Breathe Again

Depression isn’t gentle

She doesn’t knock when she enters the room

Or text you before she comes over

Instead she kicks down the door and takes what is hers

She does not need your opinion

Nor does she respect it.

You are nothing as she will remind you

Again and again and again

Knocking you to the floor and kicking you

Again and again and again

You want to run, but where do you go?

You want to cry, but who would care?

You want to fight, but who do you fight?

She isn’t just in you she is you

Every bone in your body

Every ounce of your flesh

Every tear in your eye

She is pulsating with fear

Pulsating with hatred for you

Like a darkness spreading through your soul

Making you question if you even have one

Wondering what happens after we die

Should we show her?

Show her the painting she has made

The artwork on your flesh

If your body were a museum all rights would be hers

Breathe

They tell you that again and again as if you never thought of it

As if she would let you try

As if you wouldn’t just be inhaling all the mistakes you have made up until now

Stop

She is getting in your head

Or was she there this whole time

Are you sick or just lonely?

There’s no way to tell, but the blood drips down from your lip

You’ve been biting down too hard again

Whether it’s your tongue or your lip is unclear

Your mouth is numb from muttering to yourself

Lights flicker in the back of your brain

Fighting for control over what is rightfully yours

Or is it?

The see-saw on the playground is bouncing back and forth

No children seem to be around though

Except the one still holding your wrist

Except now it’s begun to hurt

You didn’t notice until now

It burns like a fire licking your skin

Did you do this to yourself or is it another cruel trick

Getting dizzy now and a little bit cold

Is this just apart of getting old?

No

This is her

It always has been

Keep fighting or you’ll drown

Swim to the surface, where the light meets the waves

Like a portal out of this hell

When you breach the surface then you’ll breathe again

If you just fight a little bit harder then you’ll breathe again

Don’t let the darkness swallow you and you’ll breathe again

I just want to breathe again.

Breathe again

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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