She was afraid

I was hanging on by a thread,
Fear grasped on to me
I hyperventilated, thinking of it made me sweat.
I was never strong enough,
Bold enough,
Courageous enough,
To leave the cage I was bound to.
I was held hostage inside fear,
And it slowly became a part of me.

One day someone had spoken to me,
Told me of flowers that smelled like past lovers,
Pieces of string tied around her heart,
Ribbons forming as if to package her up,
Creating a gift out of moving muscles,
An organ that became a present for someone who was never worth it.

Tape on every inch of her body,
Sealing all her wounds and taping her pores shut,
Which released fear in forms of sweat and tears.
Her body became a gift for men that did not care for presents wrapped nicely,
For presents that came with consent instead of an obligation to give up their own body for others pleasure.

And in giving it all up,
Fear controlled her,
Told her that she was not worthy,
Held no value,
That she should be afraid of what lurks in the dark,
For when she disappears,
No one will even blink and eye.

And just like her,
I was afraid,
Of men with no morals or hearts to give,
Of men with lust in their eyes,
And claws for fingernails.
She was afraid,
Of people she treasured who would forget,
Forget all the memories with her that never seemed to matter to them, but mattered the world to her.
She was afraid,
Of pain that never ended,
Yet of the happiness that sometimes lingered for too long for comfort.
She was afraid.
Afraid of living and afraid of dying.
But she never let her fear bring her down,
Never let it linger for too long within her thoughts to become permanent scars.
Never let it grow within her,
Its seeds becoming trees that never seemed to wither.
She used fear to raise an army of girls like her,
Girls that were afraid,
Girls with loneliness embedded in their bones,
Girls with broken hearts that never seemed to heal quick enough,
Or heal enough.
She raised heros with more to give instead of quieting the dead who withered away with fear clipping their wings.
She was afraid,
But she no longer fears what she spent so long fighting against.

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
Our world

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