I used to think I could not write for a living

Because my mind was blank as

The pages of a journal just picked up from the store

It is unexperienced and uncorrupted

And my fingers are clumsy as a newborn babes

My heart beats for only myself

And my chest rises and falls of its own accord

And I don't know how to put knowledge

Into my skull to write a compelling piece

Without going against all that I stand for

 

And I don't know how to create

Without the experience of a wet-hot tryst

At midnight

In the back of some nobody's car

Because mys kin has never experienced

The fireworks of his touch

And I've never held butterflies

In my chest and had them

Beat their wings against my ribs

I've never felt the unity

Of synchronized heartbeats

Or walked with a physical heartache

Searing inside of my chest

 

Write what you know they say

but how do you stay relevant

When all you know is church pews

And kneeling, hands clasped in prayer

While your best friend had

Her legs spread open wide

In the sanctuary bathroom

How do you write when

Mommy and daddy stand

Pigment-less and wonder bread

And even though daddy was harsh

And his words cut

It wasn't as bad as it could have been

 

How do you make words come to life

When pure is more of a

Perpetual state of being

And everyone in your town knows your name

And your accomplisments are etched

Into the stones that reside in their heads

Because even if you could forget who you are

They won't

 

So I clasp my hands

And send up another prayer

Trying not to let my thoughts wander

To hair tangled in the spaces

Between my clusy fingers

And my future as a Mrs

Maybe someday I'll get there

But until that day comes

 

I'll sit my palace of purity and sip on my sobriety

And talk about the rosebuds that make up my head

Because I'm afraid if I push harder

The rosebuds will bloom and grow thorns

That I can't tame and they will scratch

At my conscious until I'm able to write them down

Because even inexperience has it's dark side

And girls can have secrets too

 

And when I come to terms with the fact

That my purity is not a prison but a powerful tool

And all the understanding that I lack

Just means I have more to grow

And when I realize my scars

Are just as relevent as the next girls

My mind will swell

And I will not only write poetry

I will become poetry

A living masterpiece