Hangover thoughts (my deepest fear)

ouch, wait was that pain real or in my head?
Why am I in my bed?...... This isn't my bed....
Please let there be red bull or Gatorade in the fridge...... no
I love dick- thank God it's removable
20 unread text from- oh God
'I'm fine Mum..'
'I'm at.....someone's house'
Okay.... purse, phone, keys
hmm where my mask go?
Did I drop it at the club again?
Nah I know I had it before the shots....
or was it after the pitcher..?
no, no, no that was the second pitcher!
Was it Hennessy, gin, coke-no
Guinness, gin, coke, vodka-no
rum, blue moon, shots, pitcher, vodka, sex on the beach-no that was Tuesday
Last night I drank alone in my room, people call me weird but I call it 'Fuck you'
you don't get it, since junior high everyday has been drink day~
Every drink is a costume, regardless my wardrobe is a different shade of my fucked up voices
But when I met her, whew! Body shaped like a coco cola bottle
probably cause she was a coke bottle! Filled with different contents that could damage me beyond repair
the glass so dark I could see my evil reflection in her
When I pressed my lips, it tasted like home, I've been fucking up there ever since
She lets me breathe, pours me stiff ones to loosen up, that literate irony I love
that love irony in my blood, that blood not high enough my blood pressure isn't thick enough to handle my anger.
Let me be my whole self for tonight, today, this whole damn week maybe
or was that last night..?
yo did you see my anxiety, oh! It could be drowning in the backwash of the bottles
there are A LOT of bottles, maybe I'll recycle them.... 5 nickles adding up to another bottle shit, funny right?
Before I buy another bottle restrain me to the bed please and feed me sleeping pills like it's my meal,
Fights are my daily routine, shattered memories on the floor sweep that up into the vault
here is some vodka scrub our kids in my screams and cries
You know, rehab is a good solution
answer love to my mind again
remove the memories from my heart please
myself from this skin,
my brother only text me green and 12 packs deep
This is how family communicate right?
With slurred speech and beatings that leave no scars but thoughts of regret?
As I wake up with the after taste of your temper
This bloodline runs thin
But somehow we always drown....
Sometimes I wake up with entire nights removed from my head.
I don't know who bed I slept in, could have been raped for all my body can remember
Dear, liver
Take the day off man,
let me soak in this toxin for a few more hours,
I feel the mask stitching itself back on
so, I run to the liquor cabinet as I search for myself again.......

This poem is about: 
My family


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