Humans have an innate fear of being alone
At birth, we can’t fend for our self
We are not born with teeth or claws,
We cry because we’re scared of all we don’t know
And we rely on our loving families for protection.
When we’re children we have a fear of being left behind
That our preschool companions will abandon us like the socks they got for Christmas
Or the toys they forgot under the couch.
Just like you did.
And when we’re teens we face rejection over and over again.
So eager to fit in with someone as they laugh at our attempts
As we take a step towards that special someone filled with doubt
When you tongue twists and face freezes
They smile so politely
but you know the disgust behind their eyes
you know your friend.
Humiliation fills every crevasse of your heart,
You've failed several times before: at that job interview were your voice kept disappearing,
The college application you turned in late because you already knew you wouldn't get it.
This was just the cherry on top.
You’ve reached the cusp of adulthood and now it’s a brave new world
A world where your friends are up and out of the city
But you're stuck at home watching your loved ones falling apart physically, letting their age get to them.
Seeing their own lives behold you: abused; mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Now they don’t know how to move on, yet it's been years
The dread sets in that THIS could be your future.
It probably is.
All the thing that keeps me tossing and turning
Enveloped by the whispers of night and cold of the winter
But when I wake, I don’t see all these memories
I see my sister, 7 years old, and my brother, 4
who want to follow in my footsteps
my brother who’s in love with dinosaurs as I once did
And my sister who want to get all A’s because if ‘Nana’ could then she could too.
So even if I’m afraid of the future I can’t worry about it now
And the past I need to let go
Or else I'll end up like the adults in my life
Fearing that I'll watch my whole life go on without me.
If I want to help my sibling
I need to be brave.