I fear that I am a mistake

a mistake of God..

and one day He'll realize it, then I'll disappear.

No one will notice,

no one will care, some may even be relieved..

I fear I will be left alone

to drown in my dark ambitions,

no life preserver of love,

no beacon of hope,

just my thoughts

and an anchor.

I fear I'll never become anything

my parents won't be proud

no one will mention me

I'll just be that one girl

the one with the long hair and worthless life.

I fear others will see me the way I do

suddenly their eyes will fill with disgust

as they notice my flaws

focusing on them

never looking passed them.

I fear all I know is a lie

that everyone pretends to like me

things I hear are lies

to see if I'll really believe anything.

I fear I'll never be enough.

I fear being replaced

by someone better

thinner, prettier, happier, smarter, funnier..

someone worth being proud of.

I fear always getting second place

never quite getting the gold

but still trying my hardest

and still

not

being

enough.