Why is it so difficult to trust You with my life?
To hand over the keys, to physically pry my tight fingers
Away from the controls midflight.
You, knowing end from the beginning, knowing which way the wind will blow,
Why is it so hard to relinquish the dreams that lie buried untold
Deep in my soul
Placing them one at a time in Your outstretched hand,
Closing my eyes and jumping out of a plane in the dark,
Not knowing beforehand if the parahute will open.
You promised me a hope and a future,
But what if I crashland?
I want to believe You'll be true to Your word,
that You'll whisk me away on an incredible journey,
Eternal, beyond my feeble imagination's limitations,
From the morning of creation, You've been chasing Your nation
Begging us in frustration to let You enter the situation
Pleading for reconciliation from the sin that entangled and estranged us,
Cracking our relationship
Every time we do, You come through, always true to Your word
Never have You disappointed,
You annointed shepeherds as kings, appointed murderers to bring
Us back to the promised land
You put a harlot in Your ancestry,
Your hand guided history
Made a mess of our enemies
Your every command brought victory
You came Yourself
Brought the sick back to health, the dead back to life
Ended strife, rendered the impossible a trifle
You gave me YOUR LIFE!
And all I can do is asj,
Why do I clutch my grimy ribbons
While You're offering me a ballgown of silk.
I cling to the empty cup You're longing to fill
If I would just allow my walls to fall.
Why is it so hard, after all of this,
To trust You with my life, to surrender?
To let You onto the set as the director, instead of an extra?
The answer is that I am weak.
I forget the way You've led in past,
Unstead, I get upset when Your way's different than I expected or asked,
I get frustrated when a door slams in my face,
Keep chasing what I wanted in the first place
Pounding at the lock instead of looking up to see the window.
I forget that Your scarred hands also held the stars
Before You scattered them across the velvet sky,
You're the one who made their silver light,
You're the only source of true joy and light
On this lonely planet
And I take it for granted that You've already given me everything
Paid the highest ransom price
Because it all came down to You vs. sin, and I was the prize,
You traded Your life for mine,
The brightest star for my jaded, estranged heart.
I don't deserve Your grace,
I'm not worthy of the place you've reserved for me.
Remind me of Your consistency, when I forget,
When I doubt You'll catch me, carry me,
Remind me of the tiny place I occupy in history,
and how You love me, despite.