But You Said You Loved Me

You took me out on adventures all the time, knowing i had anxiety, saying it was fine.

You didn't let my fears take over- every event was another step closer to feeling free from the anxiousness that was attached to me.

Walked out to my car.. first day at a new job so you know i was feeling tensed up. Open the car door and see post-it notes galore

"You got this baby", "I'm proud of you" just a lot of positive writings all inside the car.

My mind instantly was at ease, started the engine just to see that you had also made me a new mixed CD.

I was calm i was happy,  when the hell did it turn so nasty?

You drove your stick shift eclipse & we went to your friends.

Your first beer..my phone on 10%. You said its cool baby relax you don't need to use any of that.

Third beer now , phones dead starting to feel awkward because i don't connect with the rednecks where we coolin it at

Six beers, I'm getting tired.. 'Maybe you should relax , its a drive back & you're starting another pack'
"No bitch I'm fine, you cant tell me how to live my life", you slurred laughing with all your friends surrounding.

Pulled you aside and reminded you i couldn't drive stick. . you came back with a slap to my face.  "I'm not a pussy i can surely drive, embarrass me in front of my friends again and another punishment will arrive"

Shocked doesn't explain it, who even is this guy ?

Mind starts racing, how do i escape?

Hours later you said its time to go, we stop at the Y right there by Hoke road. You pulled into the parking lot , pushed me out of the car and told me to have my "bitch ass" walk home & you closed the door, didnt say goodbye.

"Good morning babe, sorry about last night you know i love you,  everything's alright"
I said okay, alright - i trusted him i mean it was just one time plus he was drunk,  so does it even really count ?

Few years pass the next thing i know getting pushed against the wall telling me I'm nothing at all was a common routine to be seen.

So much trust was given to you,  you're the one person that was able to break down my anxious walls - but then you twisted it to form me into feeling like im a burden to all.

3 years I finally figured out I was brainwashed by you , a lowlife scum on this earth that i, according to you, didn't even deserve.

Tried to break it off and i found you getting a gun. "I love you so much tho , i cant live without you,  baby you're the one"

I didn't hesitate,  i had enough .. I walked out the door and wished you good luck.

After all that's said and done don't feel bad for me , I'm not the one. Feel bad for you - you cant control your emotions , your drinking , & you're new found cocaine addiction.

Yes i feel dumb to have not known i was corrupted by yes you,  that little piece of scum. But its cool, its alright its a life lesson that will never happen again.

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