Don’t breathe,

talk

or blink,

just stare.

Though my mind tries to grasp the words

to make sense of this,

all that comes to me is a sound,

and I feel as if I may pass out.

 

I jolt up in my sleep,

hot and cold,

scared and dazed.

A shriek will burst past my dreams

and drown me back in to the real world.

Feet thump from next door,

down

       the

            stairs

                    to

                       her

                           own

                                hell.

At times, you need to yell

more than once to wake her up,

and this scene tends to take place

at least twice each night.

We call them her “scares”,

for they are skewed dreams of dead loved ones

or those same souls set upon her.

It’s all quite sad that this small,

frail old girl

will spend the rest of her days locked up

in her own head.

           

Two years in our home

and her brain is set back.

She must count the cash in her bag per hour

and ask the same polls.

All day she will do this:

ask,

count

and watch the screen on the wall.

And at night she will scream.

           

Her closed eyes and

slack mouth scare me.

White hair that was dyed a week gone is thin

and frames her pale

sunken face.

Her form sinks in the ward bed,

still and whist,

she will not wail one more time.

           

My mind now taps in to her oral cords;

I now yell the same way-

deep down,

as I said,

no breath and no words.

My mom tries to fool us both and says:

“Does it not look like she sleeps?”

 

And now I must drag in the air,

beg to the gods that no one will see me cry,

nix to sing

and put on a brave face.

No, she does not sleep.

She does not breathe,

nor need,

talk,

or feel.

She does not taste,

want,

love,

hate,

crave

or blink.

She just stares.