I never knew I could feel so
Totally, so completely alone.
I walk through a crowd of all
My closest and most special friends,
And yet I have no one.
I try to speak, to raise my voice
But those around me push me down
As if I had a choice.
As if I could be the person
I want and eliminate the reasons
For scorn and for hate.
I would be smarter, funnier, prettier
If only I could control fate.
My soul is forced to withdraw
Into itself as the surrounding world
Continues to scoff and reject me.
So I lie to my dearest and nearest
To my heart so anger and hurt
And confusion won't tear them apart
When they meet the real me.
Dark and dangerous are the secrets
Of my mind.
They are more layered
Than onions with the innermost
Region holding sadistic fears and corrupt
Dreams that must never come to light.
I lie to keep hidden my plight
For honesty would surely be my undoing.