Confidence doesn’t like to be around me. He disguises himself, as Ego, then bursts out of my head.  The minute I catch him, he disappears.

Sometimes, I call for him. 

I fill my brain with things he likes to hear.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You can do it.”

“You deserve to be here.” 

Then, he stays. He stays for a while, gives me the feelings that come with accomplishment for a while, letting me understand what it’s like to belong. 

For a while.

I let a small “Everyone saw that” into his room. 

He flees.

He flees to his safe spot, and leaves me stranded. He leaves me all alone, with nothing but the echoes of howling laughter and the harsh light of angry glares. He leaves me with nothing but the roaring wind of a poisoned consciousness. 

He leaves me, to constantly wonder what I did wrong. Wondering, what is it, that I did to deserve this? 

Confidence leaves me with the sinking pain that I'll never amount to anything great in my life, that I’ll burn into the shadows, that I’ll be etched into the faded memory of a world in which I deserve

 Love.