What was it like to be 17?

It was never feeling good enough.

It was laughing for hours until my sides hurt

It was being terrified about my future

It was hugging my friend’s everyday because our days were numbered

It was breaking down every other night because of college apps

It was learning what love is because of a boy with blue eyes

It was realizing that my value as a person

Is not directly proportional to someone’s ability or inability to see my worth

It was realizing that my mother and I would never be okay with each other

It was knowing that I would love the little girl due in November more than anyone

It was wondering how I was going to pass AP Calculus

It was feeling nervous when I met his mom

It was feeling the need to live my own life by my terms

It was wanting to get as far away from this place as I possibly could

It was wanting to hide behind my big brother

It was wanting to go out and say

“This is me, and I’m proud of me, and that’s all that matters”

It was knowing that I would never be close to my parents or my brother

But also knowing that I would always be close to my oldest brother

It was knowing I’d never be what my parents wanted

But knowing that I’d regret being anything but me

It was wanting June to come quickly

And wanting it to never come

It was shared cookies and hot chocolate every other morning

And slow dancing with my feet on his

It was holding my best friend as her heart broke

And knowing in a couple months she’d be doing the same for me

It was knowing I was breaking another boys heart

But knowing that I wasn’t at fault

It was wondering why the hell I kept getting C’s on my essays

And breezing through science as always

It was watching my best friend argue with the boy she liked

And watching it all fall apart right in front of me

It was seeing my other friend and her boyfriend look at each other

With such utter devotion

And knowing what that felt like

It was sleeping in Wednesday mornings

And identifying each other’s fingerprints in Forensics

It was hating physics

And loving Biology

It was fear

It was love

It was anticipation

It was sadness

It was friendship

It was laughter

It was pain

It was tears

It was hugs

It was kisses

It was sleepovers

It was blushing

It was smiling

It was remorse

It was soft

It was difficult

It was tiring

It was energizing

It was regret

It was pride

It was acceptance

It was the best time of my life.