Not
my brain awoke, but my eyes stayed shut. it felt as if 100 lb dumbells hung from my eyelashes, streatching them across my face.
There is something stirring
It threatens fear
It threatens death
My only escape is to drown
Drown it out
Push it down
Do not breath
Do not think
Do not cry
Today is today, I mean that's what everyone says. But today is the day that I hide , in the shadows, faces of you are revealed in my sight. I'm afraid to ever walk in those steel doors, because with me you have no insight.
To look in the mirror and see something different,
I wonder if that’s the apple I’d pick.
I place my hand on the screen
I wish that you were here
I sit and I wonder
I pray and I fear
With every day that flies by
My woes only grow
When life gets difficult,
And your cup over flows,
Things go haywire,
Objects explode,
Theres no air,
No air,
No air you cant breathe,
Your brain cant conceive,
Wrong,
Wrong,
The world is a cold dead place baby,
the man says
and you can see
he means every word
You've got to do it for me now,
he says
and you can see
he means that too
he sets you down
I hear laughter.
I tense up.
"Nobody likes you."
"You're ugly.
I've heard these words before.
Stupid words
Shallow
But they hurt.
I shake my head. "No."
Use your intuition, your divine knowledge, and allow love to propagate through every single substituent atom in your body.
She doesn't care where you are coming from or going to
She doesn't care how old you are or how wise you've become
It's completely natural to me,
Like I've done it all my life,
It helps to take away the pain,
The way they treat me is wrong,
It helps to take it all away,
It helps relieve the stress,
Am I alone
Surrounded by shadows
Locked on all sides
By the ghostly gallows
I’m suffocating
Can’t breathe in this hell
Too hot for me
I can’t stand the smell
Survival of the fittest
Simmer in the sun,
Dive in the lake.
Roll in the fescue,
Feel the wind break.
Frolic in the flowers,
Dance in the rain.
Twirl under trees,
For once in this life,
I am plagued by the thing which has ruled mankind
Since the beginning.
I stop and look forward in this point in time,
the distance of knowledge far beyond
the reaches of the system--
We all wear a mask
Only taking it off at dusk
When the society can see you in darkness
You pretend you know what is happiness
Ignorant of pain,agony and blasphemy
Hiding the reality
You are my past.
So why do I fear you?
For taking my innocence.
For taking my confidence.
For making me afraid of every man that comes near.
You are their past.
So why do they fear you?
A night to remember, a spin and a glideas we make our way through the aisle.I was too young when you left my side.
Never Forget
You Stained by bloody waters
A past haunts your present being
I see the pain in your eyes
The beauty of humanity
Rests under your soul
Wind against these walls
And the silence goes unbroken
Save for my own breath
How are we such strangers now
So different
I’ve known you all my life
You meant the most to me
Hollow Ghost of Red Heart
Ominous with frantic rage
Yet vindictive under the Vail
Luminous as starlight nights
Breathing Just Fine
Held under water
Gazing upon him
We fight for a way out
The sea blue runs black
If I could change one thing, it’d be this tall, intimidating fence.
I’d tear it down and frolic away deliriously into the world that’s been waiting for me.
I would change the view
that it's not you to look up at one another
as we walk from point a to point q
I would change how we feel when we're in a class
I am quiet because I chose to be
No I do not have an attitude
No, I am not having a bad day
Well maybe I am, but what’s it to you?
So you can say, “She seems aggravated?”
These things are running through my mind
God's path for me is hard to find.
It's true, there are things that I do wrong
Maybe sing the dirty parts of a song...
The fear of newness
Could also be called the fear of change
Why change what you are used to?
Why make the switch from old to new?
Or is neophobia the fear of not understanding? the fear the unknown?
Homeless individuals sleep with dreams of what they used to be
Now they have moved on leaving the new generation drowning sea to sea
No education, no temptation, to get a dream fulfilled
When I see you smile it brightens my day, all those dark clouds around me are no longer grey, it means that I love you, hey what can I say I need to admit it and quit being afraid.
A sadness so deep
A darkness so sad
nothing, no one, anyone
you can never
you will never
Touch your knees with your nose
Hide, from it all
World fading
Look.
Breath catching
Ducking behind corners
Hiding from something
Too much to admit
There.
Its not your fault, not a bit
But I'm so scared
I don't sound like myself
The only way i can hide
Is by writing what i feel
This is something that scares me deep inside
Its that moment when i feel its the best to hide
I want to tell the truth
I try to find myself, but I've been lost for forever. It's like I'm going in a circle so you'd think I'd know better. I'm somewhat lost in a trance, I can't find myself. Took 34 pills disregarding my own health.
The strength of those
who know of how
you cannot harm
anyone for long.
How can such a
short trial, be of
much harm? When they
will know how you
can never last
for long. Life is
Eyes swelled up with tears,
As i said goodbye to YESTERDAY.
The promise of romance drowning in the ocean of my heart.
For so long I have been wondering about you.
Everybody passed me by, why didn’t you?
Random dreams of you and me, I picture in my head.
Now that I look back; rain comes to my face.
Fear hinders our progress towards better times
where we need not be alone,
it suffocates lights and welcomes darkness
into our mind's own home.
Fear grips the souls of men
in a way no human can,
Love is rich
sometimes its a bitch
or a witch
that cast a spell that makes you twitch
untill you cant take another inch , away
from the girl that first said hey
that would later on say
I stand in front of this mirrorI rub my eyes to try and see clearerI stare at this reflection
A hello here,
A handshake there,
A hug here,
A greeting all around
I float amongst my piers,
Socializing from clique to clique to satisfy
But I am never truly satisfied
Have you ever wanted to Run?
Run so far
Have you ever felt so Done?
just have to gas the car
Have you got some best friends?
A couple i guess
Are you done with Stress?
I know i am
Today was the first time I sold my soul and will be the last one.
My threshold keeps tumbling in my ears
trying to trap the clear air…
I don’t know if I am making sense
Make your words count.
That’s what they tell us day in and day out.
Somehow, I think I’ve taken this a little too far.
I overthink what I want to say to the point where
The time for saying it has passed.
Call me insane, but I'm trapped.
In the confines of my house this time, not my mind.
Maybe both.
"Because you're a girl", replays like a broken cassette tape.
Just bear it. Just breathe.
Wait.
Ambiguity is stronger than us.
Confusion that boggles our minds,
Only to be answered in one response, fear.
Fear is confusion,
Pushed to the darkest parts of mind.
My eyes, with their amber hue,
Will flash back when my time is due.
They don't care for the object of the mind's worries;
Instead, for the loving look from my father,
To touch another,
oh, how I long to feel
his skin against mine,
if only to finally know
A crickety seasaw with an invisible old man on the other end.
You go up and down,
sometimes close to falling,
but you hold on, nonetheless.
The taste of blood on her lips,
She opens them.
It drips,
On the floor,
She lays,
A dark pool in the midst of a glittering forest,
She wipes away the red metal.
Eyes open.
Searching.
You see that person,
you had a past,
you wish it didnt end that way.
You wish that it couldve last
but you realize you wouldve messed it up anyway.
But if there was another strike
When I first found out,
There was a monster under my bed,
There wasn't a doubt,
I was scared half to death.
I tried counting sheep,
And counting to ten.
I was still losing sleep,
Acceptance is what I choose to need.
To get away from my misery.
I trust those who hurt and love those who use me.
Acceptance is what I choose to need.
To get away from my misery.
I trust those who hurt and love those who use me.
We are scared of being judged.
We are scared of being wrong.
We are scared of sounding dumb.
We are scared of change.
We are scared of the future.
We are scared of relationships.
Born I was
To a couple who would teach to love and cherish every moment of every day
Raised I was
To never say anything mean, to never act with unkindness in my heart
But schooled I was
Sometimes fear lurks upon me like a thief in the night.
Nipping at the coat tails of my soul.
Ruthless.
Unrelenting.
Fear.
It laughs at my torment.
I frequently think of why i belong here, yes on Earth. What is the purpose of our lives?
It takes a while for something to grow, but once it does it begins to blossom, nothing will get in the way of stopping it.
I'm guilty of the long way round.
Too scared to forge a path myself.
I want to speak but make no sound.
I'm guilty of the long way round.
I walk the worn well trodden ground.
My aspirations on the shelf.
He crushed the butt of his cigarette into the rusted tray,
A valley of forgotten grey.
After flexing his filthy fingers, his gaze sharply drove into me.
I lost my breath.
You are beautiful,
You are love,
You are worhy
You are worhy of love that you cannot even begin to comprehend.
This love is everlasting, unconditional, unfailing, never ending.
I want you to see
See beyond the masquerade that the wanderers in the hallway notice
See beyond the eighty different shades of color that my hair fluctuates between
My eyes
They burn
My mind
It hurts
Hypocrisy
Beating at my heart
Lies
Making my heart not want to beat
Stop it
Please, stop it
Overlooking the ripples from a pier far above,
I hear a distant roar of the waves that I love.
The sound hits my ears like a baseball hits the glove.
Staring into the shiny blue
The shiny blue enraptures me
Let it save me
Distract me
From the self-mutilation I impose upon myself
From the nightmares dancing above my head
Beth & Natalie
No words strong enough in tragedy,
Loving you with every breath.
Forevermore, watching over us
I have inspiration; I just can’t put it together.
I have dreams; I just don’t know where to begin.
I have hope; I just don’t show it.
Do. Mi. Fa. So. La. Ti. Do.Do you ever think about me, as you continue your days?Repeating the melodic phrase.Might as well watch you from a far and praise you for your hardwork, and end up being amazed.
Love?
Alien
Foriegn
Mysterious
Unknown
Uncharted
Ruleing our mind's
A drug
An illusion
It's everywhere
On the radio
In the novels
In our soup
I look up to cry the tears of the sky,
The gray pasture covering me in its familiar cold
I am crushed under the weight.
People would say to me, Stand up, you’re fine.
And I would try, Oh how I would try.
So because my skin tree tones, my thighs are thick and my hair doesn’t reach the floor I’m not acceptable, this is my generation. Were your shoes has to be worth more than your rent and your clothes has to match your shoes or you define as poor.
As it arrives everything diesThe leaves change colorNature's beauty diesBut one true beauty remains in galore
Pain like Fire
This pain I’m feeling,
is unlike anything I’ve ever felt,
Lost,
Confused,
Heart broken,
it’s an everlasting nightmare.
This pain I’m feeling,
When I was six years old I sat in a darkened closet hugging my knees to my chest.
How does death choose?
Who we lose?
How does it pick them?
Each victim.
I wish it hadn't picked you.
I had no choice as your voice
just faded away,
and day after day
Darkness floods you veins,Your eyes have become reflecting pools,Black like dreamless sleep,You ache for the affection,
I want to fall into you,Like butter on warm toast,Snow on a summer day,The fragrance of a slow cooked roast.
FOOD FOOD FOOD
Every ravenous soul cries for
What is food at all?
Is it Satisfaction...?
Or a remedy to survival...think about it -
I see food as Cruel, Enemy, Evil, Vicious...
When love gets a little easier
Maybe I'll be able to say hello and not have my eyes rain
Maybe the tulips will finally bloom properly and maybe the dandelions will finally blow in my direction and cover my face with their wishes
One step out the door
Come back!!!
I can't do that, I've gone to far. I've stepped into deeper waters and I'm drowing. I've dug my own grave and the world is slowly closing in.
You can't do this!
Daddy drives around the block,
his silver flask in hand.
He takes a swig of liquor
to help him with the pain.
While Mum sits on the patio,
puffing on a cig.
I live to see the sunshine, brighter than the green on pine
I live to see the rain, gloomy and forever a pain
I live to eat, stuffing my mouth whereever I find a seat
I live to drink, only to end up in the kitchen sink
And it began, again.
The battle between my mind and heart.
"He deserves better than you!"
"He will never love you!"
"You are way too fat!"
"You aren't his type!"
"He will never love you!"
A boy
So full of arrogance
Wanting only to destroy,
Killing as if it were a dance
Another boy,
Oh so different
With a mind of tricks and ploy
His destiny is not what it was meant
Heartbreak is not something that is easy to take
For it clouds the mind and causes the esteem to effortlessly break
Hours upon hours are spent of you picking up the pieces
You fill me up
Then drink
I am your partner during dark nights
And your enemy
Once you've had your fun
And had your fill
You leave me on the table
And go to enjoy life's thrill
I could never understand
How someone could see the fear in your eyes,
Hear the tremble in your voice,
Understand the falsity of your choked out laugh
Do not be fighterDo not be curse that person or animal outinstead be a peacemakerDo not steal a thing that you really wantDo not kill that person
A pained existence
Fear creates wounds
Fear is agony
Fear has become pain
Pain that is as intense as a woman screaming into the night
Because fear is the room she has been trapped in.
Fear of rejection
Been such a long time
Since I’ve been home
I feel like so long I was a mime
The night she will always remember
Her eyes wide, the lights dim around her
Silence
A dark shadow on the wall ready to pounce, ready to brawl
Following, stalking, hunting, taking just when you're unaware, shaking
Tense, strong at any moment a trap in waiting, no escaping
I want you to say no, I want you to reject me.I want you to say yes, I want you to want me.
Anything but this, stuck blinded in the midst,no sense of direction,struggling to contain my affection.
If tomorrow I didn’t wake up and I died,how many of you would cry?How many of you would sigh,and just move on with your lives?No pain trapped inside,just another body without life.No priest to confide,
It all started with the right hook
A shock thru the spine
Redirecting the foot
Trembling in the knee
and signaling for the left hook
1,2,3,4
Remembering the days her eyes was a beacon of hope
I never really feared anything. But
As I sit here in my room filled with fear, I feel all the screams and anger from downstairs
They shoot up my spine and over-take my body
God, please quiet these conflicting voices inside my head
Is one of them yours? It's getting harder to tell.
I'm trying to filter them out.
My days and nights are blending together
I sit alone,trying to talk to you,but you dont want to talk,you never do,you only have one thing on your mind,its always that one thing.Dont you care about me?What about me?
You make me ill,
With your kind words
And not so secret stares.
I feel your gaze on my body.
It touches my face, my arms, and my chest.
We both know you aren’t hunting for my heart.
He is gone forever, the boy named Alex.
The seraphs come down beside me singing really taunting, " He who you call brother is with us."
I look at the towering shelves that enchant me with their dust,
And their books sitting there like a superlative throne.
I find the quiet a blessing,
Because I know they won't forever be silent.
This damaged girl coming from a broken home, no hope left leaving it all torn,
Not a single soul for help in times of discord,
What happened to all the love and care from her supposed friends?
She always comes & goes.
It is better to leave, before she is left.
She always comes & goes.
She leaves before she is left.
The friends she makes,
Are kept for years –
We kissed, I felt her lips connect as if we were one, and yet I wanted more. I could not resist her, her looks of pleasant torture, and warmest of the body. Long ago, her beauty vanished, and left there was nothing but hate.
In the path of a deep dark forest,
Fear lost herself,
The twists and turns,
Were as unfamiliar,
As the hills of the terrain,
On the tip of her tongue,
His name hung,
I live in a time
Where people have many walls.
I also live in a time
Where people desire to overcome these walls
In any way possible.
They have walls of anger and spite
Inside their body and mind.
the waves in the ocean flow
through the open holes in my heart
hoping someday this time i can finally see the end of this shining light
If the sun burned hot enough would I still miss your eyes?
If the moon was always full would I stop wishing for clear skies?
If the grass was green enough would I be satisfied without you?
I breathe better through a blanket
Let it circulate the air I take in
Let it suffocate me if in the end I’m pure
I rub its softness against my cheek
Because if you are to love me
there are some things you must know
for one i am broken
and hurt
and my view on love is blown
I have to start from scratch
and learn how to love again
I try and I try and try, still nothing. I put my heart into everything, still nothing, I spent my whole live searching for the good in my life, still nothing, I try to be nice and generous to everyone I meet, still nothing.
I try and I try and try, still nothing. I put my heart into everything, still nothing, I spent my whole live searching for the good in my life, still nothing, I try to be nice and generous to everyone I meet, still nothing.
There sat a boy in class with me,
with red Beats that hung around his neck,
he'd never take notes in class,
To him, what have I done
was it worth it in the end
are the joys of love really real?
or is true love just pretend
to love him as my own is sin
to leave him would kill me
i shelter what i feel within
And as the days go by you rub away at me and peel back the pages of my skin
Soon I shall be raw,sore and broken
And as the days go by you rub away at me and peel back the pages of my skin
Soon I shall be raw,sore and broken
Love is like a drug once you've taste it
Searching for that same feeling
But I forgot to pace it
A dream divineIs only a nightmareIf a thought is to blind beyondMeasures I often question such a beautifulCurse of a dreamIs it only a reality that we often wonder?
In the midst of dayThere I sit in my roomAnd stare awayMy water is tainted and condensendingAnd my mind slowly blows smoke ringsI watch the stoney trees
I remember that day when we first met
you spoke naught and only looked at me and shyly smiled
but
that day I somehow knew that we were meant to be
your brown eyes ripped through mine heart and saw me
Kick me when I’m down
And tell me I don’t matter
I want to feel I belong
That’s all I ever asked
Now really can you blame me
Launch me into the atmosphere,
So I can float among the stars.Sail me across the ocean,
You always thought, your kids will never know the feeling of addiction, but I went to re
Don't give up.
When roads are long,
and paved with fears.
When seconds turn to hours,
and hours to years.
When your dreams seem
far and out of sight.
And you paint on a smile,
There are only some who matter
In this endless generation we have here
Ideas trashed, intelligence scattered
I look ahead, little hope, mostly fear
Roger Daltrey, you're who I agree with
I can’t believe it’s already been a year.
Making it this far has always been my biggest fear.
I didn’t think I could do it,
But I improved bit by bit.
My bear is with me nightly, as i fall into smooth slumber.
Sometimes i dream, most times i don't, but its there through it all,
Its there when you aren't. My only friend, confidante.
Me peeling fingers,
ripped from innocence,
diving into adolescence.
What is it that makes them this way?
The fall from ideals,
the way my skin peels,
and cracks and drys like never before.
It seems like only yesturday
that I was just a little lad
and now that I am grown
my family is very glad
I can not help but feel
that after all these years
I grew up so big and tall
Ooh farewell
Ooh farewell
Sorry to see you go
My hopes where
For you to come home again
Praying for the sun to shine on you
Never to be rained on by falling bullets or falling bombs
Last year I sketched our dream home
with two balconies and a koi pond in the backyard.
It was simple pen and paper
And here I thought that we would write books
Magazines of controversy to be shouted at and intellectualized
Author's note: While Power Poetry covers a multitude of causes, I've noticed that there are two in particular that are largely avoided--elder care and death.
Our minds are filled with bottles.
In the bottle are ideas, beliefs, answers we have yet to unfasten.
In it is the dictator of our inner debacles,
It is also the fufillment of passion
A rose, but one, none other rose did I have,
A rose, one rose, and this was a wondrous creation,
One rose a rose that brightened earth and sky,
One rose, my rose, that sweetened my breath and air,
It was the final set,
Victory was near.
It had come down to this,
The world would get,
And with one little sphere,
Into a company of bliss.
Match point, it was
I was not born mean
I was born into treachery
Riding on glaring black wheels
My heart's left black eye caught feelings
Who knew a handsome fellow
Had inherited Jack the Ripper's thirst
Do you ever wonder
If this is the right thing to do?
Do you ever get paralyzed
With fear
Because you don’t want to wake
Forty years old
Look back and just say
“What the hell?”
I sit in psychology,
A class I should be interested in, but instead worry
About the little problems that I have that do not reflect any other person
Except myself.
This sounds normal.
The case of a bladeIn the darkest placeI clutched it through fabricThrough every feelingA portal to a memory long goneThe blood on your handsThe smile on your lipsf̶e̶l̶t̶ feels so good
Ideas born out of 2amGrown to wrap around my eyesPull them downThey will not shutConstant spike of ideasIn my brain, it hurtsThe throb of thought against boneI am not destined for sleep
The way we see ourselves is a very powerful thing. It not only builds or breaks the fortress around us it allows others to step into our realms and puncture our castles. It displays vulnerability and hides destruction.
Sick of distraction and all of its tricks
concentration loses the fight again
To hone in is to believe in fairy tales
the nascar of thoughts
A marathon of thinking
I had yearned for so long
I had waited for too long
I died inside for too long
no love no compaasion
no warm embrace
not even a tender touch
quiet nights
desperate mornings
We've All had that kin of love,
where we fall so hard
we've all fallen for the one person who can
do no wrong
to us
we've all gotten to that point
We've all been wraped up in
the phenomena of
Dead man walking
Sentened by the boss
Look who's talking
Sorry for the loss
Dead man walking
We'll get there somehow
But where are we now?
Let's get rolling
Heres a story like to tellabout this boy i thought i knew so wellthought he was the one for me all the other boys i couldn't seeit should have been me and you i could have been you and i
as she sped down the interstate going 90
she saw things
she saw her father hanging off a power line
a tv cord permitting him death
she would see the cord murdering him
In the silent waves she saw herself,
Lost and confused, she cried for help.
Through the screams and moans that came tumbling out,
The distorted images that filled her with doubt.
No longer could she stand alone,
Therea are days
When I look around,
I see other girls
Walking around
And I just break down,
Like I can't do this any more,
And I start to wonder
if it'll ever get better.
Alex Noe, I love you
You make me feel very special
But you have to know
I won when I first met you
Only been a month
It feels right to say “I love…”
I believe in us
I know we can make this work
I need times like this--to myselfTo cook up formulas with words that explode, sending minds into the unknown.Hidden messages through similes and metaphors that'll make the greatest fold
It feels like I been here before I feel familar with this scene these words theses actions I feel like its on everyones minds thoughts lips tounge, its been in every corner of the world this feel to familar yet it has no shape, nor organic matte
Dancing Shadows
By Laquanna Allen
In today’s society
There is only one thing you can be
The bully or the bullied
Round and round
I'm nothing special
Not beautiful
Not talented
Not funny
Not smart
I'm just an average girl
Destined for an average life
For meaningless experiences
And dismal opportunities
I feel like
I'm walking upstream
through a current strong enough
to pull me under again.
I
Just
Want
To know
If I died today
Who would cry tonight
Who would miss school tomorrow
Who would regret their actios next week
Would anyone stand tall like a mountain for next year
I grew tired of sleepless nights-
Contemplating life while simultaneously
Managing to not participate in it.
Well here I am again
left broken and confused.
They hurt me
and I feel used.
I used to be strong
till they broke me apart.
I used to have life
but now they broke my heart.
Believe me,
I am aware
Of every single flaw
Or imperfection
That creates my
Monstrous existence.
So who are you
To come and blame
My imperfections
For making me
I came home and found you in your usual spot, hiding from the world.
Dark despide the sun being awake.
Your eyes are open yet nobodys home, you stare straight ahead without following my movements.
i
i w
i wa
i wan
i want
i want t
i want to
i want to b
i want to be
i want to be f
i want to be fr
i want to be fre
i want to be free.
Where are you going,
I can't find you,
where are you going,
I just trusted you,
Where are you going tonight.
I just wanted you,
and I just needed you,
I am waiting, I am alone,
My life is like a bad fairytale.
Dragons lurk in every cave,
ogres in every shadow.
When I get to the place where the castle should be,
what do I see?
The evasive palace has escaped me.
Powerful word:
Ignored. Emotionally and physically.
Why does the world have the mentality of every man for itself?
Feeling lonely and unimportant.
Both in home and the world.
Being black shouldnt discriminate, unike any other.
Being brown shouldnt mean i have to drown in this society.
Being brown should enable me to get a crown,just like any other.
Being black shouldnt be a set back.
I want to love you for forever and a day.
Til the sun comes down, and its time to lay.
Til, the wind blows and the seas roar.
I wanna be with you, but dont forget theres one more.
My blood ran cold as he looks at me,i shiver as his breeze past me, i look apon his face and i worry... why is this i wonder?
Hey Mr. Principal,
Hey Mr. Smith,
I hope you sit comfortably –
On your plush office plinth,
With all your private accolades –
That no one could care about,
To the varsity trophies –
This is the blood i bleed
There is a reason for this pain
Some people just never understand
The pain i go through is too much to withstand
This pain i go through is worse than any other
To think you would care
To think you would understand
but I liked believing you did
The sweet oblivion was better
than facing the cold hard truth
Turns out you never knew me
Eventually
Eventually you’ll run out of tears,
Eventually you’ll run out of fears.
Eventually you’ll run out of sadness,
How do I stop from watching the spiders crawl around my bedroom corners?
Are people not spiders?
Crawling from corner to corner making a mess in order to thrive of flies around my room.
It can come on slow and it can come on fast
Sometimes you’d never know it’s even happening
Your palms start to sweat and your heart is about to burst
Love
a 4 letter word, though it holds so much gravity
yet we throw it around like something thats only worth a penny
Hate
A clear-cut diamond ring,
Fall, winter, summer, spring.
Seasons change,
The birds still sing.
Those lovely hazel eyes,
Lies, disguise,
Another surprise.
Who would have thought,
My pulse began to race
Like a horse out of the gate
Then my muscles began to clench
Like a wrench on a nail
The ship sat anchored to the shore
The captain, skipper, and crew working at her core
Sails being raised and decks being scrubbed
I never really talk to people
I always keep my mouth shut
And when I go to share a good idea
it bites me in the butt.
every day
zombies walk
lifeless eyes
crushed spirits
fear
self-hatred
loathing
are the few
emotions
we have
soccer
youtube
Inside a deep, dark hole my dreams were swallowed,Because depression clouded my brain and suicidal thoughts followed.Ugly, bi, thin, tall, stupid, skinny, black...The insults destroyed the confidence I now lack.
There's nothing i wouldnt do just to see you again
All the words i've said have no meaning
With this mess i've made i must do all the cleaning
I told you i loved you
But you left me with no clue
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
I know this girl Who has a broken heart Who wants to cry Who wants to die Who wears a fake smile But has a friend that tells her "Stay strong , everything will be okay." She wants to scream She wants to shot But wont....... She remembers all
All the cliques laugh away
While I sit and watch
Wondering where my friends are
Wondering where you are
Wondering why distance keeps us apart.
The teachers will lecture
I am scared of
this snake that
sucks the life out
of me.
I am scared of
this butterfly that
plagues my dreams
at night.
I am scared of
this spider that
Every day's a waste.
I'd rather have just died.
I try to get though it.
Believe me, I've tried.
I am so tired of feeling
Like no one gives a shit
Not my friends or parents.
Im so done with it.
I always said it couldn't happen to me I always said my heart cant be broken I always said I would never cry I always said I don't fight for boys I always said NO FATHERS ALLOWED I always said I don't believe in love But now I say that you change
Teacher, teacher
I'm not sure if you know
My mind may be open
But my heart remains closed
Teacher, teacher
Please, just hear me out
There are so many things
Above me I see an open sky,
Blue as can be.
No restrictions, unlimited beauty.
Nothing can compare.
To my left I see black.
I see fear, I see death.
I see the darkness,
Fear burns hot as we acknowledge the other, he and I.
Never in my wildest dreams would I fathom such a demon sitting before my very eye,
But that's where such things begin.
I don’t understand
Why so many kids
Feel this way
About living this life
We’ve never had to
Pay a bill
Love is hallow as a cave
Led by its beauty, a great quest
Love is a path for the brave
It will never settle for less.
I'm a 17 year old girl from Brooklyn.
When I tell people that I don't say it with a smile.
Instead I frown.
I look down at the ground that I walk on everyday
in Brooklyn
I fear for my generation
Little girl why are you crying
Is it cause everyone keeps lying
Saying its gonna get better
But your face just keeps getting wetter
Little girl why are you so sad
I've always wondered what goes on in other people's minds
I've always wondered where life is going to take me
I've always wanted to know why everything happens for a reason
"No kids?" he asked, incredulous
"Aren't you concerned about preserving your lineage?"
I, too, am in disbelief of such a question
Which implies you are more concerned about spreading your seed
Love is something I don't understand.Hell, I don't think anyone does.When you say "I love you."And they say "Don't."How do you expect me to changeThe way I feel about youIt's not much of a choice.
Kiss my lips and empty me, love me long and set me free.
I'll give you it all, even me. Or crush me quick and leave me be. Our love is strong..in harmony
Love is only temprary.
You clenched at my chest,
For a sweet rational moment.
Heart drop.
Bottom rock.
The bitter grin
Made my face numb like gin.
The only
Substance
That can
Be
Absorbed
It takes a while. Speaking. Writing. Communicating. These are all things which people take for granted. Luck. Something which does not come easily to me. Ouch! Unfortunately, this simple word is said a lot. Almost daily. Too often. Brain. Head.
Light.
Now it's dark.
Knife.
In my heart.
Fight.
In my head.
Cry.
In my bed.
Shadows.
Closer.
Getting.
Older.
Falling.
Crawling.
Game.
I'm sorry that I fell in love
Sorry that I think you're perfect
Sorry that You're the one
I didn't mean to bother.
I didn't mean to push you away
Didn't mean to go insane
I just wanted you to stay
I am living
Yet not really living
I am laughing
But not really laughing
I am seeing
But not truly seeing
Curling tight
my back facing the sun
knees to my eyes
and hands held tight
feet tucked under
pressed into the wall
hiding
fearing
not willing to face the day
Mixtures of browns
Mixtures of greens
Smells of nature
Smells of safety
All rush by
As I bolt by
Bolt down this path
Dirt on my feet
Dust clouds behind me
No bird sings
Stuck in my mind,
but I must rewind.
Death seeks everyone,
its part of life.
There is a limit of time,
passes by like the speed of light.
Containing wonderful memberies,
I know I fuck things up a lot.My friendships may crumble and my future is a bridge of strings over a river of uncertainty.When I'm two steps behind life I get lost easily,but I always manage to find you.
I have never realizedHow alone I've felt until this very moment...It hit me like I had just ran into a brick wallI hate how horrible I feelHow depressing this emotion isAnd to think that my biggest fear was to be aloneWhen I've felt alone for 4 yr
Sitting inside my porcelain tea cup
I open my sewing kit and pull out a needle
In the light, it glimmers
With a loop at the end
Meant to put a string through
And pull me along
Society killed the teenager.
What did we expect?
That the words would roll off their shoulders?
No responsibility to collect?
Society killed her.
They said she wasn’t pretty enough.
Alone.
5 words.
2 syllables.
A major problem within itself.
Not only are we the cause but we are the reason.
Yet as time passes something begins to happen.
Of all the words I could speak,None of them could satisfy my heart,My toung can not tell it what it is feeling,Only my heart knows that,
I could always jump, you'd find my body in a dump.
Body broken like my soul, for its spirit no longer could hold.
I could always cry, sometimes wishing I could die.
Faith: one motive, a solitary pebble,
minuscule in size, enormous in spirit,
burning the demon’s evil plot;
where disloyalty to self’s morals
crumbles like the Twin Towers,
the disrupted chariot as horses
Sometimes we threw punches,
Both verbal and with our fist,
Though the bruises left over,
Whether on our ego or on our face,
The world as she knows it comes to an end.The pain, the suffering, the life of my best friend.Her soft fluffy body so frail and so depleted,I can't help but to think that her life wasn't completed.
A woman wrote a poem and titled it love
Because she was deeply in love
Everywhere she went it seemed to be there
The sun was shining and the wind was blowing
It was a perfect day
Children scribble on the walls,Nonsensical graffitiOn the inside of the womb,Cut up and bleedingInternally.I've fucked up and I'm fucked.This demon called paranoia haunts me before bedtime
Creeping from the depths of its evil thrown,
A disease, uncontrolled,
Leaving its victims all alone,
Never sleeping,
Hears the weeping,
Of those he mangles in a dark unknown.
I remember like it was yesterday
that we talked, joked, and laughed
and now that you are not here
that is all in the past
I can see clear as day
a smile spreading across your face
Some say life is
like a game.
There are winners
and losers.
Some cheat their
way out.
Some take it serious.
What's the prize?
Pride, hope, or even love.
At what cost?
The days I spent living my life in the shadow of another are wasted.
Why must I skulk in the shadows while you get to walk in the light?
Is it possible that perhaps I was never meant to be seen, to be noticed?
The Fear of Failure
You can do it, they all said
No one can get in the way of your success, they assured
Here is a list of resources to get you there, they gave
I'm like a child who cries itself to sleep,
but instead of crying, what I do is think.
I think myself insane, analyzing every bit,
until my heart rate quickens and I work up a panicking fit.
You feel it coming,
You always do.
The creepy crawlies are coming for you.
They itch, you scratch,
You're the time taken up,
I will never have enough.
You're the words, flooding down,
I see the ink, pouring out.
You're the dreams I see at night,
I can't explain this sense of "right."
Childish Innocence ripped away,
it’s now dark outside, yet it is day.
“How can they smile, laugh, and play?”,
when my childish innocence was just ripped away.
Accidently created, always viewed with disgust,
Moving round and round in the maze inside my head. Contained in this padded room that's stealing my sanity, here I wait with my tortures thoughts, conjuring my eternal reward.
Some are afraid of spiders
Some are afraid of the dark
Some are called irrational
Some are called faint-of-heart
Some fear the things they hear
Some fear the things they see
I'm lounging against
this ancient, moss-clad, grey barked
stately tree,
Hoping to find respite from
my toiling, tiresome travel.
It shelters me
with its stooping, sweeping, swaying
Did it once, did it twice,
I moved into lonelier night,
What is there to gain,
When I can't move away from the pain?
Growing up was always the cure,
But now I'm not so sure,
So I'm done.
What am I scared of?
Why am I scared?
I cant seem to answer the questions that I ask myself...
We all have fears,
But where do they come from
Do they fall from the sky?
Like a raindrop in the sky...
"As soon as you walk in tomorrow turn in your homework"
See my teacher expects me to waltz up in here,
doing stuff we are never going to apply to life.
y=mc to the power of "why am even i here"
you know that type of scared you get
when you could walk through your basement at a steady pace
but when you turn the lights off you run up stairs
as if you were being chased
well i get that feeling sometimes
Thundercloud
come, make a sound!
to shudder up my spine and bring tears down
in fear…
For I am afraid of what’s inside,
afraid to face my fears.
Lightening, strike!
Come blind my eyes
i was thinking
about how low
people can get
and how low
people can feel
so that they believe
they are alone
but are really
surrounded by people
who see them
Droplets of sweat run down my face.
The pounding in my head just won’t go away.
I know my turn is next.
The anxiety has my mind grasped ever so tightly.
It squeezes and squeezes, never letting go.
I panic.
I had spent days, what had seemed to be months clenching to the piece of life I had. I was lost, in a chaotic silence, hoping and praying for redemption, for savior.
If only I could sleepinstead, my hand crampswith the terrified mindof a hurt museand prose falls forthfrom soul to penand closes a Pandora's Box without hopefor small moments more
Walls are fallen
Words come alive
Memories are seen
History is broken
Future is forgotten
Emotions are meaningless
Silence
My mother always asks me,
Why I can never seem to sit still.
My muscles tighten and an excuse is quickly constructed,
Here we are . . .
Time, space within the eternal love of the Creator.
How did we come together to this world of chaotic fear?
My soul has accepted this question whose answer is beyond this life.
I have met my spirit
Even touched it once
With a primly havened tip of a harbored finger
But was shocked
so shocked that I beheld such a thing in my dank, cavernous arua,
When she was in Limbo,there was a crescendoand then, a crash.They said her core was mountain ashbut she was dead.and all there was to see was red.smash, smack, clatter clang clunk.
What’s a beginning? The first, a start?
For I believe in no beginning to this art.
I have written these same words, felt these same feelings.
I have painted these same problems and colored in my same solutions.
Has a good
friend named Fear.
Together, they
wreak havoc
through the mind.
They make the
potential behind events
exponentially greater.
Imagination unlocks the mind
and allows Fear
Maybe She Would Be Alive Today. If I Spoke Up And Said What I Needed To Say. If I Thought Differently and Choose A Different Path. Crazy Thing Is I Didn’t Think She Would Last.
I used to fear ghostsGhosts of peopleGhosts of pastsGhosts of memoriesGhosts of what could have beenGhosts, I thought, were the essence of fearThen the ghosts came to me
They say holding on tightwill make it all right,but letting go is so much harder to dowith a glimmer of hope still in your heart.
With each waking breathe,
my soul quivers for fear.
I cant stop these feelings inside me.
He tells me to breathe
only breathe,
its all we ever have left
but why?
Clown is tall
Clown is scary
Clown makes me very wary
Too much fear
Not enough thought
Push clown into water
Clown drowns
No more sound from clown
Close your eyes.
Thats what everyone does during a horror movie.
When the music swells like a wave,
Warning you of some unforeseen terror.
Butterflies
In the Night
Drift Away
Without a Fight
Lose Myself
Lost in You
Wondering why
But Such a Pretty View
No more sadness
No more pain?
Watch That Blood
The fear of you,
Of you being near me
Near me, hurting me,
Hurting me without any regret
Any regret of what you’ve done,
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital
I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like,
so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
I suddenly realized
(at five years old)
Death applies to me too
That children become grown-ups
who become grandmas
who were the ones who died
And I was a children.
I sat in a dark cold room
Surrounded by my friends.
My feet shivered on the cold stone floor,
And fear filled the air.
I wanted to know why
Each time I peered down the rabbit hole
I got a glimpse of a forgotten world
It’s dreamt about, but no one ever dares to go there
I wasn’t any better
Just an audience, a speculator from bird’s eye view
In the dark of the night
I face my window with open eyes
I hesitate to bring back happy thoughts
Despite being trapped where the fear lies
My memories bring neither peace nor comfort
Sat down and stared at the mesmerizing sky,Didn't expect to find a friendI can't even liePeace was all we yearned.
My only thoughts were
do you care?
I wasn't your average student
and you weren't the average teacher.
You saw something in me that you said needed to be brought out.
I couldn't bring it out.
Creepy crawlies trample the pillows
Of those who are long lost
Some are visited by grieving whispers
And others still lay where they were first tossed
Smoky fog rises from the ground
hands and knees burn
from the rug’s roughness
and the trees bow their heads
children’s faces wet
with the sins of yesterday
ropes pulled
The room goes cold
The door squeaks open
And footsteps grow louder
A hand grabs the covers
I thought I had it all figured out
I thought I knew
how to stop the walls
from falling in again.
But they fell
and I'm begging of you please
to come save me again.
A joker isn’t always funny,
A house isn’t always a home,
A father isn’t always a dad,
A bad person isn’t always an enemy.
But twelve have passed, and thousands remain suffering.
And by now it is Thursday,
This is for the man on the corner of First and Dunn
with a sign that breaks hearts and makes everybody run
home to their heaters and high-tech computers
My head hurts. / My throat screams. / My hands shake. / This is no dream. / My eyes water. / I crouch down. / I cover my ears, / To shut out sound. / I miss my home. / I miss the quiet. / It's just too much. / All of this riot. / I want a hug.
Of days when I have forced my will
To school, and kept myself so still,
And haven't uttered cries of grief,
Of your incompetent relief -
Deriving from your lack of skill,
In the ability to feel
I'm just another number
Come one day swing and sway
Read the book, smile say "hi"
Place the mask
Where it always has to go
Smile wide my baby girl
Show 'em what they want to see
I’d say it in person, but I fear rejection
Because when a student speaks out there’s surely ejection
You ask who I am, just look at my friends
I stay true to my values while others change like trends
i am scared
i am here
on the outside
i show no fear
this is new
i am here
within time
there will be no fear
i am scared
i am here
on the outside
i show no fear
this is new
i am here
within time
there will be no fear
Imagine the cage – deep inside your mind
The one all seem to fear
Draped in Black and far from kind
Overwhelming, yet hidden, and near
The Beast inside, it rattles the cage
We struggle to keep it mute
When you see this soft-spoken, shy girl sitting at her desk,
You see someone weak
As I quietly doodle away on my note-pad,
You see someone distracted
When every other girl giggles and laughs with her friends,
I am Female.
I am Girl.
I am Woman.
I am large hips,
I am tiny waist,
I am large chest,
I am stereotype.
I am pretty face,
makeup,
lipstick,
I am beauty.
I used to believe in 11:11 wishes,
Used to dream of midnight kisses,
I believed in these things and much more,
But all that was in a time long, long, before,
Before the boy ripped at my chest,
Everlasting, perpetual, eternal wait
Each moment longer than the last
Seems hopeless to leave it to fate
Each joyful moment too short to last
Biding time till the day should come
Can't take it anymore
Like flowers in a storm
I've always been an angel
With a demon in the core.
I often find myself listening to my own mind
I hear it think
And register emotion
I find it hard to control
It is fascinating
And frightening.
I fear
so terribly much
When I write I want to hide it
stop those mocking eyes
the thought of judgement
is terror
I'm not perfect
petrifying
I fear
Summer was in the air, I roamed without a care.Although I lived in fear,Because the end could be near,I was never afraid,My mind was made.I would never let us fall apart,I could feel it in my heart.
Somewhere, over the monochromatic archAcross the skyThe shadows of twisted figures against the sunWrithe and shriek A daunting vision brings forthAn unsettling fearThe cries shake the earthAs the shadows grow The horizon begins to burnA blinding
Walls all around
Tears fall on the ground
Black is all i see
Fear wells up inside of me;
but there is always hope in view
A chance to start anew
Obstacles constanly stand in the way
Hear the laughter and not the end
Past mistakes in my head
Break the tip of my pencil lead
The end of the end is only the beginning
When I listen to those words
I only hope that you're kidding
Those who believe say that 'God' only gives you what you can handle,that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,I ask you:What sort of twisted joke is this, then, when the strong only continue to get tested?
I feel the cage
Just beneath my skin
There bending and shifting
Just barely containing
The raging beast
It grows there
This world at my fingertips
that spins and twirls
takes it’s time with flips
that makes me want to hurl
Keys to the very end
Addicted to organization
through words, throughout your thoughts
Addicted " to a certain kind of sadness"
within your fears and your doubts
Addicted to the words that bring you up
Want it gone
Away forever
But I know
That it’ll never.
Focus on one
Impossible.
Focus on many
Probable.
Looking around. Biting lip. Sickness whirls into your stomach. Nausea hits you out of nowhere. Palms sweat. All of a sudden it feels unbearable to just stay still. You have to move. You have to escape. But you can't.
I am young but old
I wonder what it feels like to fly
I hear the whisper of a butterfly's wing
I see the colors of the wind
I want to go to heaven one day and see my grandma
I am young but old
Can't breathe, need air,Hands shaking, almost there.Rushing, pulling, running,The taste, simply stunning.
Our clock is tickingAs our last years are coming to an endA time when we leave our childhood years,When we leave all our old friends.The old tree diesAnd the new roots beginAs we part our separate ways
It's an electric impulse
That makes you turn down the road
Which had been unknown to you before
9 watts made you think
Different is new
New is better
But if you had known
There is a place I go
When I'm alone
A quiet space
Away from all the chaos
Of the world
that we've misnamed home
When there is time to spare
It is there
That I will wander
There is always a balanced
A pretender A giver A fighter A lover
Certainly Uncertain
The paradox of a forgotten tomorrow and
a foretold yesterday
Can’t exude the pain, the relapse or fear
From as far
well as far as I can remember
From the cold fronts of December
to the hot summers of July in everything
I've done it was to prove that I could do
anything as long as try,
Remember me ?
it has been a while since you last glarred you heaven blue eyes into my crystal clear soul
years since your devilish grin capture my glance
Do you remeber me ?
Take a seat, let me refresh your memory
My imagination starts to linger to places I don’t want to think about.
My stomach turns upside down churning and
My heart drops.
The darkest night hides a chilling truth,
Invisble to even the most adept sleuth.
Creaking, whining, shrieking, twining,
Sneaking through the depths subliming,
Reaching out to the gleaming sun,
I loved you so much,Your feel.Your touch.The way you walked.The way you talked.I loved it all, so much.
You're not the one for me
You don't even know who you love
I don't know why it took me so long to see
That the greatest love of all comes from the one above
Down in a ditch. Hearing sounds of freedom. Wanting to escape but not finding the right way out. Nothing to do but wait. Wait as time goes by and years get older. Old enough to look back at what could have been.
A cheetah hides in the shadows,
As I hide from my fears.
A cheetah is never afraid, yet I am.
A cheetah attacks its prey with practice ease.
Yet no matter how I try I fail to.
The first time at my fifth grade
Graduation, I was onstage
saying a speech.
I felt nervous because it was
a big group of people.
The first time I have a wrestling match, I always
At what point is someone deemed approachable?I do not smile at your passI do not engage in conversationI simply do not care about you at all.Why did you follow me to my car?Did I capture your eye?
These are the things that I'll never tell you;
The things that you deserve to hear.
These are the things that I hold in secret;
The things that my heart fears.
They say that we accept the love
If I may only have my hands for companions
And must live my days
On a bed in the darkest hole
Then let me have a pen
Let my eyes grow weary from squinting
Let my fingers cramp
Revel in many, first the art of fear.
To paint fond pictures of the coming day,
To abscond the life I hold closely dear,
When butterflies can soon fly astray,
Quiet in bed
A desert bed
Expansive, tan
With pillowed
Whitecaps;
It’s a sea!
Heads on arms
Fear, feel me
As I cry.
With cold hands,
Twisting my heart
And tearing my love.
Hiding underneath the skin
Afraid, alone.
Appearing like
The torture of my indecision
And fear,
Fear
Black and cold as an evil man’s heart
Courses through the veins of all who experience the unknown
Struck like an icy hard bell in the dead of winter, cold pulse reverberating off every stone wall
Fear
Please excuse me for a moment,
because I have to say something.
I'm about full to burst,
but I don't want to say it.
I know I have to, though.
We have a year, almost exactly,
that's all and you'll be here
I remember when the fireflies danced in the night
When hearts grew warmer,
as coldness sprouted to life.
When a single sign of affection
brewed a storm inside of me
and I pursued the glimpse of happiness.
Let go of the ledge;Don’t be afraid,Let go of your fear:There is freedom in fallingas your heart stops beating and flutters instead.Once you let go, you’ll enter the darkness,
It was as if the nighttime decided that it wanted to be with me forever,
As if it knew… it knew I didn’t want it.
The large pitch black face of the night, that devil,
-You lie through your teeth
When it comes to how-are-you’s
“I’m good” or “I’m okay,”
Is what you’d instead say
-Feeling lonely day by day
Not that you weren’t alone in the first place
Watch the rain drizzle downIt threatens to ne'er endBut all wounds someday healAnd wings will always mend
As the sunlight slips between my fingertipsI watch the shadows fallThey fall in lacy breaths over my skin,Making darkness and light seem so intricate
The roaring of the seas,
Clogs my ears for me.
Fears pound around my head,
Hidden now and then,
By rising droplet armies,
A girl suffered through many hardships, and she bore it all for a while.
She had many people that came and then left, she took abandonment with a smile.
Her persona changed over time, from heartfelt to harsh fiend.
Walls
built up
they block out
any glimpse of peace
friend or foe
i'll never
Know
Where
shines truth
in the scared
shrouded face of the
girl I used
you cannot tell if it is ascent or descent, either way it’s happening too fast. within your body the lighter forces that wish still to rise wrestle with gravity, your ears do strange things.
You sit ,stop and wait then you realize your would has been shaken in to almost nothing,you reach for the universal remote but it can only control the tv and then you wonder what was it like to be me,so you fall and phase digging deeper than befor
Based off of “Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost
Day’s first rise is bright
Her bleakest tinge to light
Her early beams aglow
True beauty showing so slow
Then magic disappears
Whenever you're scaredJust know I'll always be hereWhenever you're aloneJust know I'll always be nearWhenever you're nervousJust know there's nothing to fearIf times go badDon't be sad
Where did the time go. When I awoke I was where I needed to be but do not remember how I got there. I am no longer in control. My body is enduring pain, but my mind is elsewhere in perfect serenity.
I think that starting something is almost harder than ending it
you've got all of these things that you want to say
but you've got no way to say them
once you end something
no more hurt can come of it
What Is this thing we call love?
I don’t seem to understand
Is love hurting the one person in your life who did everything for you?
Or is love getting a girl pregnant & leaving her?
Pen to paper
Fingers to keys
Words spitting from these blistered lips
Words that bare my soul
I hide myself behind smiles and laughter
So you don't see my pain, feel my terror
3 times they play in my mind.
3 times different, 0 times the same.
I try to figure it out. I try to pray to know.
I want to know, but I do not.
I want to have memories to share.
What does it mean to be free? Free is when you're allowed to do as you please.You are given the privilege to be who you decide you want to be.But are we really free?
We all know that feeling
That feeling we use for excitement and adventure
That feeling we have when we take first steps
That feeling we have when looking into the future
It's a scared four letter word
I am not a track star, but I run anyways.
I run from my fears, and my pain.
I don’t just run from the bad, I sprint from the good.
I run from those who wish to help,
Who wish to love me for all that I am.
I am at the crossroadsI see what I can be and what I would have to do.But I am scared, only I can decide what I can do,And if I fail it is only myself to blame.
"I am so disappointed in you," rings in my ears,
But I have fought my entire life to make you proud.
"How could you do this to us?" Here come the tears,
You have never expressed that I have let you down, out loud.
I yell at you day after day, begging you to take this pain away. I ask you why you have allowed such things to happen to me but all I get in reply is an empty silence and my own sigh. I have been good I say, so why do this to me?
(poems go here)
I write because I don't know how not to,
how not to express the pains and gains
from the claims and vanity of this life.
Appearing in the reflection of lights,
Mystical and quiet, with sea deep eyes,
Her form changing day and night,
The creature I see who brings me fright.
It's been 6 years; but I still remember the day
Where all my trust in you was lost; "My Father", the role you were supposed to play
Overjoyed, I finally had a dad at age seven
I fear for the man of untouched ice for it lacks the warmth of love, the healing tears from where it has once been broken, and the feeling of being saved by love to help mend what has been scarred.
Inhale the musk of defeat
A strangers hand held out for the weak
A voice carving symbols in the sand
Carry away my soul to distant lands
I can wake up anytime
But this life Is mine
Life is so predictable and disappointing. At first its perfect and you experience love for the first time. You engage in that perfect first kiss with the boy you've always dreamed of dating.
Noiseless voices in my head Asking, begging to be let free. Harshing breathing, Trembling hands, A small cry seeking help. Angry shouts, Loud words, Rumbling floors. Dark clouds blur my sight, Fear searches for the light. Years go by,
I say I love truth,But all I am is lies.It has been this way from my youth,to hide what I am inside.Sometimes you look into my eyes,But all courage in me has died.From dawn until late dusk,
Something isn't right,
this feeling I feel.
I see no sight,
but this is real.
This insane pain,
is something I can't handle.
I hide away in shame,
They are broken, shaking, bitter and lost—
I know it well.
I have been standing in the dark
Shadowy corner of my cave,
Shivering in the mildewed enclosure.
I have scraped at these rocks
Anxiety
I feel helpless and hopeless
As if no one understands
I am scared
But of what?
I am scared of myself
I need an outlet
I need a path
Why is this happening to me?
When the sky looks haunted and the night reeks of death
Where can one turn?
Sleepless nights and restless days of doing nothing
But feeding my endless craves
Never satiated
Did it see me,
I could not tell,
those demon's eyes,
were a tranfixed spell,
it tore the fabric of reality,
and pressed its weight upon my chest,
this was to be my final rest,
A bare rubber sole taps hastily agaiunst the linoleum tile, pencil erasers bounce continuously all the while. In accordance with a strict militant cadence, the test takers continually lose patience.
Sometimes i
Press an ear to the ceiling
and listen for a voice; the voice.
No one speaks.
Nothing changes.
I remain un-phased.
solitary
in a room of one's own,
I’m not really good at this,
but here goes.
I’ve been an American
since before I could walk on my toes.
I don’t remember coming,
unknownmisunderstood wish I could just blend into the cornerwaiting for people to walk by unseenunhearduntouched forever lost in the world of the misplaced,with the forgotten and unwanted items of the world blending into the furniturethat's what i
This World We're In Full of fear of the end There are some who seek For the greater good- But can great be misunderstood This World We're In Full of love and enjoyment A house for my family, is money well spent And those who tend to live forever..
Doubt is my destiny, faith my breath.To tomorrow, carefully I live, on pain of death.Interlocked fingers and combatting thoughts,It's love that lingers and the fear has been fought.
If all the trees went red,would you notice with your heart or your head?
If all the sweets went sour,would you still devour?
if all ends came with friends,would we want to mend?
The outside world is exciting
Frightening even
The sky and sun seem so inviting
Birds chirp happily
When the darkness closes in
The stars become luminous
It is at these times I return
I tend to get scared when I think about my life.
What happens when it just ends?
I've never really believed in a god or an after life.
All of that just seems silly and make believe.
I woke up that day
I saw something new
It was that perfect yawn
From a great sleep
I never thought to have
I was inducted
It was exclusive
I had something special
That made me special
I entered a new place
It was different and scary
I was afraid of it
I didn’t know what would happen
I knew most
But also knew none
There were those who knew me
When I didn’t know myself
I watch her sinking helplessly through this glass barrier.
Thrashing in fear
Panic
She's losing breath.
I feel it in my heart. I'ts so tragic.
I know I need her.
Is it just me
or can you not see
Just how lonely
life can be
When you're afraid
and they've never stayed
And so sanity
is becoming frayed
Into the maw of hare and fear,
Drawing you ever near.
Many will enter and few will leave,
but those who do, lose all sanity.
The maw holds a presance,
Of which you would never believe.
I finally gave up,
Gave in.
Stopped lying to myself.
We weren't getting better,
we never would.
Your insensitivity,
Too much for my fragile heart.
We'd promised each other
"No Feelings."
But I don't think our hearts were in it.
From our first smile,
touch,
laugh,
and kiss,
something began to grow in us...
Ask me who I am, and I will not hear you,
for I am deep within this crowd calling out my own name.
I will not know the sound of my own voice
until it whispers back.
Until then, I will spend my hours
War, hunger, and death surround me.
I pray that He is here.
"Do not be afaid."
Storms rage, dark is growing stronger.
I cry out to Him.
"Do not be afraid."
The antichrist has come.
I see your tears everyday and just want to hold you tight,I hear you when you cry in your pillow every single night,I watch you go to work and whisper I love you in your ear,
Life takes a grip
It holds my brain
And whispers
“You don’t know”
Fear
Childish
Daunting
Paralyzing
Continuous
I’ve never been more scared in my life,
Days past and time just dwells on.
My dreams do not wait for me,
But seem to leave me behind.
I am lost in a standstill, forever wondering.
I’m scared.
Don't you realize what this means?
a strand of hair on the head of the globe
a black pixel on a static screen
that's all you are and all you mean
But that was a feature in yesterday's paper
I met a man a while ago,
While I was walking all alone.
He was an elderly man, poor of health
But he'd never let that stop him.
We met everyday or so,
He told me stories of his life;
Slowly the old man wanders down the steps
His knees don’t bend and his eyes barely see
He falls, curses the world under his breath
Tossed out of the ocean
I’m gasping
God take me back
This agony is everlasting g
Deaths cold fingertips
Tantalize and twist
I know it's a sin
But oh, bondage
Where did it begin?
I can't trace my steps
My heart to slaughter
Flesh ripped apart
Crimson water
Cascading in a river
From out that doorway I detect
the smell of home,
or rather, that-which-would-be-home,
if I had made it my home.
The implications of your strength confuse
My emotions and leave me perplexéd;
Do I find safety in your able arms,
Or do I fear the strength sup’rior to mine?
The way you take control is my excuse
The dots on the wall become bugs; crawl.
Your second skin implores you to buy in.
Allow the separation of sanity to fall,
Like the rain of grace, with razors instead of peace.
The vociferous outward expression;
You and I were the best part, of the worst combination.
I was the sun,
radiant,
passionate,
fiery,
bringing the brightness of a good day to all those that I touch with my glowing beams.
Unable to move,
Unable to breathe,
I’m afraid for my life
Yet, I don’t want to leave.
In front of me
It sits and stares.
Daring me to face it
I’ll take the dare.
There are two
each holds one hand.
The one on the left
has known me the longest
but doesn’t know me that much.
The one on the right
knows a lot about me
but does not know what to do with it.
I have trained to be a great house, with thick walls, doors only to open on my account.
I needed to separate, to investigate, to deny and to approve for them to come in.
Its under my control.
Its like swallowing flint
To be here.
Among the talented people
The children of broken homes
Motor homes
And hill-top homes.
From the highest of life
To the lowest of lows
Poets, word weavers,
Deep in the darkness of the forest
The quiet death lay
So still and so pale,
It's sight darkens the day.
I write so that I might survive another broken night.
When I pick up a pen instead of a blade,
I can escape into the world where he doesn’t exist, where fear nearly vanishes.
I think metaphors and analogies are overused
Like, here we all go again trying to sound all deep
Trying to make some profound point out of some thought that we imagined was original
I sat upon a hill and looked out at the wide expanse before me,
Rich green grass covered the earth beneath me, and an honest
Blue sky stretched out endlessly
People walked, and ran, and laughed, and spoke, and sang
My brain struggles to translate.
There are multitudes of boxes and spilled paperwork,
Squares and circles and words running down the walls
All by themselves.
I love them
The traitors of the past were never washed away
They have procreated and created the haters of today
They continue to feed of negativity
And deter you from accomplishing any relative impossibility
I hold a golden heart
And I protect it in my breast
A prize so wondrous, and so rich
That it should rarely, if ever be breached
A golden heart worth more than earthly riches
That holds a power great
Unsurpassed, unwavering, unthinkable fear. There is no assurance of tomorrow. Any known stability, ripped from my grasp. The voices without end. There is no escape! They will be coming for me. Too late!
Every night in sleep,
I journey to the Land of Nod.
Where strangely, my senses suspend about—
exists separately, yet a part of me.
Fear is the black void that overcomes the world around you at an unexpected time
It smells like the stale coldness of an extremely cold winter night
The words float in my mind
Like a river trickling by
Whispers in my ear
Here and then gone
Come here, take my hand.
Fear me not, I understand.
It is your fear speaking, and I've come for you.
I've come to let you think, I've been what's stopping you.
See the truth is, I'm not. You just don't listen.
Old kids as an society will eventually take about 30 prescriptions pills, but as humans we suffer from greed. Our greed complains for more life, but to have had life is enough. Our greed stems from fear, the fear of being casket sharp and gray.
Questioning my little love
The touch that lifts my fingerprints
Nails extend into a point
To grab towards a silent look
And fasten on the bending lines
When I’ve let you in
In this world exists somewhere peaceful in all its natural beauty;
A place where the evergreen grows,
And the fallen leaves rest on the grounds of the earth,
I have heard
that the sky is the limit
but I do not want to stop
until I touch the sun
and dance
in the moon’s pearly crescent.
Little thistle,
a prickly pear,
how I never saw you there.
A little hair
with a little vine,
unbeknownst this could soon be mine
Life is hard and overwhelming at times
But with each day new discoveries come
Even if all your living on is a dime
Laugh, dance for your life and then hum
Spinning Spinning Spinning
Each memory, each moment, each thought is connected by a strand of consciousness
The image blurs together as time stands still.
Sounds become mute and feelings become numb.
My world was turning
crashing.
I try to stand
one hand against the wall.
Efforts with no reward
left in vain.
Aching painfully
tears of frustration running down my face.
Everything is turning.
[A series of Haiku about my apprehensions, goals, ambitions, and determination to return to college]
Clouds above loom dark
Shattered by the wind and light
A revelation
"Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick,"
But Hopelessness seems faithful; true; sincere.
While Life through darkened billow beckons "Come!",
The heart finds haven under Fear.
With one finger I hold my life
and through a very weak grip.
If it ever were to accidentally fall,
my world would be sheer havoc.
My hand shakes as I write.
Lines and curves.
Quivering like a crisp leaf,
as the calm before the storm dissipates.
I have so. Many. Questions.
What's done is done.
But, as sure as sunrise and set, my day will come.
As certain as the changing colors of autumn.
As definite as the pumping and pulsing of that muscle in your chest.
But don't count on the latter,
Some days it’s so easy to forget; it’s like it never happened.
Other days, it’s impossible to ignore; I wish it never happened.
I thought I could leave it all behind, but it keeps catching up to me,
I sit outside
in the night alone.
Looking to the sky
for the lights that shine.
Resting here my mind wonders
from place to place.
I try to make sense
of how I became so impaired.
Blade to skin, my wicked sin
My vision dims, the rush begins.
Hidden reminders of my pain,
Red teardrops stream down like rain.
Winding lines across my wrist
My flirtation with Deaths kiss.
I was laying out in the snow one fine day,
Wondering what life's journey was in my way.
I looked out with a blank stare,
Realizing moments like these are very rare.
Standing there optimistic about whats ahead,
Take a bite of the poison
It’s the fate that you’ve chosen
Eat it slow, swallow fast
Making each sensation last
Bittersweet tastes of heaven and hell
Take more; go on, you might as well
I find what my life means
When I take time to multiply my success n not my dreams
You ask what does that actually mean
Do I give up on my passions
for social standing and money schemes
(Our vision to move forward in our different paths is constantly fogged by doubt and uncertainty often spouted by the voices.
The Voices,like the fog, can obstruct the view of our desired path.
Laying in bed
thoughts are running through my head.
I remember you, I really do
I just wish I had one last moment to speak to you.
All the times we shared together
those memories will stay in my hear forever.
As children we are taught at a young age to always wait Until.
Wait Until it is the right time to reach our goals and dreams.
Wait Until making the next move.
Anger pulsates through me
Red hot it radiates
It is a fire inside, consuming me
The flames blaze and crackle
Red, orange, yellow, and white blue ascend inside
The heat of frustration flare within
Alone, not wanted by anyone
Feelings of love no longer entwine my heart.
I am on the brink of chaos, destruction, hopelessness.
Darkness swirls around me
Clouding my hopes, my dreams.
It is times like this when men we see,
Our fragile broken destinies.
When through false strength and proud façade,
Appears the pea beneath the pod.
It’s times like these as men we know,
The silence is screaming. It’s an invisible fog clouding my judgment and burning my eyes with its icy touch. It’s so dense that I can’t breath without it expanding in my throat; a fog so solid that it chokes my airway with its endless emptiness.
I should tell you that the adoration in your eyes
Shines brighter than any I’ve ever known
But just like the boys before you
Whose fumbling hands couldn’t wait
To let go
You, too, will fade.
Life as you know it changes. You never know what will happen. You never know who you will meet. Sometimes people are meant to be in your life temporarily or permanent. What you will never expect is stuff that happens.
here are always good and bad things in people's life
there are always lessons to learn
there are always going to be people who are either going to be good or bad for you
but in the end it proves who really is your friend
He stands under the flickering street lamp
A suit of black silk and suede
Glinting a brooding red from corner to corner
A sharp smirk leans against a cane of bone and obsidian
There is no Death.
Only a transferring of souls, both young and old.
The flesh may pass away but the soul finds new place to stay.
Death has no victory.
I'm alone no one to comfort me nor to help me
But forsake me like it's their god given right
Fear is the darkest element of life.
It sees no end in sight.
Acquiring the shape of a murky gem
It comes into the life of those unsuspecting stem.
5 With death and destruction it comes
This loneliness is dementing me.
I speak not of the demons veiled behind every corner.
They wait until it's dark
Until I have thought myself into a mad frenzy
Then they show me the past.
What I did
This is a world that has ended. Nothing is born. Nothing dies. Time doesn’t even exist. If I were searching for a place to be born, then I know it should not be here. There is another being here. Can she see me? I am not born to this world.
The morning comes and you're already on my mind.
From the moment I wake up, 'til i got o sleep at night.
You're so far, yet so close.
I want to meet you, but im tremulous.
At the thought of you near me...
There is a pit in my stomach
That could swallow the world.
My vision blurs and distorts
And sees what it wants to see.
i simply wish to speak
without a curse holding me back
i dream of letting words come out
from the inside out
without a trail of tears following
falling from my eyes as if they were the skies
I'm no longer a kid.
I've matured mom, yes I did.
You keep me locked up,
And I'm getting really fed up.
It's nine o'clock and you're telling me togoto sleep.
I see you
Your hand is raised
You shake with anger
I have bruises
I have to keep them hidden
I can't let anyone see
Its my fault
I can't let them know
I'm afraid it'll hurt more if I do
Drained.
Life has been drained from me.
Care.
I don’t anymore.
Live.
Something that is getting harder to do.
Be.
Something I just can’t anymore.
Welcome back, it's been some weeks baby
I know your mind's way past crazy
I know you don't know that I don't know your thoughts
But today, we figured it out and honey...you're so distraught
Tiny eyes shouldn’t see what I had,
Tiny hands aren’t meant to hold secrets,
A tiny heart shouldn’t break like that,
The tears I cry, they started then,
So many years ago.
When he came in and took what he did,
Maybe it's good not to know certain things
It keeps the mysteries more willing to believe
Why happiness stings
Or why there are locks and keys
And, not knowing how to reach dreams
It isn't as bad as it seems
I once believed graves beautiful,
Magnificent scrawls repeating life after death.
Bleached white and glowing brilliantly,
Glossy stone records the Passed's name distinct.
You fear it,
The door you never dared to look behind.
You're content with not knowing;
Scared of what you will find.
What if the door leads to better?
Or worse….
What if?
Walking in the black mist,
I feel an impending sense of doom.
I see nature on either side of me,
But I feel all alone.
Call it a crisis, call it a curse,
How sad a song to sum of my life in a verse.
Fuck it; there's one thing I know to settle the score,
But you're better than that,
Or so they say, how the hell would they know anyway?
When it senses my essence
feel the cold presence
Shiver from the sent chills down my spine
it slowly invades my mind
Silently scream within this dream
life fades away it seems
Wish I wasn't here
I’m Scared to try because I’m scared to fail
I’m scared to die because I’m scared of hell
I’m scared to kiss, I’m scared to hug ,
I’m scared of sex because I’m scared to touch .
Silence so loud.
Silence so cold.
I've never felt so alone.
You can't see it
you can't hear it
But its the thing we all fear.
Hope is lost.
Never found.
for now.
I never looked back the day I left
A thing I always seem to neglect
Something my mother noted
Whether I was going to school for the first time
Or for Basic Training
Or going to Iraq
Your brown eyes enchant me
While My insides haunt me
With wings of butterflies flapping around
Breaking the spider webs for a new era
My thoughts provoke me to say shut-up
While my heart is whispering speak up
In the black of night the fear is found,
An om'nous glowing Baskervillian Hound.
To fight it is to stay awake and pray,
And wait for comfort from the dawn of day.
When confusion sets
And you lose your bets
The world blinks in stone;
When guardians fail
And morals pale
You think you're all alone.
When leaders fall
And sickness crawls
You said you wouldn’t forget me,
You said you’d always have time for me.
But lately all I hear
Is you making excuses.
You don’t want to remember me,
You don’t want to see me.
Who am I? What can I say? The sting of thorns dripping with poison brands my heart as life slips from those eyes that I thought I knew so well. In my state, I have become the doll that mourns in silence.
I envy the sheets that wrap and twist around you.
I envy the pillow where you rest your head.
I envy the floorboards to which you whisper your sleeping secrets
and that catch your seldom tears.
A sneaky fox,
A thief in the night
That’s what he was
Tall and thin,
Like a pine tree
He had a terrifying
Surprise for me.
My memory is vivid,
They say
A small stream carved
The Grand Canyon
Maybe that's why
I'm so afraid
of water
Crumble
(you're tired)
What happened to Society? What happened to this world?
When we cannot leave our home without precautionary measures.
When we cannot leave our windows down for fear of burglary,
Society stalks me,
A spectre of the REM world,
Like Krueger…it creeps up on me,
Only this time…I know I won’t wake up.
My life is a terrible secret, trapped inside Pandora’s Box.
You can live many years on this earth so divine,
And not know the wonders that He can provide.
But then something changes,
Call it fate, if you will.
You’re lost in the cold,
The dark will not cease.
Happiness
Is a bunny
Of fluffy cotton
That grows
Like water
And strives
Like a flower
Jealousy
Is the death
Of a relationship that
Is hurting from
Lack in trust
When thoughts fail, or words do not come
Though all alone emotion remains
I should not be guided by this
But I can get divided by this
So what then
When you wake, my fingers won't brush your face again
Caressing your masculine jaw line
Caressing your full lips that I love to kiss
Caressing your perfect shape head that I adore overwhelmingly
My eyes are getting heavy
My body’s falling asleep
But my mind keeps on reaching
For a truth I cannot see
It’s out there somewhere so far away
Or is it in my chest so close to home?
You can't be scared to fall in love with anything even if you know how it ends.
Because no matter what, it will end somehow and it will hurt.
That is an absolute fact.
you are poison
a shank in the ribs in the middle of the night
and you are so dangerous
more than playing with fire and part of me wonders if I
just
like
to
be
burned
but…
Time enchants her victim, begs me near to sharp being…
Wraps round frail shoulders as she tickles porcelain cheek.
I wonder what its like to be beautiful
To never worry about your hair
Your nails, Your make-up
I wish those pretty girl would just shut up
Bragging about their perfect boyfriends
If I had a choice in the course of my life
and if I wasn't affected by emotions like
love and fear, I might actually be
somewhere and left with some rationality,
but I am merely a pawn moved
A battle wages from within
Between the good and the bad the right and the sin
Fear Eats at you from the inside out
10,000 pincher bugs with deadly snouts
each snacking on my intestines
(CHIME – rings the bell)
Have you any plan for after tonight?
(CHIME – rings the bell)
Have you any bed to take slumber till morn comes?
(CHIME – rings the bell)
Those who fear the unknown often become afraid of
Everything. They think they are righteous in fearing
What is intangible. They think they are
Protecting themselves. They are wrong.
Closed doors with listening walls,
A storm thunders from your face,
Such a big disgrace.
Nothing changes, but everything falls.
I wish my life was like a wall.
A person is as good as their inner image. One should never be judged for the way that they look. Every individual has the right to be looked at by their talents, and the way they treat others.
Mental manipulations manipulate your mind, while you are a sitting empty crack.
A treasured wrapper, unwrapped and tossed after being sucked of whatever treasures you have inside.
I am the dog that pulls the mandrake,
a choice that isn't mine.
A worm upon His hook;
freedom only comes with time.
Dis aliter visum
Everyone claims to understand why.
As in why we, mankind, exist
Telling our stories of honor and glory
How the fires of hell cannot overcome us
not we the human race.
Imagine time with no limits
An eternity of life
No death
No end
No rules
Time doesn't exist
There is no day or night
No evening or noon
You are in an unimaginable world
Turn out those lights and darken this room.
The temperature's down, it feels like a tomb.
Breath coming ragid and heart beating fast.
Waiting for this attack to finally pass.
Shutting my eyes to block out my mind.
There’s no way to find, this feeling inside.
I want it to shine, don’t want it to hide.
I want it to show, I want it to grow.
Don’t want to be shy, I want to give it a try.
To tell you how I really feel.
I scream...
I hear you cry...
I see you in a casket...
Wasn't ready to see you die.
I love you Mom, just wanted to let you know
But now, I have to let you go.
Goodbye...
The beginning to the end is near,
my new life will soon apear,
as long as I'm strong
life will go on,
but I must first make it through this year.
Courage is being brave when you have cancer.
Outstanding faith to get you through this hard time.
Undergoing medical tests for the prognosis.
Researching the bucket list of what you have yet to do.
The eyes do see
Like shadows in the night
Every move I make
I am not alone
The eyes do see
For reasons of their own
A creature far from pure
Is always on my mind
I can't see it, but I can see what it does.
It gets under your skin; it overflows your veins.
It dissects minds, sorting through your fears and your dreams.
Manipulating your decisions, poisoning your beliefs.
~man of the hour
i waited way too long
met women that should be strong
but he left and did her wrong
but baby here i am
the man of the hour
the one to give you power
you see, im here however
It comes upon me like a storm.
A torrent of emotion
In motion.
A certain fear I have.
The fear of ending.
Not breathing,
Not blinking,
Not being.
I was in love once
But that love came at a price
That price was pain
No pain no gain, and tears turn to shame
I am fighting my fear
Fighting my pain
Because without love what do I have to live for
The imagery echoes in brain,
Never stopping and no gain.
Same thing over and over,
But no matter what there is no closure.
My fear consumes me.
I'm torn on the inside.
Should I stay for you,
Or can I run for me?
I feel your soul filled eyes,
Staring down and judging.
After my past with you,
How do I change me?
When Heaven took your light from me,
The whole world went dark.
I do not know where to turn,
I need your guidance.
The butterfly is in search of a safe place,
In which she can lay her small fragile egg.
She finally finds that perfect place, but
Realizes she can’t just stay and flies away.
I am in pain,
From my head to my chest,
Nothing has changed,
I always tried my best,
But it did nothing,
I don’t belong here,
I am something,
But I can’t shed a tear,
I am in pain,
It hurts.
Flash.
Flash.
White on a black background.
They strike up like pale flashes of moonlight in the void of space.
No stars.
Tha-dump.
Thudump.
Tha-tha-dump.
Today is the day I'll die.
You never think about death at 15,
In the Marching Band,
An average B student.
I swear I don’t have a gun
This game was only fun, but it’s over now
And somehow, we have to leave this place
Leave it far behind, where the sun doesn’t shine
Where ends meet and part again, our lives intertwined
Oh young man it's your time to fade away,
The sun is setting by your own window.
Your hair is turning a mixed color grey,
As, the leaves are changing on the willow.
Before you know it your time will be gone.
We never knew what to expect, the day we walked the stage
Fear of unknown was on par, or next to creative change,
"life's an adventure" they said, or at least, so we were told
Bright smiles,
Dreamy eyes,
Wind blown hair,
Stomach butterflies;
Intertwined hands,
Never-let-go hugs,
Warmth of the kiss,
Oh, the effects of Love.
Depression
Bringing back the pain from the lonely past,
I hope your life burns, but forever last.
The confusion, guilt and hatred I feel,
Locks me away without a decent meal.
The poison you shot into my veins,
Smears of rain on the glass
Reflect my watery stare
Tears slide off my cheeks
And I think
Where is the sun in this drudgery of rain
Does it require surgery to cease the pain
The Earth shattering silence that chokes the life from me
A Secret hidden deep inside
Needing a place to hide.
The Exposure... Hush Hush...
No one sees but the ghosts haunt during the light.
I guess I finally realized, everything became so clear, that everything I want in life, is everything I fear every tear I've cried because I was alone is a tear cried in vain because I rather be alone but that’s not the truth more or less sort of
The nights when I cry,
With my eyes all wet,
No one to talk to,
About the feelings I get,
No one I can trust to tell something yet,
I can see the dark clouds and how they're set,
As a bird
She flies away
With the setting sun
Brave and radiant
With a burning soul
And determined heart
She soars far above
Any distress that could reach her
Brave enough to face the future
Fear, like a blazing sun
sometime, it kills everything..
Fear, like people on the street
it seems to be in ordered but it is not.
Fear, like water
peace but poison
My heart, wielding nothing but power and unprotected,
Just there for others to hurt.
There are things within the heart, my heart, that make me feel
Tangled.
My knees are weak
They begin to tremble
From fear of deceit
My body longed for home,
that was calling for me.
How did I get to this point ?
I feel like I've lost all hope,
stranded I was.
Deep in my mind rest the place of wonderful memories kept
Joyful times and unforgettable events rewind in my mind like a replay
The dreadful thought of the end to these memories I must accept
Tears streaming down these tired eyes,
But I ain't afraid no more.
I cannot stop all your lies,
But I ain't afraid no more.
We do not need to fear.
We have no need to fear.
They can not take away our sprit.
They can not take away our hope.
I take
another short breath,
preparing for my death
sentence.
My fingers grasp the door,
anxious, cold,
and black.
Through the
glass window I see
eyes that match
Your love never fails me.
It is everlasting.
It is so wonderful that it fills me
with hope and love that's so fulfilling.
You caress me like a mother that's so caring.
You hear the waves pounding on the rocks... You know if you get caught in it you'll die immediately but there's no going back.
I had a dream
Where a world was free
It never mattered who you are
but what you will become
I am fighting for a dream
where I can be free
It doesn't matter who I am
Just what I want to become
Multiple Excuses of why you shouldn't
The odds are against me
Statistics beat me
Society snarls at me based off my appearance
So I choose to hide behind curtains
Of shelved an caved in fears
Mama never said the word "fear."
She spoke around it like a bonfire,
regaling me with sweet-nothings.
But I know how to be afraid.
It is instinct like a lioness on the hunt.
I, the unlucky soul, am captured;
My head lowers in a state of surrender
I allowed my hands to be bound in striking neon caution tape
Oh how easily I mouthed never
I gave up long ago
Realized there’s nothing living for.
My mother has my father.
My brothers have each other.
My friends will soon forget,
This world won’t stop, it’ll continue to revolve.
I've overcome…
From the whips and chains..
I've overcome…
From the bitter taste and sinking pains..
I've overcome…
From the shackles and wounds that burn all day..
I've overcome…
Falling.
The fresh taste of blood salts my lips.
Rage. How dare I dream about a future that may never come?
For dreams bring the pain, despair of hope.
Hope for the better.
Anything better.
It’s like he’s trapped in a cage.
He’s building up rage
Within the days
He’s been spending in this place
Where he’s stuck,
Surrounded by his own thoughts and emotions
That his demons brought
There are a lot of people that Fear what they don't know,
The questions then turn into aggressions leaving them stuck in a hatred zone.
Why must people fear the original and the different?
Drive,
ambition, my motivation, my goal
my purpose in life, my sole
reason for surviving this internal struggle
This down and out state and multiple
thoughts I juggle
I was perfectly happy when you walked in my life.
Though I thought I was lucky, it ended in strife.
All the words that you whispered fell through the floor
on that night air was heavy so I shut the door.
Oh godess, hear my plea.
I pray that you deliver me.
I seek your help, I seek your care,
I seek your judgement true and fair.
I pray for mercy from this storm,
I pray that you would lead me home.
Be careful what you wish for right?
Because you might have to put up a fight
When life has decided that you have wished too much and it shall become true
Be care flu what you wish for because wishes do come true.
In the future I see
Myself, just plain happy
Helping others while on the go
Just so everyone will know
I will be everything I can be
I will be strong, bold, and free
Nothing will get in my way
She thought she was invincible
19 and young
Invincible to the cops
Invincible to the shots
Invincible to a drive
That took her down a road late one night
She ran from the cops,
Am I suppose to believe this is delliance
I've been taught love can't be brief,
love should never be evanescent, isn't it suppose to stay here being protected by angel wings,
love is to mellifluous for
me,
The days have turned to weeks
Weeks to Months
And Months to years
And still I am not sure if it is love
I know that I cannot live without you
And that our lives are meshed as one but I still question
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
they repeat to her,
but she has no care to listen
she knows how she appears.
her soul is filled with sorrow
she empties every night
through a blade named hate.
she wears my heartstrings on her ring finger
as a promise of something we could be
leaving them uncut while she thinks of him
falling for her has left bruises on my knees
Do we think were through?
Yes I think we do.
Do you know that you love me?
Or isn't it meant to be?
We havent spoke in a while,
but this agonizing pain,
its just pouring like rain.
It's been months since I picked up a pencil
This time, my poem about you will be more suspenseful
This time, I’m going to write to my fullest potential
This time, the things I'll say about you is more than a handful
He lays there,
Without a care.
No other word to be said,
Except he’s dead.
His face once so beautiful,
His lips now sag from lack of love.
I wait in line
After the service
It has began.
Everyday she awakens,
each time with more regret,
nothing can keep her happy,
but everything makes her upset.
To resist an opportunity in the midst of our days
by the sunlight catching the inner core, it holds
weakens the penetration of the mind,
the many splitting of the selves,
the gold no one can take
My mother’s embrace is my home and in her arms I am never alone. People attack me with words, words that pierce my soul like daggers. I am not fierce nor am I bold so I cannot help the tears that pour like rain as I am in pain.
I can see it
It's within my grasp
A few more steps on this fragile line
One slip up
And we're all gone
One slip down
And I'm all gone
One step forward
One step back
Slip up?
The silent song of sorrows played with ease,
As her tribal dress swayed along the breeze
Her feet dug deep into the earth with every stomp
In her native tongue she spoke a vicious taunt,
After weeks of preparation, finally planned perfection
Invincibility was overwhelming, irrational though it was
The plan
Escape.
The destination
Anywhere but here.
Bleed, pour, sacrifice
Your body and your soul
Fight back, or give in
But you will never be whole.
All the talent in the world won’t save you if you are ugly!
You try to have confidence
But the moment you stand, you are beaten!
You aren’t loved!
You aren’t worthy!
He closed the door in front of me and I hope I know what I’m doing
‘Cause my heart is racing as this stranger greets my eyes.
Bright smiles,
Dream eyes,
Wind blown hair,
Stomach butterflies;
Intertwined hands,
Never-let-go hugs,
Warmth of a kiss,
Oh, the effects of Love.
Can you bring light to the dark?
The darkness creeps in holding fear and regret,
Fear can grab you and take you away from you natural life.
Regret will make you seem as if you’re worthless and have no meaning.
Tick tock goes the clock
Seconds in our life gone
To no end
We are dying, I am dying
I do not fear it however
I embrace the blackness
Let it consume me
Wallow in self pity, for it is me
Snap awake
I'm full of fear
Oh, its another nightmare
Can't escape
the staring faces
running races
I just can't win
can't win
Hiding.
Terrified.
Afraid.
Forever.
Their shadows in your dreams,
People began to scream,
Your blood runs cold.
Mom, if I said we need to talk
Would you stop and listen to me,
Or would you just blow me off.
If I told you it was important,
Would you believe me?
Or say that I'm exaggerating.
If I told you the truth,
Sad days, sad nights
A little girl's nightmare
What's worse? Staying awake
Or dreaming of tornados?
The south wind blows and I will miss you
Who will you miss, though?
Have you anybody to know, grow, set seeds and sow?
We fall, fall, fall to the blue, into the blue
And then...
ghastly silence crept in
like high tide in spring. flooding. subduing.
spilling
over echoes of playful banter. one, two, buckle my shhh---
until
