are hurting my mind
hurt me to think about
hurt me to be without
i thought about you today
and i felt the pain in my chest
where you were not leaning
expanding, i felt the pain of just breathing
i took in shudder after shudder
and terror after breath
thinking about only you
your hands, rough and cool to the touch
eyes that close on contact
shoulder that presses into mine
grounding pressure that reminds me
you are here, still here
in those moments we never talked, only were
you and i we’ve had our share of fights but there
we had abandoned those ideals
and laid down our arms
left fighting words behind, behind
i thought of only you and we
were only ever human
i haven’t felt you like that in some time
the absence hurts less than the memory
of days i didn’t hate you, you were close
warm and solid, resting against me
you’re cold and distant now, with parting glares
and when i look at you i see a ghost
i fear for you and swear to keep you near
but i can’t lose what i’ve already lost
and did i hurt you? did i do you wrong?
i never would have pushed you far away
but you are not a child now, nor am i
it’s better for us both that i don’t stay
and how much longer have you still to live?
visions before me warn me it's not long
before i fail you and you slip away
back to the shadow places you belong
i think of you, and how your words do harm
and how you must be hurting all alone
the darkness in you is worse than i thought.
i would have held you longer had i known.
i can’t forgive the cruelty in you.
but thinking on it, find it in me, too.