i realize that,

very often,

i am vulnerable.

i am fragile.

i try to be a light for others,

hoping that maybe

my glow will lead others through their dark tunnel

or whatever metaphor for "awful times"

you think fits.

but my bulb is

dropping

cracking

shattering.

 

i am afraid of the fact

that i am fragile.

i am afraid to show weakness,

to cry,

to have any ounce of rage in my body.

i am afraid to seem like i am withering away

crushed beneath god's boots

when things become

a little too much to handle.

i am but a meadow,

merely rows upon rows

of grass blades

yes, it is quite the pretty sight

(not to be a narcissist)

but i will be flattened 

if the weight of the world

rolls over me.

 

but,

what i've been trying to learn

is that this fear

is useless.

as a human,

a lightbulb,

a field,

i am allowed to be fragile

soft

vulnerable

i am allowed to feel

i am allowed to show it

if anything,

my emotions do not show weakness

they show strength

they show years of things endured,

years of daggers to my heart

i pull them out with every step i take

yes, the blood flows out

but i will let myself drown 

if it means i still prevail.