These nights

The Kansas sun slowly burns out, melting into the plains like a cigarette butt fades into ash.


The blue sky turns green, the rivers slowing their day pace,


yellow, the sun flowers bowing their friendy faces to sleep,


pink, my muddled cheeks flushed with apprehension,


grey, children run inside and the birds settle in their nests,


glimmering, the fireflies start to dance gently, the stars being to peek past the night sky's skirts, the windows of the houses radiating a warm glow.




It is hard for me to fear the night when it brings such beauty.


It is hard for me to feel lost when I feel so at home.


It is hard for me to think about leaving when I have just arrived.


It is hard for me to miss nights that I can never have back when tonight is so new and memorable.


It is hard for me to want you here when I am finally alone.


It is so hard for me to think when all I want to do is sleep under this sky, heavy like a blanket and warm like an embrace, the cool evening breeze whispering fairytales in my ear and the lightening bugs kissing my face and the night humming a silent song of peace and passion.




What makes me think is the future.


What makes me think is the fact that here I am, but not for long.


These nights are memories, standing out of my sun roof with arms wide open in welcome of the night and the adventure of risky situations, holding someone's hand in the dark, even when they just don't want to hurt your feelings, tie-dying white t-shirts and not knowing the outcome, going on a late walk with friends, getting ice cream past bedtime, sharing a bed with a friend I haven't seen in years, blowing kisses in the wind, and impromptu outings.


These nights are what help me through the day, help me understand that the future is coming, sometimes slowly like the night or quickly like the afternoon that slips out of my hands, but is coming all the same.


These nights are suggestion, suggestions that I will always have nights, but they will change like each day that follows them, maybe I will see the fireflies, maybe I will be leaning my head on someone's shoulder and watching the stars, maybe I will be sitting beside a campfire lost and alone, maybe I will be crying over a freshly turned grave, maybe I will be holding a child in my arms, maybe I will be pressed against another in a strange bed in a strange place, maybe I won't be watching a Kansas sunset.....




What makes me think is people, so I have been avoiding them and I have been going outside during the day and turning on the lights at night because I am afraid, no matter how many times I tell myself I am not afraid of the dark.


These days make me think and wish that I could go back to a night in the past.


These days make me dread the night because I know that I will enjoy it and I won't have another night like this again, so as I listen to the breeze I hear sad tales, and when the fireflies finish their kisses my face is cold in the absence of their warm lips, and as listen to the silent hum of the city I hear so much noise, I hear the people I love saying goodbye and I hear the future telling the city what it has in store for me and the places I grew up.




What makes me think is change, and I have rarely been so scared as now, scared of the unknown and scared of a day with no night and a night with no stars.


I know that I will be fine because I will still have these memories and these days and these nights, but what makes me think is that these nights will never be the same.


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