Silent Conversations

Sat, 12/28/2013 - 23:24 -- TarikG

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My favorite songs are the ones that bring the deepest pain,

It's not the soft melody or passionate lyrics that chip away at my being,

But the bitter taste of nostalgia as I wander through the inner crevices of my mind,

I promised to be there for you no matter what was to happen with us,

And I will,

But for as long the ragged pieces of my soul are tearing holes in wounds that I thought had already healed,

I'm not sure how I can help you when all I can think about is the taste of iron in my already scorched throat,

Have you ever taste the acidity in your own tears as you use them to chase down a shot of your pride?

My heart will always be waiting on you,

Waiting for that text or call,

You'd say "Hey"

And I'd blush a shade of rose but reply simply with "I know."

And you'd know that all has been forgiven because all I ever wanted was recognition,

Acknowledgment,

Something to let me know that you still cared,

That I wasn't crazy,

And this was not over,

It's not about the text,

Or the call,

It's about the words that have yet to be spoken,

And the melancholy that has taken over in their place,

I'm tired,

No I'm hurt,

No I'm tired of being hurt,

They told me that time and laughter are the best forms of medicine,

But I guess that doesn't apply to me because after 2 years 4 months and 11 days,

Cracking jokes just doesn't seem to ease the pain like it used to,

It's funny,

How I have trouble remembering the last person I called but I can vividly recall the gentle tone in your voice during our first conversation,

And sometimes,

If I'm too deep into my feelings,

I can still hear the butterflies beating against your vocal cords as you tried to speak through the nerves,

We haven't spoken in 6 months,

I haven't received a midnight text for an emergency study session in over 7,

I still listen to the born ruffians,

But just that one song you told me to,

I accepted the fact that I'll probably never see you again but everything still reminds me of you,

and every time I even think that I might cry my eyelids begin to burn as if my tears have been replaced with acidic rain,

My heart still loves you,

But my mind has convinced my body that swallowing silver bullets would taste better than the lethal flavor of your unrequited love,

I'm done,

I can't go on hoping for things that I know I'll never get,

When you get to the point of lucid dreaming that your reality starts to become the nightmare,

It's time to wake up,

Baby,

This song is over,

And I'm waking up.

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