Crippled you have made me past,
and dawned with dread
in every other thought.
Like that which called me, plead
to be a draught
that I could drink and find no rest.
Thank you for your ever-present murmurs
that stay with me
and seek to pull me down.
Without them I could never see,
without them I might drown
before illuminating thoughts from under.
Underneath the greatly unknown future
which finds my mind
and leads it from its course.
No longer will I rewind
or feel even a little remorse
for what has come and what has cultured
me to be who I am today.
I thank you for the joy
you have shown me how to feel
when confidence you can’t destroy
builds itself into a seal
that none can penetrate as victory guides my way.
You find me; even cloaked
in the dark reaches of my soul.
You clutch and squeeze
until I cannot breathe,
you curse me, and,
in cursing, bind me
behind this unseemly facade
to find my friend (Fear is his name)
and stay where I can see,
though doubt has covered my eyes.
I seem at ease,
I seem to be of good delight
you delight in finding me to tear;
to haunt and to punish me.
You seek to destroy me
even though I could not care
to be the best at what I do,
or be the greatest; but the truth
is that what matters most
is not what you can do.
It’s not what you will bring to me
It’s what I will bring to you.
I will not say it’s over.
I will not say I won’t.
I will think with mind
not shaking hands,
hands which still as fire ignites.
The heart will not be heavy
and the lungs will not give out,
but breathe their all
as breath might give
me strength to push you out.
By pursuing my destruction
you seem to know me well;
you know just how to rattle me,
know my dreams and hopes.
The cruelest trick you pull
on me is the semblance
of control. I could not care
what happens next.
I could not care what I can’t change,
and neither will I fall
even with no feet to walk
or either arms to crawl.
I cannot think
I cannot cry,
I know I have no right.
All that I can do for now
is prepare myself to fight.
Try as I might, relief will never find me.
You will never leave me.
I can't distinguish up from down when you are in the room.
I cannot see, I cannot hear, I cannot find the way.
Distraction flows throughout my idle brain.
There is no path away from you; from your influence.
But, I'd like to thank you for your interest in conditioning me to strength.
Showing me that what's around has no effect on what I can or cannot control.
I have to give you credit for sharpening my mind, for honing all my senses, for keeping me in check.
I have to give my thanks to you and all that you present;
obstacles and hurdles that seem to impede me along every path I seek.
My focus is poked by you, prodded and threatened to collapse.
My countenance is jeopardized by you and your constricting grip.
But, you give me the opportunity to change my way of thinking; ignore the blatant distractions,
You push me into a new perspective, one I'd never thought before.
So, thank you for the beguiling way you steal into my thoughts.
Thank you for your shaping hands that have made me who I am today.