Love can make us do stupid crazy things,
Things that never in a million years you thought would do.
Things you regret doing.
However, at the time it does not occur to us how our actions ruins us on the inside
How our actions ruin us on the outside
How our actions ruin our lives until it is finally time to call it quits.
Leaving us absorbing all the mistakes
Leaving us with never ending regrets
Leaving us with learning experiences
We all have our regrets in life
And well this is my biggest regret in life
You were the reason I lied to my mom
You were the reason I felt like I couldn’t talk to any of my friends
You were the reason I came out of the closet when I wasn’t ready to
You were the reason I said and did things that I didn’t feel comfortable doing.
And on top of it all, you used me
You never loved me
I was an object to you
I was just some THING for your own pleasures
And where has that gotten me?
Absolutely nowhere that’s where.
The first time we got caught you bailed on me.
I still loved you however
I still missed you
I even found a way to get a hold of you even though you didn’t try doing the same.
The second time we got caught you bailed on me again!
Yet I told myself, “No he loves me, I know he does.”
Then the third time we got caught, you bailed on me once again!
And then it hit me,
And then I knew,
Your love for me never existed
Your presence was not need
When worse come to worse
You’re never going to be there for me
You’ve proven me right far too many times.
You left me with a broken relationship with my own mother that I might never get back,
You left me with the cops for things I did for you,
You left me with a therapist, who is attempting to get me back on track,
You left me with a bad reputation,
Things constantly being thrown at myself because I dated a person like you and now everyone assumes I’m the new you.
You left me with the feeling of never being able to move on in life,
Not being able to love anyone.
You didn’t suffer any of the consequences,
You were a mistake that I learned from.
Your face disgusts me,
Your name repulses me,
Your existence sickens me,
I had to smile, so they thought I was happy.
I had to laugh, so they wouldn’t see me cry.
I got tired of spending hours, days, and months trying to pick up the broken pieces and putting them back together.
I just left them there because I’m done.
I realized now, that you weren’t worth any of the pain I had to go through.
I had to build these walls to shut the world out,
Walls that are so strong,
Walls that lead people to call me selfish,
Walls that lead people to have the audacity to tell me “Ease up a little.”
But what can I say?
I mean life was a lot easier before.
And I knew it was going to be a lot harder to ever recover to the person I used to be.
I make decisions that I regret and I’m taking them as learning experiences
I am human, not what you call perfection.
You are not the thing I broad over as this will only a distraction,
You are not piece of my future.
I can’t wait to leave this city,
I can’t wait to become something in life so that I can prove to myself that you were not the end of my world.
I can’t wait to accomplish all my dreams,
Because I will have made it through all the suffering you put me through, and left me with.
I let you leave in style,
And even if it killed me,